So here I is 1 exam left, all the booze in the world at my disposal and sports to boot! This weeks highlights are now however brought to us by my good friends at Sky News! It’s not however a situation of them making a big fuss over Jack but rather them finding cool stories, so here goes niks!
First of all there was “an incident” this weekend. In Paul Ince’s first game as a manager of Maccersfield Football Club! During yet another defeat balls started flying from all directions on to the field. On Monday morning they reported this and it seemed like just a normal incident of ball boys getting a tad over excited, but by lunchtime they had a lead! It seems that a fan had written into Sky News the previous Friday he said that something would happen this week at the game that would get him into the Sky Sports Hall of Fame! Ek se and so he did.
But it doesn’t end there, the geeks at Sky did some further investigating and found a forum where this dude made a call for fans of Maccersfield to arrive at the stadium with an assortment of balls to kick on the field from outside the stadium.
He tuned that his team had a problem scoring, that this was due to the lack of balls on the field and therefore that he would provide some extra balls for them! Sky News then asked people to write in and state what types of balls you can spot flying on to the field!
Then they also had a top ten funny moments for like the last ten years, heres the Fat Eyes pick:
1. This dude ran on to the field in full Man United kit to pose for the pre-match photo! (The same dude has also once come out to bat for England in a cricket match before!)
2. Then there was the incident in the hall way before the game where the Chelsea mascot (a little toddler) put his hand out for Steven Gerrard (Liverpool captain) to shake, but when he went to shake the lightie hand he pulled away leaving Gerrard hanging! Gerrard then gave the lightie a light smack on the cheek!
3. Then there was the time when in the act of making a save the keeper also took out two of his defenders, then an opposition player comes running and piles on them!
It seems then that the Bulls are in fact the biggest bunch of *)&(^)8800000%&^$$ #@^$%f*cking wankers on the planet!
This week they were calling for Jake Whites head! O yes lets do that, fire Jake so we can have a f*kken Blue Bull coach, watch the Boks go down the drain then!
This week was also a sad week as one of the greatest ever players, Puskas died! In his prime he was one of the best strikers ever and with Alfredo di Stefano they formed the greatest strike force Real Madrid has ever had, and will ever have! I guess in a way it’s best that they are both gone now so that they do not have to watch the current crop of Gallacticos “play” soccer! Unfortunately we aren’t all as lucky!
O and this weeks blonde moment goes to Berny who whilst supporting England in the rugby…
Well actually that’s it, she supported England!
Berny you are South African ek se!
V-dawg has now also come to grovel at my feet, he now admits that Maradona was great, like I always said! Word G!
On Sky News they also mentioned the worst soccer game ever, which was between Man United and Everton in which there was NO shots on target during the whole match! Man United won 1-0 via an own goal!Well not much has changed with the current crop at Man United it seems! In this weeks win at Sheffield Christiano Ronaldo some how managed to kick the ball over the bar from 2 meters in front of a empty goal after an excellent assist by Ryan Giggs! And just when we thought it was safe to look after Andy Cole left!
O and Cazzy has been missing from the Fat Eye for quite awhile, so: Token appearance for Cazzy!
And Weasel gets a special mention for Assists and assisted in the assist!
And always remember Bolton Wanderers is not a boy band (Cazzy Edit: Sorry Nicole, I had to mention this to Ferdi)
So until next week I leave you all on a sad note!
In Loving memory of Rudebox (16 November 2006 – 18 November 2006): a friend, a confident, a worm.
He was the best worm a guy could have! He came, he ate, he pooped, he stole my heart! I will miss you Rudebox!
Written by Ferdinova Sexyback Lachey, 21 November 2006
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
The next bash
I am not missing this for the world, not for all the pizzas that mommy could make in her entire lifetime, not even for Wentworth Miller (yikes!). Great line-up: Chromium, Inersha, Torment and Knave. Should be awesome. I have never been to Kahoonies before, but no matter, as long as the bands rock (which they do in any case), the venue is not important.
I will be buying the Chromium CD at the gig too (and I have been promised some drum sticks? Sorry Martin, but I cant help myself). Hope to see some of you nutters there!!
EDIT: register at www.demofilter.co.za and vote for Chromium's Set Me Free. Once a day. Thank you!
Monday, November 20, 2006
Out of the office
It seems that Im more out of the office lately, than in. And Im not complaining. Last Friday I left at 1pm for a quick delivery to Sandton, which took a total of 10 minutes and then my friend and I buggered off home. We stayed long enough to check out where we might possibly be sitting from next year onwards. Unless they make some logistical changes here and there, we are gonna be squeezed in like sardines. How charming. I always wanted to be close to my boss. Right.
Yesterday we went to Lekotla in the Nelson Mandela's Square for Karen's birthday. Long liquid, very expensive lunch. We left the office earlier than we were supposed to, due to a power failure in town - try working in the dark - its just not fun. Leaving early proved to be futile as the person I was driving with got stopped by a merciless traffic cop, for talking on her cellphone. Never mind that she had both hands on the steering wheel and her phone was on loudspeaker, its still an offence to talk on your cellphone while driving. Its because she was driving a BMW, and is white. Enough said.
So 20 minutes and a R500 fine later, we drove off, making us very late for the lunch. Everyone was already there seated at the bar with their drinks. I quickly ordered and then we moved to the private dining room. I was a bit sceptical of the place - African cuisine, but ended up being surprised at how good the food was. Though I was careful to order a vegetarian wrap, I wasnt gonna chance the meat. I am VERY fussy.
I was forced to sit next to my former boss, whom I greatly dislike, but I turned my back to him most of the time and spoke to Karen instead. She is in much better spirits these days, which made me glad. It was a nice lunch, which ended abruptly just after 3, as everyone rushed to get out before the kak Sandton traffic got under way. It was nice to be home early and Im tempted to do the same today. I just might!
As there are more and more parties and lunches to attend this month, I wonder where I will fit in the rest of the work that I need to complete before the end of year blues kick in. I love this time of year, heh heh heh
Yesterday we went to Lekotla in the Nelson Mandela's Square for Karen's birthday. Long liquid, very expensive lunch. We left the office earlier than we were supposed to, due to a power failure in town - try working in the dark - its just not fun. Leaving early proved to be futile as the person I was driving with got stopped by a merciless traffic cop, for talking on her cellphone. Never mind that she had both hands on the steering wheel and her phone was on loudspeaker, its still an offence to talk on your cellphone while driving. Its because she was driving a BMW, and is white. Enough said.
So 20 minutes and a R500 fine later, we drove off, making us very late for the lunch. Everyone was already there seated at the bar with their drinks. I quickly ordered and then we moved to the private dining room. I was a bit sceptical of the place - African cuisine, but ended up being surprised at how good the food was. Though I was careful to order a vegetarian wrap, I wasnt gonna chance the meat. I am VERY fussy.
I was forced to sit next to my former boss, whom I greatly dislike, but I turned my back to him most of the time and spoke to Karen instead. She is in much better spirits these days, which made me glad. It was a nice lunch, which ended abruptly just after 3, as everyone rushed to get out before the kak Sandton traffic got under way. It was nice to be home early and Im tempted to do the same today. I just might!
As there are more and more parties and lunches to attend this month, I wonder where I will fit in the rest of the work that I need to complete before the end of year blues kick in. I love this time of year, heh heh heh
Sunday, November 19, 2006
It's like Limp Bizkit all over again!
When I was in Zambia, we got news that Nickelback had cancelled their tour to South Africa, with a possibility of postponing it to early next year. My first thought was “Damn, I should have gone to see Live instead”. It was Limp Bizkit all over again. I had gotten tickets to see them too, until they cancelled at the very last minute. Bastards.
I went to get my refund this Saturday. Even if they do decide to come next year, I doubt I will repurchase a ticket. No matter what their reason for cancelling is, or no matter how much they promise to return in the future, when a band (any band) cancels, I lose interest. Sure, Nickelback is just a mediocre band to me, but even if say, Korn (god forbid) had to cancel out on us, I’d hate them forever. It’s just the way things are with me.
Due to the lack of decent International acts coming to South Africa, I try to see as many of them as possible, whether I really like them or not. Last one I went to see was the Violent Femmes – and they were awesome.
But at this rate, if these international bands keep cancelling (plus charging us astronomical entrance fees – ok, I know it’s not really the bands doing the charging here, but you get my meaning), then I think I am just going to stick with the local bands. In my opinion, SA bands have really really improved this past decade and can kick any one of the international bands’s asses right off the stage! So why bother with the rest?
Local is lekker, man!!!
I went to get my refund this Saturday. Even if they do decide to come next year, I doubt I will repurchase a ticket. No matter what their reason for cancelling is, or no matter how much they promise to return in the future, when a band (any band) cancels, I lose interest. Sure, Nickelback is just a mediocre band to me, but even if say, Korn (god forbid) had to cancel out on us, I’d hate them forever. It’s just the way things are with me.
Due to the lack of decent International acts coming to South Africa, I try to see as many of them as possible, whether I really like them or not. Last one I went to see was the Violent Femmes – and they were awesome.
But at this rate, if these international bands keep cancelling (plus charging us astronomical entrance fees – ok, I know it’s not really the bands doing the charging here, but you get my meaning), then I think I am just going to stick with the local bands. In my opinion, SA bands have really really improved this past decade and can kick any one of the international bands’s asses right off the stage! So why bother with the rest?
Local is lekker, man!!!
Friday, November 17, 2006
The mystery of Weasel's lover
A couple of days ago we got a new member on jnf called "Weasel's lover" and we all wondered, where has Weasel been lately, and why hasnt he told us who his lover is? Who is this person? Is it a person?
Well, postman Vomitboy has just done a little investigation and found out who this mysterious being is. He dug out this letter from our back garden:
Dear Weasel
When Scruffy and I first met nothing could tear us apart, he was my one and only. We used to take long walks in the city at night when everybody was asleep, we would crap on peoples lawns, go through peoples rubbish and eat used tampons, you know all the things dogs do in love. Nothing could tear us apart, until YOU came along!!! First it started with Scruffy becoming distant, I would ask him if he wanted to go though the rubbish and lick on a used condom but he would always say he was tired, it was even to much effort for him to smell my bumhole!!! That’s when I started to become suspicious. Then one day he said he was going to work late one night and that I should not wait up for him, so I decided to surprise him one night and bring dinner to him, I had spent 3 and a half hours slaving over the dustbin cooking up a storm, it was a delightful three course consisting of pigeon ala-king, cat shit stew and for desert it was a mix of chocolate sauce I scraped from the drain and the jelly I got from used toilet paper in the sewer. I really tried hard!!! As I got near the entrance that’s when I saw it, my world fell apart, there was scruffy being mounted by you!!!! Do not deny it Weasel I have it on camera!! Ever since then things have gone from bad to worse, we used to snuggle up in the kennel at night and watch 7de Laan and then after that he would make love to me like no other dog could. Now when we make love its more like we’re going through the motions. I miss the one I love, my life is not the same without him. So this is my warning to you Weasel: LEAVE SCRUFFY ALONE!!!!! Or I’ll tell your precious martypoo!! Oh yes don’t think I won’t what will he think!!!!
BACK OFF BITCH!!!
Lovies,hugs and kisses
Benji.
Thank you, vomita!!
Well, postman Vomitboy has just done a little investigation and found out who this mysterious being is. He dug out this letter from our back garden:
Dear Weasel
When Scruffy and I first met nothing could tear us apart, he was my one and only. We used to take long walks in the city at night when everybody was asleep, we would crap on peoples lawns, go through peoples rubbish and eat used tampons, you know all the things dogs do in love. Nothing could tear us apart, until YOU came along!!! First it started with Scruffy becoming distant, I would ask him if he wanted to go though the rubbish and lick on a used condom but he would always say he was tired, it was even to much effort for him to smell my bumhole!!! That’s when I started to become suspicious. Then one day he said he was going to work late one night and that I should not wait up for him, so I decided to surprise him one night and bring dinner to him, I had spent 3 and a half hours slaving over the dustbin cooking up a storm, it was a delightful three course consisting of pigeon ala-king, cat shit stew and for desert it was a mix of chocolate sauce I scraped from the drain and the jelly I got from used toilet paper in the sewer. I really tried hard!!! As I got near the entrance that’s when I saw it, my world fell apart, there was scruffy being mounted by you!!!! Do not deny it Weasel I have it on camera!! Ever since then things have gone from bad to worse, we used to snuggle up in the kennel at night and watch 7de Laan and then after that he would make love to me like no other dog could. Now when we make love its more like we’re going through the motions. I miss the one I love, my life is not the same without him. So this is my warning to you Weasel: LEAVE SCRUFFY ALONE!!!!! Or I’ll tell your precious martypoo!! Oh yes don’t think I won’t what will he think!!!!
BACK OFF BITCH!!!
Lovies,hugs and kisses
Benji.
Thank you, vomita!!
Thursday, November 16, 2006
As clear as mud
That's a phrase we have been using a lot around the office lately. Whatever is happening to our division, is as "clear as mud". Every day there are new rumours floating around, announcements been made, people moving here, people moving there, people leaving, getting pregnant, having bitch fights. You name it. It's all fun and games here, people. Management have tried to quash all the rumours by "sitting us down and telling us what is going to happen" but they might as well be talking in riddles in another language. They make as much sense as a one year old that is learning to talk.
What I do know is that our whole division is being split up, this time for certain. Which is sad, cause it was working so well. Last Thursday, my boss told me casually, while I was waiting for the lifts, that I was moving to the Sandton office with him, early in January. Well, that's nice. At least I finally know where I am going. And that means a whole lot more opportunities for me to further my career and learn more about the business. I honestly cant wait, and while I am sad to leave a lot of my colleagues behind, in the end I have to look after my own prospects.
My closest friend here at the bank is remaining behind. She phoned me in tears last Friday while I was at home. She really wanted to join us in Sandton, and that was where we all thought she was going to go, until someone intervened and changed her future. And the way they handled telling her was not right either, as she heard it through the grapevine before the bosses told her officially. Now that is nice.
But at the end of the day, we all have to look at the bright side of life. We still have our jobs - we may not all be going where we planned to go, but at least we have somewhere to go. Usually, in these cases where huge changes take place, a lot of retrenchments go with it, but we were lucky here, no one lost their job. We still had several resignations - but that was because many of them were uncertain about their jobs. I wish them all the best in their new jobs. Good for them.
The story may change tomorrow, as we have learnt these past few months. So until January, I am staying put, maybe throw out a few files here and there, and will pack my stuff on the very last day, cause "they" might just suddenly change their minds again, and make me stay.
I just have to keep this in mind: "where one door closes, another one opens". So true.
What I do know is that our whole division is being split up, this time for certain. Which is sad, cause it was working so well. Last Thursday, my boss told me casually, while I was waiting for the lifts, that I was moving to the Sandton office with him, early in January. Well, that's nice. At least I finally know where I am going. And that means a whole lot more opportunities for me to further my career and learn more about the business. I honestly cant wait, and while I am sad to leave a lot of my colleagues behind, in the end I have to look after my own prospects.
My closest friend here at the bank is remaining behind. She phoned me in tears last Friday while I was at home. She really wanted to join us in Sandton, and that was where we all thought she was going to go, until someone intervened and changed her future. And the way they handled telling her was not right either, as she heard it through the grapevine before the bosses told her officially. Now that is nice.
