Thursday, August 31, 2006

Ladies' night

Every once and a while the girls and I try to get together for an evening of cocktails and some mindless chatter. Last night was such a night and contrary to popular believe, it did not involve any strippers. Damn. We never get strippers. Would somebody please tell me why?

A typical girls' night out involves going to the Blue Goose pub in Heathway, which is conveniently 3 blocks from my place. We usually go on a Wednesday night since they have their special of "buy one cocktail get one free" from 8-10. We try and sample every delicious and dangerous drink on the menu. You can imagine my disappointment when the waiter told us last night that this happy hour has been discontinued until further notice! NOooooo!!! How can they do this to me??

So I had to resort to drinking just 2 cocktails last night, that means no hangover today. Bummer.

After a few cocktails, the craving for McDonalds soon kicks in as the wonderful meaty smells from next door waft near our nostrils. So our typical evening ends there, with 4 bloodsthirsty females wolfing down a Happy Meal and playing with the cute little ol' toys. Last night it ended surprisingly early, but that is cause we are saving our money, and our livers, for our church's beerfest on Saturday.

Lo, and behold, there is more drinking to be done yet!

The Gathering Storm

Trouble is brewing here in the office. There are a lot of whispers behind closed doors, bosses going into urgent unprecedented meetings in their suits and ties, and of course, lots of gossiping during coffee breaks between yours truly and my female buddies. Tempers are flying. I hardly see my boss these days. Something is definitely going to happen soon and I think it has a lot to do with the fact that our CEO is busy with a new structure. After having restructured our division, time and time again, it’s no surprise that after three years, we are now up for a new change. It’s inevitable. Let’s face it, our bosses get bored and since they have nothing better to do, they are going to shuffle us once around again.

I don’t have a problem with it. I welcome change, makes things exciting, as long as I still have a job at the end of the day. The problem lies with three of our senior managers, one of them being my boss, and another, my former boss. In the end, there can only be one. Just like Highlander. Who will be the one to survive in the end? Who will outplay, outwit and outlast them all? Damn, this is better than watching Survivor!

I suppose that we will know soon enough. An urgent meeting has been scheduled for some time this morning and all will be soon revealed, methinks. In the meantime, us plebs are sitting here, waiting, pretending to know nothing, nada, and munching our popcorn in anticipation. The suspense is killing me. I wonder if we will ever move to Sandton. I, for one, would love the move. A change of scenery, and new people to gawk at, would do me a lot of good.

We are never short of any drama here in the office. There is always talk of someone doing another someone, people committing some naughties, getting suspended/fired/rewarded, and all and all and all. So my colleague and I thought it would be a good idea to start our own soap opera, just to kill some boring days here, and spice it up with some talent. My boss will be played by George Clooney, since he considers himself a bit of a gigolo, and my former boss will be played by Orlando “Pirates” Bloom, though he will have to put on a bit of weight for the part. I, of course, will play myself and Wentworth Miller will be my personal assistant. Not that I really have one, but I could use one, and every girl needs a love interest in a soap opera, damnit! It’s my story, so I call the shots!!

Ah…these are the days of our corporate lives.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Not a good day today

I managed to get my parents on a flight to Argentina, via Sao Paulo Brazil for the 16th of September, with South African Airways (so dont worry Greg, you might just be able to get rid of Martin then) but now they have to decide if that's when they want to go. It seems that planning a trip is just so damn hard. I have been on the phone all morning, sending emails to and fro, changing flight details here and there. We will make the final decision tonight and hopefully all will be sorted by tomorrow. My head is spinning - thank god I am not a travel agent!

They will miss the old man's birthday but they can always have a delayed second party afterwards. I wish I could go as well, as a party in Argentina is always big, and merry. I remember fondly the New Year's Eve party I had in Buenos Aires almost two years ago. It was probably the best one I have ever had. And the shopping is good too - CDs are so cheap, I bought over 20 last time I was there!

Anyway, back to why this day is not a good day. Besides all the phoning/emailing etc, I went to the gym for 2 hours to release some frustrations and ended up hurting my back. I didn't tell my instructor so now I am in agony. And the worst thing is that I have to cycle tomorrow. Bring on the myprodol!

Other than that I have just been moody, it happens to me a lot lately. I try to control my emotions, but being a woman, I just let it all out. The only thing that is keeping me from killing my colleague who keeps on clicking his pen absentmindedly (*cringe*) is the cocktails that I am looking forward to having tonight. It's ladies' night (we try get together once a month) and we are going to have cocktails galore and giggle like morons until we freeze our butts off in this kak weather.

I must make a point of coming up with some interesting stuff to write about, cause Im even putting myself to sleep here. Maybe I will have some juicy stories tomorrow! Ooooooooo...

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

I am off to the Dros

And I don't know when I will be back. We are off to celebrate getting into the finals for our bCompetent competition. I expect some drinking to be done and some merry talk. Anything to get me in a better mood. And if I can still walk afterwards, I will attempt the cycle challenge at the gym. Ugh, the thought of it makes my skin crawl.


