Friday, March 30, 2007

Stay Awake vs Beauty Sleep

A while ago our Youth Group decided to have a stay-awake as a fundraiser to cover our costs for this year’s Youth Day (Jugendtag) t-shirts. That stay awake but was supposed to happen tonight. Actually, its happening right now as I am typing this. I should be there, typing it this blog in the church hall, but instead I am in my room, getting ready to go to bed. I lasted about three hours and then decided that I am too old for this crap. After 27 years, even though I still feel young at heart, I didn’t feel like hanging around juvenile delinquents (I miss those days) and instead opted to go to Edelweiss with Ulrike and Uwe and then catch some zzzzz’s. I get little sleep as it is. Might as well sleep tonight.

I was disappointed to see an almost empty Edelweiss. Usually it is buzzing with noise and happy drunken people. Not this time. It took me a while to realised why this was so. The Austrian band was not playing tonight. Bummer. After half a litre of beer and a Jagermeister, we moved to the Blue Goose, my favourite hangout for girls’ night out. Though this time it wasn’t just girls, as Uwe was there of course, and his friend Deon.

That turned out to be a barrel of laughter. We sat inside to avoid the chilly weather outside and watched an Afrikaans two-man band (ok one was a woman) finish their last two songs. There was a freaky old man lurking nearby who loved to play his air-guitar and talked to anyone who cared (or didn’t care) to listen. He was hilarious! He was dressed alright I suppose, but his general appearance made him look almost like a hobo if you looked at his long grey unkempt beard and the way he kept on scratching himself.

After minutes of watching this creature, Deon and I started to scratch ourselves too. Kind of like when you watch someone yawning. Its contagious. After the band finished, some classic rock songs came on and there he went playing his air guitar again. I struggled to control my giggles. We warned each other not to make any eye contact with him lest he comes and talks to us, but he did anyway. First to ask us for a cigarette and then to ask us if the Sharks had played today. Uwe told him that yes, they won today, thinking that they were playing tomorrow and thus tell a little white lie to this old man. Lie, he did. Little did he know that the Sharks had in fact played today, and that they lost to the Force. Uwe was shocked. Lol.

Eventually I started to feel sorry for this man as he counted the last of his coins to see if he could buy another drink. Sure, one shouldn’t feel sorry for a man who spent all his money on alcohol and reeked of it. Not at all. But I felt bad that he was a loner and no one really seemed to pay any attention to him. I’d hate to be alone.

I couldn’t laugh at him anymore and I was glad when we finally paid the bill and left. I sure hope he wasn’t driving anywhere cause he wasn’t in any state to drive. But by the way he looked, I somehow doubted that he even had a cat – though appearances can be deceiving. I have learnt the hard to never judge a book by its cover.

Despite that, I had a good time tonight. It was what I needed. Now its time for me to get my beauty sleep!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I have been lazy

I haven't kept up to date with my blog now for a while as I have not only gotten lazy but I have become addicted to myspace and JNF while burning the midnight oil. Who thought that this wonderful 3G card would deprive me of sleep and basically a social life! Ok, I still maintain a good social life, having attended some really good gigs lately, but I feel like I am a walking zombie. Ah, the joys of the internet.

So if I have been browsing the internet during ungodly hours, why havent I updated my blog? I am afraid I dont know the answer to that, I guess other things have kept me occupied.

Last Saturday was also a momentous occassion for our family. It was the first time ever, in almost 19 years since we first landed in South Africa, that one of our relatives came to visit us here in the land of the wild (they think we live in a jungle with animals roaming free, haha). Well, actually, two of them came, my aunt and uncle. My uncle is also my godfather.

So I am so excited to have them here. Unfortunately I havent been able to spend much time with them since I have to work, and they are busy travelling all over the place with my parents and other aunt and uncle. I would have loved to join them, but I am broke. There is nothing I can do about that now.

This week they all went to the Kruger National Park (been there, done that, twice, got extremely bored, twice). And they experienced it to the full - quite literally actually. One of the car's battery went dead in the middle of the park! 300 metres from a pack of Lions! While one car went to get help, some 60km away, my dad and uncle sat in the car terrified, armed with knives and pitch forks, as they couldnt close the electric windows. Sounds like something out of a movie. My uncle said he poked one lion in the eye, but I could not take him seriously, lol.

