Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Fat Eye 2007: Edition 4

The Lions beat the Crusaders and now they have downed the Western Force in Perth to claim their title of the best team in the world! Duffman!

This week was quite a spectacle in the world of soccer with Liverpool beating Barcelona, Man Utd getting a late winner to go 9 points clear at the top and Arsenal and Chelsea beating the shit out of each other!

Let’s start with the Liverpool game! It started amidst some rather strange controversy. First the problems between Eto’o and Ronaldino, which has sparked a few pics of them, hugging, having to be published. Nice! Then the problems in the Liverpool camp in which it is rumored that Craig Bellamy threatened John Arne Riise with a golf club! This gave some nob the idea to offer 100-1 odds that Bellamy would score and them celebrate by singing a “golf club”, which he did, this cost them 50000 pounds by lunchtime! Nice!

Then there was the boxing match at the Millennium stadium with the champions Chelsea in the blue corner and the challengers the Young guns in the red corner! John Terry getting knocked out early on in the 5th round with a round house kick to the chin seemed to get things going. However it was in the 7th that the fight really got into full swing with 3 heavyweights getting sent off! Eventually the game in ended in a TKO, and the game was awarded to Chelsea!

Brett Lee was forced out of the World Cup next month due to injury! The Fat Eye is relieved that he will now be able to watch the tournament in peace! However The Fat Eye is concerned that this could come back to bite him in the ass, as now Brett will be free to pursue his singing career!

In further news The Sharks have announced that they did not take the weekend off to allow the other teams a chance, but rather to allow them some time off to get high!

So back to the rugby! The Lions won!

Ok ok and the Stormers lost!

And the Bulls won! In the last minute. Even though they should have lost. Cause they are bastards! Basti phones me during the game stating his contempt for the Pretorians and after seeing the crowd full of Bok van Blerk fans you can’t help but hate them!
As it turns out the Loftus faithful have stated that Bok van Blerk will be played at Loftus! Like no shit, hey? Like where else would they play it? Wake up and smell 2007, you fucking old dinosaurs!

But all that aside the real highlight of the week was the Six Nations! With Ireland taking on England, for the first time in 100 years at Croke Park! For many including Brian O’Driscoll, it was their first game at Croke Park! So let’s just say they were a tad emotional! It was also the site of the original Bloody Sunday! So naturally The Fat Eye was scared for the English, and rightly so as they were completely and utterly annihilated by the Irish! It might not have been Sunday, but it sure hell was Bloody!

That’s all you bloody unappreciative assholes! Like Weasel even reads the Fat Eye.

Written by Ferdi "aka Queen Mary" (thanks Mommy, best laugh I have had in ages!)

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Gender issues in the 21st Century

On Sunday we had our Annual General Meeting at church to discuss various issues and the past year’s events involving all the different committees. Being the secretary of the Spring Festival Committee (aka THE Bierfest) I had to write a short report about last year’s event. I made the pastor read it cause I swore to myself that I would never go near a microphone again after my birthday party blooper! Haha! I was then voted as Chairperson of this year’s committee – a huge promotion for me and something which I want to use to my full potential and make this year’s Festival even more successful.

But that was not the issue of the day. We also had to vote three new Church Elders – one from the German group and two from the English group. The issue here was that Synod’s (the governing body of the Lutheran Church in South Africa) constitution does not allow women to be part of the Church Council. Our constitution does, but theirs, which is the ruling body in the end, does not. How backwards and condescending. We have submitted proposals several times over the years to amend this, but it has fallen on deaf ears. Someone should tell them to wake up and realise that this is not the 1800s but in fact 2007, where men and women are treated as equals.

Apparently they get their reasoning from the Bible where some verses, which are open to interpretation, state that men are, for lack of a better word, superior. I am not going to even attempt to find such verses or even debate this at length. The fact is, that we live in “the new South Africa” where men and women are equal and are given equal voting and authority rights. Its time the church did the same.

After much heated debate in our own church hall, the majority voted to elect whomever we wanted as a Church Elder, man or woman and resubmit our petition to the Synod (a basic screw you, we are following our own Constitution whether you like it or not – bad choice of words from me, I know, but I feel quite strongly about this). We know very well that we are going to get ourselves in serious hot water now, but so be it. In the end we voted one man and two women as new Church Elders. The two women are from our English Group. And it was so true what one of them said after being elected: she thanked the congregation for electing her and assured everyone that she is very capable of doing the job. At the end of the day, the women are the voice of the English congregation, they form the bigger group (only one male was present at the meeting) so it’s only right that a women should be elected to do the job. Amen sister.

A few angry people walked out afterwards and rushed home but there is nothing we can do about that. We simply have to move with the times – and it’s time that the small German communities realised that. Its gonna get ugly soon, Im sure, but it has to happen.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Glowing in Roxy's Darkness

Another round of begging (this time with ice cream used as a bribe) to get Ferdi to go to Roxys. I am running out of tactics here but hey, at least I got to go to this gig. Plus it didn’t hurt to tell Ferdi that he could get himself a state of the art, glow-in-the-dark t-shirt from Aion Truth!

After mommy’s pizza, Ferdi, Shawn and I met Dylan, Amy and Tarryn outside Fontana’s and waited for the rest of the Aion Truth crew and the t-shirts. Eventually they all arrived, and after a round of hugs and good games, we each got a tshirt, button, sticker and complimentary ticket to get into Roxys. I was happy to see that the girls' tees had pink in it (Powerpuff style! Woohoo!). We changed our tees in the parking lot (I think I flashed a few people, even though Amy tried to help me) and then crossed the road to get to Roxys.

Scenery, the first band was already playing. All I can remember about them was the one dude’s fancy hairdo. Ferdi said it was very emo. It reminded me of the Lost Prophets hairstyles. Lol. I wish I could remember what they sounded like, but at that time I was busy mingling with the Chromium and Aion Truth guys, as well as trying to get my tshirt to glow. Best way to draw attention to my bust (thanks Matt).