My parents are here to stay

All our plans to get my parents to Argentina next week, in time for my only living grandfather's 95th birthday, have now gone all gone down the toilet. And it's all thanks to Varig going bankrupt. A notice was officially handed out last week to all travel agents, that this Brazilian airline is bankrupt and no tickets must be issued for them. My parents' tickets, as well as my aunt's and uncle's, were cancelled, even though we booked and paid for them, over three months ago. They were supposed to fly to Sao Paulo, Brazil and then on to Buenos Aires. You cannot believe how much this pisses me off.

Not only have my plans now been totally ruined - I had invited some people to stay with us, host some parties, remodel the house a bit, even took leave to do all this, but worst of all, my parents' dreams of returning to their homeland (probably for the last time) have been shattered. It was tough to look at my mother's face when she realised that this was not going to happen. She really wanted to see her father. It has been almost 12 years since they have been there and my brothers and I thought this would be the perfect gift for them, for putting up with our nonsense for so long!

I have been trying desperately to get them tickets with another airline, but at the moment it seems like there is nothing available. There are many other people in the same boat as us and are all trying to get flights to and from South America. There might be some flights available with Malaysian Airways, which flies directly to Buenos Aires, but only in October. Even though it kind of defeats the purpose, this is probably our only solution. Its better than nothing. It will cost more as well, but we have to get our parents there, one way or another.

What pisses me off was that when we were in the process of booking flights, I wanted to book them on Malaysian Airways, cause its direct and it was not too expensive then. But my aunt insisted on booking on Varig. The travel agency should have advised us of problems with Varig - cause apparently this was a well-known fact for a while now. And they don't seem to be bothered now with trying to give us some customer service and get my parents on another flight. They messed up, they must fix it. We will at least get a refund, but it will take about a month! How pathetic!!

I am hoping for a miracle now. I will take anything I can get. My brother the Weasel is so desperate to get my parents out of here that he is even willing to put them on a boat. Lol. Hope it doesn't come to that!

Monday, August 28, 2006

The match of the year

It was a Sunday afternoon, a bit chilly, the venue: the church grounds. The occasion: the fat versus the skinny soccer match. The players: Ferdi, Weasel, Basti and Shawn the skinny, against the Brazilian pastor aka the 65 year old timer, Kabelo, Babelo, Matthias the German Turk, and the midget. Weasel, ever the smart one, mentioned that if Matthias was dark enough (he likes to frequent tanning salons), it could be blacks versus whites. He seemed to forget that the pastor is white too, so he is not so smart after all…

The match soon got under way. Berny and I watched, or rather laughed, and I made a few notes on my cellphone as I forgot my pen and notebook at home. Yes, I am a bad journalist. The fat boys struggled with the running and oddly enough, Shawn the skinny was the goalkeeper. Ferdi soon realised that he sucked at it so they swapped places. It’s natural to put a fat boy there. At least, that’s what I would do. Weasel decided to use some of his cheat tactics, like confusing the hell of the pastor and made him think that he touched the ball with his hand, when it was actually Weasel himself that did the evil deed. He also managed to add extra points to his team, just cause he can. I guess he forgot his calculator at home.

It was a very tight game, each team trying to outdo the other. I added a few chirps of my own every now and then, like when the skinny scores, Weasel says, “What the hell was that”. I casually answer, “a goal”. Captain Weasel was beside himself as his team mates failed to understand, or rather ignore, his instructions. Apparently Ferdi does not know the meaning of “square”, “run” and “over the short shit”. Weasel hates to lose, but I got a tad worried when he forgot he was playing soccer, kicked the ball way over the “net” and screamed “TRY”. Okaaaaayyy, moving on.

Weasel provided most of the comedy during this match, as you can see. One of the highlights was when he did his amazing ballerina twist and missed the ball. Shawn kicked it, and it hit Weasel so it deflected towards the goal and scored. It was stupefying. More cheat tactics: knocking out the old timer, lying in church, Ferdi picking up Babelo so he can’t kick the ball, and then Weasel restarting the match while everyone is busy talking. The refs (Berny and I) decided that he should restart once more. Biased? No.

There was an argument over a goal that the skinnys supposedly scored. To end the dispute, Ferdi applied the Carson Daly rule, which meant that the fatties were right so the goal was disallowed. The refs had no say in the matter, unfortunately. Ferdi then called for the 4-4-2 formation, and Weasel for some fatass defence, none of which worked since their opponents scored soon after that. Not even Weasel’s weapon of mass destruction, his flabby ass, could save the day there.

A mention must be made to the midget. The poor little bugger hardly got a touch of the ball, though Weasel was quite afraid of him. He threatened Ferdi, “if the midget scores, I am gonna kick your ass!” This was funny, especially since the midget almost scored when Weasel traded places with Ferdi. It would have been poetic justice.