Three hours later they were rescued, safe and sound. Why does it always get interesting when I am not around? Not that I'd want to be anywhere near lions!!! (unless we are talking about the rugby team, hehehehhhhh)

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Friday night at Sundowners

After 6 U-turns, we eventually found Sundowners in a dark secluded spot. Despite the surroundings, the evening turned out to be kickass! As the newly appointed sergeant of the Aion Truth Army (together with Berny) I made it my mission to support Aion Truth as much as I can. They have really come a long way and are doing so well! I am so proud of them!

First up was Jam on Tuesday, led by Gill. I enjoyed watching this band, they were super chilled. In the meantime I was indulging in the cheap drinks at the bar. For someone like me, who is usually broke, I felt as if I was in alcohol heaven! Lol.

Then it was Aion Truth. I was glad to see a big crowd going wild to their tunes. This was one of their better performances, for sure, and their new song, “Deliver Us” is surely going to be a hit! Cant wait to listen to the demo! I went a bit trigger happy and got some nice photos of the band. I just hope I didn’t blind them with my overpowering flash. Lol. They must have felt like the true celebrities that they should be as cameras clicked all over the front of the stage.

Next was Falling Short. I had been chatting to their lead singer, Reinard, for a while now on myspace, but I was not sure what he really looked like. Eventually I took a chance and approached the guy that I thought might be him. And I was right. What a cool guy! I stood in front and watched them play. I enjoyed their stuff too.

While I waited patiently for Chromium to set up, Ferdi, Amy, Tarryn and I enclosed little Dylan in a group hug. The little Weasel managed to escape out of it. Strange that he doesn’t like group hugs…lol. When Chromium was ready to start, we moved to the front and went crazy. Halfway through the set, Adrian through a Chromium button at the crowd, I managed to smack it out of some girl’s hand. It then fell to the floor but I was too quick for her. I stood on it with my foot and recovered it from the floor. It was all mine, my preciousssssss.

After the gig I got another button from Jared, for my sidekick, Berny. She has to have one too, of course.
The evening ended well, and soon after Ferdi and I headed home, not without getting lost once. I wanted to go on to Roxys with the Falling Short guys, but I was tired, and I needed to get up early to await my uncle and aunt’s arrival from Argentina.

Cant wait for the next gig now! Saturday at Kahoonies! Be there!

Monday, March 26, 2007

The new "reconditioned Fat Eye"

With the return of the Swart Gevaar this weeks round of Super 14 kicked off! They were supposed to turn the competition on its head, but all they managed was a whole host of reconditioned fuck ups! We saw reconditioned knock on’s, reconditioned forward passes, reconditioned missed tackles, reconditioned yellow cards and even reconditioned facial hair! It was truly a reconditioned Super 14!

The Hurricanes then came to Jozi with their six reconditioned All Blacks only to be sent packing by the ultra unconditioned Lions! It was truly the stuff that wet dreams are made off! All in all it was a good weekend for Lions as the cricket team also managed to annihilate the Cobras – from Cape Town Cazzy – to take the Pro20 competition! Duffman!

So all was good, The Ferdi was happy and a little frisky! Smith and De Villiers had set up a beautiful victory for the Proteas against the all annoying Aussies, but then it happened! De Villiers was run out and Smith was forced off due to cramp in the legs, back and arms! In comes Jaques Kallis, the “best” batsmen in the world! The hard work is been done 7.4 runs required per over, what does Jaques do? He blocks the ball! 10 0vers later 4 wickets down, 10 runs per over required, what does Kallis do? He sweeps the ball for a single! 8 overs left, run rate required is 14, what does Jackle Ass do? He tries to hit a six and can’t even reach the boundary on the smallest ground in the world! What a star!

Ngconde Balfour ex sports minister once asked: “Who is Jaques Kallis?” Now I ask, what the fuck is Jaques Kallis doing in the team, does he understand the objective? Is he aware of his surroundings? Does he realize he is not wearing white? Ek weet nie!

So on that sour note I says F*ck off Jaques Kallis, you nob!

