Cycle Challenge

Every year our local gym hosts a cycle challenge for all the gym freaks here at work. Every year I say I wont enter it this time, but every year I get sucked into doing it one more time. I am a sucker for torture. Teams of 5 people, or nutcases, (male/female/mixed) cycle once a week, for 30 minutes, eight weeks in a row. After your cycle, you count the number of kilojoules burnt, and the kilometres cycles. Obviously the more, the better.

The fact that we have to cycle on the stationary bikes at the gym makes it all the more difficult. The seats are so small for my big butt that at the end of the cycle I can hardly bear to sit down. Why I do this to myself, I still don't know.

This year I have an all-female team and we have appropriately called us the "international speed vixens". Ha ha ha. Let' s see if we live up to our names. I will keep score here. The challenge officially started last week, and since I have been sick, I have lots of catching up to do. I still have the sniffles, so I will only probably be able to start next week. That means a LOT of work for me. Damn.

I'll be damned, it's Monday again

How the hell did this weekend fly by me??? I feel as if I was here in the office yesterday, that's how quick my weekend went. Damn.

Friday we raced to the pastor's house for his birthday braai. Drank too much sweet wine, as if it was water. Guess I was thirsty. After that we met Martin and Greg at Roxys for the Battle for Woodstock. The first few bands that we saw were kak. One had a Hoff look-a-like singing for them (he did some weird things with his hands) and then next one had the Chuck as their mascot. Sorry dudes, but Chuck is so last year. And throwing 5c coins at the crowd is not going to get you any fans.

The best band finally came on at last, Inersha. Needless to say, they were the best band on that night and deserved their win. Before they even got on stage, everyone started to chant "INERSHA! INERSHA!" They were awesome. I proceeded to lose my voice as they performed some of their best songs. I screamed, I jumped, I pushed Martin into the mosh pit. Haha. It was all good.

I only managed to get up at 1 in the afternoon the next day. My head was throbbing - more because of the flu than my slight hangover - and my voice came and went. Got up, had some lunch, did some shopping and then got ready for my big task - the baking of the muffins. I am proud to say that, unassisted, I managed to burn only one thing and the muffins came out alright. Hell, they actually tasted good! (no matter what Martin or Ferdi say).

The boys wanted to go for another round of all-you-can-eat ribs at the Spur (the last time we were there it was disastrous and I was sure they'd never let us back there again) so off we went. I had a normal meal, the boys went all out and had several racks of ribs, but they failed to beat their previous record. I think they are losing their touch. Oh, and I think they found their token black guy, finally. His name is Augustine, a waiter at Spur, and shame, poor guy, he got harrassed by Greg. Ferdi reckons we should hang around Spur more often, and eventually Augustine will become part of our gang. It's inevitable.

Other than that I had my picnic with the girls yesterday at the dam. I fell asleep on the grass. It was all good. Wish I was still sleeping on the grass.

I am too lazy today

So lazy, that I dont even want to eat. I am just sitting here, staring at my screen, wishing it was 3 already so I can get the hell out of here to start my weekend. This whole morning I have been sorting through over 1000 jackets that our division ordered for our staff. We never got samples of the damn jackets, so everyone ordered the size they are accustomed to wearing. Turns out that these jackets are a small make, so 90% of the staff cant fit into their jackets. If one more person comes up to complain, heads will roll. So we will have to return most of these jackets - that means more work. I am beat. I wanna go home.

I still have the flu, feel worse than yesterday but I am still going to have some fun this weekend. Tonight we are starting off at our pastor's house to celebrate his birthday, then us kids are going to Roxy's to see some bands battle it out for a chance to play at Woodstock. I will be voting for Inersha - they are awesome.

Tomorrow I will try get as much sleep as possible, though I have to fit in some work as well, since I hardly did a thing this week (thanks to the damn jacket story). And there might be a party or two to go to as well. Sunday will be laid back as usual - first church, then a picnic with the girls. I will be making chocolate muffins for the first time in history. I will let you all know how that goes, it's bound to be a disaster.

So enjoy your weekends, I am going for a quick snooze now. Zzzzzzzzz....

Satanic Rituals

Satanism is not without its rituals. There are basically three types: sex rituals, compassionate rituals and destruction rituals. All correspond to a basic human emotion.

A sex ritual involves a love charm or spell, which is performed to make another person desire you, or to summon someone to fulfill your desires. Quite kinky if you ask me! Lol. And it is quite explicit.

A compassion, or sentiment ritual, is performed to help others, or yourself. This deals with anything from health, domestic happiness, material success, career decisions, academic achievement etc.