But at the end of the day, we all have to look at the bright side of life. We still have our jobs - we may not all be going where we planned to go, but at least we have somewhere to go. Usually, in these cases where huge changes take place, a lot of retrenchments go with it, but we were lucky here, no one lost their job. We still had several resignations - but that was because many of them were uncertain about their jobs. I wish them all the best in their new jobs. Good for them.
The story may change tomorrow, as we have learnt these past few months. So until January, I am staying put, maybe throw out a few files here and there, and will pack my stuff on the very last day, cause "they" might just suddenly change their minds again, and make me stay.
I just have to keep this in mind: "where one door closes, another one opens". So true.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Pestroy: Album Launch this Saturday
All you Pestroy fans, make sure you get to the Horror Cafe, this Saturday 18 November for the launch of their new album, called "Enemy Within". R30 gets you in, or like me, pay R90 and you get the CD as well!
Personally, I can't wait for this. I have been looking forward to their new album for ages - and they owe me a set of drum sticks!! Haha. I have only been to the Horror Cafe once, and that was during the day, so I am hoping it's gonna rock - but I suppose, with a band like Pestroy, the venue is of little or no importance.
Apparently they are also giving away a guitar. Dont know much about guitars, but I have always wanted to learn how to play it. I tried a couple of years ago, and though I learnt quite fast, all I can manage is to play a few notes, very very slowly. Never too late to try again, I suppose!
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Damn these soppy romance films
My eyes are red and sore today. Why? I'll tell you why. Last night, after my regular dose of Veronica Mars, I was still not quite tired. I wasnt in the mood for reading, just wanted to veg, so I went upstairs to my bedroom and decided to watch the movie on the movie magic channel. Biggest mistake of my life. Turns out, it was a kak romance film, one of those made-for-tv movies with unknown actors. I could have turned the tv off, but I just sat there, watching every godforsaken minute of it.
Soon I was engrossed in the story. Not really a new concept, I have seen it done before - how a guy completely takes his girlfriend for granted, then realises what he had when she dies in a car accident. So he gets another chance and relives the same day, and does things differently. By the end of the film, I was bawling my eyes out, pulling out tissues left, right and centre. What the hell???
I never cry during movies. Its just not on. I have a reputation to maintain, damnit!
Im going to punch stuff now. Toughen up. Yeah.
Soon I was engrossed in the story. Not really a new concept, I have seen it done before - how a guy completely takes his girlfriend for granted, then realises what he had when she dies in a car accident. So he gets another chance and relives the same day, and does things differently. By the end of the film, I was bawling my eyes out, pulling out tissues left, right and centre. What the hell???
I never cry during movies. Its just not on. I have a reputation to maintain, damnit!
Im going to punch stuff now. Toughen up. Yeah.
Fat Eye for the Sports Fan: Edition Eight
Man I never really new what all the hype was about Monday night Football on ESPN, but man o man do I know now! This week there was well a little incident, handbags at twenty paces! So the one guy pushes the other, who took offense to this and kneed the other dude in the unmentionables! Lights out ek se!
I say Rugby league is a lot tougher. When pushed in this game the correct response is to deck the oke and say it was self defense!
Also the Fat Eye forgot to mention last week how Cazzy made Ferdinova Sexyback wear a suit and tie when he drove her to the airport, it seems the Queen is getting a tad too demanding!
Apparently now on Andy Murray’s website he is asking for suggestions on what his next hairdo should be! Now at this point you are all wondering who the fuck is Andy Murray? Well who the fuck cares the dude is obliviously gay anyways! Who the fuck has a poll for his hair?
But it would seem he aint the only British sportsman’s who way too fucking much is made of! The Fat Eye checked this ad about the F1 season that has just finished. Shows all the highlights, Alonso’s great start to the season, Schumacher’s brave fight back, and then:
“HE’S DONE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
So I’m like whos done it?
“JENSON BUTTON WINS THE GRAND PRIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
O and I just love this one! The other day Cazzy phones me to fetch her at 16h00 from work (and yes she does speak like an army general)! So I says fuck you and told her that I took some cash out of her box!
So she says: “I thought you would so I left money in there!”
What kind of an idiot does that?
An update on the strife of the football manager cruelty league. It seems that after last weeks incident between Arsene Wenger and Alan Pardew protests rang out for managers rights! It is cruel and inhuman to require then to be forced to remain in their “technical areas” for the duration of the game. A spokesman for the league says that they will not rest until these “technical areas” are doubled in size!
The Fat Eye’s greatest fear has now indeed been realized, David Beckham is not a soccer player, he is a marketing ploy! It seems that the MLS in thinking of restructuring their whole league to allow teams to pay more wages to enable a team to buy David Beckham as he is an excellent marketing ploy!
And it seems that Uli just can’t get enough of the Fat Eye. This week she provides more gold, or should we say the blonde moment of the day, week, month and year! So the Nerf and the Basti were doing the rounds (farting), demonstrating some pretty kief maneuvers to get their fingers pulled.
Then it happened, it was a rainy night, Benji was sitting on Modman’s lap (what a slut),
Berny was wasted and Uli said:
“Is there like some kind of tendon in your finger that makes you fart if you pull it?”
This will now forever be remembered as “Uli’s pull my finger fiasco!”
And the award for the longest fart the Fat Eye has ever witnessed goes to our man Nerf-y-poo!
Until next week remember I aint afeared of no Uli!
I say Rugby league is a lot tougher. When pushed in this game the correct response is to deck the oke and say it was self defense!
Also the Fat Eye forgot to mention last week how Cazzy made Ferdinova Sexyback wear a suit and tie when he drove her to the airport, it seems the Queen is getting a tad too demanding!
Apparently now on Andy Murray’s website he is asking for suggestions on what his next hairdo should be! Now at this point you are all wondering who the fuck is Andy Murray? Well who the fuck cares the dude is obliviously gay anyways! Who the fuck has a poll for his hair?
But it would seem he aint the only British sportsman’s who way too fucking much is made of! The Fat Eye checked this ad about the F1 season that has just finished. Shows all the highlights, Alonso’s great start to the season, Schumacher’s brave fight back, and then:
“HE’S DONE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
So I’m like whos done it?
“JENSON BUTTON WINS THE GRAND PRIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
O and I just love this one! The other day Cazzy phones me to fetch her at 16h00 from work (and yes she does speak like an army general)! So I says fuck you and told her that I took some cash out of her box!
So she says: “I thought you would so I left money in there!”
What kind of an idiot does that?
An update on the strife of the football manager cruelty league. It seems that after last weeks incident between Arsene Wenger and Alan Pardew protests rang out for managers rights! It is cruel and inhuman to require then to be forced to remain in their “technical areas” for the duration of the game. A spokesman for the league says that they will not rest until these “technical areas” are doubled in size!
The Fat Eye’s greatest fear has now indeed been realized, David Beckham is not a soccer player, he is a marketing ploy! It seems that the MLS in thinking of restructuring their whole league to allow teams to pay more wages to enable a team to buy David Beckham as he is an excellent marketing ploy!
And it seems that Uli just can’t get enough of the Fat Eye. This week she provides more gold, or should we say the blonde moment of the day, week, month and year! So the Nerf and the Basti were doing the rounds (farting), demonstrating some pretty kief maneuvers to get their fingers pulled.
Then it happened, it was a rainy night, Benji was sitting on Modman’s lap (what a slut),
Berny was wasted and Uli said:“Is there like some kind of tendon in your finger that makes you fart if you pull it?”
This will now forever be remembered as “Uli’s pull my finger fiasco!”
And the award for the longest fart the Fat Eye has ever witnessed goes to our man Nerf-y-poo!
Until next week remember I aint afeared of no Uli!
Monday, November 13, 2006
I got Kerran's drum sticks...nanananana
...and four more. I saved this story for last, cause well, it was the best part of the weekend! (sorry mom and dad!!). Saturday night, Berny, Ferdi, Martin, Shawn and I went to Tempos to see iNeRsHa more than anything else, and other bands, for the Chemical Wedding bash (apparently a couple got married? Haha). It started early in the day but got there just after six to see the cooler bands.Around the same time we arrived, the guys from Inersha got there as well and I met up with Kerran at the bar. Didnt even have to introduce myself, he knew me from our chats and Woodstock. Cool. Really friendly dude. Martin shook a very frightened (?) looking Fred's hand - he probably thought Martin was a stalker. I would think the same.
First band we saw that night was Rife. Not bad. In fact, quite good, so Berny and I organised with their drummer later on to drop off two CDs for us. Cant wait to listen to it. At the end of their performance he was our first victim, in that we very nicely asked him for his drum sticks. He looked reluctant to give it to us, or maybe it was just our impression, but nonetheless we got them. I then went up to Kerran and asked him if he could give us his after their performance. Of course, he agreed, with a smile.
Next up was Namuh, who we last saw at the Battle for Woodstock Final. By then Berny and I were on a Smirnoff Storm rampage (and one tequila) and rocked on in front. We then approached their drummer and walked away with his drum sticks as well. Two down, three to go. When Inersha came on I was ready for some serious headbanging, except that my hair kept getting in the way all the time so I kind of did a half job then - which still made my neck hurt like hell in the end. I know I always say this, but THIS has to be their best performance yet. I enjoyed it so much! And of course, at the end, Kerran came over to the edge of the stage and handed over his drum sticks to me. I was so chuffed with myself.
We then watched Knave - apparently their lead singer was the one who got married. He had a cool top hat and walking stick which Martin kept eyeing enviously. I swear, I sometimes worry about that child. The band was cool too, the bride even came on stage and threw her bouquet from the stage. And dont forget the garter! Oh, and we got their drummer's sticks as well. Heheh. I recognised him from his days in Track 4, and told him so.
Berny and I had a very drunken chat with Kerran and the drummer from Rife. Cant remember much of what was said but it was cool chatting with them. We promise that next time my parents are out of town and we have a party, you will be invited too! The band that surprised me (though not so much cause Ferdi had told me earlier that they rocked) was Chromium. By then I was quite hyped up and managed to dodge the moshers several times. These guys were awesome!!! I have to catch them at their next gig. Plus they have great taste in music! And yes, we got their drummer's sticks as well. So that five in total.
We would have gotten Pestroy's as well, but the boys were tired so we left before they even got on stage. After Chromium, Berny and I were sitting under the stage, watching Pestroy get ready. I got into a convo with Gump about next week's album launch and then called Dylan the drummer over who agreed to give me his drum sticks after the show. Pity we left then.
When I got home I immediately regretted all those Storms (especially since I had to get up in less than 5 hours to go to the airport to meet my folks!). I got ready for bed in slow motion and then realised I was thirsty so I went down to the kitchen - and fell down the stairs. I made a huge noise but luckily Ferdi and Weasel were already sleeping and they didnt seem too bothered to check what happened. So I quickly got up, laughed, surveyed the damage (nothing) and went to the kitchen.
Next morning it took me a while to figure out why I had a sore butt. Nevertheless, I wasnt a happy chappy, being hungover sucks. Never a dull moment with me.
The BEST jnf get-together EVER!!!
Yes, folks, Friday night’s “Last Braai” was the best jnf get-together we have had yet. I took the day off to do some random cleaning around the house since the maid was busy next door at my aunt’s place. The “cleaning” started later than scheduled as I decided to sleep in (after Zambia, I needed it). Ferdi made sure I knew that he was disgusted with my late appearance downstairs as he had already “had breakfast, let the maid in, gone for an interview and phoned another company”. In other news, our fat boy got a job with a law firm. He is starting in December, provided he actually passes his exams. Well done, fatso, I think.
Anyway, back to my story. By the time I got up and had breakfast, it was almost lunch time. So I got started on Ferdi’s lunch (pancakes) a bit later than he anticipated. I mopped, I washed, I cleaned, I was buggered. And the weather didn’t look too promising. Why oh why did it have to rain on this day?
I must have took out the camping chairs about 3 times before people arrived, and Ferdi must have brought them back in about 4 times (he also let me know about this). But at least we had a back-up plan, if it rained, we were moving the braai to Shawn’s place.
The rain looked more and more threatening so eventually we all drove the long 4 blocks to Shawn’s place. Marbro and Ferdi directed Nerf, Gol and co, topless. Enough said.
We had such good laughs, I even produced Robbie the Seal, rather reluctantly, but it was all good, though Weasel almost burnt the house down. I even got a cool demo CD, signed with an individual message (mine said “ponies are pretty) from Dylan – his band is Aion Truth. Thanks soooo much dude!!!
What else did we do? Memory is fuzzy but I remember a lot of bellies and boobies been drawn on, Benji (the dog with the evil eye) giving several people lapdances, um ja, lots happened, nevertheless, the alcohol flowed and smiles were all around. Even though this was called “The Last Braai” I hope there will be many more to come!!
The folks are back in town
The eagle has landed!!! Damnit, they arrived almost an hour before they were scheduled to land in JHB. I set my alarm yesterday for 5:45, managed to drag myself out of bed at 6 with a moerse hangover (details of what happened before Sunday morning will follow some time later, I am screwing up the order of this weekend’s events) and got dressed in slow motion. Around 6:30, I hear some frantic knocking on my bedroom door. Weasel was having an anxiety attack. He asked if I was ready cause we had to race to the airport, our folks had already landed!!
So off we go. Ferdi drove Uncle Ronnie’s car and I went with Weasel, who according to Ferdi, drives like a grandma. Once we got to the airport (in record time, imo), Weasel dropped me off by the terminal while they went to park the cars. I had no clue where my parents were, and there was no information about their flight on the notice boards. So I went to the info desk. They told me they should be coming out of terminal A2. So off I go. I waited a total of 5 seconds when the doors opened, out came Auntie Wilma and Uncle Ronnie, closely followed by mommy and daddy. We made it in the nick of time!! Woohooo!!
After many hugs and kisses we walked to the cars. Daddy was miles behind us as he struggled with his weak knee. Shame, looks like he will have to go for an op soon. This time I went with Ferdi and uncle Ronnie, Weasel took the “heavy” luggage and passengers. Golden moment of the morning: at the robot on Beyers Naude, Ronnie rolls down his window and shouts at Weasel “you drive so slow, you asshole”. I almost pissed myself. I missed Ronnie.
Mom did a quick inspection of the house and was much impressed, especially with how “green and bushy” her garden was looking. I was chuffed. While the folks unpacked and handed us some pressies (mostly sweets, much to Ferdi’s delight) I snoozed on the couch and then got ready for church – first time in ages that I went! But that was wasted on me as I fell asleep during the sermon. We then had a quick braai to welcome the old people back and most retired to bed soon after, never to be seen again until this morning. I even got some shut eye that afternoon, well, after the weekend’s events, it was much needed – more on that later!
So off we go. Ferdi drove Uncle Ronnie’s car and I went with Weasel, who according to Ferdi, drives like a grandma. Once we got to the airport (in record time, imo), Weasel dropped me off by the terminal while they went to park the cars. I had no clue where my parents were, and there was no information about their flight on the notice boards. So I went to the info desk. They told me they should be coming out of terminal A2. So off I go. I waited a total of 5 seconds when the doors opened, out came Auntie Wilma and Uncle Ronnie, closely followed by mommy and daddy. We made it in the nick of time!! Woohooo!!