Written by a reconditioned Ferdi

Monday, March 19, 2007

St Paddy's Day at Paddys

Normally we don’t bother with this celebration, but since we love the Irish and their pub song national anthem, Ferdi, Basti, Shawn and I went to Paddys on Saturday for some Irish fun. Ferdi and I donned our green tshirts. I wanted one of those cool Guiness top hats but I was so damn broke I could barely afford my drinks. Yip, you guessed it – I couldn’t even afford to get drunk!!!

We sat outside, ready to watch the Sharks match when some fat chick brought three Irish dancers for our “entertainment”. Sure, they were very good, but we wanted to watch the rugby! So we watched, sans the commentary, but instead with some Irish jigs. After the girls were done dancing, the fat lady came back on to sing. Oh dear me.

She started off well with the Irish National Anthem. Man, I love that anthem! Its gotta be the best one ever! It’s a song that we always sing at our office’s weekend break-aways (aka piss ups). “Ireland! Ireland! Together standing tall. Shoulder to Shoulder. We answer Ireland’s call!” Then it all went downhill from there as she sang some random kak songs. So its true what they say: “its not over until the fat lady sings!

We tried to play some pool inside but most of the tables were taken. The one that was free, was missing the cue ball so we had to play without it. I let the boys play on their own and watched in boredom. That game was futile. They gave up after that one game and then we left.

I cant say that my St Paddys was celebrated in style, but maybe I should make a point of doing so next year! With a pint or twenty! And maybe with some luck of the Irish! (said with an Irish accent)

“Ireland! Irelaaaannndddd!”

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly About Me

Here are some interesting and some rather boring facts about me. Too lazy to think of something else to type...

So basically...
Name?: Carol
Age?: 27
Sex?: F
Birth Date?: 25 December
Hair Color?: Blonde and brown (not for long)
Eye Color?: Green/yellow/brown
Height?: 1.68m methinks
Weight?: Haha
Body Type?: Getting some muscle tone
Piercings?: Belly, ears, used to have an eyebrow one
Tattoos?: None
What are you wearing right now?: PJs
What is your hairstyle at the moment?: Long

Soda?: Coke!!
Food?: Pizza
Drinks?: SoCo
Alcoholic drink?: Oh, tequila
Time of day?: Midnight. I am creature of the night
Season?: Summer
Day of the week?: Friday
Song at the moment?: Stone Sour – Through Glass and Trivium – Ignition
Band/artist?: Damn, too tricky - most SA bands.
Book?: Memnoch the Devil by Anne Rice
Subject in school?: French
Place in the USA?: No thanks
Place outside the USA?: Argentina
Color?: Purple. Black too.
Style of clothes?: Casual
Store?: Looknlisten
Mall?: Cresta
City?: Joburg
Website?: Best SA Chat Site
Magazine?: Metal Hammer
Kind of pet?: I hate animals

Place to be?: Work
Class in school?: Afrikaans
Time of day?: 5am, when I have to get up
Season?: Winter
Kind of pet?: CATS!!
Drink?: Sambuca
Food?: Fish, chicken
Mall?: Um, dunno
Store?: Musica
Style of clothes?: Girly
Celebrity?: Gareth Cliff is a doos
Color?: Brown
Book?: Any kak Mills & Boom crap
Type of music?: R&B, jazz, soul etc
Website?: Dunno any bad sites, I think
Magazine?: YOU

Daily Life...
When do you get up?: 5am. Weekends – noon
What is your first thought?: Dammit
What do you do first?: Look at my phone and groan, get up immediately or I never get up
What is your usual outfit?: Work suits
What is your first class of the day?: Don’t have to do that anymore
When does school end?: Um, ja
Do you see your friends?: Weekends, if I can
What do you do when you get home?: Surf the net
What time do you go to bed?: I try 10pm, but its always much later than that. Hence my grumpyness in the mornings.