Lastly, the destruction ritual (which rather freaks me out, but could help me get rid of a few bodies), is a ritual that is performed to destroy someone/thing that has caused you harm, anger, disdain, annoyance, contempt, or just plain hate. This goes as far as wishing (and thus not even caring) that the intended victim dies.

These rituals are normally produced in a group, which is a reinforcement of faith and power as their combined beliefs will ensure the power of the magic. The participants should have a great desire for the end result, proper timing, and a vivid imagery that will ensure an effective end and successful spell.

Each ritual follows the basic 13 steps, which include setting up an altar (usually in the form of a woman), ringing of a bell, drinking from a chalice and chanting “invocations to Satan” and “infernal names” (of which there are numerous!). All these rituals seem rather ridiculous to me and I can’t imagine anyone performing these in present times, and them actually working! But I suppose, if you believe hard enough in what you are doing, anything is possible. Never underestimate the power of the mind! Sounds scary, doesn’t it?

Oh, and please, do not try these at home! Lol.

Things that irritate me

I get irritated easily, much to my annoyance, but I just can’t help it most of the time. Lately I find it very hard to keep my cool, and one of these days a poor unsuspecting fool is gonna get a tongue-lashing from me. I don’t know what is it with me these days. Maybe I am too stressed? Maybe I need a life-changing situation that will steer me in the right direction?

Here is a list of my main irritations:

1.People that don’t pick up their feet when they walk, they just slide.
2.Women that wear noisy jewellery, like bangles.
3.People who chew with their mouths open and/or chew gum like cows.
4.People who interrupt me when I am talking, or deliberately change the subject when I am in the middle of a conversation.
5.People who talk loud.
6.Taxi drivers, reckless/slow drivers
7.Pedestrians that cross the road whenever they please, and disregard the robot.
8.People who nick my pens from my desk
9.My dear colleagues that divert their phones with me cause they think I like to play receptionist.
10.Liars, 90% of the time I will catch you out
11.People that click their pens absentmindedly
12.Skinny/anorexic chicks
13.Girls who always go on and on and on and on about their weight, diets, wonderful boyfriends
14.Two-faced people
15.Chirpy people, when I am in a kak mood.
16.People that can’t freaking wait for something, when they know I am too busy to help them right now.
17.Stupid conversations that go on around me when I am trying to concentrate on my work (yes, occasionally I work)
18.Drama queens
19.Attentions seekers
20.The idiot that keeps on switching off my computer when I am working on something (he almost did it just now again but I told him to F’ off before he had the chance).

And yes, I am highly irritated today.

South African Music

One of the things I really love about South Africa is its abundance of kick-ass rock bands. Over the past 6 years or so, I have seen hundreds of quality bands coming out on to the rock scene. Pity that a lot of them don’t get much radio airplay since a lot of this music is not “radio-friendly” – what a load of bull. Radio can stick it you know where…

Last Friday I went to watch The Narrow at Roxy’s – one of the best hangouts in Joburg where you can see some of SA’s finest bands. MyEpic (formerly known as Blow) opened for them and we managed to catch their last 3 songs before the Narrow came on. They have really improved a lot since their Blow days, haha. The Narrow is one of my favourite South African bands. They have an amazing stage presence and always get the crowd going. I managed to secure a spot right in front, under their dishy guitarist, Emile De Jong. Mmmm. I almost got mauled by the mosh pit, and hurt my elbow quite a bit, but the pain and bruises were definitely worth it.

Rumours are that The Narrow have been signed by an overseas label, most likely an American one, after their recent trip to LA. This means that they will be relocating, which is a pity, but these boys deserve to go global. I wish them well!

Other favourite South African bands of mine are 16Stitch, Pestroy, Wickhead, Wonderboom, SixofNine, Prime Circle, Bloodline, Inersha, Fuzigish, Sugardrive and Unwritten Friday, among others. This year I will be going to Woodstock again, third year in a row, and I can’t wait to see all these bands and others, during this action packed weekend! It’s gonna be awesome!

SA ROCKS!!

I am sick again!

Damnit, I can't believe that I have caught the flu once again, especially after I went through so much trouble to get my damn rotten tonsils out! I am fuming! And I owe it all to Ferdi. He got sick this weekend, and in true Ferdi-style, passed his germs onto me. Why can't he ever give them to Weasel? It's just not fair.

I knew I was sick immediately when I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat and fever. After that I woke up about 10 times, every time having the same recurring nightmare. I watched "Finding Neverland" last night so that kind of stuck in my head. I dreamt that I had to finish writing a play but never got round to it. Its funny how, when I am sick, I always dream about the movie I watched earlier that evening. Maybe I watch too much TV. People have said that before. Not that that is going to stop me.