For a change, Chromium played next. A welcome change, according to Matt and Adrian – they are quite tired, and usually, by the time they finish playing just about everyone is gone, so it was great for them to play early for a change. This time I found the right tipsy combination while I watched Chromium. I felt alive! Woohoo. I got a few video clips and photos and attempted a bit of laid-back headbanging – if such a thing exists. Haha. Nice thing about it is that my neck was fine afterwards. No pain whatsoever.

It was sad to see that the turnout was poor – but the blame here has to fall on Roxys. You see less and less people there every time; they are just too expensive. I was horrified when the barman told me that I had to fork out R17 for a Smirnoff Storm! WTF?? How the hell was I supposed to get tipsy happy??? I remember that last week I paid R11 for a Storm. Sure, the place was Randfontein, but that is one hell of a huge difference in price! I think I might just be one of those people to write off Roxys soon.

Next up was Torment. I saw these guys at Kahoonies with Chromium for the first time last year, so this was the second time. Awesome stuff. They started a bit slow at first but picked up a bit in the end and caught my attention. I managed to catch a huge Jagermeister sticker by pure luck. I have one already from the previous time so I wanted to find the right place to stick it, like Ferdi’s belly, but he wouldnt let me. In the end I chose a perfect spot in the middle of the floor. Good luck to the poor sod who has to peel it off. Tarryn caught one of the tshirts and gave it to me. I was so happy with it but then some moron stole it from me when I wasn’t looking. I should have asked for it back but I didn’t have the energy.

I caught up with Sensual Sloth then – I wish I had access to myspace to check out your blog! Like I said to you on Friday, I feel like I am missing out on so much. But thanks for all your updates here and for putting me on the Kahoonies guestlist on Saturday. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make it cause I didn’t have a lift.

I then engaged Hannes from Chromium in a long conversation about the Coke Fest and Axl Rose. The lucky bugger managed to score free tickets to the concert. Damn. At least there will be some recognisable faces at the golden circle! He asked me if Ferdi was my brother. I said yeah, he is my "little brother". He looked at me very seriously and said "I wouldnt call him little. Youngest yes, but not little!" LOL!!

Finally Aion Truth came on. I really must make an effort to learn their songs a bit better cause they rock! I got some video clips and photos as well (I also blinded Matt, haha) and screamed, whooped and shouted. These guys (and girl) are gonna go places. Thumbs up to them!
As soon as they finished we had to leave as Ferdi had an early job interview the next morning. I demanded a hug from Matt and got one as well from a tipsy (but not drunk) Jared on my way out. I didn’t want to leave, the evening went by too quickly. But I guess that’s what happens when you are having a good time!

Oh, and speaking of good times – well freaking done to the Lions for breaking the evil spell In Australia by beating Western Force 25-24. A narrow win, but a win nonetheless! Congrats boys!!!

Hopefully we will be getting a Fat Eye from this Fat Eye sometime this week. A lot of gold sporting moments happened this weekend!

Friday, February 23, 2007

I am going to kill Princess

On our way to my work, Ferdi and I were listening to UJfm, as per usual, when the DJ announces a new dedication. This is how it went, and I quote the DJ here: "I just received an sms from Martin and he has requested Lacuna Coil for Ferdi. You see, Ferdi is trying to kill his sister, cause she beats him up! So this goes out to Ferdi. Hahahahaha".

I wasnt laughing. I DO NOT beat Ferdi up. I smack his belly once in a blue moon when he asks for it. That's all. So I of course had to set the record straight. I sms'd the DJ and told him that they are lying and that they are being so mean!! And I requested Placebo - Meds, which under no circumstances, must they be dedicated to Princess or Ferdi.

By then the DJ was finding this situation extremely hilarious (I would too, I suppose). He read my sms out loud, dedicated Placebo to me and ordered Martin and Ferdi TO STOP BEING MEAN TO ME!

So see, boys, he said you must stop it. So stop it. I dont know what happened after that cause I was already at the office, so I am assuming that that is where the story ended. I dont trust Ferdi and Martin - they could fabricate their own little stories of what happened afterwards. Definitely not reliable witnesses. So for me, that's where it ends. I win.


Thursday, February 22, 2007

A Tale Of Two Cities: The Mother City and George

Yesterday I talked about the prank on JNF that some of us fell for and I touched on a bit about a prank I pulled last year on my trip to Cape Town. This is the sad (and hilarious) tale of what happened there.

January 2006: it was my first visit to Cape Town ever and I was finally going to meet Phatfoo and the rest of the Cape Town JNF'ers. I was so excited and had been looking forward to this for a long time. I won a return ticket from British Airways at Winex the previous year so I used this to go to the Mother City. On my way there, Marbro, the joker was trying to coax Foo into not fetching me at the airport, just to piss me off, and perhaps worry me a bit. Of course, Foo is a sweet guy and was waiting for me at the airport, on time.

He told me about Marbro's devious plan and told me that we should turn this prank around. It was bound to be foolproof/Marbro-proof. I sms'd him frantically, that I was stranded in George as the plane had engine failure or something and was forced to do an emergency landing at their airport. I told him to phone me immediately cause I couldnt get hold of Foo. He phoned me and I put on the best act ever. I wasnt sure when I would get a flight Cape Town as no one could tell me anything for certain.

And the plot thickened. A few hours later, I sms'd him back (by this time I had roped in MurderDoll as well, whom I was dating at the time. He fell for it too) and said that I had misplaced my purse in the ladies' toilets and some guy kept on following me around. I pretended to be in tears, almost hysterical. Sms's went back and forth.

In the meantime I was actually in Cape Town with Foo. We were laughing and enjoying the sunshine. We had forgotten to inform the rest of the JNF'ers that I had actually arrived safe and sound (by now, my "drama in George" was all over JNF) and Soul had phoned to find out what was happening. Of course, we told him the truth and brought him over to our Dark Side, as a Dark Lord belongs with us.

That evening I had a very short conversation with MurderDoll (mostly cause I couldnt control my giggles for too long) pretending to be still stuck in George. I told him that Foo was gonna drive down to George and pick me up, late in the evening. I was instructed to sms him as soon as I was in CT and then I ended the call, citing a low battery. Then I went back to eating the yummy waffles at Wes and Celeste's place. Haha.