Do you...
Brush your teeth daily?: Of course, twice a day
Brush your hair daily?: Yip
Shower daily?: Duh
Sing?: I have been told not to
Dance?: Raisins dance, oh yeah!!
Party?: That’s a dumb question! HELL YEAH!
Get drunk?: Haha. Do I need to answer this one?
Have sex?: Haha, again
Read books?: Yes, Im a bookworm
Listen to music a lot?: Yeah, to deafen the old farts at work
Read magazines?: Yes
Go .. a lot?: Um
Have a religion?: Yes, but its screwed up
Have an iPod?: Yes
Want an iPod?: Getting another one from my bro when he comes back from the US. Arent I lucky?
Play an instrument?: I wish. I can play guitar very badly
Get sick a lot?: Used to. Not lately. Touch wood.
Watch TV?: Im addicted. Im like a walking TV guide.
Like MTV?: Yeah, its alright
Like VH1?: Its ok
Like the History Channel?: I try to watch but never really get a chance.
Have digital cable?: Dstv
Have more than 500 channels on your TV?: About 100
Listen to the radio?: Yeah, UJfm ROCKS!
Still use your CD player?: Not really
Stalk people?: Haha, no
Have more than 200 buddies in your buddy list?: I prefer to have a few close ones
Have dial-up internet?: 3G
Have AOL?: No
Know HTML?: Yeah
Have a GPA higher than 3.9?: What???
Do well in honors classes?: I did, with flying colours

Do you listen to rap?: No
R & B?: No
Blues and/or Jazz?: No
Classical?: No
Pop?: No
Country?: Hell No!
Emo/Screamo?: Yes
Heavy Metal?: Yes
Christian?: No
Techno?: No
Reggae?: No
Broadway Musical Songs?: No
Oldies?: Yes

In a boyfriend/girlfriend...
Hair color?: Not fussy
Eye color?: Not fussy
Tattoos?: Not too extreme
Piercings?: Yeah, but also not too extreme
Favorite Music?: Heavy metal, alternative
Style of clothing?: Not too pretty or nerdy
Body type?: It doesn’t really matter
Personality or looks?: Personality
Would you go out with someone just for their money?: Never
Do you go on "Pity Dates"?: Never
Does size matter?: Haha, um, no
Do they have to be popular?: No
Does the guy ask the girl out or the other way around?: Either way works
Where do you go on the first date?: Somewhere public
Kiss on the first date?: Depends if there is chemistry
Sex on the first date?: Wouldn’t recommend it

Right Now...
Do you think you look good right now?: Im quite exhausted, so no
Are you eating something?: Nope
Are you drinking something?: Had tea
Are you IMing anyone?: No
Are you talking on the phone with someone?: No
Are you talking face-to-face with someone?: No
What are you listening to?: Chromium on webradio – 8Track
What are you watching on TV?: I was watching Lost
What other websites do you have open?: Jnforums, Battle of the Bands

What do you believe?
Do you believe in ghosts?: Yes
The afterlife?: Not sure
Aliens?: They must be out there. Would explain some weird characters I have met in my life
God?: Yes
The devil?: Yes
Heaven?: Yes
Hell?: Yes
Scientology?: No
Hinduism?: No
Buddhism?: No
Christianity?: Yeah, but there are some things that don’t make sense to me

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Back to school again

This whole week and for two days next week, I am on a course on Forex and Money Market since our whole team has now merged with Money Market and need a to learn a few new skills. New, my ass. The last two days I have fallen asleep numerous times. Ok, it has a lot to do with the fact that I havent had a decent night's sleep in ages (and had to get up at 4:30 this morning) but it also because I have done this all before, at varsity.

This morning was the worst of the "lectures". I sat the whole morning reading the manual (which looked a lot like my economics 1A textbook) while this guy went on a bragging session about all the deals he has cracked and all the "celebrities" he has met and knows. I stayed only because of lunch - yummy lasagne, chips, steak, the works. I had the lunch and went back up to the office. Good luck to the sods that stayed. This is how desperate I was to get out of there. I opted to work instead of sleeping in that classroom.

But I ended up leaving work early, and I got away with it. I have been promised that tomorrow will be more enlightening and entertaining but Im not holding my breath. I am just going there for the lunch. Hehehheh.

Monday, March 12, 2007

A Story About Two Franshoeks in One Joburg

The main event was the latest big JNF get-together at Amy’s and Dylan’s place to welcome Misses (aka Rikki), Soulforge (aka Matt) and Little Misses (aka Emily) from Cape Town. Ferdi, Martin and Berny and I were assigned to go fetch them and take them to the party. I got the address from Rikki in the afternoon and Ferdi and I looked for the street, Franshoek, in the map. We found one and assumed that’s where we had to pick them up.