Stupid me came to work today in any case, even though my head is pounding and my nose is dripping non-stop. I tried to get my dad to fetch me early, but thanks to Ferdi having a class this afternoon, I can only leave after 3 this afternoon. So in the meantime I am sitting tight, trying not to fall asleep. Thank goodness my boss is playing golf today. I want my mommy.

The Book of Satan, Part Two

I have been reading a bit more of the Book of Satan this weekend, and I have to agree with what Jeremy commented on my first discussion of this book, that this “Church” is extremely arrogant and self-righteous (aren’t a lot of religions like that though!).

The Book of Satan opens criticism to the biblical verse “Love one another”, by asking, “why should we love another and not hate our enemies”. I can imagine that being a very difficult thing to do. How can you possibly love the criminal that killed a loved one, raped you, stole from you, did you harm? Why should we love them? It is so much easier to despise them, and rightly so, I’d think!

It also states that if someone causes you any harm, do not “turn the other cheek” as the Bible states, rather, if he smites you on one cheek, smash him on the other! Sure, that would seem the most logical thing to do, but that does not always bring the desired effect. You might feel some temporary surge of satisfaction, but the emotional pain will still be there in the end. Revenge is not always that sweet.

One thing that I do agree with 100% in the Satanic verses is that we should not deprive ourselves of the joys that life has to offer. What is the purpose of abstinence? I don’t understand people that supposedly choose to lead a “pure” life of celibacy, no drinking, no entertainment, with a few earthly possessions, etc. Why lead such boring lives? We were put here on earth to make the most of our lives, to enjoy it, here and NOW! After all, we only get one chance! Many say that they want to live ordinary lives to prepare themselves for heaven, but what if there is no heaven? I know I will be attacked for making such a statement, that I should have more faith and believe that there IS a heaven, and a hell, but I tend to be a bit more on the skeptical and realistic side. There is always that slight possibility that there is no heaven, whatever the odds.

So my belief is, that as long as I live a good decent life, enjoy all its fruits and riches as much as possible, without hurting anyone in the process, I should be ok, no matter what is on the other side of death. What is wrong with that?

The most simplified description of Satanic belief is “Indulgence instead of Abstinence”. Ponder on that for a while. It doesn’t sound too bad to me.

FNB Giveaway Scam

It’s amazing how emails advertising free stuff spread like wildfire! Two days ago I received the same e-mail from two different friends, which said:

Dear All,
You may wish to add another mobile to your wardrobe
Nokia Is Giving Away Phones For "FREE"!! Nokia is trying word-of-mouth advertising to introduce its products. And the reward you receive for advertising for them is a phone free of cost!
To receive your free phone all you need to do is send this email out to 8 people (for a free Nokia 6210) or to 20 people (for a free Nokia WAP).
Within 2 weeks you will receive a free phone.
(They contact you via your email address).
You must send a copy to nokiaworld@mail2gsm.com

It had the FNB logo attached to it, as well as FNB employee’s name and details. I knew immediately that this was a hoax as I have received several such e-mails in the past. And I can’t believe that people still fall for this crap!

And of course, I was right about it. News 24 ran a story on it yesterday, describing how it became a huge nightmare for this bank official, who decided to just forward it to a few friends. His “friends” obviously forgot to delete his details from the e-mail message – actually, he should have deleted them when he sent out this e-mail, especially since it was not work related!
Suddenly he got bombarded with calls from as far as Namibia, from people claiming their “free phone”. As his details remained in the message as it was forwarded from person to person, it was soon regarded as an “FNB Giveaway”. He has now reported it to top management, but it will take a while for this to stop. Once word gets out, no matter how ridiculous, it’s hard for it to stop spreading.

Apparently, these sort of hoaxes have been going on since March 2000, according to Nokia, so it looks as if this will go on for quite a while still. I just can’t believe that people are so gullible! Nothing in life is for free, damnit!

Wanna get Lost?

This second season of Lost is starting to annoy the hell out of me. It's generally a good story line, great concept, but really, do we need more than one season that just gets dragged on and on??? It would have been more successful if it had been made into a mini-series. Just how many more twists and turns, flashbacks, and shots of Hurley's never-decreasing waistline can one take?

I sure as hell can't take any of it anymore, so one of my colleagues has kindly given me a synopsis of what happens till the end of season two. We have 2 more episodes to go, and while I won't give any of it away, after reading it, I am more confused than ever. When is this going to end? It is so frustrating.

I always say to myself that if I had to get lost on an island, it would be the best thing that could ever happen to me. But if it's anything like the guys on this island, I'd rather stay here in my own little boring world, thanks.