I couldnt hold on for much longer. My performances were definitely Oscar material but I could tell that the boys were really really worried by now so Jeremy let the cat out of the bag the next day on JNF. Thats when the hate mail, or rather, sms's, began. MurderDoll was so cross with me that he refused to speak to me. Princess was miff that he had fallen for it. I spent the rest of my week in Cape Town wondering what payback awaited me back in JHB.

Well, it looks like karma really is a bitch. I left on a Sunday afternoon, tired and weary and not really looking forward to the flight as I hate flying. Halfway to JHB, the pilot makes an announcement. Now, I am a nervours flyer as it is and what he said next almost made me kak myself. One of the engines had failed (deja-vu?) and because of a severe storm in JHB there was no way we'd make it there so he was going to turn the plane around and fly back to JHB. Mother-trucker! I couldnt believe it! My nerves were shot and I was itching for some vodka to calm down but I figured that it was best to remain sober for this.

In the end it wasnt so serious I suppose, but the fact that we had to go back to CT was a bummer! I phoned Jeremy and it took me a while to convince him that I wasnt joking again. After waiting for hours, they got another plane ready for us and gave each passenger a free domestic one way ticket (which I subsequently lost). This time we made it, in one piece, and we all cheered and clapped when we touched down at JHB International.

It was almost midnight and when I saw my brothers they were laughing uncontrollably and I could bet Marbro was doing the same. They told me that a letter from MurderDoll awaited me at home. Oh dear.

So I finally got home. I went up to the room and saw the letter there. It was quite a thick envelope and I remember thinking to myself "geez, I didnt even know Greg could write so much!" I opened it. There were 6 pages in total (or 3, cant remember), and this is what it said, over and over again:

So this is why I dont do pranks anymore...

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

You have just been Punk'd!!

Pranked / caught out / lied to, whatever. I tend to be quite gullible if a prank is well drafted and done with a speed of lightning before I can smell a rat (for future reference, don't you peeps get any ideas!! Haha) Which is what happened yesterday. After reaching a mammoth 100 000 posts on jnf, the admins decided to play a "little" joke on us minions. The big chief, Phatfoo, casually announced that now that JNF had reached this milestone, he decided on a new change of direction - it was now going to become a more "serious" forum. Any "kak" forums would be deleted and only the ones that attracted serious topics would be left.

Before any of us could yell out "WTF??!!" the deletion process began, in full force. In five minutes, JNF had been seriously reduced down to size. It looked awful!!! And this happened so fast that we didnt know that our chain was being yanked, hard. Nobody thought to question the admins why our post count hadnt gone down even though threads were deleted and no one really thought much of the fact that the powerpuffs (girls' forum) remained and that the navy (boys' forum) was a thing of the past (that was hilarious actually).
I was peeved. Conversations on msn ran wild, Soulforge the admin was invited to join in and took serious abuse from us, poor guy. How could they do this to us? How can they possibly expect us to be serious on jnf, 24 hours a day? It's impossible! You'd have better luck trying to get Ferdi on a diet!! Things were really getting out of control. Some of us were ready to leave JNF and find another forum, until...

Foo announced that it was all a joke. Haha. Funny. OK, I was still pissed off and it took me a while to calm down, but now I can laugh about it. In fact, I am so relieved cause right now I cant imagine life without JNF. Its what keeps me sane here at work. Its a place where I can unwind, let out my frustrations and talk to really cool people, some of whom have become really close friends over these past few years. So I am glad it was a joke. I am not "naar", "anal" or any other dumb thing I have been called since then. I can take a joke, its just that sometimes it takes a bit longer with me than with most people. But I am over it.
My experiences with pranks have been anything but fun. I swore to myself that I would never prank anyone for as long as I live, after my trip to Cape Town last year. But that is another story. Maybe I will tell it tomorrow.
Long Live JNF!!!

In Vomit's words (or images) this is how I felt about this saga:

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Financial planning for dummies

It seems that my debt woes are catching up with me again. Around this time of the year I suffer from extreme stress about how I am going to make ends meet until August - increase and bonus month. I drew up my budget for the month this morning, since it's payday today, and I have been sulking ever since cause it just doesn't look good.

I was doing fine, quite well actually, until I decided to throw the biggest bash of the year and go on a manic DVD/CD/Book shopping spree, and now the huge expense on the Guns n Roses (My Coke Fest) tickets. I did the math. How could I have spent so much money without noticing that my savings were slowly nearing depletion? Am I that bad with money? It looks that way. As soon as I have money to spend, I look for ways to get rid of it immediately, mostly on things I dont need. Saving is just not in my vocabulary. But it's about time I learnt the meaning of the word. Saving. Save damnit!

My brother has the simple solution to all this: just stop buying shit. Sounds easy, doesnt it? Its true that I spend a lot of my money on crap, but how do I stop? Its almost like a disease, and I am sure that most girls will agree with me. Screw the term "Retail therapy". To me, its more like a "Retail Virus". It doesnt go away that easily.

But I am sure as hell going to try to get rid of it. I cant go on like this.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Die Leeuloop en die balles

Randfontein turned out to be more than I expected, and then some. Ja-nee. After a bit of bonding with Princess Marbro, he dropped Berny and me off at Bundus, the local sokkie joint. Before he left us, he said to me “I’m sorry”. I looked at him puzzled, and he explained that he was apologizing in advance for what I was about to experience. He was convinced that I wasn’t going to like this one bit. But I have a remedy for such situations: drink, drink and then drink some more.

It actually turned out to be quite a cool evening, though of course I was a tad worried, especially after Martin’s early apology. Berny and I waited outside for Tanya, so we could put our overnight bags in her car, at which time Berny noticed the security guy and called dibs. She needs to get her eyes checked soon. Then we all went inside. I must say, I expected worse, so the place didn’t look too bad – except for the Dutchie music and well, the Afrikaans people. Haha. Actually, they are not so bad themselves either.