After a few delays, and a few U-turns, we arrived at the assumed destination and Ferdi rang the bell. At the same time I phoned Rikki and told them that we were “here”. We waited for about five minutes, again assuming that it was taking them a while cause they had things like prams and car seats to carry. I then had a sneaky suspicion that we were at the wrong place…

A few more minutes passed and then Matt phoned me to ask where exactly was “here”? I told him we were right outside waiting for them. And so were they…lol. It took a few seconds to realise that we went to the wrong house. At least we avoided a potential embarrassment due to the fact that the people that lived in the house whose bell we rang, were not there. So we got the correct directions to the house and quickly drove over there. It took us not more than five minutes. And there they were, waiting outside the house, laughing at us.

So this got me thinking – what are the odds of having two separate Franschoek streets within five minutes drive from each other? Its not a common name like Main Street (which you find in every damned suburb in the COUNTRY) and what’s worse is that the correct Franshoek did not even feature on our map (which is fairly new). Have we run out of street names already?

Anyway, after getting the little one settled in the back in her carseat, we all squeezed into the two golfs and raced to Amy’s house. We were already late. Emily sat behind Ferdi and she kept on kicking him. Nice one. Hahaha. This time we only got lost once and finally we made it!

Since Berny and I were hungover we did not drink too much – though it seemed like we were going to in the beginning. It was really chilled relaxed party as the men braaied and we sat under the lapa by the pool. The three Capetonians became the three new BFF members and sported their pink BFF necklaces. Haha.

The highlight of the evening was witnessing Rikki make the pudding, which subsequently got burnt so she had to make another one! At least I got to lick the bowl once. It was yummy. The rest of the evening went pretty fast as we moved the party upstairs to the flat and talked kak until Emily passed out on her daddy’s lap and stopped entertaining us. The party pretty much died down after that so we said our goodbyes, dropped off Rikki, Matt and Emily and said our goodbyes again. Sniff. Snot en trane. It was good to see them again and finally meet the “tick”! Hope they enjoyed it as much as we did!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Failing Forward at Roxys

Halfway through this week, Berny got me into this convo on msn with Steelpanther (aka Clem) whom I hadn't spoken to on JNF in ages!!! Turns out he was coming to JHB this weekend with his band, Failing Forward...

So after many searches on myspace (still waiting for the add Clem!!) we decided to go watch them at Roxys on Friday night. They played with Slashdogs (thanks for the add!) and Hellphones. Since of late Roxys has been quite expensive in terms of booze, I decided to start off early at home with my good ol SoCo. By the time we got to Roxys I was a very happy tipsy gal.

We couldn't find Clem, we still weren't sure what he looked like despite the photos on JNF. So I met up with Jean from Knave (you rock dude, btw) and he advised me that Clem was wearing very very tight (read toit, like in Goldmember) pants and a red shirt – cant miss him. We eventually found him, had a bit of a JNF reunion and posed for photos. Another JNF member I can tick off that I met…
Failing Forward then went on stage and they literally blew my socks off. For a band that comes from fruity Cape Town, man THEY ROCK!!!!! Haha, no offence to Capetonians, but seriously, these guys were awesome. And I must say that the turnout was much better than a few weeks ago when I last was there.

After their performance I got a bit more acquainted with the boys AND I scored a free CD – thanks so much Russel for organising and for getting all the boys to sign it! I really appreciate it! Im officially your JHB groupie! Ferdi then advised me that we were leaving as soon as the Slashdogs were done. Pity, but we have to listen to the drivers!

Having drunk our regular tequila and several Smirnoff Storms, Berny and I were extremely happy and tipsy, oh yeah!!!! Slashdogs soon came on and the moshpit went crazier than ever! What a sight. As usual, I remained in the sidelines and pushed back whoever came my way. I wish I had the guts to go into it fully but with my weak bones, I just don't know…Slashdogs were freaking brilliant. I must get their CD as soon as I have some bucks again. Posed for some photos with some of them too.

We left soon after, having said goodbye to Clem and Jean. All in all the night was awesome, I haven't had this much fun in ages. Now I better go to sleep soon before I fall asleep on my keyboard!!

And no, Berny, its not Falling Forward, its FAILING forward. Falling forward is what we do after too many tequilas!! Hahaha.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Battle of the Bands

The battle of the bands is up and running again - go and register at as a fan or band, and vote for your favourite band!!! Support SA music!