After many hugs and kisses we walked to the cars. Daddy was miles behind us as he struggled with his weak knee. Shame, looks like he will have to go for an op soon. This time I went with Ferdi and uncle Ronnie, Weasel took the “heavy” luggage and passengers. Golden moment of the morning: at the robot on Beyers Naude, Ronnie rolls down his window and shouts at Weasel “you drive so slow, you asshole”. I almost pissed myself. I missed Ronnie.
Mom did a quick inspection of the house and was much impressed, especially with how “green and bushy” her garden was looking. I was chuffed. While the folks unpacked and handed us some pressies (mostly sweets, much to Ferdi’s delight) I snoozed on the couch and then got ready for church – first time in ages that I went! But that was wasted on me as I fell asleep during the sermon. We then had a quick braai to welcome the old people back and most retired to bed soon after, never to be seen again until this morning. I even got some shut eye that afternoon, well, after the weekend’s events, it was much needed – more on that later!
Thursday, November 09, 2006
The final countdown
The countdown for my parents' return is about to begin. I cant believe that the two months that they have been away are almost up!!! Time has certainly flown, but then again, it feels like they have been gone away forever! I have gotten so used to living with just Ferdi and Weasel, its almost as if we never had parents! I know that is a horrible thing to say but it's true.
One of my uncles e-mailed me this week with instructions from my dad. We must be at the airport on Sunday, 7 am sharp (as if we dont already know this) with THREE, yes three cars. Not two, like we planned. So we might have to ask Shawn for help here. Apparently, the four of them (my aunt and uncle included) have bought so much stuff (probably junk, but Im hoping for lots of presents) that we need a lot of space for their luggage - customs is gonna have a field day with them. Not only that, they have also put on a lot of weight. The buggers. I would kill for a juicy Argentinean asado (that's a braai for you Afrikaaners, though ours is 10x better) right now!!!
I have to admit that I miss the old geezers and you'd think that they'd miss us but nooooo. Everytime I get an email from one of my relatives, giving us news from the folks, all they ask is "is the house still standing?" No, how is Cazzy doing, her brothers treating her alright? Is Ferdi crying for his mommy? Has Weasel taken to the bottle? They dont care about us. Sniff.
Word on the streets in Buenos Aires is that my dad has been out shopping for Gaucho pants. Weasel says "is this the crap that Dad is wasting my money on?" Haha. If you dont know what Im talking about, check the pic below. The pants are hideous! This is what the Argentinean cattle farmers wear. And now my dad is gonna be strutting around in these? Knowing my dad, he is gonna wear them when we fetch him from the airport. I think I am putting myself up for adoption.
One of my uncles e-mailed me this week with instructions from my dad. We must be at the airport on Sunday, 7 am sharp (as if we dont already know this) with THREE, yes three cars. Not two, like we planned. So we might have to ask Shawn for help here. Apparently, the four of them (my aunt and uncle included) have bought so much stuff (probably junk, but Im hoping for lots of presents) that we need a lot of space for their luggage - customs is gonna have a field day with them. Not only that, they have also put on a lot of weight. The buggers. I would kill for a juicy Argentinean asado (that's a braai for you Afrikaaners, though ours is 10x better) right now!!!
I have to admit that I miss the old geezers and you'd think that they'd miss us but nooooo. Everytime I get an email from one of my relatives, giving us news from the folks, all they ask is "is the house still standing?" No, how is Cazzy doing, her brothers treating her alright? Is Ferdi crying for his mommy? Has Weasel taken to the bottle? They dont care about us. Sniff.
Word on the streets in Buenos Aires is that my dad has been out shopping for Gaucho pants. Weasel says "is this the crap that Dad is wasting my money on?" Haha. If you dont know what Im talking about, check the pic below. The pants are hideous! This is what the Argentinean cattle farmers wear. And now my dad is gonna be strutting around in these? Knowing my dad, he is gonna wear them when we fetch him from the airport. I think I am putting myself up for adoption.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Could it be true?
The unthinkable, the impossible, is about to happen. I am about to decline an invitation to the Whisky Live Festival tonight. Yes, I am afraid that it is true. After all the debauchery and bingeing this weekend, the thought of Jack (or any other whiskey) makes me go green and my insides churn. I cannot believe it.
Here I am, sitting at my desk, holding 4 tickets for tonight's festival and I do not know what to do with them! I am trembling at the possible thought of giving them away, but that is what I might have to do in the end.
Ladies and germs, the world, as we know it, is about to end. You have been warned.
Here I am, sitting at my desk, holding 4 tickets for tonight's festival and I do not know what to do with them! I am trembling at the possible thought of giving them away, but that is what I might have to do in the end.
Ladies and germs, the world, as we know it, is about to end. You have been warned.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Fat Eye for the Sports Fan: Edition Seven
So I am sitting here eating Berny’s left over chicken tramazzini wondering what exactly happened this weekend? Fucked if I know! It started like a Cazzy straight out of hell as Ferdinova was met with the task of having to drunkensit Miss Brown and Mrs Nel! Now believe you me this aint no picnic! One half of the evening was spent chatting to Berny’s boss finding out all sorts of weird things (about Berny) and all the latest pranks they played on her! And the rest of the evening was spent watching a drunken Berny sing and fall, fall again and some more singing and trying to stop em ladies breaking Weasely both physically and spiritually!
Eventually Ferdinova admitted defeat and took the ladies back to Berny se boss! But alas they followed me home, as they had misplaced half of their possessions! Once they had retrieved their possessions, discovered the whereabouts of the rest, and finished torturing Weasel they left! Or at least tried to! I am still wondering how the bakkie got itself out the gate, because there is no way Daisy could not have reversed out by herself! I guess that’s what happens when Adminmodman isn’t around, the circle just wasn’t complete, and Berny didn’t have anyone to look after her!
So I am glad to say then that Weasel is still alive, the gate is still standing, and Berny no longer wants to have another drink as long as she lives until next weekend! Yip alls good in the hood. Saturday was then spent with me and Vomit filling in the blanks for Berny which was kinda funny as she started having flashbacks. And she found bruises, (self inflicted) which was me by the way, but I’ll never admit it to anyone – Berny edit!
But let’s get back to the sport, this week also marks 20 years of Sir Alex in charge at the Greatest team in the world Manchester United! (Not Arsenal or Chelski for that matter!) And boy o boy did Man U celebrate in style! The boys capped yet another classic performance and they stay on top for another week! Especially as both ARSenal and Chelsea got beaten like hookers this weekend! So much so that Aresen Wenger decided to try and beat up Alan Pardew after West Ham took the lead late in the game! Hee hee looks like Arsenal’s title challenge is over!
This week also saw the start of the international rugby season with a draw, which Berny said sucks and thanks to her I didn’t have to sit through the torture! Instead we watched Justine on the MTV Awards! But all in all this was a good weekend, Man United going strong, Aussies sucking dick and the poms getting slaughtered by New Zealand, lifes great.
As you all know by now as well Cazzy went to Zimbabwe or some shit this weekend. So on Thursday I took her to the airport and she bought me coffee and a muffin! (Due to security reasons I cannot mention the name of the “restaurant”!) And as she departed I gave her a hug, she then started to cry! Poor child! Or Granny more like it!
So alas we went to fetch her and the bitch didn’t bring me any presents, and she made us wait like an hour (cause Berny rushed us!). Weasely was saying we could just as well forget to fetch her, we could fetch her when we fetch mommy next week! But a reliable source told me that the airport is in fact a large potatoe chip! Now I just have to go and see it for myself! O boy I can’t wait! For some reason however I get the feeling that I am one really big sucker!
The Fat Eye is no stranger to fan mail (thanks Vomit for the nudie pics)! But the other day a threat of life was made (He got some hate mail the Fat Eye is a stranger to this). Uli emailed me and said she would get me back for last weeks edition when I least expect it! Well ek se bring it on! So until next week, stay sober!
Eventually Ferdinova admitted defeat and took the ladies back to Berny se boss! But alas they followed me home, as they had misplaced half of their possessions! Once they had retrieved their possessions, discovered the whereabouts of the rest, and finished torturing Weasel they left! Or at least tried to! I am still wondering how the bakkie got itself out the gate, because there is no way Daisy could not have reversed out by herself! I guess that’s what happens when Adminmodman isn’t around, the circle just wasn’t complete, and Berny didn’t have anyone to look after her!
So I am glad to say then that Weasel is still alive, the gate is still standing, and Berny no longer wants to have another drink as long as she lives until next weekend! Yip alls good in the hood. Saturday was then spent with me and Vomit filling in the blanks for Berny which was kinda funny as she started having flashbacks. And she found bruises, (self inflicted) which was me by the way, but I’ll never admit it to anyone – Berny edit!
But let’s get back to the sport, this week also marks 20 years of Sir Alex in charge at the Greatest team in the world Manchester United! (Not Arsenal or Chelski for that matter!) And boy o boy did Man U celebrate in style! The boys capped yet another classic performance and they stay on top for another week! Especially as both ARSenal and Chelsea got beaten like hookers this weekend! So much so that Aresen Wenger decided to try and beat up Alan Pardew after West Ham took the lead late in the game! Hee hee looks like Arsenal’s title challenge is over!
This week also saw the start of the international rugby season with a draw, which Berny said sucks and thanks to her I didn’t have to sit through the torture! Instead we watched Justine on the MTV Awards! But all in all this was a good weekend, Man United going strong, Aussies sucking dick and the poms getting slaughtered by New Zealand, lifes great.
As you all know by now as well Cazzy went to Zimbabwe or some shit this weekend. So on Thursday I took her to the airport and she bought me coffee and a muffin! (Due to security reasons I cannot mention the name of the “restaurant”!) And as she departed I gave her a hug, she then started to cry! Poor child! Or Granny more like it!
So alas we went to fetch her and the bitch didn’t bring me any presents, and she made us wait like an hour (cause Berny rushed us!). Weasely was saying we could just as well forget to fetch her, we could fetch her when we fetch mommy next week! But a reliable source told me that the airport is in fact a large potatoe chip! Now I just have to go and see it for myself! O boy I can’t wait! For some reason however I get the feeling that I am one really big sucker!
The Fat Eye is no stranger to fan mail (thanks Vomit for the nudie pics)! But the other day a threat of life was made (He got some hate mail the Fat Eye is a stranger to this). Uli emailed me and said she would get me back for last weeks edition when I least expect it! Well ek se bring it on! So until next week, stay sober!
Zambia: Day Four
The final day had finally arrived. Though I was sad that this weekend had come and gone so quickly, after so much excitement and anticipation, I was also glad to be going home. Enough partying already! Ok, that's sort of a lie, I can never tire of partying!
Getting up on this Sunday morning was more difficult than ever. Not only was I exhausted, sore, and hungover, but I hardly managed to fall asleep as my bladder kept me up all night. Note to self: dont drink 4 bottles of water before you go to bed.
I showered, got dressed and went on with the horrible task of packing all my stuff. Then I made the slow walk to breakfast. It was no surprise that I was hungry, since I had lost my breakfast AND dinner, but nevertheless the food was hard to swallow due to the hangover. There was no time for much else, so I went back to my room to grab my handbag and proceeded to check out at reception. Most of the crowd was already gathered there, waiting for their transfers to the airport. It was sad to say goodbye to some of the people. I probably wont see a lot of them until next year - if we have another weekend away, that is.
As luck would have it, Karen and I were on the last flight back to JHB so that we could make sure that everyone else made it safely back. So we were the last to leave the hotel, just after 12. I was tired, hungry and more cranky than ever. At the airport, most of our pepple were still there waiting for their flight, so that meant even more waiting for us. After their plane took off, we waited for about another 30 minutes till we finally left Zambian soil. Again, the flight was quick, though I managed to get about 15 minutes' shut eye. Not enough, but definitely more than welcome!
At JHB, we had to go through another round of waiting - this time for our luggage. It took almost an hour for me to get my bag - probably cause the crew was busy having a good time going through all the luggage, looking at what they could steal. Luckily, my bag came in one piece. So I said my final farewells to the people that were still lurking around, and went out to meet Berny, Ferdi and Weasel. But there were too many people, and I could not see them. I knew they were hiding, trying to worry me, so I waited till they found me.
I had a craving for waffles, since my boss had them for breakfast that morning, so I treated the kids to some ice cream/milkshakes/waffles for me, at Milky Lane. I was slowly dozing off, and was dreading having to unpack before I finally got into my comfy bed. Eventually I got that all done, and went off to la-la land.
This was definitely a weekend to remember! And one that I am still struggling to recover from!
Getting up on this Sunday morning was more difficult than ever. Not only was I exhausted, sore, and hungover, but I hardly managed to fall asleep as my bladder kept me up all night. Note to self: dont drink 4 bottles of water before you go to bed.
I showered, got dressed and went on with the horrible task of packing all my stuff. Then I made the slow walk to breakfast. It was no surprise that I was hungry, since I had lost my breakfast AND dinner, but nevertheless the food was hard to swallow due to the hangover. There was no time for much else, so I went back to my room to grab my handbag and proceeded to check out at reception. Most of the crowd was already gathered there, waiting for their transfers to the airport. It was sad to say goodbye to some of the people. I probably wont see a lot of them until next year - if we have another weekend away, that is.
As luck would have it, Karen and I were on the last flight back to JHB so that we could make sure that everyone else made it safely back. So we were the last to leave the hotel, just after 12. I was tired, hungry and more cranky than ever. At the airport, most of our pepple were still there waiting for their flight, so that meant even more waiting for us. After their plane took off, we waited for about another 30 minutes till we finally left Zambian soil. Again, the flight was quick, though I managed to get about 15 minutes' shut eye. Not enough, but definitely more than welcome!
At JHB, we had to go through another round of waiting - this time for our luggage. It took almost an hour for me to get my bag - probably cause the crew was busy having a good time going through all the luggage, looking at what they could steal. Luckily, my bag came in one piece. So I said my final farewells to the people that were still lurking around, and went out to meet Berny, Ferdi and Weasel. But there were too many people, and I could not see them. I knew they were hiding, trying to worry me, so I waited till they found me.
I had a craving for waffles, since my boss had them for breakfast that morning, so I treated the kids to some ice cream/milkshakes/waffles for me, at Milky Lane. I was slowly dozing off, and was dreading having to unpack before I finally got into my comfy bed. Eventually I got that all done, and went off to la-la land.
This was definitely a weekend to remember! And one that I am still struggling to recover from!
Monday, November 06, 2006
Zambia: Day Three
I woke up early, again, with a somewhat stiff and sore arm – the pain was starting to kick in. Never mind that I was also a tad sunburnt. So I stepped into the shower, stifling several screams, redressed my wound and got ready for breakfast. I joined my boss and co at their table and put up with another round of abuse and teasing about my brave attempts the night before. That was when I found out about my boss’s expensive footwear. He seemed genuinely upset about it, but I was later told that he is just giving me grief about it. After all, he can probably afford about 10 pairs of those takkies.
At 10h00 several of us were picked up by a bus that was taking us to our helicopter ride. We had several choices as to what activities we could do: river rafting, abseiling, bungee jumping, gorge swing, massages etc. I had done river rafting and abseiling before, massages are boring, and there is no way in hell I was gonna bungee jump, so I opted to go on the helicopter. Biggest mistake of my life. It was all fine and dandy in the beginning. I got to sit in front, next to the pilot and took some amazing pictures and video clips (one of them being the one I posted yesterday, of the falls). But soon, motion sickness started to kick in as the helicopter moved in sudden movements. I counted down the minutes till we landed, and prayed that I could hold on to my breakfast. Those 15 minutes seemed like 15 hours. As soon as we landed, I ran past everyone, to the toilets and spewed my guts out. What a kak feeling.