Berny and I dashed to the bar and started off with tequila, as is our tradition now. Then we sat with Tanya and her friends but soon realised that it was more convenient to sit by the bar, cause well, that’s where they keep the booze. Berny’s song then came on so off we went to the dance floor. It was just the girls. And then… and then the guys did the leeuloop…

Oh, man, I wish I hadn’t witnessed this. It was the first time I have ever actually paid attention, and listened to the actual words to the song. The first time the boys pulled their pants down, I literally screamed. There were balls everywhere! Ja nee!!!

It took a jagerbomb, a blowjob (pusstenarbeit, hee hee) and more Smirnoffs then I could count, to get over that ordeal. Until some freaks from Durban started to chat us up, one with no front teeth, and the other with “half a wife” (I wanted to ask him where the other half was, but I was too scared that I was going to become half a Caz here too). The toothless freak bought us some tequila shots accompanied by Worcester sauce. I don’t know what that shooter is called but if someone knows, please would you be so kind as to tell me cause it’s actually rather nice!

After a long and weird conversation, Tanya’s brother rescued us under the pretence of asking us to dance. When we were sure that those freaks weren’t going to bother us anymore, Berny and I attempted a bit of sokkie on the dancefloor. We weren’t that bad actually. I think the alcohol helped our rhythm quite a bit.

We spent most of the rest of the evening dancing. They actually played English music! Wow. So we sokkied, we danced, we um, grinded against some bodies, and at once stage Berny and I did played some weird form of twister when we both landed on the floor. And of course, we also did the raisins dance. A lot.

I sokkied with three different boys that night (the last one was smelly though) and thanks to my practice with the Germans at youth, I think I kind of did alright that evening. Oh, and of course, we phoned Vomit that night from the toilet, since it was the only place we could hear him. And we did not claim our undying love to him and we did not call dibs at all. Nu-uh, we didn’t!

He told me on Saturday when we called him for a post-mortem that I said to him “Matt, why are you pretending to be someone else” Haha, I don’t know why I said that. And when I spoke to his friend Riaan, aka Sexy, I didn’t realise that I was speaking to him and insisted that “I wanted to speak to Sexy”. Loud, of course. Apparently we then got bored speaking to Matt, and started to talk to some chicks in the toilet, but didn’t end the call. We did not hear Matt shouting “helllooooo” wanting our attention.

I was having so much fun that I didn’t even realise that the time had flown by. We left there just after 1am and went to Tanya’s place to sleep over. On the way there, Berny and I phoned each other, even though we were sitting in the same car. Yes, we were trashed. And apparently there is a recording of it. Somewhere. But I am not telling.

Its always good when you end up having a good time, when you least expect it. I cant say that I will be back there soon, but I had fun. Ja-nee.

Friday, February 16, 2007

So I am going to Randfontein tonight...

Heaven help me! Lol. Just kidding. Berny and her friend Tanya, have kindly invited me over for a night out, Randfontein style. I dont know what awaits me (I hear there is a lot of sokkie'ng going on there) but one thing is for sure, I am not going to be sober for this!

I am actually looking forward to it. Nice way to start the weekend. But first, I have to put up with Princess Marbro. He is picking me up this afternoon. I told him I was going to buy him ice cream (and now he thinks its a date. WTF). I cant wait to see the look on his face when I tell him that I lied. I need to save every cent for booze tonight. Hehehehheheh.

If I am not back on Monday, its cause he finally got his ultimate wish and killed me.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

God bless McDonalds

When hunger really kicks in there is nothing better than a McDonalds Quarter Pounder Deluxe Meal (or a Big Mac, as Ferdi would say) to satisfy you.

That is all I have to say today. Short and sweet. I need to use my hands to finish my burger and chippppssssss.

Mmmmm Mmmmmm Mmmmmm

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Agggg, happy wellington's day

Some time at the end of last year, I told you about the day I went to see Aladdin at the theatre, starring Eden, SA's prettier than me boy band. These boys crossed my path again last night. I was already dreading yesterday's "Welcome Back / pre-Valentine's Day party at work for a number of reasons: 1. I dont know too many people here yet 2. The few that I do know, only some were attending the party 3. being a tuesday night, I wasnt in the mood for a hangover the next day (I have one anyway) 4. I am very very very tired these days, I can barely be alive on weekends and 5. I absolutely hate Valentine's Day.

And Eden made it reason no. 6. It was announced yesterday afternoon that they were performing at the party(I could almost hear a simultaneous groan coming from the males, and screams from the females), it was sort of a surprise. My friend had come to visit me and I told her to come as she is a huge fan of theirs. If she hadnt already made plans, she would have gladly stayed (and made my evening less painful) so she sulked for a bit then left. 5 Minutes later I get a frantic phone call from her. She bumped into Eden downstairs by the lift. And almost had heart failure. Lol. She is hilarious.

My boss (well, now ex-boss, so lets call him my former boss from now on) insisted all week that I attend this party AND that I stay late. I eventually agreed but the bugger got a mouthful from me just now cause he left me all alone in the end and went home!!

I went down to the do with two of my colleagues. I must admit that this bank goes all out with parties; the garden was beautifully decorated with hearts (cringe), couches, etc pink and red everywhere. I had a few drinks then mingled with the crowd. When Eden came on, I sat on a wall right in front with some of the girls as my high heels were sinking into the ground.

They sucked from beginning to end and they could tell the crowd was not really enjoying the music. A few tannies were dancing in front (they even pulled me in once, I then ran away) but eventually they too got tired. Since not many people were watching them, they made too much eye contact with me. I looked away, embarrassed (and without a care in the world eventually) every time.

Halfway through their performance, I looked behind me and to my horror I saw that I was now sitting all alone! The girls had gone to get a drink and did not come back! A photographer even took a pic of me sitting there! What will this do to my reputation? It was completely tarnished, let me tell you. One of the dealers came to sit by me during the last song (everybody started to cheer when they heard it was the last song - you should have seen the look on Eden's faces. I actually felt bad for them) and she said to me that even though I had said I didnt like Eden, it now looked as if I did like them cause I was the only one sitting there watching them. Oh dear! Im gonna have to rectify that!

When they finished, the DJ came on, and it looked like Eden made a quick exit through the back door. Haha, shame, poor buggers. And I realised that they are not even that pretty anyway!