Berny and I are doing our bit for SA music tonight, along with our drivers Ferdi and princess of course, by going to see Failing Forward. They are playing at Roxys this evening along with Slashdogs and Hellphones. Hope to see some of you peeps there tonight!

I will be at the bar downing tequilas!


Thursday, March 08, 2007

Are you a celebrity look-a-like?

My brother, the Weasel, who now talks with a Yankee accent, started this topic of discussion on JNF a few weeks ago, with hilarious results. Rumour has it that in the US of A many people at a local bar he went to, approached him and told him that he resembled Clive Owen. HAHAHA! I almost fell off my chair when I read that. Weasel? Clive Owen? HAHAHAHA!!! See for yourself:

Do you see it? Do you? Im still trying. Another baffling one is friends of mine at work who have many times told me that I resemble Cameron Diaz, especially when she played that chick in The Sweetest Thing. I also dont get that one! I dont look like her at all. Not that I'd mind, I think she is beautiful, but I just dont think I look like her!

One comparison I do agree with 100% is one of Weasel's genious observations: Our Princess Martin aka Marbro, not only looks, but even talks AND behaves like Larry from War at Home (played by Kyle Sullivan). I almost pissed myself when I heard this! Its uncanny!!!

Separated at Birth?

Princess Martin

Princess Larry

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

This one is very very late

This day is almost over and I just remembered the blog. I guess my day didn’t start too well, but at least its ending a bit better. I woke up this morning with one of the worst dizzy spells that I have ever had. I had to sit back on my bed and wait for what seemed like hours before I could get up. Work seemed like a bad idea but there was no way I could stay at home, too much to do. In the car I struggled to stay awake and fell asleep twice. Thank goodness I don’t drive!

Once at work I took out all the urgent stuff that I had to do for the day; the most urgent one being a reasonably big spreadsheet that I needed to send to the accountants, like yesterday. I worked on it diligently all morning, avoiding jnf and vomit on msn, haha, and I was finished just before lunchtime. I was ready to email it, when I decided to check that the attachment was correct.

To my horror, it wasn’t. I had forgotten to save it! All the work that I had done this morning WAS ALL GONE!!! All of it! I couldn’t believe it, this was so unlike me! Normally I save something every five minutes just to be safe! What happened today? I knew I should have stayed at home. Several people tried to help me but there was no way to retrieve the file. I felt like slitting my wrists.

Instead I went to Sandton City for a quick shopping spree and that at least bettered my mood a bit. Back in the office, I had my lunch, chatted a bit and then took a deep breath and got started on it again. THIS TIME I saved every second I could, like a paranoid freak. But at least its all there now!

I also signed all my transfer forms today. HR informed me ever so nicely that if I didn’t return my forms by the end of today, I would not get paid this month. That’s enough of a threat for me! The reason I had been stalling on this was due to the great confusion they have caused about our leave balances. In our previous division we had 33 days leave per year – counting Saturdays. In this division, they work on a five day week so our leave had to be reduced. But their calculations are seriously suspicious cause we are all ending up with five days less than we think we should have. Its all still under discussion but I hope I get enough leave this year. I need a loooooooonngggggg break. Today just proved it!!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Fat Eye 2007: Edition 5

Another weekend over and again no Australian team could manage a win. What? Yip jew heard me right, no Aussie team has won for two weeks! And that with two Aussie teams playing against each other. O what a feeling!

Every week it seems to be a damn good week of sport. Man it’s got to be really good to be an Argentinean immigrant living in Joburg who supports Man Utd! Hee hee!

So Man Utd again broke the hearts of Liverpool fans with a goal in the 92nd minute by the Irishman John O’Shea! People always say you need a quality keeper to win championships. Ek se you always gonna need the luck of the Irish if you are ever going to win any trophies! Duffman!

So this really was one of the most successful weekend in Super rugby for the SA reams ever! Never has so many teams won away one the same weekend, or have all our teams gone unbeaten as they did at the weekend! However it is kinda sad when the Stormers win though! Why did that have to happen?

Phil Kearns this weekend raised an interesting point, why does the hooker have to throw the ball into the lineout? The Hooker has to push in the scrums, run around in open play, put in tackles and then still throw the ball into the lineouts? Phil asks why can’t the winger, who does nothing all game just walk up to the lineout, chuck the ball in and then go back to watching the game? That my friend are a very good question, but I think the answer lies in the deep rooted prejudice against Fat people and their sexy bodies!