So how many fat kids does it take to score? Apparently 3, and a half (Shawn). The match ended in a draw, 17-17, soon after I announced that Kayla the terrorist would be visiting us that evening. But I think the main reason was that the fat kids couldn’t run anymore, neither could the old timer, for that matter. I have been checking for any reports of earthquakes in Japan and surrounding areas, but so far so good. No earth tremors, thank goodness.

This is Caz, reporting from my kak cellphone. Until next time (if there will be a next time!!).

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Inersha are through to the finals!!

Man, what a performance! These guys definitely had an awesome stage presence. I screamed so much that I was surprised I still had a voice the next day (and managed to sing all the hymns at church without a problem, haha). Cant wait for Woodstock, just a month and a bit to go. The final is on the 23rd of September at Tempos. I will definitely be there and Im sure Inersha will go all the way, these guys rock. Must remember to get me a tshirt at the next gig!

The other band that went through was Hikatori, not bad for a dutchie band, but yeah. They had a good support crowd but they threw too much glittery and toilet paper kak from the top. I think I swallowed a few when I got this choking feeling. Basti thought I was throwing up on him. I wasnt.

Ferdi was really proud of his tiny bruise on his hand that he got from the mosh pit. I was unimpressed till I later found a much much bigger bruise on his belly. Now that is something to be proud of. Mr Big Mouth Greg only joined the mosh pit during Inersha's last song, when most of the guys were already tired. Ha ha. I pushed several morons into it, and then laughed. It was good.

Friday, August 25, 2006

I reached 300 kilojoules

I busted my ass for this today and I will be in a lot of pain tomorrow, but I finally reached my target of 300 kilojoules. And I cycled 14.83 km's. Stupid me still decided to run for another 10 minutes on the treadmill afterwards. Ugh. Three more weeks to go.

Battle for Woodstock Semi-Finals

Tomorrow night we are going to see Inersha battle it out for a chance to play at Woodstock, in the semi-finals held at Roxy's. I am supporting them all the way! They are such an awesome band that they have definitely moved up the ranks of my top 10 South African bands. I am 120% sure that they will win!

Last year I managed to record some of the band members on my digi-cam at Woodstock 7, getting them to say strange things like "JNF rocks" etc, haha. You can hear me slurring in the background. Due to unforseen circumstances, I did not get to see them on stage that night *blush* so they have to play again this year!! I will make sure that I dont miss them this time!

So any Joburgers out there, get your asses off to Roxy's in Melville tomorrow night for some kick ass tunes! Other bands that will be there are listed on the flyer below:

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Some light humour for Friday morning

Courtesy of our very own Mr Marc Lottering:

1. I was so poor growing up... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have nothing to play with.
2. A girl phoned me the other day & said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.
3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
4. One day I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked.I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because you came home early".
5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning... put a shirt on & a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, & the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
6. I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster & electric radio.
8. I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
9. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room & said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulledthrough."
11. I'm so ugly... my mother had morning sickness...AFTER I was born.
12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped & they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
15. I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, & people kept asking how big I'd get.
16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up & I look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks & get some rest.
18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favourite bone is my arm. Last night he went on the paper 4 times- 3 of those times I was reading it.
20. One year they wanted to make me the poster boy for birth control.
21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair

This day has been kak

I knew this day wasnt gonna go my way when I was woken up at 1am this morning by my phone. I keep it on all night for emergencies, but this wasn't an emergency. It was an sms from vomitboy. I cursed him and replied with a nasty sms. I have now apologised to him since he sent the sms from the vodacom website around 7 last night. I am so sorry, buddy. So now I am cursing vodacom. I couldnt fall asleep after that and I struggled to get up when my alarm went off at 5:30 as usual. Considering I went to bed at 11 last night, I had very little sleep. And when that happens I get very grumpy. And you can imagine how upset I was when I realised that it wasnt Friday today!

To make things worse, it rained all night and morning, so when my brother dropped me off at work, I got sopping wet. Just a few seconds under the rain, and I start sneezing non-stop again. My colleague came to my rescue and bought me a waffle and hot chocolate for breakfast. That helped a bit till I realised that I had just reversed all the hard work I did at the gym yesterday and now have to work twice as hard this afternoon. And that is another thing - why the hell did I make an appointment with my gym instructor at 4 this afternoon? Why so late? My bosses arent here till monday and I could have left much earlier than that and been home in my warm bed in no time. Now I will probably only get home around 6. I need to plan things a bit better.

So, in between apologising to vomit and eating junk food, I had to work on a painstakingly long spreadsheet that my boss left me with, to keep me out of mischief these 2 days. The bonus is that I just finished it. The kak thing is that my eyes now hurt and my head is spinning. Though that could also be from lack of sleep.

But at least this day is now almost over. Must just make the most of it, and in no time I will be safe in my warm bed. Aaaaah, that's enough to keep me going for the rest of the day. And.....

TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!!!! Wooohoooo!!!
(Piglet always makes me smile)

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Answer the question! Eish

  • JNF we have recently been having a discussion on whether dear ol' Manto, our health minister should be in or out. After all her recent shenanigans, there is a strong tendency for the majority to say: "OUT!" She was a huge embarrassment to this country at a recent International Aids Conference in Canada, going on about her magic cure for Aids - garlic and lemons, and failing to even mention ARVs.

    Granted, leading a healthy lifestyle by eating garlic, lemons, pampoen if you like etc, will surely keep Aids at bay if you have the HIV virus (yes, Mr Mbeki, HIV does in fact cause Aids) and prolong your life, but vegetables are a complement to ARVs, Mrs Msimang, NOT a substitute! A person in her stature should be careful about what they say - there are a lot of gullible and uneducated people out there! What an ambassador we have here! How can anyone possibly respect this woman?

    Just to show how stupid this woman is, here is a transcript of an interview by John Robbie, that was done a few years ago, with Madam Manto (thanks Tink):

    Robbie: You have said that the policy of the ministry is well known. Do you accept that HIV causes Aids?
    Tshabalala-Msimang: Why do you ask me that question today? I have answered that question umpteen times.
    R: Yes, and the answer is?
    T-M: Umpteen times I have answered that question. My whole track record of having worked at the area of HIV and Aids for the last 20 years is testimony. Why should you ask me that question today?
    R: You haven't answered the question, Manto.
    T-M: Why should you ask me that question?
    R: To avoid confusion.
    T-M: I have never said anything contrary to what you want me to say today.
    R: So, therefore, you accept that HIV causes Aids.
    T-M: You are not going to put words into my mouth.
    R: I am not putting words into your mouth. I am asking you a question.
    T-M: Yes you are.
    R: I am asking you a straight - now hold on a second - I am asking you a straight question, the minister of health of South Africa, I am asking you a question: does HIV cause Aids?
    T-M: I have been party to developing a strategic framework and that strategy testifies what my policy understandings of the HIV epidemic are. If you haven't read that, please go and read it. And then you will understand where I depart from.
    R: Manto, Manto. A simple yes or no is the answer I am looking for.
    T-M: You will not force me into a corner into saying yes or no.
    R: I am not forcing you into a corner, I am asking you a straight question - I find your reaction bizarre.
    T-M: I would advise you to read the strategic framework. You have to analyse it. It is important for the media to inform the public about the positions of government ... It is time that when you interview people, not on yes or no, but on the tenets of the framework.
    R: Manto, we have gone as far as we can go. I find your reaction to that question absolutely bizarre and that is my final word on it.
    T-M: I am not Manto to you. Let me tell you I am not Manto to you.
    R: What are you?
    T-M: I am the minister of health and I don't even know you.
    R: So, what must I address you as, Miss Minister or Ms Minister or Mrs Minister?
    T-M: I don't know whatever you address me, but I am not a friend.
    R: How must I address you?
    T-M: I don't know - but you have to read the strategic framework.
    R: Bizarre.
    T-M: And I ...
    R: Oh go away!
    T-M: And I am ...
    R: I cannot take that rubbish any longer. Can you believe it? I have never in my life heard rubbish.

    How bizarre indeed! That these kind of people are running our country!
  • Tuesday, August 22, 2006

    Spring Festival / Fruhlingsfest

    It's that time of the year again when my church hosts its annual "Fruhlingsfest" - meaning Spring Festival. It will take place on the 2nd of September, so less than two weeks to go. This year I am in the organizing committee (I am the secretary) and I am hoping that all our hard work will pay off. There will be lots of German food, music and of course, BEER! Can you imagine it, a beer tent in our church garden! Ha ha ha. I love it. We will also be showing the Tri Nations match against New Zealand in the beer tent this year so you can drink to your hearts content, and then celebrate (or, god forbid, drown your sorrows) once the match is over. Last year we couldnt get a tv in the beer tent so we had to watch the match in the pastor's garden, which didnt work too well as we had to go fetch beer all the time.

    And this is where I met Martin and Greg for the first time - though I was so, um, busy I hardly took note of them, ha ha. I promise to give you just a little bit more attention this time. And if I am in a friendly mood, I might even buy you all a beer, or three.

    Come and support us people! The more the merrier!
    Oh, and there is a jumping castle - for the KIDS.

    Cycle Update Week 5

    I am still one week behind but I am getting better and better. Today I once again beat my personal best, burnt 286kj, cycled 14.12km's!!!! I had to pass out on the stretch mats afterwards, but it was all worth it.

    Below is a little chart I put together of my progress - first week one of my team mates cycled for me so I have to try beat that. Getting there!

    Monday, August 21, 2006

    What a weekend!!

    Last week I mentioned that I was going to watch the Lions at Ellis Park. Man, what a match it was!!! It was so exciting, and so nerve-wrecking, that I was sitting on the edge of my seat for most of the 80 minutes! I screamed, I cursed, I waved the flag, and I ended up with a headache of note, but it was all worth it in the end. I even got a hug from Ferdi in the end - I just had to let him hug me - CAUSE THE LIONS WON!! Yes, they beat the Sharks, by just one point, but so what - WE WON!!!