I stuck around for a bit longer, got introduced to a few people, drank some more and then went back up to the office and sobered up. Its going to take me a while to get used to these people.

Oh, and Happy Wellington's Day.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Ritalin: friend or foe?

I was shocked to learn this weekend from a friend of mine that her six year old daughter's teacher has asked her to put the child on Ritalin to control her ADD. How can this woman even suggest that? Sure, the little princess can be a bit of a handful sometimes (give her a bit of sugar and she is bouncing off the walls) but I just dont believe that drugging kids is the answer. Since when is that the right way to handle your kids?

I might be clueless when it comes to child-raising but I sure as hell know that I would never put my child on any medication for these stupid little things. And in this case, my friend is adamant too that she does not want to put her daughter on ritalin. The teacher must just learn to cope, that's her job.

And I cant think that the long-term effects of taking ritalin could be any good. A colleague of mine told me that it has actually been scientifically proven that 87% of kids on ritalin end up being addicted to all sorts of drugs when they get older. 87%. That's a huge percentage. And it definitely says a lot. So why do more damage to your child by putting them on ritalin? Is it really worth it?

According to wikipedia, an amphetamine-like prescription stimulant commonly used to treat Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children and adults. It is also one of the primary drugs used to treat symptoms of traumatic brain injury and the daytime drowsiness symptoms of narcolepsy and chronic fatigue syndrome. (Ritalin is the brand name, the generic name is methylphenidate).

Hectic - it all seems a bit extreme for a six year old that gets a little hyper every now and then.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Fay Eye 2007: Edition 3

What a fucking awesome weekend! LIONS won, can you believe it? We’re on top of the world now, bitches! It truly was a remarkable weekend of sport! It had everything, Lions winning, Stormers sucking cock, a cricketer getting banned, Aussies getting pommelled (do not excuse the pun!), SHARKS TOPPING THE LOG and a fat guy running 40 meters down the touchline to score s try!

Aaah you gotta love Supersport! Theres just no place like it! So the Week got of to a “weird” start, with the lights going out at Kingsmead, which still wasn’t enough to save the Proteas from actually losing a match! Then in what must have been a really bad idea by the Chinese Taipei touring England – the most racist of country’s – turned really bad when a brawl broke out that would have made any rugby league player think twice about calling soccer a girly sport! About 4 dudes were knocked the fuck out and one dude had his nose broken, aaah the beautiful game!

Friday was however the return to sport normality, or so I thought! But I was greeted at 8 am by a chainsaw wheeling psycho handing out candy to the kids! This was not Saw III, but rather the Hurricanes mascot who sits at the top of a 30 meter crane with a chainsaw in hand, hmmm only in New Zealand, ek se!

I was then stunned by some pictures that were more disturbing than the fact that England were wining the first of 3 finals against Australia! Not less the 3 batsmen – I counted – had pink handles on there bats! Thinking this was a new fashion statement I feared the worst – David Beckham is going to start playing cricket! But alas I was relieved to hear that they are doing it to breast cancer awareness! Me thinks them Poms will do anything to wear Pink!

But as I carried on watching the game I asked myself, why is Brett Lee so goddamn annoying? Is it his nickname – White Heart that is so gay? Is it the fact that he used to play dress up with his mommy’s clothes, but not in the cool way like me and Martin used to do? Or is it maybe that he always has that I just sucked cock face? I don’t know what it is really; maybe it’s just a combination of all the above, but it’s a mystery that will never be solved!

As we all know it is divorce season! But recently it was the other way around! See a woman decided to buy her husband season tickets for his birthday! His birthday was however in November, 3 months into the season! So the wife hides the ticket wasting 3 months worth of memorable moments and gives her husband the ticket on his birthday! It is reported that he filed for divorce immediately and that the judge was so appalled by this woman’s actions that she now has to pay him maintenance while he recovers from this ordeal!

Anyway lets get into the real shit, SUPER 14 baby, o yeah Duffman! So as I said above this week’s fixtures kicked of in New Zealand were men are men and Europeans are not! See this new scrum law sounds as dodgy as it looks really; there isn’t anything nice you can really say about it! As one New Zealander says: It’s probably a result of some IRB official not getting enough attention at home that makes him want to see grown men touch each other on the rugby field! However the Aussies are of the opinion that the law is crapped because you just cannot get a front ranker to follow 4 instructions in a row! Me thinks they might be on to something here!

And in other news the Stormers lost they suck balls, etc, etc! LIONS WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And for Marbro: Sharks won and they are top of the log! As we all know it’s always those fast flashy hunks of muscle on the wings that get all the recognition in rugby! But this week it was the bulk of muscle that got every fat person in the World out there seats and crying like as if it were ok for grown men to cry, *sniff*!

His name is CJ Van der Linde! Registering 130kg and 9.0 on the reicter scale! He does the 100m sprint in just under 2 days and is 20 time all you can eat champion! And this week he found himself in the weirdest position in his life, on the wing (not chicken - Loftus) and with the ball! Here his natural instinct kicked in and he took off down the touchline! It was majestic, like a rapper in motion, better than any Baywatch scene! He broke 4 tackles, ran 40 meters and even had time to do a side step, wow what an artist! Never again will his genius be seen, because after his heroics he had to be carried off, he is dead now, fat people just were not meant to run!

Goodbye big guy!

Brought to you by our sports correspondent, Ferdi

Friday, February 09, 2007

My office

Its been a week now in my new office and since it's Friday and I am bored (though I have tons of work!) I thought I'd take a few photos and post them here.
My desk is huge, which is cool cause I can splatter all my work on it and pretend to look seriously busy (it really works). I have also stuck up a few photos on the wall, kind of like my wall of fame:

The view from the window is awesome, right next door to us is the Investec building. Yesterday they were having a party outside but got ruined due to the rain. My sources tell me that their canteen is the best, and that the guys there are loaded. So I am going to steal my uncle's binoculars, scout a few out and then make my move. Hehehhhh. I need to get into this canteen!