Yip it’s hard to be a Fat man in the 2000’s!

The time of the year when teams win trophies is fast approaching, but for the other teams with no talent the time of the year when they get relegated is approaching even faster! It is said that relegation will cost a team up to 30 million pounds! That is a lot of Big Macs let me tell you! So yesterday bottom of the log West Ham took on Tottenham Hotspur. Now these relegation battles are always high scoring and entertaining affairs! West Ham went 2-0 and it looked like there might be so hope of survival yet! However after half time Spurs fought back to level the game at 2-2!
Wow how much do West Ham suck? Well enough to go 3-2 up with 7 minutes remaining only to lose 4-3 with a goal in the 94th minute! Well it looks to me like they should lay off the MacD’s for awhile!

But enough of that lets go back to the beautiful game, rugby! Sharks winger Odwa Ndungane almost went down in Jackass folklaw when he knocked the ball on over the try line! This mampara cost the Sharks an easy victory, so in the 82nd minute he decided to go on a 40 metre stroll down the touchline to give the Sharks the unlikeliest of victories, and The Ferdinova Sexyback a few near death experiences! So I can honestly say between the Sharks and the Lions this year I have seen the light!

So next season I shall support the heart foundation instead of cancer charities, ek se, fok ja nee!

Monday, March 05, 2007

The Randfontein Show

On Friday night, Ferdi, Martin, Basti, Berny and I went to the Randfontein Show – Martin and Berny’s motherland, haha. Ferdi was nervous about the whole prospect of being surrounded by Afrikaans people and Bok van Blerk fans (one and the same people, I suppose). He even considered putting on kortbroeke and leaving his shoes at home just to blend in with the crowd.

I was quite amazed with the whole set up once we parked our cars at Martin’s home and walked 2 blocks to the fair grounds. It was filled with people, hundreds of stalls, and at least three beer tents. And amusement rides! Berny insisted I first go with her to the Ghost House as this was her annual tradition. So I obliged since I thought, how scary could this possibly be? We paid for our tickets and waited in line until the guy at the front announced to the “ghosts” that two beautiful ladies were now coming in.

We were lead by a girl with a torch and I immediately grabbed Berny’s hand. Was this a good time to tell her that I am actually afraid of the dark? Hmmm. Yes, people, the Queen of Darkness herself is actually afraid of the dark. How ironic. Scary creatures leaped out of nowhere and freaked the hell out of me and Berny. We actually even screamed. How pathetic, since we knew these were just a bunch of schoolkids dressed in their Halloween costumes trying to give us a scare. Old horror movies made their way back into my imagination; I just could not help myself. At least there weren’t any c-c-c-c-c-c-lowns!!!

Feeling exhilarated we were now ready to drink. After wasting time walking around the field, we found a beer tent, got our beers and sat down. I was feeling a bit hungry so once we downed the beer Berny and I went in search of some very oily vetkoeks. Berny though she would be funny by speaking in high English to the Afrikaans man at the stall and asked for “two plain mince fatcakes, please”. I had to look away before I burst out laughing.

On our way back to the beertent we stopped at the main tent to watch a bit of Patricia Lewis, South Africa’s very own Dolly Parton / Barbie. It seems she has only one signature move that she does repeatedly, swirling around, her long Rapunzel-like hair flowing in the air. Made me want to get my scissors. Im surprised she doesn’t get dizzy. If I had to try that once I would look like a disorientated drunk. Berny and I stood at the front to get a few pictures and ducked whenever her husband tried to film us. After two songs, we walked out.

We never did make it back to our beer tent. Instead we stopped off at another where we saw Mark Beiling from Mean Mister Mustard setting up. We stayed there till the end, almost 2 hours of cover songs, and one original. It actually wasn’t that bad, he played a lot of my favourite oldies and Berny and I danced in front of the stage all night. At time we were the only ones, at which time two very drunk guys decided to “rescue” us cause two girls cant be dancing alone. They soon lost interest. Thank God.
(Disclaimer: I cannot be held responsible for any injury to your well-being the above picture may do)

The only problem with this was the we soon sobered up completely, having only drunk one beer. After Mark finished, we loitered back stage trying to get a picture taken with Mark for our groupie collection. Haha. By then the boys had found us, showing off their Patricia Lewis signed bellies. Shame. Eventually we got Mark’s attention and got our pictures taken with him. Martin asked him if he was from Eden. He didn’t seem to hear him so I repeated Martin’s question and laughed my ass off. Martin then decided to hug him – its all on camera. Poor oke.