    The atmosphere at the stadium was amazing. At the end of the match the team came to our side and saluted us, and Wikus van Heerden, who deservedly got the man of the match award, thanked the crowd as well.

    The Lions dominated most of the match, though during the last 15 minutes they were one point behind the Sharks and were giving it all they had. Two attempts at the try-line were disallowed by the TMO, then the Sharks scored another try and all hope of winning seemed lost. That's until reserve Grant Esterhuyzen scored the winning (gasp) try and the replacement flyhalf, Mark Harris, converted. Phew! What a close call!

    I am proud of the boys and hope that they can take it all the way!! GO LIONS!!

    As for the rest of the weekend, there is just no point in talking about it, this was the highlight.

    Sunday, August 20, 2006

    My Urban Trash T-shirt

    I finally received my much anticipated Urban Trash t-shirt that I ordered sometime in March this year. It arrived last Thursday, and here it is:

    It has a picture of Melanie, the only female character. I am loving it already.

    The reason it took so long for it to get to me was that it somehow got returned to (where I ordered it from) unclaimed from SA Customs. How that happened I am not sure. But I have a feeling that our wonderful post office was to blame. I had almost given up on ever getting this t-shirt, until I was adviced by cafepress that they had it, and were willing to re-ship, at no additional cost, or refund me. I thought, what the hell, let's give it another bash, and asked them to re-ship it to me. In about a week, I received it, after waiting almost 5 months.

    So now I am the proud owner of an Urban Trash t-shirt. Jeremy - it was definitely worth the wait!!!

    Friday, August 18, 2006

    Just for a laugh...

    The man answer list (the answers looks reasonable enough to me):

    WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS? It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.

    WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN? Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.

    WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC? We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.

    WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS? We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.

    WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE? You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.

    WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS? Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of the world nowadays. Farting is another fun thing for men!!

    WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS? Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.

    WHY CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E., LIE DOWN AND HUG)? Please ... How many hours do you think there is in a day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the hell (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men ... Men hunters ... Need go roam ... Starve in cave ... Must go find wildebeest ... Now sitting on our asses for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.

    HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR ASSES ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING? Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers etc. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.

    WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU?" Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults.

    WHY DO MEN SAY "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME? Ho, Ho, Ho ... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.

    WHY DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME? We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.

    WHY WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES? Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.

    WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING? This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.

    WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING? It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? Err ... buying?

    The mighty Lions

    Yes, I support the Lions! So what? Even though they have been on quite a bad losing streak, I still support my team. I live in Joburg, so why not support the Lions, through thick and thin. I'd rather support them than the Bulls any day! And congrats to the Lions, beating the Bulls last Saturday, AT LOFTUS!!!! It was a stunning, nailbiting match that was decided in the very last few seconds. They definitely deserved their win! You should have seen the pandemonium that was going on in my lounge!

    Tomorrow I am going to watch them at Ellis Park, courtesy of this wonderful place where I work. I got 2 free tickets and will probably buy a few more since it's not that expensive. The Lions will be facing the Sharks, and I have faith in my team that they will do well. GO LIONS!!!

    Their current excellent performance, is thanks to this man, Andre Pretorius, who unfortunately wont be playing tomorrow:

    GO LIONS!!!!!

    WE MADE IT TO THE FINALS!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am so chuffed!!!! The questions were extremely difficult, but we did it. We got 74% and came second overall. There is now a lot of work to be done for the finals, but I have faith in my team. Phew! I am so nervous my chest is tomato red (ha ha, that's what happens when I am stressed...or drunk).

    Now I need a strong drink...or 20

    Thursday, August 17, 2006


    Our division started a new initiative this year called "bCompetent" to test our skills and knowledge regarding our products, services and general rules and guidelines. It's a great incentive to multi-skill our staff. We work on the international side of the bank and offer products ranging from foreign exchange, exchange control, rand account services and trade services. There is a lot of rules and regulations involving each and every product and can be quite extensive work. I started out with trade services when I joined this division (I now work for it's sales and marketing department) so my expertise lies in that area.

    So this "bCompetent" competition was introduced across all our regions in South Africa - i.e. Gauteng, Northern Region, KZN, Western Cape and Eastern Cape. The first and second rounds was an individual pc based test that was to be completed in one hour. The top 10 departments would go to the semi-finals, consisting of the top 5 individual scorers in each area. My department has made it through to the semis and Im one of the lucky contestants (I came second in my team).