Next to me sits my friend, she is also a business analyst. We get on well, she talks to herself, I listen to music. She moaned at me this morning cause I forgot to put on the music - so we have the perfect relationship here. We have a lot of visitors so we have an extra desk and chair and some goodies to nibble on while they chat. My boss (well, former boss) is our most regular visits - he envies our office and he is a serial chocolate nibbler.

Oh, and as most of you know, yesterday I discovered I had msn on my laptop already installed! A whole week to find this out! So now Im chatting more and working less, hence me taking a lot of work home this weekend. Heaven help me!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

I am getting a new boss

For a while now I have had suspicions, strong suspicions, that me and the other business analyst were getting a new boss. This all came about soon after we heard we were moving to Sandton. And my suspicions are about to be confirmed when we meet with this person this afternoon to discuss the way forward. How do I know this for sure? I have my sources, very reliable sources.

Now, normally I don’t care who I report to. Usually I am left to my own devices and management culture around here is rather laid back. No dictators here. And as much as my current boss’s sexual innuendos drive me up the wall sometimes, I am slightly nervous about my new impending reporting line. You see, my new boss is female.

My past experiences with female bosses have being far from friendly. I just don’t get on well with women who have authority over me. I don’t know what is it about women that, as soon as they come to power, they become the wicked witch from the east, with permanent pms.

The first job I had, in the three painful years that I worked there, I went through 4 managers. All female, all bitchy. It was the last one that drove me to quit, even though I had nowhere to go. She was a big, anal Lebanese women, who came straight from hell. She made my life miserable. I tolerated her for as long as I could then I walked out.

My second job I had the pleasure of working with male bosses, even though I worked in the ladies section of huge department store. I had so much fun there that I was sad to leave it once I had found a more permanent, more serious job at FNB. Again, I had male bosses for about a year or so until everything changed and I again had a female authoritarian.

She was worse than Hitler, Mussolini and Stalin put together. She controlled my every move, even to the point of following me around when I popped in for a chat with a friend at another department. She would call me and take me back to my desk. I couldn’t work under those conditions. I like my freedom and I don’t like to be treated as if I am still in school. Its not that I am lazy and don’t work, cause I do. I just prefer to work at my own pace and be left alone! Eventually I became so desperate that I begged our CEO for another position at the bank. After several mergers and changes, my wishes were granted and I got the position I currently hold.

And now I am back to square one. I have met the woman and she seems alright, but don’t forget what I said earlier: women change as soon as they have authority over you. Let’s see what happens this afternoon…

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Hooters should be banned

And I don’t mean that famous “restaurant” in the States, talking about car hooters here.

I am extremely grumpy today so don’t expect me to be nice or even remotely helpful. I did not get enough sleep last night. Ferdi taped Nip/Tuck for me so I could go to bed early as I was feeling rather tired. Just as I was about to fall asleep, some moron starts to hooting across the road from our house. I suppose it was still early so I thought ok fine, let’s go back to sleep. But no, this moron kept on hooting, every 2 minutes or so, for what seemed like forever. I heard my uncle next door shouting at this guy but it fell on deaf ears. He kept on hooting. Whoever’s attention he was trying to get, was ignoring the hell out of him and annoying the hell out of me!!

Eventually he went away but that buggered up my sleep. I couldn’t fall asleep now as I was wide awake. Thanks a lot you stupid git. But I managed to fall asleep, finally.

Until I was rudely awakened at 4am this morning, probably by the same f*cker. WTF!!! The hooting started again! This time at regular intervals and to add the cherry on top, he had his kak music on full blast. He was either drunk or stupid, maybe both. Now I say he cause it just had to be a male. I stuck my head out the window but I couldn’t see anything without my contact lenses. Of course, I didn’t get any sleep after that until my alarm went off.

I get little sleep as it is these days and this is certainly not helping my mood. I almost bit my boss’s head off this morning when he casually told me we had a meeting this morning. He had failed to let me know in advance. I counted to ten and said I would be there. And then I had to take minutes. I am not a freaking secretary. He will be lucky if I got half of what was said in that meeting.

I think I will just stare out the window for the rest of the day and dream about a world free of hooters.

Edit: I am going to keep a collection of rocks under my bed. Pity I throw like a girl though.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Fat Eye 2007: Edition 2

O yeah Duffman, it’s rugga season once again! With divorce numbers set to rise in the next few months, and quite a few beers to be drunken the Fat Eye returns! And with that lets not waste anymore time and get right into things the Lions lost, Stormers are bottom, Bulls are 13th, Lions are coming back strong this is our year!

So early (some would say to early) on Friday morning the Super 14 got under way! Later on we would make our way to Ellis Park! It was dark rainy night; some would say that the conditions were perfect for Aussie killing! But alas there was another presence in the stadium, an unwelcome presence at that! From a distant land he came from whence the Ring was forged to bring some from of “legality” to the game, but it would be he that would defeat these most awesome of Aussie slayers! For he was the referee and it would be his dodgy decisions which would ultimately hand the game to these shaggers of the sheep! But alas we shall prevail!

Anyway across the highway there was another game in progress, a game of technique and skill. It was the Pro20 where only one team was present it was the team of Loots Bosman and Graeme Smith that totally destroyed them Pakis, and Smith would return two days later to smash them to all parts yet again in the one day where SA amassed 392! Fuck ya!

And yes it is the truth and nothing but the truth that the pansies from the west are at the bottom of the log due to the outstanding efforts of the Cheetahs best back, CJ Van der Linde . The fat boy carried his sublime form that he showed against the Sharks in pre season to destroy the pretty boys! Duffman!

As always the Aussie commentator of the year Phil Kearns returns with the Super 14, here is some gold: After a player was sent to the bin for trying to punch the scrumhalf he said: “Well that is a bit harsh, sending him off for punching the number 9, number 9’s are so annoying that you just want to punch them!”

This moment wasn’t Phil, but from former player John Welborn who commented that Western Force coach John Mitchell overreacted to the 40 year old’s retirement at the end of last season, by going overboard and signing all these players he brought in to cover for his retirement!