By then the evening was practically over as all the stalls were closing at 11pm. Berny and I were disappointed cause we were dead sober while he boys were tipsy and hadn’t even managed to go on one of the rides. But at least we had fun. After sobering up Ferdi, we said goodbye and went our long drive home. Randfontein never ceases to amaze me!

I now leave you with these two pictures. Ponder on them if you will, and make your deductions. I will share mine tomorrow.

Friday, March 02, 2007


This morning I have been ravaged by huge amounts of guilt. First of all, I decided to skip the annual JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge last night. I brought my bag and everything to work yesterday but at the last minute I decided against it. So this broke my tradition after 3 years of running in a row. I hadnt trained for it, nor I had I even gone near a gym for the last month or so. I probably would have had heart failure after 1km. Haha. So I felt so guilty that I just had to share it witht the rest of the UJfm listeners. Nic the DJ played Chromium for me.

And now we have the Shaveathon going on in the dealing room right now. Emails are flying back and forth from all the Treasury hotshots challenging each other to shave their precious locks. And they are pledging big bucks here, these people do not mess around. Its enough to make me choke. And here I am worrying about my measly R50 which I cannot fork out. I am hiding here in my office hoping that no one will notice that I havent joined in the fun yet. One more hour and Im out of here - off to Bank City to have lunch with a friend.

You see, my priorities with money are screwed up. I feel really guilty that Im not doing this for cancer, but I need, no, I want to save my money for tonight. Ferdi and I are going to Marbro and Berny's motherland, Randfontein, for their Beerfest / Annual show etc (did anyone mention De La Rey? Haha). Its a brother and sister night. So thats where my money is going. But at least I still have a chance to redeem myself at Cresta's Shaveathon tomorrow. If I have money left over, that is!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Office Anal Retentives

This week I have had to laugh at these people here, in order to prevent me from killing them. It's amazing how annoying they can get. I am so thankful for this office that I have where I can escape their whining and constant bitching, but I am afraid that my escapism to paradise will be short-lived.

The main issue was over the 3G cards. By some sheer miracle I was included in the list and now I am a proud owner of a 3G card (that keeps on kicking me out of the internet but that's another story, damn MTN). We had to wait quite a while before the 3G cards were ordered, delivered and installed in our laptops. A little over a month, I think. But we managed, we carried on with our work as per usual. The trouble started when it came to activating the cards. We forwarded our SIM and PUK numbers to the IT lady in charge so she could get MTN to activate them.

I figured this would take a while so in the meantime I carried on as usual and waited patiently till all was sorted. But this was not so for our almighty marketers. Oh no. They were so goddamned impatient, bitching every moment they got about "how long this was taking" and taking turns to phone the poor IT chick to find out what was happening. It was 3G this and 3G that. I felt bad for her. Seriously. This happens every time they get a new toy. Worse than a spoilt brat at Christmas. They want it, and they want it NOW!

It took a whole 2 or 3 days to get them activated (weekend in between) and now they are up and running. But they still manage to annoy me. They just dont know how to ask for things. For them, everything is a HUGE DRAMATIC problem and has to be sorted out now. More bitch, bitch, moan, moan. They belong in theatre. To keep my sanity, I count to 10, smile and offer my assistance. Then I go back to my desk quietly and laugh and cry at the same time.

It seems that the rest of the RMB people are anal retentive too. At least once a week, we receive a bulk email from a very irate person whose parking was stolen by some other fool. Parking bays are allocated to all those that need it and god forbid you should park in someone else's space! We will all then get a very snotty email from the victimised soul asking the culprit to "remove their car and please contact them" so they can be reprimanded. (Funny enough, IT put a stop to these bulk emails yesterday as its abused by these people and others requesting phone chargers, lifts, lost access cards etc).

To all these people I say: GET A LIFE!!!