    Tomorrow is the semi-final and I have been stressing about trying to cram a thick file of information into my brain this week. Only the top 5 teams go through to the finals (on Sept 20) and speed is of an essence, so we have to answer 45 questions correctly as soon as possible. The ultimate prize is R20 000 in travel vouchers plus spending money. All the finalists will also each receive an i-pod. I am very competitive and intend to win - though we have tough competition. Our strongest competitors had a "strategy meeting" yesterday to prepare for tomorrow. Sounds kind of lame to me, but the fact that they are taking this so seriously worries me. I am almost positive we will go through to the finals but I am not taking any chances. So I am leaving early today to study as much as I can. My weakness exchange control: there are way too many regulations there. Wish SA would do away with it for once and for all!

    So I will let you all know the outcome tomorrow, results should be out tomorrow afternoon!

    Wednesday, August 16, 2006

    To follow in Robert and Marbro's footsteps...

    Here is mine:

  • Ninja!

    SO CUTE!!
  • Oh, and about the cycling

    I am proud to announce that my ladies' team is THIRD overall!! That includes the male and mixed teams!!! I am so proud!! Not sure how long we will stay up there but I am 100% sure that we will finish first in the female category, unless, touch wood, we all brake our legs before then.

    Also, all five of us chicks are in the top 20 female cyclists. I am ranked 11th at the moment. Hopefully I will be able to cycle this Friday, and then I will be up to date for the week.

    Man, I feel good!

    Laugh Out Loud is back!!!!

    I have been waiting for the second series of pranks for a while now and it's finally back on tonight on Mnet at 20h00! I am not a big fan of Jeremy Mansfield, and although Darren "Wackhead" Simpson does have his hilarious moments, Johan van der Walt is my favourite "presenter" on the show. He is the resident security guard on the set, and does a fine job, ifff I say so myselff. He is described as a "highly officious, disturbingly pedantic and rude man", his unpretentious-ness and apparent wisdom make him a serious target to laugh out loud at. (yikes, talking about him makes my english kak, ne?).

    Played by comedian Alan Committee, Johan van der Walt gives the audience, and viewers, much needed advice, which range from his movie/book reviews, exercising, health and late night entertainment - "dont be soft on porn, take a hard on approach". LOL!

    And let's not forget the Sucker Squad! One of the poor victims this time round is cartoonist Zapiro. I cant wait to see what prank they pull on him!

    So, until next time, this is al van my kant af, this is Johan van der Walt, see you volgende week!
    And remember, better late, than pregnant!!!


    (ok, I meant, see you all tomorrow!)

    Tuesday, August 15, 2006

    Somebody kill me please

    I don't know what I have done to deserve this, but once again I am under the weather. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I cant escape getting sick. Though something tells me that I have a serious allergy towards work! My nose is dripping non-stop, bleeding too, and my left eye has been watering so much, that it is now swollen. Could be the pollen, but I am not a doctor so I am not making any assumptions here. And I dont want to go to my doctor, I have seen him enough times this year, so I will sit here and suffer in silence.

    So dont expect a proper blog today. I couldnt be bothered.
    Sniff, snot en trane.

    Monday, August 14, 2006

    Unproductive Monday

    I just wolfed down my lunch and have realised that I havent done anything productive today, and I probably wont do much later as my boss has left for the day. Am I lucky or what? No, probably just stupid cause I will have to catch up on everything tomorrow.

    This weekend I was hoping to save some cash by trying to stay indoors, rent a couple of DVDs etc but I ended up spending more than I intended. I did hire DVDs on Friday night (watched "Fun with Dick and Jane" and "Jarhead", both brilliant) and decided to make a pit-stop at our Spar to get some cokes and chips - I went a bit overboard and got 4 packets of chips, but at least Ferdi was happy (why I bother to make him happy, I dont know, all he does for me is make me tea and fetch me from work. Ok, I get the point now).

    Saturday I went on a shopping spree to get me some "healthy food" to take to work, so that I dont overspend here. Again I went overboard, and spent quite a bit but at least that should last me a few months. When I told Ferdi this, he shook his head and said that I should be ashamed - that could never last more than a week!! But I am not Ferdi. Lol.

    Oh, we also went to the drive-in on Saturday night and watched Pirates of the Caribbean and Ultraviolet. Pirates was cool (anything with Johnny Depp is cool) but a tad too long, I was freezing my ass off. Ultraviolet was ok, but the storyline was way too similar to Aeon Flux, this has been done too many times.

    So back to this morning. After having a long breakfast, and boring staff meeting, I went to the gym for my cycle challenge. So not much work done today. One of my teammates accompanied me, so we spurred each other on, which really helps. I did a bit better than last week, but I still have a long way to go. My score today was:

    279kj burnt, 13.63 km cycled

    Friday, August 11, 2006

    I cycled today...finally

    Thirty minutes on a bike and I was ready to vomit, faint and DIE!! But I persevered and did one of my best cycles ever, considering this was my first one. I managed to burn 275kj's (just 20 short of what my teammate did for me last week) and cycled 13.59 kilometres. I know I can do better now, and I will do better. By the end of the 8 weeks, I want to burn at least 350 kj's. Hope I can do it.

    My team is now 4th overall, and one of my teammates is currently the top female cyclist. I am so proud. We are winning in the female team category and we should take first place once it's over.