We went back to the hotel, feeling like crap, and thinking “could I be feeling any worse right now?” The weather was as hot as ever, but I had no energy to change into my bikini so I opted to sip coke by the pool. I managed to get some lunch (and keep it down) and then took a quick nap. It didn’t do much good because just as I was dozing off, Karen and I were summoned by a colleague to her room, to count last night’s votes for the best dressed awards. We knew who the winners were (the 4 old geezers from my team) but she wanted to count the votes anyway.
After that we got ready for our sunset cruise on the “African Queen” on the Zambezi river. It turned out to be quite boring, and long, even though there was plenty of booze to keep me entertained. In fact, I was quite cranky for not getting enough sleep, and told several people (including my boss), to “los my uit”. I later apologised but it was brushed off, and was rather teased for “dragging my lip across the Zambezi”.
Back at the hotel we had dinner, which I again lost, due to too much Jack (*blush*). As tradition goes, Saturday’s party was mellow as we all overdid it the night before, but I still managed to party till midnight, with lots of water and panados (which later kept me up all night!). I was escorted to my room by my friend, only to find that I couldn’t get into my room. I knocked on the door several times until a sleepy Karen opened up for me, and dragged myself off to bed. What a day!
At 10h00 several of us were picked up by a bus that was taking us to our helicopter ride. We had several choices as to what activities we could do: river rafting, abseiling, bungee jumping, gorge swing, massages etc. I had done river rafting and abseiling before, massages are boring, and there is no way in hell I was gonna bungee jump, so I opted to go on the helicopter. Biggest mistake of my life. It was all fine and dandy in the beginning. I got to sit in front, next to the pilot and took some amazing pictures and video clips (one of them being the one I posted yesterday, of the falls). But soon, motion sickness started to kick in as the helicopter moved in sudden movements. I counted down the minutes till we landed, and prayed that I could hold on to my breakfast. Those 15 minutes seemed like 15 hours. As soon as we landed, I ran past everyone, to the toilets and spewed my guts out. What a kak feeling.
We went back to the hotel, feeling like crap, and thinking “could I be feeling any worse right now?” The weather was as hot as ever, but I had no energy to change into my bikini so I opted to sip coke by the pool. I managed to get some lunch (and keep it down) and then took a quick nap. It didn’t do much good because just as I was dozing off, Karen and I were summoned by a colleague to her room, to count last night’s votes for the best dressed awards. We knew who the winners were (the 4 old geezers from my team) but she wanted to count the votes anyway.
After that we got ready for our sunset cruise on the “African Queen” on the Zambezi river. It turned out to be quite boring, and long, even though there was plenty of booze to keep me entertained. In fact, I was quite cranky for not getting enough sleep, and told several people (including my boss), to “los my uit”. I later apologised but it was brushed off, and was rather teased for “dragging my lip across the Zambezi”.
Back at the hotel we had dinner, which I again lost, due to too much Jack (*blush*). As tradition goes, Saturday’s party was mellow as we all overdid it the night before, but I still managed to party till midnight, with lots of water and panados (which later kept me up all night!). I was escorted to my room by my friend, only to find that I couldn’t get into my room. I knocked on the door several times until a sleepy Karen opened up for me, and dragged myself off to bed. What a day!
Zambia: Day Two
Day two in Zambia began earlier than I wanted it to, after all the jolling the night before. We had to get up early for a meeting with hotel management - to prepare the night's big event. Breakfast was just as delicious as dinner, always a buffet. There was so much to choose from that I didnt know where to begin.
I said to Karen, "these hotel guests better make the most of the peace and quiet now, cause it's gonna end soon!"There was still plenty of time till our hooligans arrived so we passed the time by the pool, tanning and swimming, trying to cool ourselves from the heat. I soon went from red to brown, much to my delight. The water in the pool was a welcome relief. I spent most of the morning and afternoon in there, even though my skin was wrinkly. Karen and I had planned to change before everyone arrived - god forbid they saw me in my bikini!! - but I just never got round to do that, the pool was too nice. So what if they all saw me half naked???
The first group arrived just after one in the afternoon. I saw one of my friends so there I go, out of the pool, run towards her and give her a nice big wet hug. Hahaha. They checked into their rooms and joined us by the pool. It was actually quite nice, all of us hanging out (unless I count all the times I was dunked in the pool). And all it took was five minutes before my boss and co got moaned at by the (very hot and sexy) hotel manager for drinking beer in the pool - if they broke a glass in the pool, there'd be chaos. They were moaned at 4 times before they finally got the message. My boss, as usual, had to embarrass me by saying that I looked cute with freckles on my face (first time he has seen me without make-up).
The other two groups arrived soon after, and after several hours in the pool, we all got ready for dinner and the big party. The theme for the evening was sports, so we had to dress up as a sportsperson. Karen and I went against the usual, and dressed up as cowgirl cheerleaders (not the Blue Bulls ones!!). We got several nods and whistles of approval. Heh heh.
I didnt eat much as I was too hyper and excited about the party. Even though our drinks took forever to get to us (a lot of people sobered up quickly while waiting), I had a good time, on the dancefloor and outside by the bar. I put on my party tshirt (see pic above) that a colleague bought for me and became the life and soul of the party. The DJ just knew exactly what to play to keep us entertained.
It was nice to get reacquainted with some of my fellow colleagues from P.E., Cape Town and Durban. As the night progressed we moved to the pool to get over the heat, many people were already in, clothes and all. I then saw the perfect opportunity to cause some trouble, which turned out to be a career-limiting move: I pushed my boss into the pool. Wish I had known that he was also wearing his R1700 brand new Oasics takkies. He got out, picked me up from the ground, and threw me in (luckily I removed my boots earlier). I must still find out who was the dumbass that ratted me out cause it was so dark out there he couldnt have seen who pushed him in.
I got bored swimming up and down, so a friend and I went to my room for some Jack Daniels(I had my own stash). He poured us a few shots and then I was finished. No more for me, thanks. Then there was a knock on the door, I ran to open it, slipped (the floor was slippery, ok?), and cut my arm with the metal dustbin. There was blood everywhere. My friend was beside himself trying to get the bleeding to stop - in fact, he was more worried than I was. I opened the door, and there was Karen, looking at me, on the floor, with blood spattered on the walls. It must have been quite a sight. No kidding.
They rushed me to first aid and got me cleaned up. I should have gone for stitches but I couldnt have cared less - Im getting too used to all these cuts, happening way too often - should be worried, hey? When that was done I was told that the party had ended cause it had started to rain. Who would have thought. We met one of the other guys on the way so us four went back to my room for some dodgy coffee (the guys put Jack in it), light conversation and then off to bed.
And that is day two. Watch this space for more...
Zambia: "We work according to African Time"
I am back, almost in one piece, and though this weekend had its ups and downs, I had a truly amazing time, which I will remember for years to come. What an incredible experience!Karen, our p.a., and I went a day early to make sure everything was ready for us. We flew via nationwide, had to wait for over half an hour to board the plane and eventually we were all set for our little African adventure. The flight was surprisingly short, quicker than flying to Cape Town actually. As soon as we stepped on Zambian soil, we were hit with a shocking heat wave. It was 42 degrees!! After going through the tiny airport, we were met by our transfer people and were driven to our hotel, the Zambezi Sun. What a beautiful place. Its quite a contrast to the poor town, but that is to be expected.
We checked into our room (we had a double bed each) and unpacked, we walked to the falls. The view is much better from the Zimbabwe side but it was just too hot and unbearable to walk all the way there, plus not so safe for two girls on their own. After half an hour's walk, we were completely drenched in sweat so we dashed back to our room for a cool shower. We then had cocktails by the pool. This is when we realised that Zambians work according to "African Time". They dont seem to be too phased with speed as they took their sweet time to prepare our cocktails. Thirty minutes to be exact.
Dinner was scrumptious, a super buffet meal that would make Ferdi green with envy. We ordered a bottle of wine to go with it though we soon regretted it as we realised it was making us sleepy! After we finished we went and sat by the pool bar till the early hours, mingling with the foreigners. It was still incredibly hot, not a single breeze to cool us down. Eventually we retreated to our cool airconditioned rooms for a snooze.
And so this is the end of day one of my Zambian adventure. Stay tuned for day 2, 3 and 4.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Long weekend!!!
Yes, today is Friday for me!! Yaya! Tomorrow morning I am off to Zambia for a teambuilding weekend. The really good part of this is that my friend and I are going alone tomorrow, to do some "stocktaking", and then the rest of the 88 people in our dept, will join us on Friday. It's gonna be goooodddd.
Tomorrow we will probably just lounge around the hotel pool and then scout for some talent. I am taking a bottle of Jack, even though our drinks are paid for. Friday we will welcome the rest, then in the evening we will have a sports-themed party - that's when we go all out and party till the morning. Im hoping that I will be bright eyed and bushy tailed the next morning, as I have a helicopter ride scheduled for 10 am. But knowing me, I will be so babelaas that I will probably spew my guys out as soon as I get into the heli. At least I can go back to sleep afterwards.
I am really looking forward to this except that I still cant use my left arm properly. My physio and I figured it out that I injured my arm while doing push-ups last week. I have been going to physio all week, today is my last session. I hope she can work a miracle here - the dancing queen needs to lift her arms in the air, on the dancefloor!!
So bye, till Monday!!!
Tomorrow we will probably just lounge around the hotel pool and then scout for some talent. I am taking a bottle of Jack, even though our drinks are paid for. Friday we will welcome the rest, then in the evening we will have a sports-themed party - that's when we go all out and party till the morning. Im hoping that I will be bright eyed and bushy tailed the next morning, as I have a helicopter ride scheduled for 10 am. But knowing me, I will be so babelaas that I will probably spew my guys out as soon as I get into the heli. At least I can go back to sleep afterwards.
I am really looking forward to this except that I still cant use my left arm properly. My physio and I figured it out that I injured my arm while doing push-ups last week. I have been going to physio all week, today is my last session. I hope she can work a miracle here - the dancing queen needs to lift her arms in the air, on the dancefloor!!
So bye, till Monday!!!
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
The truth about Ferdi
It's time for me to speak out to the nation about something that is very close to my heart (I have a heart, damnit!). I can no longer be silent. You see, over the past few weeks, Ferdi has been spreading nasty rumours about me and Berny. Rumours about us being abusive towards him. At this rate, I am expecting a call from child services. So this cannot go on. The lies stop here. Right now. Time to come clean.
What am I talking about, you ask? Let me go back to a few previous "Fat Eyes" so that I can refresh your memories. Here are a few quotes:
Ferdi (Sexyback Federline Lachey): I have been recently been exposed to various forms of domestic violence and substance abuse over the last few weeks, and whilst M-unit successfully helped Weasel in his substance abuse issues, the domestic violence is still raging on! Now I can’t stress enough how disgusting it is that a person who feels so weak inside that that person feels the need to beat on someone weaker than them! It is wrong and no person should ever do that! I post this with great fear, but it must be done I cannot stay quite anymore ,Berny, Caz stop hitting me!
Lies! I have seen him hitting himself, taking pics of his permanent red cheeks and showing everyone, saying I did the deed.
Ferdi (Lachey): Also in this regard an update on Berny’s abusiveness! So on Saturday she confronted me bout last weeks Fat Eye! She said she don’t have an abusive bone in her body, then right in front of Weasel in the middle on Makro she threatened to punch me if I ever mentioned this again! So for the last time this is Ferdinova Sexyback not lachey reporting for FatNN news!
Again. Lies. An alcoholic like Weasel cannot be trusted as a reliable witness.
Ferdi (Fat-Fed): she (Berny) has now started to use technological advancements to facilitate her abusiveness! The other day she hit me over the phone, see she phoned me and told me there were CHIPS in the kitchen knowing full well that I would climb the wall to get to them and scratch my arm in the process!
Another batch of lies. The idiot fell all on his own. Berny cannot be blamed for this. In fact, if anyone is abusive here, it is Ferdi!! Not only did he throw Berny with a chip (Berny's words, hahaha), he drove into her with his car! If that is not abuse, then I dont know what is!!!
And no matter what he says, I have never laid a finger on him. I have never punched his belly or pinched his boobs. Never. Berny will vouch for me.
Ferdi, you are going to hell for this.
What am I talking about, you ask? Let me go back to a few previous "Fat Eyes" so that I can refresh your memories. Here are a few quotes:
Ferdi (Sexyback Federline Lachey): I have been recently been exposed to various forms of domestic violence and substance abuse over the last few weeks, and whilst M-unit successfully helped Weasel in his substance abuse issues, the domestic violence is still raging on! Now I can’t stress enough how disgusting it is that a person who feels so weak inside that that person feels the need to beat on someone weaker than them! It is wrong and no person should ever do that! I post this with great fear, but it must be done I cannot stay quite anymore ,Berny, Caz stop hitting me!
Lies! I have seen him hitting himself, taking pics of his permanent red cheeks and showing everyone, saying I did the deed.
Ferdi (Lachey): Also in this regard an update on Berny’s abusiveness! So on Saturday she confronted me bout last weeks Fat Eye! She said she don’t have an abusive bone in her body, then right in front of Weasel in the middle on Makro she threatened to punch me if I ever mentioned this again! So for the last time this is Ferdinova Sexyback not lachey reporting for FatNN news!
Again. Lies. An alcoholic like Weasel cannot be trusted as a reliable witness.
Ferdi (Fat-Fed): she (Berny) has now started to use technological advancements to facilitate her abusiveness! The other day she hit me over the phone, see she phoned me and told me there were CHIPS in the kitchen knowing full well that I would climb the wall to get to them and scratch my arm in the process!
Another batch of lies. The idiot fell all on his own. Berny cannot be blamed for this. In fact, if anyone is abusive here, it is Ferdi!! Not only did he throw Berny with a chip (Berny's words, hahaha), he drove into her with his car! If that is not abuse, then I dont know what is!!!
And no matter what he says, I have never laid a finger on him. I have never punched his belly or pinched his boobs. Never. Berny will vouch for me.
Ferdi, you are going to hell for this.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Fat Eye for the Sports Fan: Edition Six
I am glad to report that I am still alive; Berny hasn’t killed me, yet! But let’s move on, I feel I have pushed my luck as far as I am willing to go! Duffman! But then again she has now started to use technological advancements to facilitate her abusiveness! The other day she hit me over the phone, see she phoned me and told me there were CHIPS in the kitchen knowing full well that I would climb the wall to get to them and scratch my arm in the process!
And it doesn’t end there, cazzy as well now! She is slowly moving on to that “better” place! So her arm was sore and I had to help her tie her hair up last night, it was fun! But this morning she threatened to hit me with her good arm! (I don’t know how many she has!)
First and foremost I would like to welcome back Wayne ROOONEY! Hell ya what a guy! I swears if I was a bit younger, and he a bit taller (according to Uli he is short!)... I guess they just don’t have players like Rooney in London! What with Arsenal dropping points again (BURN!); and Chelsea still not able to even come close to matching Man Utd in the goal scoring stakes! Yip life’s good! The cricketers are winning, the boks are playing again soon and Man Utd is kicking ass! What more could a girl ask for?