And now Man U just snow capped the weekend by smashing Tottenham! O and Van der Sar had to go off so O Shea went into goal, he evn managed a save from Robbie Keane after Ferdinand put him through on goal! Well well well, what will next week have in store for the Fat Eye? One can only wonder!


(this last bit was added as an afterthought after Princess Marbro bitched that Ferdi had forgotten to mention the Sharks' victory)

Written by our resident sports writer, Ferdinova

Monday, February 05, 2007

As Time Stands Still - Tempos

After much begging, bribing, indecisions, people deciding not to go or making other plans, Ferdi, Shawn and I went to Tempos to see iNeRsHa, Chromium and other bands. I was quite happy I had gotten my way. After last Saturday’s complete blackout of Chromium at my birthday bash, I had to make up for lost time and see the boys again. The fact that iNeRsHa were also playing was an added bonus.

On the way to Tempos we saw the most horrific accident on Hans Strydom. A car had run over a pedestrian, who flew into the car’s windshield. As we passed the accident, we saw the body was still there, and for some reason his pants were pulled down – not sure if they had come off during the accident. It was horrible to see and I couldn’t get that image out of my head. I still cant. What a horrible way to die.

When we got to Tempos, Knave was ready to start. I hadn’t expected to see them there as they were not advertised on the flyers. But nonetheless, it was cool to see them again. Soon after, the iNeRsHa boys arrived but I was a bit apprehensive about saying hi to them at first (who knows what they thought after I made an ass of myself last week!). But as soon as I got a wave from Kerran, I waited a bit then went round for a chat with him. He didn’t even know I had drunk all that shit, so at least that was cool. He told me he had really enjoyed the party. Cool.

Then the guys from Chromium arrived. Again, I felt a bit shy but I decided, screw that, and went to say hi to Adrian, the bassist. He seems to be the quietest of the four and not a man of many words but it was nice chatting to him anyway. I asked him about the Modderfudd gig that they played at earlier that day and he said they had the most amazing sound ever – wish I could have been there to hear it! I then caught Jared’s attention and first thing he said to me was that I looked a bit intimidated. Well, after last Saturday, of course I am gonna feel a bit intimidated! Who knows what these guys think of me now! But he said that there was nothing wrong with the way I acted, it was my birthday, I am supposed to get drunk. Phew. Relief.

Next band that came on was Libido. I was surprised to see that the bassist was one of the guys that did the sound at my party. They weren’t bad at all and even did a cover of Metallica’s “Enter Sandman”. It was too hot to stand near the stage so I stood further away where it was cooler. Chromium’s drummer, Hannes, then came over to say hi. I told him I was there to see them play since I don’t remember their performance last Saturday so he was sweet to say that they would play for me that night. Awwwww. I was cheeky enough to ask him for his drumsticks when he was done with them, he agreed but I decided not to pester him for them after the gig since it was a new pair.

After 2 drinks I decided to switch to water. Not only was I thirsty but I was damned determined not to get pissed again. On my third trip to the bar, I ran into Matt, my favourite Chromium member. I always love a man who can scream, haha. Now here I had a really nice chat. I told him how disappointed I was about my blackout, waking up the next morning with no recollection of their performance and how idiotic I felt about the way I introduced him – and that there was a video of it. He laughed and told me that I shouldn’t feel embarrassed as you only turn 21 once. I almost did a double-take there – 21 once? Shit, this guy seriously thought I was 21!!!!! Cant believe he fell for the whole 21st party thing! Didn’t he read the small print that said “Again” on my 21 badge that I wore that night? Haha.

I was stupid enough to tell him that I am not really 21, but actually 27. His mouth dropped and he felt like a real twit for thinking I was 21. I reassured him he wasn’t one as I had told everyone that I was turning 21 again – obviously he didn’t catch the “again” part (hmmmm, no wonder he offered me “anything I wanted” at my party….). He flattered me even more by saying “well, in any case, you look 21 to me”. I felt like kissing him right then and there, but I opted for a “safer” hug. How sweet is he? I reminded him that he hadn’t given me his pick last week. He thought he had, but like Jared, he confuses me with Berny a lot (though Berny swears she didn’t get his pick either. So who did?).

Finally iNeRsHa came on. It was Sean’s last performance so they went all out. They were kick ass! They had a nice big crowd there and one of the best mosh pits I have seen in a while. Even though I was standing right on the edge, I had to keep moving back to avoid the heavy masses flying about. I phoned Berny and let her listen for a bit. It was sad not having her there. I always have more fun (and courage) when she is around.

After they finished I could tell that they were running late. There were still 3 bands left to play, and midnight was getting closer and closer. For the next band, 6 Hours till Sunday (it was more like one hour, haha), we decided to sit down and watch cause we were moeg. They weren’t that bad though. Had I had more energy I would have moved about a bit. I then felt a tap on my head and I was ready to moan at the person who did so (I hate being tapped on my head) when I turned around and saw that it was Fred from iNeRsHa. Lucky bastard. I let him get away with it, haha. I felt I was a bit rude with him though. Tired as I was, I didn’t get up to speak to him. I just said hi. He told me he would hug me but he was sweaty. Poor thing. I didn’t really know what to say to him so he said bye and walked away. Must remember to speak to him next time.

Then Hokum (ex-Marlowe) came on and I was quite disappointed with their performance. Too mellow. They were much better the last time I saw them. I stood there next to the few people in the audience and watched Chromium waiting in the sidelines. They were anxious to get on stage. So was I. I didn’t know how much longer I could hold on for. Despite being dead sober, I felt extremely dizzy. My body is still recovering.

It was obvious that everyone was pressed for time as most of the bands were cut short. Most only played about 4 or 5 songs. Finally, the moment I was waiting for arrived as Chromium got ready on stage. I went to the front and stood right by Matt. I waved to him and he gave me the thumbs up. I filmed a few of their songs but I cursed myself for forgetting to charge my camera’s batteries. They went flat almost immediately so I didn’t get to film as much as I wanted.