The Germans are back

The pastor and his family landed back in South Africa early yesterday morning, and as is customary with most of our travelling adventures, with lots of drama. My dad got up at 4am yesterday so that he could be at the airport at 5am in time for their arrival. I didn't hear him at all, until I heard the door open with a bang and him shouting at the top of his voice, calling my brother and mother. I thought something serious had happened, like a car being stolen, but I just couldn't bring myself to get up and find out what was plotting. And I didn't have to. My brother, the Weasel, in his usual drama-queen self, got up, went to help my dad in his situation, and soon came back in a tiff, swearing at my dad cause he had forgotten how to start my uncle's car, which he was borrowing that morning.

So all that for nothing. I live with a bunch of drama queens! And you'd think I'd fall right back to sleep, since I had an hour plus till I got up. But no, I was now wide awake. Wondering why the hell I still live with my parents. Hence my bad mood yesterday. I am grumpy on most days, but I am extremely bitchy when I dont get enough sleep - sorry Marbro!!

Anyhoo, back to the airport saga. The pastor and his four kids arrived on time, while his wife was due to arrive later, with Air Lufthansa, as she had connections with this airline. But she didn't arrive on time. Turns out, that when she was about to board the plane, she was told that the flight was full and asked to fly with Air Namibia, via Windhoek and given EUR300.00 as compensation. So she agreed. Why the hell not?

She made it fine, back to SA (I thought maybe she had decided to abandon her family and move to Namibia, haha. Her family is crazy enough), but her luggage didn't! To date, it is still lost, and the airline hasn't got a freaking clue where it's disappeared to. They want to compensate them for that loss too, but how do you put a value to all the gifts she had in her luggage? She had tons of presents she had received from her relatives, for her and her husband's 25th wedding anniversary. Now that is rotten luck! For her sake, I hope they find it, but if it's still missing now, then it's sure as gone forever.

Some gifts did make it here though. My brothers got huge slabs of Milka chocolates from Basti, which they were forced to share with me and my parents last night. Yum yum yum.

The Department of Labour and HIV/Aids

In a recent article in the Citizen, it was reported that 88% of the staff in the Labour Department are healthy. While that is all good and well, I was shocked to find out about some of the results that were obtained in a recent investigation by the Public Service Commission to determine how HIV/Aids was being managed in the public sector. It was found that 40% of the public officials were at very high risk of contracting the virus, due to their behaviour and limited knowledge of the disease.

In addition to that, 48% of civil servants in Mpumalanga and 49% in Gauteng, believed that HIV/Aids could be cured. If this is the perception of public officials, I am scared to even find out what the rest of the population thinks about HIV/Aids. What happened to educating people about the dangers of HIV/Aids, that anti-retrovirals do not cure it, they merely delay its onset?

But it’s no wonder really, that this is what a lot of people believe about the deadly disease. Especially when we have a president that makes stupid comments about HIV not causing Aids, and then the Minister of Health stating that in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle with the HIV virus, you must live on potatoes and onions. Yes, potatoes and onions. Then you should be fine.

Fair enough, the government is conducting several AIDS awareness campaigns to educate its employees, with prevention being the focus. But is it enough? And are they able to reach all areas, especially the rural areas, where this sort of awareness is most needed? Somehow I don’t think so. I just hope they are all at least taking a shower.

The Book of Satan

I am doing the unthinkable – talking about religion. Here goes nothing…

Recently I read the Book of Satan (thank you Marbro, for the link), written by Anton Szandor LaVey. He is called the “Black Pope” by his followers and is the high priest of the Church of Satan. Curious as I am about other religions and beliefs, I read through this book with an open mind, and was surprised to find myself actually agreeing with a lot of his ideals and notions.

Most of us have a misconception about Satanists that is way off from what is real and true. I always thought that they walked around in black robes, sacrificed babies and virgins to the devil and practiced other obscenities like drinking blood, killing, looting and extreme variations of black magic and voodoo. In other words, welcome to the dark side, baby!

Then came Anton LaVey and threw all these crazy ideas that we had about Satanists out the window and founded his “Church of Satan”. The fact that he calls it a church seems rather hypocritical as a church is associated with Christianity. But it’s through the criticism and apparent hypocrisy of Christianity that he bases Satanism.

One notion of his is that instead of denying ourselves the sins of the flesh, we should give in to our carnal desires and celebrate them. He spoke of how men would lust after girls, indulge in their desires of the flesh, and then go to church on Sunday to repent for their sins. Sunday after Sunday, repent for the same sins. What is the point of that? Why ask for forgiveness, if you are going to repeat your actions over and over again? I agree with this, it seems we have grown so used to asking God for forgiveness, and expecting to be forgiven automatically, that we don’t think twice about committing the same transgression again and again, because we know we will be forgiven if we ask God to do so. That is hypocritical behaviour through and through.