As seen above Uli has made her first ever appearance on the Fat Eye, as far as I’m aware! So lets all give a good old round of applause! But it doesn’t end there! Apparently, my sources tell me, Uli whilst trying to seen how tall, and sexy, Wayne Rooney actually is asked $#%@^&! – For security reasons Weasel’s name has been covered so that Uli doesn’t beat his ass – so she asked does: “Who is that - Ricardo? O no I mean Ronaldo. But? Oh no wait, hold on - they have to play for their own countries at the World Cup don’t they?”
Yip it’s true Basti has been neglecting his duties! But never fear Ferdinova Sexyback Messi is here to save the day! I shall not rest till every lady and Modman knows exactly who, where, when, why and how about sport! Till em ABC’s and XYZ’s are distinguished! Ferdinova Sexyback Messi fighting for truth and justice! A vote for Ferdinova Sexyback Messi is a vote for democracy!
On Saturday we also saw Will Ferrell’s new movie! His all man and way sexier than Colin! The movie being all bout sports and manly men, it just had to get a mention here in the Fat Eye. I thought that movie was purely genius! The lighting, camera angles, editing, sound were all there! I mean this was truly a work of art! Well I wouldn’t be surprised if it were nominated for an Oscar! We then also saw this rather dykey film, The Descent! And after Weasel crapped himself we decided to leave! Them ladies were far to butch for any of us to really enjoy the movie!
Yip alls good in the hood! So until next week stay beautiful San Diego!
Disclaimer: The CaZ takes no responsibility for the above. If you cannot make sense of what was said here, you are not alone. Maybe its the drugs talking here, but Im confused. Still funny though. Thanks Fat Eye.
And it doesn’t end there, cazzy as well now! She is slowly moving on to that “better” place! So her arm was sore and I had to help her tie her hair up last night, it was fun! But this morning she threatened to hit me with her good arm! (I don’t know how many she has!)
First and foremost I would like to welcome back Wayne ROOONEY! Hell ya what a guy! I swears if I was a bit younger, and he a bit taller (according to Uli he is short!)... I guess they just don’t have players like Rooney in London! What with Arsenal dropping points again (BURN!); and Chelsea still not able to even come close to matching Man Utd in the goal scoring stakes! Yip life’s good! The cricketers are winning, the boks are playing again soon and Man Utd is kicking ass! What more could a girl ask for?
As seen above Uli has made her first ever appearance on the Fat Eye, as far as I’m aware! So lets all give a good old round of applause! But it doesn’t end there! Apparently, my sources tell me, Uli whilst trying to seen how tall, and sexy, Wayne Rooney actually is asked $#%@^&! – For security reasons Weasel’s name has been covered so that Uli doesn’t beat his ass – so she asked does: “Who is that - Ricardo? O no I mean Ronaldo. But? Oh no wait, hold on - they have to play for their own countries at the World Cup don’t they?”
Yip it’s true Basti has been neglecting his duties! But never fear Ferdinova Sexyback Messi is here to save the day! I shall not rest till every lady and Modman knows exactly who, where, when, why and how about sport! Till em ABC’s and XYZ’s are distinguished! Ferdinova Sexyback Messi fighting for truth and justice! A vote for Ferdinova Sexyback Messi is a vote for democracy!
On Saturday we also saw Will Ferrell’s new movie! His all man and way sexier than Colin! The movie being all bout sports and manly men, it just had to get a mention here in the Fat Eye. I thought that movie was purely genius! The lighting, camera angles, editing, sound were all there! I mean this was truly a work of art! Well I wouldn’t be surprised if it were nominated for an Oscar! We then also saw this rather dykey film, The Descent! And after Weasel crapped himself we decided to leave! Them ladies were far to butch for any of us to really enjoy the movie!
Yip alls good in the hood! So until next week stay beautiful San Diego!
Disclaimer: The CaZ takes no responsibility for the above. If you cannot make sense of what was said here, you are not alone. Maybe its the drugs talking here, but Im confused. Still funny though. Thanks Fat Eye.
Another Weekend, Another Piss-Up
Friday’s plans to braai at my place were completely thwarted by the sudden unexpected (but badly needed) rain. It also almost destroyed my newly highlighted and cut hair (but no one really cares). It came in buckets, so, like wet rabbits, we went to Panarottis instead. Like Weasel said: 4 adults, and three very big children (Martin, Ferdi and Basti). All the restaurants in the centre were packed with people, so we were lucky to get a table.
We bravely moved the braai to Saturday. Weasel and I went to a church committee meeting in the afternoon (we are already planning next year’s Spring Festival), and then went to do all the necessary shopping. Let me add here that I hate to shop for food, especially at Fruit & Veg – people just don’t know how to walk there!!!
I kept on looking up at the skies for any sign of rain. It looked like this time, God was on our side. We had quite a nice meal, this time I didn’t cut any of my fingers, limbs etc, and had a decent amount of alcohol in our system. All went well, till Berny spoilt it by saying that one day I would make a good housewife (I had washed all the dishes and cleaned up soon after we ate). That was enough to drive me to the nuthouse. Me? A housewife?
Since it looked like it was definitely not going to rain, and were done with supper early, we went to the drive-in. It has been a while. Armed with more booze and snacks, we set up our camping chairs in front of Weasel’s car and got ready to watch Will Ferrell’s new movie, “Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby”. Berny missed the first five minutes of the movie and when I was beginning to wonder where she had got to, she came running back, and told us that she found R400 in the girls’ toilets. I would have kept it, but honest as she is, she handed it in at the manager’s office. No one did claim it in the end, so when she asked if she could keep it, the manager gave her some kak, nonsense excuse about having to deposit it in a bank account???
To make matters worse, the power went out several times while we were trying to watch the movies. It happened twice during the first movie, during which 80% of the cars just had to start hooting, just in case the drive-in employees were sleeping and didn’t have a clue that the whole place was in darkness. Luckily we got to watch the first movie, but we weren’t so lucky with the second. It was called “The Descent” – never heard of it, much less the actresses that were in it. It was quite boring to begin with, but just when it started to get mildly interesting (a weird looking Gollum like creature appears in the cave, suddenly out of nowhere), I jump up, and the lights go out AGAIN. Perfect moment but the power never came back on, at least, we don’t think so. We waited about 15 minutes, then gave up, packed everything and went home. Now I have to know what happens in that movie, damnit.
The jinx carried on yesterday when I decided to do the laundry. True as bob, it started to rain again, after I had just hung out the clothes to dry. Then a sharp pain started to spread from my left shoulder to the rest of my arm. It is so painful that I cannot use my arm. I struggled not to scream out loud while getting dressed this morning. Can anything else go wrong this week? Or is this asking for trouble?
We bravely moved the braai to Saturday. Weasel and I went to a church committee meeting in the afternoon (we are already planning next year’s Spring Festival), and then went to do all the necessary shopping. Let me add here that I hate to shop for food, especially at Fruit & Veg – people just don’t know how to walk there!!!
I kept on looking up at the skies for any sign of rain. It looked like this time, God was on our side. We had quite a nice meal, this time I didn’t cut any of my fingers, limbs etc, and had a decent amount of alcohol in our system. All went well, till Berny spoilt it by saying that one day I would make a good housewife (I had washed all the dishes and cleaned up soon after we ate). That was enough to drive me to the nuthouse. Me? A housewife?
Since it looked like it was definitely not going to rain, and were done with supper early, we went to the drive-in. It has been a while. Armed with more booze and snacks, we set up our camping chairs in front of Weasel’s car and got ready to watch Will Ferrell’s new movie, “Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby”. Berny missed the first five minutes of the movie and when I was beginning to wonder where she had got to, she came running back, and told us that she found R400 in the girls’ toilets. I would have kept it, but honest as she is, she handed it in at the manager’s office. No one did claim it in the end, so when she asked if she could keep it, the manager gave her some kak, nonsense excuse about having to deposit it in a bank account???
To make matters worse, the power went out several times while we were trying to watch the movies. It happened twice during the first movie, during which 80% of the cars just had to start hooting, just in case the drive-in employees were sleeping and didn’t have a clue that the whole place was in darkness. Luckily we got to watch the first movie, but we weren’t so lucky with the second. It was called “The Descent” – never heard of it, much less the actresses that were in it. It was quite boring to begin with, but just when it started to get mildly interesting (a weird looking Gollum like creature appears in the cave, suddenly out of nowhere), I jump up, and the lights go out AGAIN. Perfect moment but the power never came back on, at least, we don’t think so. We waited about 15 minutes, then gave up, packed everything and went home. Now I have to know what happens in that movie, damnit.
The jinx carried on yesterday when I decided to do the laundry. True as bob, it started to rain again, after I had just hung out the clothes to dry. Then a sharp pain started to spread from my left shoulder to the rest of my arm. It is so painful that I cannot use my arm. I struggled not to scream out loud while getting dressed this morning. Can anything else go wrong this week? Or is this asking for trouble?
Friday, October 27, 2006
Winex 2006
I went to Winex at the Sandton Convention Centre last night, with Ferdi, Weasel, Berny, Uli, Ingrid and Sonja. Since I work for FNB, and soon will be working for RMB, I managed to score some free tickets, for the third year running. Aren't I a lucky brat. We decided to make a late entrance, so as not to overdue the wine tasting thing, plus after a while it just gets a tad too much walking around in circles from stand to stand.
At first we were a bit shy in approaching a stall. I quickly reminded everyone that we shouldn't feel guilty about asking to sample a wine, since this is what we were specifically here for!! So I picked the first stand, which was called Mooiplaas, and was attended by a South African actress (according to Berny, she has appeared in Egoli and Sewende Laan). Just dont ask me what her name was cause I cant remember. We tried some white Sauvignon, which was a bit dry. I prefer semi-sweet wines, but my pallet soon became accustomed to the dry wines that I got to sample - there were more dry wines on show than semi-sweet. Sheesh, dont I sound like the wine connoisseur!! To be honest, I dont know my cabernet from my chardonnay, but I am starting to see the differences in them.
I looked round and round for Schalk Burger's daddy's stand but the more I looked, the dizzier I got. In the end I never did find it, but at least I tried their wines last year. The best wine of the night for me was one from a wine farm called "Landzicht" (Ferdi affectionally referred to it as Landshit), which is situated in Jacobsdal, near Kimberley. Very good semi-sweet wine, Blumchen (cant believe I remember it, Ingrid!). Another was Slowine (where do these guys get their names?), which is a Paul Cluver, Villiersdorp Co-op, Beaumont and Luddite Collaboration. The poor chap was happy to let us sample some wine and looked at Ferdi incredulously as he photographed his three stone tortoises on display. Haha.
My girls and I (aka the sisterhood) flirted shamelessly with the guy from KWV, who gave us some tips on how to sound like wine experts. It worked, and he also filled our glasses almost to the brim.
We ended the evening at McDonalds in Sandton - we realised how hungry we were! We sat outside near a guy who was playing with his laptop. Much to his amusement and laughter, we provided some light entertainment by singing out loud to the songs on our cellphones. Yes, we were pissed. But happy.
Now I have a moerse hangover. Thank god it's Friday.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Top 10 Lists
Rob at www.iscatterlings.com has given me an idea - a top 10 list of lists!!! I am a compulsive lister, I tend to list just about everything, from a list of things to do, right down to a list of what not to do!!! If it wasn't for my lists, I'd probably forget half the things I have to accomplish in my day to day life. And I get this wonderful sense of satisfaction, when I can cross off an item off my list and say "Mission Accomplished". Aaaah.
So here is my top 10 lists:
1. Top 10 To Do List
2. Top 10 Movies to Watch on DSTV (I actually keep a daily record of movies I have watched, and note the date and time of movies I must not miss!! How obsessive is that?)
3. Top 10 Things To Buy, That I Don't Necessarily Need
4. Top 10 Groceries To Buy (I actually wish my parents were back already! I hate shopping for food!)
5. Top 10 DVDs To Buy (this has become an obsession too)
6. Top 10 Books To Read
7. Top 10 Hunks That I Have To Meet
8. Top 10 Places To Visit
9. Top 10 Cocktails To Attempt To Make
10. Top 10 People I Absolutely Have To KILL!!!
So there you have it, and there are many more where these came from!!
So here is my top 10 lists:
1. Top 10 To Do List
2. Top 10 Movies to Watch on DSTV (I actually keep a daily record of movies I have watched, and note the date and time of movies I must not miss!! How obsessive is that?)
3. Top 10 Things To Buy, That I Don't Necessarily Need
4. Top 10 Groceries To Buy (I actually wish my parents were back already! I hate shopping for food!)
5. Top 10 DVDs To Buy (this has become an obsession too)
6. Top 10 Books To Read
7. Top 10 Hunks That I Have To Meet
8. Top 10 Places To Visit
9. Top 10 Cocktails To Attempt To Make
10. Top 10 People I Absolutely Have To KILL!!!
So there you have it, and there are many more where these came from!!
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Working late
For the first time in months, I am sitting here in the office till late. Work is finally complete and up to date, but I have to wait for Weasel to pick me up. Why, you ask? Two reasons, actually three.
1. Ferdi is getting pissed at his law party (though I don't know just how pissed law students can get. Most, according to Ferdi, seem to be a drag).
2. My alternative lift, is at home sick, nursing an outbreak in her household.
3. Weasel works in Sandton, so to avoid traffic, he is leaving his office at 6.
So here I sit. And I sit. To pass the time I am writing nonsense, and loading more songs on my I-pod. Though I just realised that I have already downloaded most of the CDs that I brought with today. You dont have to say it, I know I am a dumbass.
The office is dead quiet. Im starting to hear strange noises. Besides me, there are only two other sad people working tonight. One is a single gal who tries to impress the boss by working late every night (even though her boss is long gone and thus cannot witness this amazing commitment) and the other is a man trying to avoid his boring marriage. How sad. At least I am here cause I have no choice, and I dont do it often.
I dont know what else to do now. Still have about an hour to go. JNF is quiet, the office is scary, maybe I should play a game. Yeah, that's what I will do. Cheerio!
1. Ferdi is getting pissed at his law party (though I don't know just how pissed law students can get. Most, according to Ferdi, seem to be a drag).
2. My alternative lift, is at home sick, nursing an outbreak in her household.
3. Weasel works in Sandton, so to avoid traffic, he is leaving his office at 6.
So here I sit. And I sit. To pass the time I am writing nonsense, and loading more songs on my I-pod. Though I just realised that I have already downloaded most of the CDs that I brought with today. You dont have to say it, I know I am a dumbass.
The office is dead quiet. Im starting to hear strange noises. Besides me, there are only two other sad people working tonight. One is a single gal who tries to impress the boss by working late every night (even though her boss is long gone and thus cannot witness this amazing commitment) and the other is a man trying to avoid his boring marriage. How sad. At least I am here cause I have no choice, and I dont do it often.
I dont know what else to do now. Still have about an hour to go. JNF is quiet, the office is scary, maybe I should play a game. Yeah, that's what I will do. Cheerio!
Sniff
I have just got bad news from iNeRsHa's drummer that this Saturday's gig, at the Rand Airport has been cancelled. Damnit!!! Not their fault, but I was so looking forward to this Halloween bash! Some of my other fave bands were also gonna be there, like 16Stitch, Wickhead and the Narrow!!! That would have been an awesome line-up!!!