    Now excuse me while I limp to the coffee machine and pass out.

    Don't invade my space

    It takes me a while for me to let someone into "my circle of trust", some more than others but it seems that some cultures don't understand the meaning of space. And I am talking about my physical personal space here specifically. I like to have at least a diameter of 1m of free uninvaded (is that a word?) space. Only a fortunate (or unfortunate few, haha) get to come a little closer than that. I don't even like to be hugged - Marbro still hasn't learnt - though give me a few drinks and I might just give you a quick hug or two. Maybe I was hugged and tickled too much as a baby, who knows?

    Now take, for example, when you are standing in a long queue at the supermarket or the bank. I try to keep my distance from the person in front of me and the person behind me. I just don't want to smell you, ok? And it's normally the person behind me that will stand right behind my big butt and breathe my air. A lot have stood one centimetre short of a psycho and I have had to count to 100 several times before I exploded. I now have this technique, when the line moves forward, I just slide my right foot forward and keep the left one back so I have a bigger space between me and the person behind me. Then slowly, centimetre by centimetre, I will slide the left foot forward, hoping that the person behind me wont realise that I have moved forward just a tad more. It works most of the time, but people are catching on to my trick, and will just move forward, more and more. I just can't win.

    Then there is the gym. There is nothing worse than seeing a fat naked woman in the change rooms, lathering her body with lotion for 10 minutes (yes, a lot of them take THAT long, if not, longer). What really gets to me, is when they do that RIGHT NEXT TO ME, again, invading my space. There is plenty of space in the change rooms, but yet they still have to pick the spot right next to me. It happened again yesterday, and I almost flipped.

    Maybe I am just so irresistibly good-looking and people want to be seen with me? Or maybe not. Lol. I think some people just have a problem respecting other people's space. And I know I am not the only one who has a problem with this.

    Thursday, August 10, 2006

    Cycle challenge update

    We are already on our third week of our gym's cycle challenge and I have yet to do one cycle. Been sick sucks. Normally I am the first one to get into this and motivate the other members of my team to get moving. Well, this year the tables have turned. I am lagging far behind and can't wait to get onto that bike (with the horrible tiny seat). One of my team members completed a cycle for me last week and burnt 295 kj's. So she has set quite a huge benchmark for me! Normally I can reach about 260-270 so I will have to work really hard this time. I am going to the gym now for a warm up session and will complete my first cycle tomorrow. Next week I will have to cycle twice just so I can be up to date. I am trembling in my takkies already. Yikes, wish me luck...

    I CAN DO IT!!

    Do you dare turn your back on God?

    I just got this sent to me via e-mail. Not sure how true this all is, but it makes you think twice before dissing God. Now, I have my questions about Christianity but I sure as hell (excuse the pun) know better than to mess with God, whoever he may be!

    Some years before during his interview with an American Magazine, he said: Christianity will end, it will disappear. I do not have to argue about that. I am certain. Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple, today we are more famous than Him" (1966)". Lennon, after saying that the Beatles were more famous than JesusChrist, was shot six times.

    During the Presidential campaign, he said if he got 500 votes from his party, not even God would remove him from Presidency. Sure he got the votes, but he got sick a day before being made President, then he died.

    During a show in Canecao (Rio de Janeiro), whilst smoking his cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said: God, that's for you. I can't even explain how he died.

    After the construction of Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe the Titanic would be. With an ironic tone he said: "Not even God can sink it". The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic.

    She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show. He is a preacher and Evangelist and the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her. After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she said: I don't need your Jesus". A week later, she was found dead in her apartment.

    The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang: "Dont stop me; I’m going down all the way, wow the highway to hell". On the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by his vomit.

    2005 in Campinas, a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a friend. The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter - holding her hand, who was already seated in the car: "MY DAUGHTER, GO WITH GOD AND MAY HE PROTECT YOU",She responded: ONLY IF HE (GOD) TRAVELS IN THE BOOT, COZ INSIDE HERE IT'S ALREADY FULL"Hours later, news came by that they had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died, the car could not be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the boot was intact. The police said there was no way the boot could have remained intact. To their surprise, inside the boot was a crate of eggs, none was broken.

    Makes you think, doesn’t it?

    Tuesday, August 08, 2006

    I thought this was cute!

    Happy Women's Day

    Tomorrow is Women's Day, so yay, public holiday! I think every day should be women's day but seeing as this is a godforsaken men's world, who am I to say this.

    I went to a Women's Day breakfast yesterday at Rand Merchant Bank where the former CEO of Umgeni Water gave an inspirational talk (I wish I could remember her name, sorry, my bad). She has an impressive CV, which included making a massive turn-around at a company that was making an incredible loss. She spoke of how she set herself a goal to stay in this company for just five years and achieve what was thought to be the impossible. And she did it.