What the Church of Satan stands for is spelled out in the following,
The Nine Satanic Statements:
1. Satan represents indulgences, instead of abstinence!
2. Satan represents vital existence, instead of spiritual pipe dreams!
3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom, instead of hypocritical self-deceit!
4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it, instead of love wasted on ingrates!
5. Satan represents vengeance, instead of turning the other cheek!
6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible, instead of concern for the psychic vampires!
7. Satan represents man just as another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development”, has become the most vicious animal of all!
8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!
9. Satan has been the best friend the church has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years!

I have questioned my religion a lot recently (I am a Lutheran), and even though I agree with some of the Satanic Statements, it does not mean I now intend to become a full-blown Satanist. It has just opened my mind to a whole more possibilities, and more nagging questions about the beliefs I grew up with. Which is enough to give my mother a full head of grey hair!

Urban Trash

My cool friend Jeremy Nell, one of the funniest cartoonists South Africa has to offer, has recently added a forum to his Urban Trash website, Urban Trash Forums . Check it out! Talk about the daily cartoon strips, your favourite character, talk about general kak if you like, but just take a look at it!

World Cup 2010

There has been a lot of hype and numerous criticisms being thrown at South Africa’s imminent doom to fail to host the 2010 World Cup, especially now that the current World Cup has just come to a close. Germany produced one of the best tournaments in history, no doubt, as they are a very rich first-world country. Will SA fit the bill? Will they be able to match Germany’s success?

I think, at least, South Africa deserves a chance. Let’s see what they can do these next four years and show them our support! All this negativity that is going round at the moment is surely not going to help this country. All it takes is a little faith and participation from each and every South African citizen. I for one, can’t wait for 2010. This event will be good for the economy as it is bound to bring in billions of rands into our country.

People have to remember that SA is still a third-world country, still trying to rebuild itself after years of apartheid. So of course, this preparation won’t be an easy task, there will surely be setbacks and obstacles. And you can’t now go and compare South Africa with a country like Germany now, can you?

It’s very easy to criticize, and it usually comes from people who don’t really know what they are talking about. Plans have already begun for the building of new stadiums and renovations of the old ones. I think this will turn out to be one of the greatest events South Africa has ever hosted, after all the soccer World Cup is the most exciting event in the world! As for Bafana Bafana, actually performing well…ha ha, well, I’d rather not comment!

The 2010 logo was recently unveiled, showing a man kicking a ball, with Africa in the background. It reminds me of the SABC logo, I wonder if it was the same person that designed both! It is definitely very African. I didn’t like it at first, but it’s starting to grow on me. Let’s hope this puts South Africa on the map, for once and for all (and show those Americans that we don’t ride on elephants to work, we ride on lions for goodness’ sakes!).

Waiting - careful how you treat your waiter

Last night we hired "Waiting", starring Ryan Reynolds, one of my favourite actors. As usual, he is hilarious, providing laugh-a-minute jokes. This film is based in a restaurant called Shenaniganz, which tells the story of their young employees and how they deal with boredom and adulthood with their antics.

It made me think twice about eating out! As with most restaurants, I am sure, you always get that bitch/bastard who will complain about anything and everything, just because they can (actually because they are so damn anal retentive). In this case, the waitress had to deal with a bitchy woman who just couldn't be pleased. She had to take her food back to the kitchen so that her food order could be corrected. And correct it they did! First they added more gravy to her mash, which consisted of gob. Then her steak was made extra juicy by rubbing it in the cook's privates. Add to that some salt (dandruff) and garnish (pubic hair) and voila - the perfect gourmet meal! She sure enjoyed that one!

And you have to agree with what Monty (Ryan Reynolds' character) says to explain their actions: "I guess we should feel some sort of guilt, but she broke the cardinal rule; never fuck with people who handle your food." Amen brother! Never mess with a waiter!

I certainly know how waiters/tresses feel! They constantly have to put up with these sort of people who think they have a right to make a fuss all the time. I understand that when you are eating out you want good service, but for gawdsakes, treat these people with respect! Then they will give you the same respect! They are, after all, also human beings!! You'd have to be stupid to mess with them, you just don't know how they will get their revenge (and believe me, they will).

I was a waitress once, for a total of 7 days. I just couldn't take the snootyness that I got from most of my customers. I came very close to spitting in their food but working there was so fast-paced that you didnt even have time to think of what to do next. That's why I threw in the towel so soon. I kinda felt like this chick that was also in the film, she must have mentioned the f-word about 200 times and was in serious need of anger-management classes. No kidding.
However, the highlight of the movie had to be the two busboys/wannabe gangster rappers. If you ever get to see the movie, watch right till the end of the credits for their "Busboys Paradise" Rap song. It was written by Andy Milonakis (of MTV fame), who plays one of the busboys. If anyone can get me the lyrics to the song, I'd really appreciate it!!

