Fay Eye 2007: Edition 3

What a fucking awesome weekend! LIONS won, can you believe it? We’re on top of the world now, bitches! It truly was a remarkable weekend of sport! It had everything, Lions winning, Stormers sucking cock, a cricketer getting banned, Aussies getting pommelled (do not excuse the pun!), SHARKS TOPPING THE LOG and a fat guy running 40 meters down the touchline to score s try!

Aaah you gotta love Supersport! Theres just no place like it! So the Week got of to a “weird” start, with the lights going out at Kingsmead, which still wasn’t enough to save the Proteas from actually losing a match! Then in what must have been a really bad idea by the Chinese Taipei touring England – the most racist of country’s – turned really bad when a brawl broke out that would have made any rugby league player think twice about calling soccer a girly sport! About 4 dudes were knocked the fuck out and one dude had his nose broken, aaah the beautiful game!

Friday was however the return to sport normality, or so I thought! But I was greeted at 8 am by a chainsaw wheeling psycho handing out candy to the kids! This was not Saw III, but rather the Hurricanes mascot who sits at the top of a 30 meter crane with a chainsaw in hand, hmmm only in New Zealand, ek se!

I was then stunned by some pictures that were more disturbing than the fact that England were wining the first of 3 finals against Australia! Not less the 3 batsmen – I counted – had pink handles on there bats! Thinking this was a new fashion statement I feared the worst – David Beckham is going to start playing cricket! But alas I was relieved to hear that they are doing it to breast cancer awareness! Me thinks them Poms will do anything to wear Pink!

But as I carried on watching the game I asked myself, why is Brett Lee so goddamn annoying? Is it his nickname – White Heart that is so gay? Is it the fact that he used to play dress up with his mommy’s clothes, but not in the cool way like me and Martin used to do? Or is it maybe that he always has that I just sucked cock face? I don’t know what it is really; maybe it’s just a combination of all the above, but it’s a mystery that will never be solved!

As we all know it is divorce season! But recently it was the other way around! See a woman decided to buy her husband season tickets for his birthday! His birthday was however in November, 3 months into the season! So the wife hides the ticket wasting 3 months worth of memorable moments and gives her husband the ticket on his birthday! It is reported that he filed for divorce immediately and that the judge was so appalled by this woman’s actions that she now has to pay him maintenance while he recovers from this ordeal!

Anyway lets get into the real shit, SUPER 14 baby, o yeah Duffman! So as I said above this week’s fixtures kicked of in New Zealand were men are men and Europeans are not! See this new scrum law sounds as dodgy as it looks really; there isn’t anything nice you can really say about it! As one New Zealander says: It’s probably a result of some IRB official not getting enough attention at home that makes him want to see grown men touch each other on the rugby field! However the Aussies are of the opinion that the law is crapped because you just cannot get a front ranker to follow 4 instructions in a row! Me thinks they might be on to something here!

And in other news the Stormers lost they suck balls, etc, etc! LIONS WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And for Marbro: Sharks won and they are top of the log! As we all know it’s always those fast flashy hunks of muscle on the wings that get all the recognition in rugby! But this week it was the bulk of muscle that got every fat person in the World out there seats and crying like as if it were ok for grown men to cry, *sniff*!

His name is CJ Van der Linde! Registering 130kg and 9.0 on the reicter scale! He does the 100m sprint in just under 2 days and is 20 time all you can eat champion! And this week he found himself in the weirdest position in his life, on the wing (not chicken - Loftus) and with the ball! Here his natural instinct kicked in and he took off down the touchline! It was majestic, like a rapper in motion, better than any Baywatch scene! He broke 4 tackles, ran 40 meters and even had time to do a side step, wow what an artist! Never again will his genius be seen, because after his heroics he had to be carried off, he is dead now, fat people just were not meant to run!

Goodbye big guy!

Brought to you by our sports correspondent, Ferdi