Now I will have to drown my sorrows at home, and wait patiently for their next gig. Sniff. Snot en trane. This day is just getting worse and worse.
Not only that, I also have to work late tonight.
Now I will have to drown my sorrows at home, and wait patiently for their next gig. Sniff. Snot en trane. This day is just getting worse and worse.
Not only that, I also have to work late tonight.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Woe is me
I just had a re-assessment done at the gym. My last one was in January this year, and while there has been some notable improvement in my stability and strength, my back is still seriously screwed up. I have been suffering from scoliosis for over 10 years now - it's the curvature of the spine, either in an S-shape, or C-shape. Mine is an S-shape, I think, which is the worst kind, and EXTREMELY painful. Throughout the years, my spine has curved more and more towards the left side. Thankfully, most people dont notice it until I point it out to them, and even then, most look at me as if I'm nuts, but maybe they are just been polite?
Due to this curvature, my back pain ebbs and flows. Sometimes it gets so unbearable that I cannot walk. Hence me trying to put it all right at the gym. Unfortunately, I have to continue with my exercises, religiously, for the rest of my life - that's if I want to get rid of this back pain. And it will take years to see just a millimetre of movement in my spine. So chances are, that my back will never correct itself 100%. That's something I now have to live with.
Had I worn a back brace in my teens when this was first spotted, maybe I wouldnt have to go through all this now. But I refused to wear it - have you seen how hideous those braces are? Now I regret it, deeply, but it's a little too late. I must now become best friends with my pilates ball and stretch the hell out of my limbs. Forever, and ever.
I have booked several sessions with my instructor over the next few weeks, and have vowed to never miss another pilates class again. Let's see how long that lasts. I always start out with lots of enthusiasm and commitment, until I get bored again. I need help!!!
Due to this curvature, my back pain ebbs and flows. Sometimes it gets so unbearable that I cannot walk. Hence me trying to put it all right at the gym. Unfortunately, I have to continue with my exercises, religiously, for the rest of my life - that's if I want to get rid of this back pain. And it will take years to see just a millimetre of movement in my spine. So chances are, that my back will never correct itself 100%. That's something I now have to live with.
Had I worn a back brace in my teens when this was first spotted, maybe I wouldnt have to go through all this now. But I refused to wear it - have you seen how hideous those braces are? Now I regret it, deeply, but it's a little too late. I must now become best friends with my pilates ball and stretch the hell out of my limbs. Forever, and ever.
I have booked several sessions with my instructor over the next few weeks, and have vowed to never miss another pilates class again. Let's see how long that lasts. I always start out with lots of enthusiasm and commitment, until I get bored again. I need help!!!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Fat Eye for the Sports Fan: Edition Five
Yesterday marked the end of Micheal Shumacher’s career. Wow it’s actually over, for like 10 years I’ve been waiting for the f*cker to retire and now I’m kinda sad! (Cazzy Edit: Who cares! He is finally out of F1!!) For the first time ever I was actually supporting the german! And now that Raikkonen has been named as his replacement we could have the unlikely situation of me “supporting” Ferrari next season and Weasel “supporting” Mclaren!
Now that’s saying something, if nothing at all!
Then how do I say this without offending anyone? O wait I’m Ferdinova, so I don’t care! MAN UTD ARE STILL ON TOP, ARSENAL AND CHELSEA SUCK BALLS! It was really a heck of a game Paul Scholes scoring on his 500 appearance for the club! What a guy!
And lastly I have an important announcement to make:
Berny gave me a good game!
Berny het my a goed speel gegee!
Berny me dio un buen partido! (Cazzy Edit: Impressive Spanish!!)
Also in this regard an update on Berny’s abusiveness! So on Saturday she confronted me bout last weeks Fat Eye! She said she don’t have an abusive bone in her body, then right in front of Weasel in the middle of Makro she threatened to punch me if I ever mentioned this again! So for the last time this is Ferdinova Sexyback not Lachey reporting for FatNN news!
Now that’s saying something, if nothing at all!
Then how do I say this without offending anyone? O wait I’m Ferdinova, so I don’t care! MAN UTD ARE STILL ON TOP, ARSENAL AND CHELSEA SUCK BALLS! It was really a heck of a game Paul Scholes scoring on his 500 appearance for the club! What a guy!
And lastly I have an important announcement to make:
Berny gave me a good game!
Berny het my a goed speel gegee!
Berny me dio un buen partido! (Cazzy Edit: Impressive Spanish!!)
Also in this regard an update on Berny’s abusiveness! So on Saturday she confronted me bout last weeks Fat Eye! She said she don’t have an abusive bone in her body, then right in front of Weasel in the middle of Makro she threatened to punch me if I ever mentioned this again! So for the last time this is Ferdinova Sexyback not Lachey reporting for FatNN news!
Ay caramba, it's burrito time!!
To carry on with the tradition of having a weekly party/intervention at our place, we decided to have a burrito and tequila fiesta last Saturday. I was very close to cancelling cause I was a bit under the weather, and not in the mood to cook. The only thing that kept me going was the thought of sampling some tequila. It turned out to be a very dodgy tequila that Weasel bought cheap cheap last year. Needless to say, most of us used it to water the plants in the garden, cause they looked thirsty.
Uli and I gathered in the kitchen to prepare the burritos. We did more talking than cooking until the Ferdi ordered us to get a move on. As if I am gonna listen!! But I was hungry, my taste buds were going bananas so I rolled out the dough chop chop while Uli cooked them on the pan. I put together some mince with onions and mexican style tomatoes, Uli grated some cheese and we were soon all set. Jamie Oliver, watch out!!
I must say that I was very impressed with the results. Nothing was left in the end. I even made some soggy nachos (ok, I put some chips in the microwave with cheese and tomatoes) as a starter. All we needed was some decent tequila and some sombreros to complete the Mexican theme - will remember that for next time. I ended the evening by almost falling asleep on my camping chair. It's hard work, being in the kitchen! How the hell did I ever get that right?
Uli and I gathered in the kitchen to prepare the burritos. We did more talking than cooking until the Ferdi ordered us to get a move on. As if I am gonna listen!! But I was hungry, my taste buds were going bananas so I rolled out the dough chop chop while Uli cooked them on the pan. I put together some mince with onions and mexican style tomatoes, Uli grated some cheese and we were soon all set. Jamie Oliver, watch out!!
I must say that I was very impressed with the results. Nothing was left in the end. I even made some soggy nachos (ok, I put some chips in the microwave with cheese and tomatoes) as a starter. All we needed was some decent tequila and some sombreros to complete the Mexican theme - will remember that for next time. I ended the evening by almost falling asleep on my camping chair. It's hard work, being in the kitchen! How the hell did I ever get that right?
Friday, October 20, 2006
I would like to thank...six of nine!!
I was thinking last night about how, just by meeting six of nine (check them out on www.sixofnine.com ), it led to a huge chain of events. It all started 2 years ago, sometime in April, I think, memory is fuzzy. Ferdi told me about this awesome band called six of nine from Cape Town, and that they were to JHB to play at Roxys. I listened to one of their songs, Close to Me, and I was hooked. So I went with Ferdi and Weasel to check out this band, on a cold Tuesday night, at Roxys. That night I was only introduced to then guitarist, Dave. I remember thinking, cool oke. The band rocked and so they had won another fan, me.
I soon joined their chat forum, first one I ever joined, and had a few laughs with the members. At Woodstock 6 Ferdi and I hooked up with the band again, watched them on stage then hung out with them for a bit. Geoff thought I was a crazy drunk. He wasn't too far off. On the chat site, I got to know Phatfoo as well, aka Jeremy Nell of Urban Trash fame. In no time, he invited me to his chat site, jnf, where Ferdi was already a member, which he failed to tell me about!
I got hooked on it too, spent more time on it than on actual work. Jeremy and I became good pals, which paid off - I became a mod after a few months. Lol. I got to know several other weird characters soon enough, and even met some of them, like Marbro, Vomitboy, Murderdoll and more. I went to Cape Town for the first time this year, and met the gang there: Phatfoo, Soulforge, antirockstar, misses, Fantasy, saw Geoffypoo again and met his wife, Girly. Had waffles at Wes and Cell's place too.
I met other strange and wonderful people here in JHB as well, like Gol, Amtobi and Nerf (the serial tap thief). By pure coincidence, voiceofreason, who Ferdi and I met at Woodstock 6 after he and his band, Burnt Reason opened the Festival, joined jnf about a year after.
Then along came Berny, Marbro's sister, who is now Ferdi's better half and a kick ass jolling side-kick. We also got to meet chim (Marbro's chick) who we got to know through jnf as well. One person I still HAVE TO meet, is Tink. I look forward to the day when we will down tequila, using chippendales as body shots, till the early hours.
So thanks to six of nine, I have met all these characters, got involved in one of the coolest SA chat sites, and developed some great friendships. Thank you.
I soon joined their chat forum, first one I ever joined, and had a few laughs with the members. At Woodstock 6 Ferdi and I hooked up with the band again, watched them on stage then hung out with them for a bit. Geoff thought I was a crazy drunk. He wasn't too far off. On the chat site, I got to know Phatfoo as well, aka Jeremy Nell of Urban Trash fame. In no time, he invited me to his chat site, jnf, where Ferdi was already a member, which he failed to tell me about!
I got hooked on it too, spent more time on it than on actual work. Jeremy and I became good pals, which paid off - I became a mod after a few months. Lol. I got to know several other weird characters soon enough, and even met some of them, like Marbro, Vomitboy, Murderdoll and more. I went to Cape Town for the first time this year, and met the gang there: Phatfoo, Soulforge, antirockstar, misses, Fantasy, saw Geoffypoo again and met his wife, Girly. Had waffles at Wes and Cell's place too.
I met other strange and wonderful people here in JHB as well, like Gol, Amtobi and Nerf (the serial tap thief). By pure coincidence, voiceofreason, who Ferdi and I met at Woodstock 6 after he and his band, Burnt Reason opened the Festival, joined jnf about a year after.
Then along came Berny, Marbro's sister, who is now Ferdi's better half and a kick ass jolling side-kick. We also got to meet chim (Marbro's chick) who we got to know through jnf as well. One person I still HAVE TO meet, is Tink. I look forward to the day when we will down tequila, using chippendales as body shots, till the early hours.
So thanks to six of nine, I have met all these characters, got involved in one of the coolest SA chat sites, and developed some great friendships. Thank you.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Bloody vampires
No, I am not talking about my favourite past-time, vampires, just yet, I am still busy drafting a few pieces on that. I am talking about the blood sucking vampires that want me to donate blood. They have been hounding me for the past few months to come and donate, but since my tonsillectomy, I was not able to do so. My grace period is now finally over so I could donate this morning, here at the gym.
I always thought that I was not allowed to donate blood as I had hepatitis when I was 9. Bedridden for 3 god-forsaken months. But apparently, as I found out this year, if you had this damn disease before 12, then it's ok to donate blood. So who would have thought that my evil blood would be ok to donate? Ha ha.
So my friend and I went down to the gym so we could be poked with needles. Ugh. She couldn't donate as she had an op recently, but decided to stand by me and keep me company through this dark moment. I looked away and winced while a nurse inserted a thick needle into my right arm. It was painful, but I am a big girl, I can take it. Soon my blood started to pour into the plastic bag. My friend noticed that my blood was extremely dark - well, it's evil, helllooooooo. Of course its going to be dark!!! (Actually, it's cause of the high iron content, I eat a lot of red meat. But why tell her that?)
Before I was done, we had a bit of a laugh at some guy's expense. Now, normally, if you want to impress two girls, most guys would act macho and take this blood donating thing like a man, right? Not this one. Even though he is a regular donor, he became quite the drama queen and had a fainting fit. The nurses made him lie in the middle of the room on a mat while he recovered. I looked at my friend, smirked and said "no one likes a sissy".
This was my second donation, and I felt ok. Had a bit of a dizzy spell but no dramatic faint.
I always thought that I was not allowed to donate blood as I had hepatitis when I was 9. Bedridden for 3 god-forsaken months. But apparently, as I found out this year, if you had this damn disease before 12, then it's ok to donate blood. So who would have thought that my evil blood would be ok to donate? Ha ha.
So my friend and I went down to the gym so we could be poked with needles. Ugh. She couldn't donate as she had an op recently, but decided to stand by me and keep me company through this dark moment. I looked away and winced while a nurse inserted a thick needle into my right arm. It was painful, but I am a big girl, I can take it. Soon my blood started to pour into the plastic bag. My friend noticed that my blood was extremely dark - well, it's evil, helllooooooo. Of course its going to be dark!!! (Actually, it's cause of the high iron content, I eat a lot of red meat. But why tell her that?)
Before I was done, we had a bit of a laugh at some guy's expense. Now, normally, if you want to impress two girls, most guys would act macho and take this blood donating thing like a man, right? Not this one. Even though he is a regular donor, he became quite the drama queen and had a fainting fit. The nurses made him lie in the middle of the room on a mat while he recovered. I looked at my friend, smirked and said "no one likes a sissy".
This was my second donation, and I felt ok. Had a bit of a dizzy spell but no dramatic faint.
Fat Eye for the Sports Fan: Edition Four
Ok so well what a week (I’ve spent about half of it hiding from Cazzy!) . Where to begin, ek vonder? O yes I know, “A draw is better than a defeat!”, ek nog eins Greggy the Bulls are the losers, they live in Pretoria! Wies jou pa Ok ok, lets leave that there, it was a good game but largely dispointing result, one team must win, it’s the way things work!
But Greggy then said something on the lines of Man United suck ARSEnal rule, well ek se:
Man United are here: 1st
ARSEnal are here: 7th
Then theres the little matter of Man United keeping their 100% record by beating FC Copenhagen yesterday while ARSEnal went done 1-0 to CSKA Moscow! Henry is still crying bout the yellow card he got!
In other news AUSTRALIA GOT BEATEN BY WEST INDIES, I repeat AUSTRALIA GOT BEATEN BY WEST INDIES! Taylor got a hat trick in the last two overs to set up the victory, o wies jou pa nou, and a Duffman for good measure!
And did anybody see Chelski going through keepers like I goes through panty hose? Man that’s funny guess money can’t buy thick skulls! Hee hee Drogba nearly got the same treatment, but he is black so he didn’t feel a thing! Must be that fro!
Ok lets leave sport for a second and lets talk serious for a second people (assuming anybody reads this that is). This topic is something that is very close to Ferdinova sexyback not lachey’s heart! See I have been recently been exposed to various forms of domestic violence and substance abuse over the last few weeks, and whilst M-unit (marbro) successfully helped Weasel in his substance abuse issues, the domestic violence is still raging on!
Now I can’t stress enough how disgusting it is that a person who feels so weak inside that that person feels the need to beat on someone weaker than them! It is wrong and no person should ever do that! I post this with great fear, but it must be done I cannot stay quite anymore ,Berny, Caz stop hitting me! That’s all folks!
PS: Quote of the week - "A man fixing a pipe could not be plumber than that!" When Brett Lee was ajudged LBW!
CaZ edit: I do not hit Ferdi. I would never abuse an animal.
But Greggy then said something on the lines of Man United suck ARSEnal rule, well ek se:
Man United are here: 1st
ARSEnal are here: 7th
Then theres the little matter of Man United keeping their 100% record by beating FC Copenhagen yesterday while ARSEnal went done 1-0 to CSKA Moscow! Henry is still crying bout the yellow card he got!