    This woman got through to me. She said that in order to succeed in this world, you have to fight for yourself. There will always be opportunities out there, but don't expect for them to be handed to you on a silver-plate, you literally have to fight for them. And all that you do, has to be for yourself. Don't waste your time worrying about what others think of you. You have to remain true to yourself.

    That really made me take a good look at myself. I am constantly complaining about how unhappy I am with my job etc. So, the only way that will change is if I do something about it. If I just sit here and moan all the time, no good is going to come out of it. It's time to make a change. It definitely won't happen overnight, but all I know is that I am not going to let good opportunities pass me by, like I have in the past. Otherwise, there is always this:

    Ha ha. Enjoy your day off tomorrow everyone!!

    "Invest in the human soul. Who knows, it might be a diamond in the rough"

    May McLeod Bethune

    Monday, August 07, 2006

    My uncle is coming to South Africa!!

    We received news that this weekend that my uncle (who is also my godfather) and his wife are coming to visit us in South Africa next year in March. This is the first time ever that a relative from Argentina will visit us. I am so excited I could do cartwheels (ok, I cant do cartwheels, but you get my drift). It's a pity that my cousin Samanta won't be joining them as she is studying during that time. She is 10 years younger than me but a real wild child, like me. It's amazing how similar we are in so many respects.

    On a side note, on wednesday 9 August it will be exactly 17 years since we landed in South Africa. Geez, cant believe its been that long!!

    Beer, Captain Morgan and Malibu

    Those are some of the poisons I had this weekend, at least, the ones I can remember. After spending two wonderful days in bed, and treating Ferdi to some waffles and ice-cream at Milky Lane (I had a serious craving for waffles), I was ready for some hardcore partying. A couple of friends and I went to our sister church in Pretoria for their bazaar, and indulged in plenty of beer. Gotta love been German and Lutheran. I dont know of any other religions that allow a beer tent to be put up on their church grounds - ours is coming up in September, cant wait.

    Since we had extremely cold weather this past week (apparently it snowed in many parts of SA?? Haha) we had to find means and ways to keep warm. Beer was our best option so we downed as many mugs as possible in no time. The bazaar ended surprisingly early (around 5 or 6 in the afternoon) so we took the party over to our friend's sister's place and had a small braai, plus several mixtures of Captain Morgan, coke, sprite and Malibu, among other stuff. I vaguely remember phoning my ol' pal vomitboy and then marbro, during that time. I giggle a lot when drunk.

    When that was done we went back to the church for the youth after party. I cant remember what I drank there, but mix whatever alcoholic drink with antibiotics and that is sure to make me bounce of the walls in no time. I soon became the dancefloor slut and proceeded to dance, lang-arm style, with several of the guys there. I must say that I am becoming a pro at this, and I get goosebumps when I think of this but... I am actually starting to enjoy it!!! Did I just say that out loud??? Better put on some Korn now.

    What came after that is quite blurry. All I remember is that I took a guy's number down and instead of typing Andre on my phone, I typed Amdhad. Oh dear. Please forgive me, dude! I ended up passing out on a mattress at Ingrid's boyfriend's place, with a bucket next to me, "just in case". Haha.

    But hey, it was all gooooddddd. I had a lot of fun, from what I can remember! Next day I sneaked late into church. My mother was shocked to see me there, but at least I showed up!!

    Wednesday, August 02, 2006

    My doctor has given me the rest of the week off

    I will be back on Monday. My coughs are still quite persistent and my nose is dripping, so I will be be at home the next few days. Will try to post some rubbish from my aunt's home the next few days, but I cant promise anything.

    So, till then, cheerio.

    My Chippenkoos

    So my good friend Jeremy drew me a cartoon of my favourite Urban Trash character, Officer Koos. Here he is depicted as a Chippendale (since I love the Chippendales): Chippenkoos. Check out his other art on his site. He is on a rampage at the moment, adding one or two sketches every day. I wish I was as creative and talented as he was.

    Speaking of Chippendales, man, I can't believe it's been a year since I last saw them, here in Carnival City. I don't think I have ever screamed as much as I did, over a bunch of semi- (or fully, sometimes) naked men. Sigh. I am sure a lot of you boys are probably thinking right now, "they are all gay". So what? Some of them may be gay, but not all of them are. Sigh.

    Anyway, back to work...

    Tuesday, August 01, 2006

    A new arrival

    After all the kak that I have been experiencing this week (being sick, problems at work, life in general) I received some happy news this morning: Jnf welcomed its youngest member ever, Soulforge and misses' daughter, Emily aka Little misses. Truly, a bundle of joy. She weighs 3.515 kg and is 49cm long. Well done and congrats to her proud parents. I can't wait to meet her!

    News like this one always makes me broody but not to worry, I don't intend to reproduce for another 5 years or so, touch wood. The thought of becoming a parent freaks me out. I am still young at heart and consider myself a child. I can barely look after myself let alone a little brat!

    But yeah, I am glad for my fellow jnf'ers. They will definitely be excellent parents to the little one. I wish them all the best for their future together.