What to do on a Saturday night when you are bored

I am all alone at our pastor's house, which Ferdi is supposed to housesit. Since he is out working with my parents till later tonight, I am sitting here, bored to tears, looking for something remotely exciting to do. So what do you do, when you are all alone. Here are some ideas, feel free to chip in:

1. Surf for porn on the pastor's computer (now that is a winner)
2. Hide cigarrettes, condoms and girls' undies in Basti's (the pastor's son) room.
3. Raid the liquour cabinet, drink all the booze, alone.
4. Dance naked in the corridors.
5. Compose a song
6. Chat on the net
7. Phone random numbers and ask them if their fridge is running.
8. Go to the church's back room, and swap the holy communion's sherry with grapetiser
9. Paint the dog the colour of Argentina's flag
10. Donate the dog to a chinese family
11. Wash the dishes (ok, no that was a joke, just checking if you are all awake).
12. Watch what kak is on tv
13. Phone Marbro and ask him what he is wearing, wait for the answer then hang up.
14. Shave the dog
15. Catch up on some work (as if!)

After all this, I am still bored. Sigh.

Weekend is here

I have nothing to do this weekend. I just can't believe it. And for some reason, I am quite disappointed. I should be glad though. This means I can catch up on some sleep, clean my room (how boring) and do some reading this weekend. Yawn.

But never fear, I have actually been invited to a party at the office!! Can you believe it! One of the accountants has resigned so we are throwing him a little farewell party just now, at the office pub. Yes, we have an pub on our floor, which happens to be right next to our CEO's office. How convenient. Ha ha. I need a drink quite badly actually.

So that is all the excitement I will be having this weekend, before I even go home tonight. But at least I won't be falling out of any trees!! (touch wood - or NOT!).

I need a new job

I think I have had it, working here at the bank, for a measly little salary. It seems I get stuck doing all the kak jobs, being mistaken for a personal assistant, being left out of office celebrations, and only being part of "the team" when someone needs something from me. I can't do this anymore.

Our financial year ended last month and so naturally, there have been several office parties to celebrate this occassion. Our sales and marketing team, of which supposedly I am part of, has been invited to about 2-3 of these celebrations. Since I am "just" a business analyst, meaning I perform "support" tasks, I was not considered. Neither was our p.a. and 4 other business analysts. We are just here to do their dirty work while management reaps all the benefits. They will get the fat bonuses next month, so they can buy the latest bmw, renovate their homes once more and go on a fancy 3-week overseas holiday. Now how is that fair?

At least I am still invited to our sales and marketing weekend away later this year. We are going to Zambia. Woopee, at least they remembered me then. Though myself and others came very close to being left out. Maybe I am being petty. Most companies dont give even half of the benefits that we get here. But the point I am trying to make is, that I am tired of some people getting preferential treatment, over others who work their butts off all day. My boss always gives me high praises for my excellent work, but I hardly ever get the recognition I deserve. Let's wait and see what happens next month when bonus and increase letters are handed out. In the meantime, I am going to be searching the job ads.

I have a new pc!!

Forgive me for acting like a kid at Christmas, but I am so excited about getting a new pc here at work. You see, us plebs in the office hardly ever get anything new so you can imagine my excitement and surprise when I was told by IT that I was entitled to an upgrade. I had to wait four long years for this! I got a very snazzy new Dell pc, with the following specs: Pentium (R) 4CPU 3.00GHz 2.99 GHz, 0.99 GB of RAM. All Greek to me but maybe it means something to you IT dudes. And maybe a lot of you have better pcs than mine, but hey, let me bask in my pride and excitement for a little while, at least?

Here is my new baby:
















Yes, those are the Chippendales that I met last year, on my screen...

Embarrassing Moments

This is Tuesday's blog...

I don’t know what happened to me on Sunday, which caused me to write such kak. Lol. I really must have been bored. The past few days have been quite busy so I haven’t been able to post anything. After 2 months of procrastinating, being sick and what not, I finally returned to the gym. I went to the pilates class yesterday and today I did some stretching, cycling and floor exercises with my instructor. I am quite stiff right now so I can hardly move right now. But I will still go for more torture tomorrow. Guess I am a sucker for pain.

The past two days I have been thinking a lot about embarrassing moments. I have had plenty of those but I conveniently erase them from my mind. But some, no matter how hard I try, still come back to haunt me. Like the time I walked into the men’s toilet at a work function. Riiigggghht, moving on. I get embarrassed quite easily, my cheeks go so red that I can feel my body temperature rising at least 20 degrees and my stomach doing cartwheels inside. I really don’t know how I get myself into these situations.