In other news AUSTRALIA GOT BEATEN BY WEST INDIES, I repeat AUSTRALIA GOT BEATEN BY WEST INDIES! Taylor got a hat trick in the last two overs to set up the victory, o wies jou pa nou, and a Duffman for good measure!
And did anybody see Chelski going through keepers like I goes through panty hose? Man that’s funny guess money can’t buy thick skulls! Hee hee Drogba nearly got the same treatment, but he is black so he didn’t feel a thing! Must be that fro!
Ok lets leave sport for a second and lets talk serious for a second people (assuming anybody reads this that is). This topic is something that is very close to Ferdinova sexyback not lachey’s heart! See I have been recently been exposed to various forms of domestic violence and substance abuse over the last few weeks, and whilst M-unit (marbro) successfully helped Weasel in his substance abuse issues, the domestic violence is still raging on!
Now I can’t stress enough how disgusting it is that a person who feels so weak inside that that person feels the need to beat on someone weaker than them! It is wrong and no person should ever do that! I post this with great fear, but it must be done I cannot stay quite anymore ,Berny, Caz stop hitting me! That’s all folks!
PS: Quote of the week - "A man fixing a pipe could not be plumber than that!" When Brett Lee was ajudged LBW!
CaZ edit: I do not hit Ferdi. I would never abuse an animal.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Duvet day
This is one of those days when I'd rather be at home. The sky is grey, the clouds are threatening to pee, and I have one of the worst back pains ever - yes, I overdid the pilates thing again. Nothing seems to be working today. JNF is doing strange things, my e-mails take forever to get to me and the work is just not getting done. Shouldn't have bothered to get up this morning.
In fact, there is several things that I'd rather be doing right now, at home. I find it more entertaining to sleep till late, have a mid-morning breakfast, maybe watch a movie on tv or curl up on the couch with a good book. To some it may sound boring, but I could easily do that for the rest of my life. Is there such a job that pays me to do this, and pays well? I wish...
Before I used to hate being at home, even when I was sick. But since my parents have gone on a long extended holiday, Weasel works till late and Ferdi is at varsity, I normally have the house to myself for hours on end. I can up to all sorts of mischief, without being ridiculed. Maybe this will finally push me to get my own place, for once and for all. Yeah, that sounds good to me.
So what do you brats get up to when at home?
In fact, there is several things that I'd rather be doing right now, at home. I find it more entertaining to sleep till late, have a mid-morning breakfast, maybe watch a movie on tv or curl up on the couch with a good book. To some it may sound boring, but I could easily do that for the rest of my life. Is there such a job that pays me to do this, and pays well? I wish...
Before I used to hate being at home, even when I was sick. But since my parents have gone on a long extended holiday, Weasel works till late and Ferdi is at varsity, I normally have the house to myself for hours on end. I can up to all sorts of mischief, without being ridiculed. Maybe this will finally push me to get my own place, for once and for all. Yeah, that sounds good to me.
So what do you brats get up to when at home?
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Crush
My first crush was Axl Rose, as far as I can remember, unless I count a chubby little boy called Emiliano in my nursery school class – but I didn’t know better then. Since I loved hairy men, it’s no surprise that after the Axl phase wore off I moved onto Jon Bon Jovi and other hairy animals.
My crushes tend not to last long, I get bored easily. I have had plenty. And yes, I still get those high-school girl type crushes. I’m young, and single, so I don’t see any harm in fantasizing about a few men here and there. In fact, I have two at the moment, one of them being Wentworth Miller – what’s not to love about that sexy Wenty? The other I’d rather not talk about…
But enough about MY crushes. The highlight of today is how my friend and I played a sneaky little joke on one of our older (and married) female colleagues here at work. We always suspected she had the hots for someone here at work but never had the proof. And now we do. She is a typical domkop (a la Posh Spice) who is quick to criticize you if your butt is too big and expects to receive compliments when she “looks nice”.
My friend sent her a link to an intranet site, where you are required to put in your three greatest loves. She filled it in and clicked “Send”. What she doesn’t know is that this then gets sent to a person here at work who “compiles the data”. Well, we got her results this morning. And surprise surprise, our suspicions were confirmed. Her husband did not even feature, but…our boss did!! Ugh! Our boss!!
I have a strong suspicion too that something did happen between the two of them sometime this year and then ended abruptly – but her crush on him is still strong – obviously, he was her first choice!! I am gonna be watching them carefully from now on, especially on our weekend away in Zambia. Damn, if I had the guts, I could write a book on who is doing who here in the office!!! Who needs soapies, heh heh.
Have you had any weird crushes? Do tell!
My crushes tend not to last long, I get bored easily. I have had plenty. And yes, I still get those high-school girl type crushes. I’m young, and single, so I don’t see any harm in fantasizing about a few men here and there. In fact, I have two at the moment, one of them being Wentworth Miller – what’s not to love about that sexy Wenty? The other I’d rather not talk about…
But enough about MY crushes. The highlight of today is how my friend and I played a sneaky little joke on one of our older (and married) female colleagues here at work. We always suspected she had the hots for someone here at work but never had the proof. And now we do. She is a typical domkop (a la Posh Spice) who is quick to criticize you if your butt is too big and expects to receive compliments when she “looks nice”.
My friend sent her a link to an intranet site, where you are required to put in your three greatest loves. She filled it in and clicked “Send”. What she doesn’t know is that this then gets sent to a person here at work who “compiles the data”. Well, we got her results this morning. And surprise surprise, our suspicions were confirmed. Her husband did not even feature, but…our boss did!! Ugh! Our boss!!
I have a strong suspicion too that something did happen between the two of them sometime this year and then ended abruptly – but her crush on him is still strong – obviously, he was her first choice!! I am gonna be watching them carefully from now on, especially on our weekend away in Zambia. Damn, if I had the guts, I could write a book on who is doing who here in the office!!! Who needs soapies, heh heh.
Have you had any weird crushes? Do tell!
Monday, October 16, 2006
Careful when you tell lies
I had another flashback, thanks to Marbro.
I knew I was asking for trouble when I told Ferdi a little fib about Nerf stealing. Before everyone arrived I told him not to leave his wallet lying around cause Nerf steals. It was funny at the time. Well, Ferdi took it seriously and went and told Nerf what I said. The little bugger then proceeded to steal my kitchen tap, TWICE. Normally I wouldnt have a problem with that, but when you suddenly get the urge to do the dishes, well, you see my problem here. Next time he visits, I am hiding all the shiny things in the house.
Ugh, Nerf and Marbro's bellies:
I knew I was asking for trouble when I told Ferdi a little fib about Nerf stealing. Before everyone arrived I told him not to leave his wallet lying around cause Nerf steals. It was funny at the time. Well, Ferdi took it seriously and went and told Nerf what I said. The little bugger then proceeded to steal my kitchen tap, TWICE. Normally I wouldnt have a problem with that, but when you suddenly get the urge to do the dishes, well, you see my problem here. Next time he visits, I am hiding all the shiny things in the house.
Ugh, Nerf and Marbro's bellies:
An Intervention with a twist
Friday the 13th turned into an intervention for Weasel - check out Marbro's blog The Real Marbro for an explanation. You'd think since this was an intervention (not MINE), that I'd have a clear head and remember everything that went on. Sadly, I don't. I get a few flashbacks every now and then, like last night on the way to Milky Lane. I told Berny how we attempted to sing a Lost Prophets song that was playing on mtv that night. Went on something like this: "Standing on the rooftop, da da na na, um, ja, HEART OUT!" Badly out of tune.
Some highlights (actually, some broken memories): making pasta salad while sipping Smirnoff Storm and chatting to Berny. People arriving, having wine, having more Smirnoff Storm. Switching to Southern Comfort and coke. Apparently scratching Martin's arm (he lies, Berny and I reckon he just sat there all night scratching himself then blamed me). Posing for rude pics with the powerpuffs. Phoning Tink and Vomit (not remembering the actual conversations). Cutting my left index finger so deep while making salad that Weasel had to take over while I bled to death. Note to self: never go near sharp objects while under the influence. Making a few video clips of us speaking in German, Berny was the best.
I missed out on Nerf missing a step in my garden and falling. Haha. Gol had to nurse him back to health with some ice for his foot. All of a sudden the evening ended quite quickly, though it was late. But besides the few blackouts, it all went well.
Oh, and how did Weasel's intervention go? Quite well. Martin felt him up, he liked it so went to bed early with a smile on his face. We decided, since this evening was so much fun, that we are having one every week. It's Berny's turn for an intervention this Friday. We wish you well.
As for Friday the 13th? We forgot all about it. Though I was unlucky that I cut my finger, and Marbro licked my face...and let's have a moment's silence for Nerf's foot.
Some highlights (actually, some broken memories): making pasta salad while sipping Smirnoff Storm and chatting to Berny. People arriving, having wine, having more Smirnoff Storm. Switching to Southern Comfort and coke. Apparently scratching Martin's arm (he lies, Berny and I reckon he just sat there all night scratching himself then blamed me). Posing for rude pics with the powerpuffs. Phoning Tink and Vomit (not remembering the actual conversations). Cutting my left index finger so deep while making salad that Weasel had to take over while I bled to death. Note to self: never go near sharp objects while under the influence. Making a few video clips of us speaking in German, Berny was the best.
I missed out on Nerf missing a step in my garden and falling. Haha. Gol had to nurse him back to health with some ice for his foot. All of a sudden the evening ended quite quickly, though it was late. But besides the few blackouts, it all went well.
Oh, and how did Weasel's intervention go? Quite well. Martin felt him up, he liked it so went to bed early with a smile on his face. We decided, since this evening was so much fun, that we are having one every week. It's Berny's turn for an intervention this Friday. We wish you well.
As for Friday the 13th? We forgot all about it. Though I was unlucky that I cut my finger, and Marbro licked my face...and let's have a moment's silence for Nerf's foot.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Remember October 17!
If there is anything that you must remember tomorrow, is to go onto the Urban Trash website!! Forget to brush your teeth, forget to kiss your mommy goodbye, just dont forget Urban Trash!! Jeremy Nell, our highly esteemed cartoonist, will be releasing the much anticipated Urban Trash book, after so much hard work, sweat and tears. Ok, maybe no tears. So do us a favour and check it out tomorrow, he needs your support!!
Urban Trash
Friday, October 13, 2006
Cycle Challenge Finale
We had the awards ceremony at 12 today at the Fox Hole pub at work, a month after the challenge ended. Surprisingly not many people attended as it was arranged at the last minute. I myself was quite late, as I raced from my pilates class to the ceremony. My team won the ladies section, of course, so we got a t-shirt, energade and a jungle oats bar. Not much of a prize but considering we didnt have to pay a cent to enter, this was a cool gift.
The next challenge is set to be even tougher and only for the serious athletes, it seems. It will be a survivor of the fittest as different tasks have to be completed each day, in one hour. If you don't, you are immediately disqualified. Definitely not for the faint-hearted. So this means that I will probably sit this one out. The marathon and cycling was enough for one year!
The next challenge is set to be even tougher and only for the serious athletes, it seems. It will be a survivor of the fittest as different tasks have to be completed each day, in one hour. If you don't, you are immediately disqualified. Definitely not for the faint-hearted. So this means that I will probably sit this one out. The marathon and cycling was enough for one year!
Friday the 13th
Brrrrrr, we have one of those again! For the first time ever, I think, we are celebrating this much feared day in style. Ok, we are just rounding up some people for a braai at our place (no, we are not cooking them…) with plenty of booze and snacky things. Should be fun. Incidentally, in Argentina (as well as Greece and Spain) we consider Tuesday 13th and not Friday, as unlucky. While I lived there I remember several bad things happening on such days. Starting a journey or getting married on this day was discouraged as you were bound to get unlucky. Coincidence? Or did we just notice them more because such days were considered “unlucky”?
So how did Friday the 13th get to become unlucky in other parts of the world? Some historians go as far back as the “Black Friday” where hundreds of Knight Templars were arrested and subsequently tortured after they were proclaimed heretics. This happened on October 13, 1307.
But is Friday really unlucky? Like I mentioned before, maybe we just tend to notice bad things happening more on such days because we were brought up to believe that bad things happen then. So it’s all psychological, right?
The movie industry certainly picked up on this phenomenon very quickly and started the Friday the 13th movie franchise – something which tortured my dreams when I was small. Jason visited my nightmares regularly, with his hockey mask and bloody knife. In fact, he still gives me the chills.
Have any of you been unlucky on Friday the 13th? To be honest, I can’t remember any particular incident as I have never really taken notice of this day. Tonight I just plan to party the night away, and maybe get a glimpse of Paris Hilton been hacked to death in House of Wax (she does get hacked, doesn’t she? Oh, please let it be so!).
Hope you all have a not so unlucky Friday the 13th!!! Mooohahahahahha!!!
So how did Friday the 13th get to become unlucky in other parts of the world? Some historians go as far back as the “Black Friday” where hundreds of Knight Templars were arrested and subsequently tortured after they were proclaimed heretics. This happened on October 13, 1307.
But is Friday really unlucky? Like I mentioned before, maybe we just tend to notice bad things happening more on such days because we were brought up to believe that bad things happen then. So it’s all psychological, right?
The movie industry certainly picked up on this phenomenon very quickly and started the Friday the 13th movie franchise – something which tortured my dreams when I was small. Jason visited my nightmares regularly, with his hockey mask and bloody knife. In fact, he still gives me the chills.
Have any of you been unlucky on Friday the 13th? To be honest, I can’t remember any particular incident as I have never really taken notice of this day. Tonight I just plan to party the night away, and maybe get a glimpse of Paris Hilton been hacked to death in House of Wax (she does get hacked, doesn’t she? Oh, please let it be so!).
Hope you all have a not so unlucky Friday the 13th!!! Mooohahahahahha!!!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Fat Eye for the Sports Fan: Edition Three
Dedicated in fond memory of my mommy! Come back to me mommy! Ok so at my age (22) your whole world goes to crap! If Cazzy didn’t keep annoying me so I would seriously have forgotten that I am her personal slave and would have lived happily ever after! It’s true! Four days of getting up early in a row is no really starting to take its toll on me! It’s just not natural! She has been nagging me for days for this Fat Eye , I just cannot work under these stressful conditions, I am a delicate being! She has even resorted to physical violence , yesterday she slapped me! I miss my mommy! But don’t worry fokes I took a picture (yes like an Australian rugby player would do), I’m mailing it to mommy as we speak, o boy she is gonna be pissed!
Ok so back to the sport this weekend past was the Currie Cup semi-finals, I think and funny stuff did happen, but at my age I have forgotten all the gold, except for one priceless piece, which is not sport related, but gold nonetheless!
So with mommy gone the household looks like a regular Ho-house! So the other day The Ferdinova sexyback realised that we was out of dishwashing liquid, cazzy was quick to say: “I gots some it work, I’ll bring it tomorrow!”
So naturally The Ferdinova sexyback was dumbfounded, and a little impressed as to why she has dishwashing liquid at work, so I says: “Why do you have dishwashing liquid at work?”
Weasely then kindly explained: “What did you think she did at work Sir Ferdinova sexyback?”
Then last night me and Weasel got into a nasty fight! It's cause of all the stress we are under! I can't remember how it started, but I told him: 'I'll kill you and your whole family! I'm hardcore, I play for keeps!" Then he said: " I'll END you!" Man it was bad!