I felt very weak and tired but I tried my best to headbang a bit – all I could manage was moving my head slowly up and down, trying to stick to the beat. The mosh pit got a bit violent again and I almost went flying next to the tables, twice. Before I knew it, they were forced to finish. They would have gladly played one more song as you could see the guys were enjoying themselves on stage, they work so well together. But the sound guys told them to pack it up as it was already 1am and they were ready to close. What a bummer.

I was reluctant to leave, but Shawn and Ferdi were already on their way out. I walked over to Matt to say bye. He extended his fist to me, which I completely fucked up – I was going to high-fi him for some dumb reason. So we tried that one more time, both extending our fists this time. Why do I always do such dumb things? I apologized and said that I was sleepy already. He said he had noticed while they were playing. Shit, he was watching me standing there looking like a zonked out zombie! I told him I need to find the right combination of soberness-drunkedness in order to have a good time. No kidding! Berny, help me out here!!! So finally I said bye as Ferdi came back to fetch me and slowly walked out.

After the mission I went through to get someone to go with me to Tempos, who knows when I will see these boys again. I could never get tired of watching them play. Their stage presence is awesome. But I am glad I got to see them tonight.

Now I need to get my bloody licence!!!!

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Super 14 is back again!!!

Though the Lions lost (no thanks to the bloody ref) this Super 14 weekend started with a bang. Ferdi, Basti, Shawn and I decided to go to Ellis Park on Friday night to watch the Lions kick off the tournament against the Waratahs after much speculation and talk that this was going to be a fiery match. The support for the Lions has increased quite a bit this year and it was noted in the stadium (though it wasn’t packed like Loftus usually is, but there were still thousands of people despite the rain). As we entered the stadium, a bunch of Lions supporters were busy giving each other a serious round of good games enough to make Ferdi proud. I think I even saw a tear in his eye.

We were clever enough to get seats at the top of the stadium and thus avoided getting wet. The match kicked off soon after we got there and already Lions were roaring. Unfortunately it was the Waratahs that scored first, and led throughout most of the match but the Lions were hot on their feet.

Half-time we were treated to our own version of Steve Hofmeyr as some Idols (?) lightie called Jacques sang his very own Lions song. According to Basti he is regularly on MK. Ja-nee.

After half-time, while Ferdi and Shawn had gone to the bar to fetch drinks (lol), the Lions scored their first and only try and it looked like they were set to do well here. But after a few poor decisions by the ref, like sending Jacque Fourie off to the “sin bin” in the last 15 minutes of the match, their chances were slipping by fast.

The match ended with the Waratahs winning 25-16 but nevertheless I am very proud of the way the Lions held on. And at least they are not bottom of the log!!! (Sorry Bulls and Stormers!! Hahaha!). Lets see what next weekend will hold for the mighty Lions!!!

As we were leaving the stadium, we were met by the sounds of Bok van Blerk’s “De La Rey” coming out of the parking lot. A bunch of drunken dutchies were belting the words out, badly out of tune. Ja-nee, se Ferdi.
(I will include Ferdi’s Fat Eye later on cause I am no way near as hilarious as our fat boy when it comes to sport, though he is a tad forgetful of late. He failed to mention Drew Mitchell’s numerous blunders!!).

Friday, February 02, 2007

The Rumour is TRUE!! Guns n Roses are coming to town!!!

Wooohooo!!!! I am soooooo excited!!!! Ferdi told me a couple of weeks ago that there was a huge possibility that Guns 'n Roses, Linkin Park and Placebo were to play at this year's Coca Colab. I didnt want to say anything until I had more concrete evidence. Well, now I have it. Guns 'n Roses are a sure bet, together with Evanescence and Hoobastank. This year has been renamed as My Coke Fest 2007. So what more could I ask for, Coke and Guns 'n Roses!! Yeah, baby!!
Nothing was mentioned about Placebo or Linkin Park, but while I like both bands, I am not exactly crazy about them. Tickets are apparently on sale from today at Computicket. R375 normal standing, R550 for golden circle. After last weekend, I am extremely broke, so I will have to max out my credit card for this, as I will only go for a Golden Circle ticket. I need to be as close as possible to Axl Rose!!!
When I was 12/13, I had a huge crush on him. I dont know what it was about him, maybe it was a combination of that long hair and his sexy screechy voice. He still gives me butterflies!! I really cant wait to see this band. Their music still ROCKS ON!!!
So who is coming?

Thursday, February 01, 2007

I am officially in Sandton

And I am loving my new office. I share a spacious office (that my boss is jealous of) with my friend, the other business analyst. For some odd reason, I am the only one with a brand new laptop and connected to the internet. The rest are getting frustrated while tapping their fingers impatiently for IT to come up and sort them out. For once, I am the lucky one here.

I am sitting here right next to the window, watching the awesome view from the 10th floor. Its raining far away in the horizon, so a storm is definitely going to hit us soon. I can already see the lightning. Strange, but I am not really afraid of it, as usual. In fact, I am quite fascinated by it all. What did scare me, was the window cleaner dude that went past my window about an hour earlier. Almost jumped out of my seat as I was so into what I was typing. Haha.

I think I am going to love it here, though I found out to my dismay that I cant access the usual websites, just as in my previous job, like msn, myspace and porn (haha). So sorry, guys, we will have to keep on chatting via conventional email and jnf. I just cant work around this.

But there are a lot of perks here. Besides the stunning classy building with speedy lifts, we have breakfast set up for us every morning, free of charge, a tea lady making us tea and coffee whenever we want to, a fridge full of cooldrinks and even booze, and more! I have a brand new laptop that plays DVDs, though I have typing on a laptop. I have always preferred a pc. I still dont have a phone, but that's puddy sticks. Should have one soon. I know some of you might already be experiencing some or all of these beautiful perks but spare a thought for me. At Bank City I didnt have as much, I even had to make my own coffee! The horror! Haha.

Our previous P.A. sent us a huge gift basket to us that moved here. Its full of chocolates, nuts and other yummy stuff. It was so sweet of her. I am gonna miss her so much. Hope she finds a better job soon. Hopefully in Sandton.

I might have to go back to Bonk City (haha) soon as I cant access my old emails from here and still need to sort out a few admin issues there. So there will still be a bit of madness around here. Fun and games!!