The one moment that will haunt me till the day I die happened when I was 10 years old. I used to be an extremely shy girl, and since I didn’t speak much English then, I tried to maintain a very low profile. One day I was sitting in class, minding my own business, when my teacher calls one of the boys in my class and says, “Daniel, why do you keep on turning around and staring at Carolina (that’s my full name) all the time? Do you like her?” His immediate answer was a yes which was followed by an eruption of laughter from the whole class. First my cheeks went red, then my heart was beating at an alarming rate, followed by tears that I fought to control. I was mortified! My teacher was unconcerned and carried on with the torture. She turned to me and said, “Carolina, do you like him?” I looked down at the floor and shook my head slowly. I couldn’t wait till I got home so I could just fall into bed and die. Soon after that I saw that Daniel kept a little card in his pocket that said “I love Carolina”. If I think about it now, it was actually rather sweet, but the fact that I was publicly humiliated like that just ruined everything. I did like him too…after all.

Well, now I can just think back and laugh, and think of what could have been, at the ripe age of 10, ha ha. Though I still blush every time I think about it!

At least my classroom experience wasn’t as bad as this one that I received via e-mail not so long ago:
This one actually happened at Harvard University. In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?"
"That's correct," responded the professor, going on to add much statistical data. Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class. However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!

Internet Problems

The past few days I couldn't get into blogspot for some unknown reason. Everyone else could, except me. So I couldn't post anything, much to my annoyance. But I am back, and I will post Tuesday's blog in a moment or two (yesterday I was convinced I wouldn't ever be able to access my blog so I didn't prepare anything else. Yes, I am a of little faith). At least, I actually got some work done this week!

Don't talk to me about heros!

Last night my brothers, a friend and I decided to go watch "Superman" at the drive-in since we had nothing better to do on a Saturday night. We got there an hour early, and for the first time ever, we were turned away as the drive-in was full already! Who'd have thought that so many people wanted to see a man who wears his underwear on the outside??!! So we didn't get to see it, and instead watched "The Chronicles of Narnia" DVD at home.

Superman was probably the first action hero that was created, though I could be wrong as my comic book history is quite bad. I was first introduced to this hero when I watched the first Superman film, played by the late Christopher Reeves. I loved the catch phrase, "Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Superman!" Soon we got to see other characters, like Supergirl, Batman and Robin, Wonder Woman, Spiderman, etc.

Batman has always been my personal favourite. A rich businessman by day, a masked bat-like man by night, driving a swanky batmobile in Gotham City to rescue the damsel in distress and face evil opponents like the Penguin, Scarecrow and the Riddler. Several actors have put on the bat suit but my favourite, to this day, is Val Kilmer. He had all the mysterious air and sex appeal that was needed to portray Bruce Wayne aka Batman.

Some films have been a flop, like Daredevil, and its spin-off, Elektra. Somehow I just can't imagine Ben Affleck playing an action hero. He should stick to his wimp-like roles in romantic dramas and such. Though I did enjoy watching Colin Farrell playing the thug called Bullseye. That part suited him to the tee.

So why am I rambling on about something that I truly know very little about? I dont know, I guess I am bored. Heros have meant little to me as I don't consider anyone to be my hero. These characters are purely fictional, no doubt, but wouldn't it be nice to have a real life Batman in our midst? Or a Superman? Who is your favourite action hero? And if you were to become one, what would be your pseudonym? What powers would you love to have? I think I'd like to be called Super-Domesticator and turn men into domesticated beings. Ha ha. I can only dream.

Withdrawal Symptoms

Even though the World Cup is officially ending this Sunday, my World Cup ended when Argentina was unceremoniously booted out by those Germans. So I already have withdrawal symptoms. The tournament just flew by faster than you can say, those damn Germans wasted our time! Yes, they wasted our time, they should have just let Arg go through, cause they were the better team. And no, this is not a biased opinion!

Now we have to wait another 4 years for World Cup glory. 2010. South Africa's turn. Many people (s0me who don't even know what the hell they are talking about) have already criticised SA that it will somehow manage to screw everything up and produce a most disastrous event. Let's give SA a chance, ok? This country may be inexperienced, for sure, but anything can happen in four years. If anything, this economy needs this.

Anyway, back to the current World Cup. It's down to France and Italy now. Who is going to win? To ease Ferdi's decision-making, I used some food analogies, which he loved. It's a choice between ravioli and french fries. Ferdi loves chips, but also loves pasta. So that didn't really help things much. But eventually he chose the french fries, since we have had enough of the Italians. So vive la France! Let's see if Zidane will get to lift the cup once more!