And then last night some more gold occurred. I warn you though you gots to keep your Naases separate so as not to get confused! In our favourite country, so all the way from the US of England:
Let me set the scene it was a dark chilly night in Chatsworth! Actually Croatia, but I don’t know if they eat chilly there? So Gary Neville passes the ball ever so gently back to keeper Robinson in the game, Robinson, thinking he is Naas Botha, (not Naas Olivier, although it turned out to be a Naas Olivier, not a Naas Botha) winded the ball up for the biggest strasskop you ever did see! Man just look at it go! But alas like Naas Olivier, not Naas Botha he missed the ball and it slowly rolled into the goal! Duffman!
So this weekend we end the Currie cup! Cheetahs against Steve! There can be only one! Until next week (hopefully mommy will have returned by then so I can give a more cheerful account of my week).
Ok so back to the sport this weekend past was the Currie Cup semi-finals, I think and funny stuff did happen, but at my age I have forgotten all the gold, except for one priceless piece, which is not sport related, but gold nonetheless!
So with mommy gone the household looks like a regular Ho-house! So the other day The Ferdinova sexyback realised that we was out of dishwashing liquid, cazzy was quick to say: “I gots some it work, I’ll bring it tomorrow!”
So naturally The Ferdinova sexyback was dumbfounded, and a little impressed as to why she has dishwashing liquid at work, so I says: “Why do you have dishwashing liquid at work?”
Weasely then kindly explained: “What did you think she did at work Sir Ferdinova sexyback?”
Then last night me and Weasel got into a nasty fight! It's cause of all the stress we are under! I can't remember how it started, but I told him: 'I'll kill you and your whole family! I'm hardcore, I play for keeps!" Then he said: " I'll END you!" Man it was bad!
And then last night some more gold occurred. I warn you though you gots to keep your Naases separate so as not to get confused! In our favourite country, so all the way from the US of England:
Let me set the scene it was a dark chilly night in Chatsworth! Actually Croatia, but I don’t know if they eat chilly there? So Gary Neville passes the ball ever so gently back to keeper Robinson in the game, Robinson, thinking he is Naas Botha, (not Naas Olivier, although it turned out to be a Naas Olivier, not a Naas Botha) winded the ball up for the biggest strasskop you ever did see! Man just look at it go! But alas like Naas Olivier, not Naas Botha he missed the ball and it slowly rolled into the goal! Duffman!
So this weekend we end the Currie cup! Cheetahs against Steve! There can be only one! Until next week (hopefully mommy will have returned by then so I can give a more cheerful account of my week).
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
The Circus is Back in Town!!!!
Yes, the REAL circus, with ponies and lions and elephants and all! Well, actually, I haven’t seen the elephant yet, but I am hoping. The circus has moved in several blocks from my house, for its annual show. I am more excited than ever, and hope that this year, Weasel will show a bit of charity and take Ferdi and me to the circus. He just has to!Last year I remember looking sadly at the elephant chained outside a trailer for over two weeks. He looked so lonely and forlorn. I wanted to go over and set him free. Maybe keep him as a pet. In our garden? Yeah, right. Still, I felt sad for him. He hasn’t made an appearance as yet, this year. I wonder where he is?
My most vivid and only memory of the circus is when I was 5 years old. That was the only time my parents took me to the circus. See, Ferdi! Mom and Dad love me! I don’t ever remember them taking you or Weasel there! All I can remember though is being called to the front with some other kids where we had to dance to the music for a quick competition. I remember looking up at the clowns and wanting to go back to my mommy. That’s when my fear of clowns began. I always thought it had to do with IT the clown, but I was wrong. Though he did exacerbate my phobia. Ugh.
If it weren’t for c-c-c-c-c-lowns, I’d probably visit the circus more often. Now that I think about it, maybe getting Weasel to take us there is not such a good idea after all. Unless it’s for a quick stop to drop off Ferdi. I always thought he belonged in a circus.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
When you should pray at work
When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing “good morning” to everyone and you think, “Somebody needs to slap the F#*& out of her”
- You need to pray at work.
I have one of those at work. When I respond to her chirpy good morning with a grunt, she has a bad habit of mocking me. One of these days…SHE is gonna be praying…
When someone comes in and announces, “Office meeting in 5 minutes” and you think, “What the F^*& do they want now?”
- You need to pray at work.
I tend to avoid them like the plague, wherever I can, I delegate to someone else to attend those horrible meetings. Someone did that once to me though. I had to attend a meeting with IT personnel from several departments. Needless to say, I did not open my mouth once during the 2 excruciating hours, praying for my mommy.
I came across this saying the other day:
"Rome did not create an great Empire by having meetings...they did it by killing all those who opposed them."
I am sticking it, in bold letters, near my desk.
When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say “Which one of you sons of a b&%$# turned off my computer?”
- You need to pray at work
I never have to ask that question cause I always know who it is, Erik the Blue Bull fanatic/pain in the butt (had to be a Blue Bull). He knows it pisses me off, so he carries on. And on. And on. One of these days…
I should start a hit list.
When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says “Well, at my last office” and you want to say “Who the f&%$ cares?”
- You need to pray at work
Don’t even get me started on this one…
When you are in the lift and it stops to pick someone who stood for five minutes waiting for the darn thing only to go DOWN one floor, and you say “that lazy b*$@$#^”
- You need to pray at work
We have some many of these lazy b*$@$#^, in fact, I once called them that out loud. I feel they should know that.
It’s become even more irritating these days, as the lifts are being renovated one by one. I waited 10 minutes for a lift today. Next time, I might just take the stairs, and that is a promise!
When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is “what the f&%$ does she want now?” and you try hide underneath your desk.
- You need to pray at work
Makes me wish I still had my private cubicle…
When you take some leave and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you think “sorry a## m#$^% F%&#s”
- You need to pray at work
This is exactly what happened when I returned to work last week. No one bothered to even look at my work. Yet, now I have to theirs!!
If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, or slapping someone that you work with
- You need to pray at work
Oh, too often, too often. A day just couldn’t go by without having such thoughts.
So all together now, bow your heads with me. Or let’s kill these sorry m*&%$# F&*^#$s!!!!!!
Thought of the day:
"If at first you don't succeed, try sleeping with management"
- You need to pray at work.
I have one of those at work. When I respond to her chirpy good morning with a grunt, she has a bad habit of mocking me. One of these days…SHE is gonna be praying…
When someone comes in and announces, “Office meeting in 5 minutes” and you think, “What the F^*& do they want now?”
- You need to pray at work.
I tend to avoid them like the plague, wherever I can, I delegate to someone else to attend those horrible meetings. Someone did that once to me though. I had to attend a meeting with IT personnel from several departments. Needless to say, I did not open my mouth once during the 2 excruciating hours, praying for my mommy.
I came across this saying the other day:
"Rome did not create an great Empire by having meetings...they did it by killing all those who opposed them."
I am sticking it, in bold letters, near my desk.
When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say “Which one of you sons of a b&%$# turned off my computer?”
- You need to pray at work
I never have to ask that question cause I always know who it is, Erik the Blue Bull fanatic/pain in the butt (had to be a Blue Bull). He knows it pisses me off, so he carries on. And on. And on. One of these days…
I should start a hit list.
When you and a co-worker are discussing something, and a third person comes in and says “Well, at my last office” and you want to say “Who the f&%$ cares?”
- You need to pray at work
Don’t even get me started on this one…
When you are in the lift and it stops to pick someone who stood for five minutes waiting for the darn thing only to go DOWN one floor, and you say “that lazy b*$@$#^”
- You need to pray at work
We have some many of these lazy b*$@$#^, in fact, I once called them that out loud. I feel they should know that.
It’s become even more irritating these days, as the lifts are being renovated one by one. I waited 10 minutes for a lift today. Next time, I might just take the stairs, and that is a promise!
When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is “what the f&%$ does she want now?” and you try hide underneath your desk.
- You need to pray at work
Makes me wish I still had my private cubicle…
When you take some leave and come back to find a mountain of paperwork sitting on your desk because no one else would do it and you think “sorry a## m#$^% F%&#s”
- You need to pray at work
This is exactly what happened when I returned to work last week. No one bothered to even look at my work. Yet, now I have to theirs!!
If you have ever thought about poisoning, choking, punching, or slapping someone that you work with
- You need to pray at work
Oh, too often, too often. A day just couldn’t go by without having such thoughts.
So all together now, bow your heads with me. Or let’s kill these sorry m*&%$# F&*^#$s!!!!!!
Thought of the day:
"If at first you don't succeed, try sleeping with management"
Monday, October 09, 2006
Why I hate clubs
When I was told that my friend’s 21st was to be held at Billy the Bums last Friday night, I was about as excited as going to the dentist. I would have preferred to have chilled somewhere more quiet, or at least, with less people, without feeling the need to “dress up”. So half-heartedly I went along, expecting the night to be a complete disaster. And so it seemed, initially.
We arrived fashionably late, and after 10 minutes of standing around like last farts, surrounded by hordes of pretty people, a waiter managed to organize us a table. We were a bit cramped, but it was better than standing. Our party grew more and more as people started to arrive and as we waited for the birthday girl. In the meantime I could feel two men who were sitting near us, staring at me quite intently. I guessed they were in their late forties and made me extremely uncomfortable as they made it quite obvious that they were staring at me. I tried to engage in conversation with friends but somehow I just couldn’t avoid their eyes.
Soon the birthday girl arrived, and to my horror, I noticed the two men slowly make their way to our table as they tried to get my attention. I ignored them as much as possible but eventually one managed to push past everyone and come straight to me. I looked up at him and could smell alcohol in his breath. It was awful. He wanted me to go with him so he could introduce me to someone. I politely declined (though I badly wanted to tell him exactly where he could go, on his own) and told him that I was here with friends. He insisted, but I stood my ground. What a nerve he had!! Eventually he gave up. To my relief I noticed him prey on several other girls that night, all who also gave him the cold shoulder.
This is one of the main reasons why I hate clubs. They have become such meat markets as men (and women) prey on their unsuspecting victims like hungry vultures. Yes, I used to be one of them, and now I cringe every time my mind wanders to those “dark years”. I just don’t know how many cheesy one-liners I can put up with anymore.
At least the night got slightly better as the night progressed and the alcohol flowed through my veins. I only had to avoid one more pass at me, this time from a younger, more attractive guy. I just wasn’t in the mood for that (what’s wrong with me??). The girls and I had a very funny episode in the parking lot where we indulged in a lot of champagne (which we later smuggled back into the club), sang happy birthday at the top of our voices and invited random guys to join us in the celebrations.
Next, we had the crazy idea of dancing on the bar. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but try now to imagine 4 chemically unbalanced girls, on a busy bar, trying to dodge people’s shooters while at the same time trying to dance to the beat of the music. Well, at least we had a good laugh. That is, until a guy decided to bite me several times on my leg. Still hurts. Thank goodness I had a tetanus shot several months ago.
Despite it all, I have to admit that I had a good time, singing and dancing with my friends and not having a care in the world. But I still hate clubs…too many pink shirts.
We arrived fashionably late, and after 10 minutes of standing around like last farts, surrounded by hordes of pretty people, a waiter managed to organize us a table. We were a bit cramped, but it was better than standing. Our party grew more and more as people started to arrive and as we waited for the birthday girl. In the meantime I could feel two men who were sitting near us, staring at me quite intently. I guessed they were in their late forties and made me extremely uncomfortable as they made it quite obvious that they were staring at me. I tried to engage in conversation with friends but somehow I just couldn’t avoid their eyes.
Soon the birthday girl arrived, and to my horror, I noticed the two men slowly make their way to our table as they tried to get my attention. I ignored them as much as possible but eventually one managed to push past everyone and come straight to me. I looked up at him and could smell alcohol in his breath. It was awful. He wanted me to go with him so he could introduce me to someone. I politely declined (though I badly wanted to tell him exactly where he could go, on his own) and told him that I was here with friends. He insisted, but I stood my ground. What a nerve he had!! Eventually he gave up. To my relief I noticed him prey on several other girls that night, all who also gave him the cold shoulder.
This is one of the main reasons why I hate clubs. They have become such meat markets as men (and women) prey on their unsuspecting victims like hungry vultures. Yes, I used to be one of them, and now I cringe every time my mind wanders to those “dark years”. I just don’t know how many cheesy one-liners I can put up with anymore.
At least the night got slightly better as the night progressed and the alcohol flowed through my veins. I only had to avoid one more pass at me, this time from a younger, more attractive guy. I just wasn’t in the mood for that (what’s wrong with me??). The girls and I had a very funny episode in the parking lot where we indulged in a lot of champagne (which we later smuggled back into the club), sang happy birthday at the top of our voices and invited random guys to join us in the celebrations.
Next, we had the crazy idea of dancing on the bar. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but try now to imagine 4 chemically unbalanced girls, on a busy bar, trying to dodge people’s shooters while at the same time trying to dance to the beat of the music. Well, at least we had a good laugh. That is, until a guy decided to bite me several times on my leg. Still hurts. Thank goodness I had a tetanus shot several months ago.
Despite it all, I have to admit that I had a good time, singing and dancing with my friends and not having a care in the world. But I still hate clubs…too many pink shirts.
Friday, October 06, 2006
So I got an email from Inersha
Being a suck up that I am (like some people I know, *cough* Greg), I emailed Inersha yesterday. I thanked them for the brilliant performance at Woodstock and posing for pics, and just went on about general kak like the fact that Ferdi and the drummer, Kerran go to the same labour class at varsity (Ferdi noticed him for the first time this week, how weird). I also mentioned that last year at Woodstock I filmed Kerran and Fred on my camera, and got them to say "jnf rocks". I was highly intoxicated and you can hear me screaming in the background - though I left out that useless bit of info...
Right, moving on. So Kerran replied this morning with a longish email, I was so chuffed. Though he has replied to my emails before, it's always nice to get an e-mail from a band member. Geez, I am such a groupie!
He mentioned that he has actually noticed Ferdi in his class quite a while back already since he always wears cool t-shirts like the Mudvayne one. Easily noticeable since not that many people wear such t-shirts in a law class! So my dear boet is cool. I am so proud.
He remembered the JNF clip too!! Surprising since some of my other victims suffered from temporary amnesia (straight after Woodstock nogal) - but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that they were just as intoxicated as I was! So Kerran, thanks for the cool email!! Cant wait for Inersha's next gig!!
Right, moving on. So Kerran replied this morning with a longish email, I was so chuffed. Though he has replied to my emails before, it's always nice to get an e-mail from a band member. Geez, I am such a groupie!
He mentioned that he has actually noticed Ferdi in his class quite a while back already since he always wears cool t-shirts like the Mudvayne one. Easily noticeable since not that many people wear such t-shirts in a law class! So my dear boet is cool. I am so proud.
He remembered the JNF clip too!! Surprising since some of my other victims suffered from temporary amnesia (straight after Woodstock nogal) - but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that they were just as intoxicated as I was! So Kerran, thanks for the cool email!! Cant wait for Inersha's next gig!!
Kerran and I.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Marbro's boobie and other stuff
Shield your eyes, if you have to, here is Marbro's boobie!!!
Fred the man!!! INERSHA!!!
My arm, just some of the many signatures my body got covered in..
BIG WILLY!!
Emile (The Narrow) and I:
Andrew (16Stitch) and I:
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