On a less important matter - Germany is fighting the Portuguese for third place. Another food analogy: eisbein versus prego rolls. I am not a big fan of eisbein (since I only eat beef), so prego rolls it is. Ronaldo just better keep his diving skills to a minimum. Word from Ulrike and co in Germany is that they are preparing a big party for tomorrow in the church hall. They have just gotten a truck full of alcohol. Yes, a truck full. Now why am not there???

Have a good weekend everyone.

Does my bum look fat in these pants?

Normally I steer clear of these kind of questions, cause frankly, you are never satisfied with the answer. If the answer is no, you think the person is lying. If the answer is yes, you think the person is lying and want to kill them. By asking that question, you are just asking for trouble. So it's always best to avoid any weight discussions. So why am I discussing it now? Frankly, I don't know.

Females will discuss this issue till they are blue in the face and still get nowhere. Cause 99.9% of them are never happy with their weight. And this epidemic is spreading to men as well i.e. metrosexuals (Ferdi and Marbro included, ha ha). On jnf, the girls have discussed it extensively and are still going at it. I think I added my 2 cents worth once and never again. I couldn't be bothered. I have come to the conclusion that no matter what I do, I will always gain weight here and there. I just have to deal with it and be happy with my body, enjoy it now cause it will only get worse as I grow older. That's why I stopped weighing myself a long time ago, as long as I look good in my clothes, then I am happy. If anyone has a problem with that, too bad I dont give a damn really. My brothers always go on about how I have a big bum, but that is typical "brotherly love", their opinions don't really count.

The reason I came up with this topic today was an email that I received from one of my pastor's daughters this morning. She is in Germany at the moment and thinks she has put on a bit of weight after sampling a bit of German food. That idea popped into her head thanks to her inconsiderate family who are talking behind her back about her increasing weight. I felt really sorry for her and tried my best to convince her that she is indeed not fat. What baffles me is that this girl has got the best figure in the family and now they are ganging up on her. I suppose it's jealousy but really? Is this criticism really necessary? Most women can't handle being called fat and in a world that is plagued by anorexics and bulimics, people should think twice before calling a woman fat, especially one who is not really fat!

I am tired of seeing skinny girls with their bones protuding and their clothes hanging shapelessly! It is disgusting and sickening. I can't believe that any decent man would be attracted to such walking skeletons. Surely you want something to hold onto and keep you warm at night, right?

The joys of training

The past few days I have been sitting in a tiny cold room listening to some guy try to teach us how to use Business Objects. It's very useful tool that allows you to run your own reports, the way you want them. But what I learnt in two days, I could seriously have learnt in half a day. I can't really complain, it was two days out of the office. Plus I got home at at 15:30, both days so I could chill at home and do nothing. But that was serious precious time, wasted, all gone, can't get it back now.

What is it about trainers that can't seem to get moving at a faster pace? Is it me, that is too quick to grasp new concepts? Or are they just too slow? This dude struggled to construct a proper sentence, used the word "basically" way too many times and didn't know how to use a projector (half the time he even forgot to switch it on).

So, after doing all the boring introductions around the room, he started with the lesson, skipped module one, went straight to module two, no explanations whatsoever on how to log on to the system and start from scratch. So when it comes to exercise time and we are all busy struggling with this thing, he suddenly says "oh, yeah, I didnt tell you guys that I have a different method of teaching. And I forgot to tell you how to log on. Ooops! My bad". Something tells me he should relook at his methods then. I finished all my exercises in record time or didn't bother to do them at all. It's not like he checked, so why bother?

When it came to lunch time, he got us down to the cafeteria fifteen minutes before the food was even served. Just to avoid "the rush". Hmm, didn't see any rush, none at all. Food was kak and all, but at least it was paid for. The only problem was, that to get me to concentrate after having a full meal was a mammoth task. If I wasn't falling asleep behind my pc, I was busy playing Freecell, just to keep awake. Man, it was hard - the staying awake part, not the game.

I still gave him a fair rating though, at the end of the course. Guess I am too nice, but I did feel bad, he did at least try a bit. And I didnt come empty-handed. I got this nifty little cooler bag where I can hide my booze at work. Cool. And yes, I learnt some stuff. Now I am ready to do my reports with my own "Winnie the Pooh" templates! Wait till my boss gets a load of this, ha ha.

I am still alive!

Contrary to the nasty rumours that marbro and my brother, Ferdi, have been spreading about me being dead and all, I am still alive and kicking. Still breathing! I checked! So don't believe what they say. And I hear they are advertising for a token black guy. Oh dear, what next? Ha ha.

Anyway, I was away on a course for the past few days, which was a total waste of time, but my boss doesn't have to know. It was nice been out of the office, and I got to go home at three every afternoon. Very very nice, indeed! So that is why I haven't posted the past few days. I have been challenged to post more by Hormzones, so, since I love a challenge, expect a full blog later this afternoon!!