As Time Stands Still - Tempos

After much begging, bribing, indecisions, people deciding not to go or making other plans, Ferdi, Shawn and I went to Tempos to see iNeRsHa, Chromium and other bands. I was quite happy I had gotten my way. After last Saturday’s complete blackout of Chromium at my birthday bash, I had to make up for lost time and see the boys again. The fact that iNeRsHa were also playing was an added bonus.

On the way to Tempos we saw the most horrific accident on Hans Strydom. A car had run over a pedestrian, who flew into the car’s windshield. As we passed the accident, we saw the body was still there, and for some reason his pants were pulled down – not sure if they had come off during the accident. It was horrible to see and I couldn’t get that image out of my head. I still cant. What a horrible way to die.

When we got to Tempos, Knave was ready to start. I hadn’t expected to see them there as they were not advertised on the flyers. But nonetheless, it was cool to see them again. Soon after, the iNeRsHa boys arrived but I was a bit apprehensive about saying hi to them at first (who knows what they thought after I made an ass of myself last week!). But as soon as I got a wave from Kerran, I waited a bit then went round for a chat with him. He didn’t even know I had drunk all that shit, so at least that was cool. He told me he had really enjoyed the party. Cool.

Then the guys from Chromium arrived. Again, I felt a bit shy but I decided, screw that, and went to say hi to Adrian, the bassist. He seems to be the quietest of the four and not a man of many words but it was nice chatting to him anyway. I asked him about the Modderfudd gig that they played at earlier that day and he said they had the most amazing sound ever – wish I could have been there to hear it! I then caught Jared’s attention and first thing he said to me was that I looked a bit intimidated. Well, after last Saturday, of course I am gonna feel a bit intimidated! Who knows what these guys think of me now! But he said that there was nothing wrong with the way I acted, it was my birthday, I am supposed to get drunk. Phew. Relief.

Next band that came on was Libido. I was surprised to see that the bassist was one of the guys that did the sound at my party. They weren’t bad at all and even did a cover of Metallica’s “Enter Sandman”. It was too hot to stand near the stage so I stood further away where it was cooler. Chromium’s drummer, Hannes, then came over to say hi. I told him I was there to see them play since I don’t remember their performance last Saturday so he was sweet to say that they would play for me that night. Awwwww. I was cheeky enough to ask him for his drumsticks when he was done with them, he agreed but I decided not to pester him for them after the gig since it was a new pair.

After 2 drinks I decided to switch to water. Not only was I thirsty but I was damned determined not to get pissed again. On my third trip to the bar, I ran into Matt, my favourite Chromium member. I always love a man who can scream, haha. Now here I had a really nice chat. I told him how disappointed I was about my blackout, waking up the next morning with no recollection of their performance and how idiotic I felt about the way I introduced him – and that there was a video of it. He laughed and told me that I shouldn’t feel embarrassed as you only turn 21 once. I almost did a double-take there – 21 once? Shit, this guy seriously thought I was 21!!!!! Cant believe he fell for the whole 21st party thing! Didn’t he read the small print that said “Again” on my 21 badge that I wore that night? Haha.

I was stupid enough to tell him that I am not really 21, but actually 27. His mouth dropped and he felt like a real twit for thinking I was 21. I reassured him he wasn’t one as I had told everyone that I was turning 21 again – obviously he didn’t catch the “again” part (hmmmm, no wonder he offered me “anything I wanted” at my party….). He flattered me even more by saying “well, in any case, you look 21 to me”. I felt like kissing him right then and there, but I opted for a “safer” hug. How sweet is he? I reminded him that he hadn’t given me his pick last week. He thought he had, but like Jared, he confuses me with Berny a lot (though Berny swears she didn’t get his pick either. So who did?).

Finally iNeRsHa came on. It was Sean’s last performance so they went all out. They were kick ass! They had a nice big crowd there and one of the best mosh pits I have seen in a while. Even though I was standing right on the edge, I had to keep moving back to avoid the heavy masses flying about. I phoned Berny and let her listen for a bit. It was sad not having her there. I always have more fun (and courage) when she is around.

After they finished I could tell that they were running late. There were still 3 bands left to play, and midnight was getting closer and closer. For the next band, 6 Hours till Sunday (it was more like one hour, haha), we decided to sit down and watch cause we were moeg. They weren’t that bad though. Had I had more energy I would have moved about a bit. I then felt a tap on my head and I was ready to moan at the person who did so (I hate being tapped on my head) when I turned around and saw that it was Fred from iNeRsHa. Lucky bastard. I let him get away with it, haha. I felt I was a bit rude with him though. Tired as I was, I didn’t get up to speak to him. I just said hi. He told me he would hug me but he was sweaty. Poor thing. I didn’t really know what to say to him so he said bye and walked away. Must remember to speak to him next time.

Then Hokum (ex-Marlowe) came on and I was quite disappointed with their performance. Too mellow. They were much better the last time I saw them. I stood there next to the few people in the audience and watched Chromium waiting in the sidelines. They were anxious to get on stage. So was I. I didn’t know how much longer I could hold on for. Despite being dead sober, I felt extremely dizzy. My body is still recovering.

It was obvious that everyone was pressed for time as most of the bands were cut short. Most only played about 4 or 5 songs. Finally, the moment I was waiting for arrived as Chromium got ready on stage. I went to the front and stood right by Matt. I waved to him and he gave me the thumbs up. I filmed a few of their songs but I cursed myself for forgetting to charge my camera’s batteries. They went flat almost immediately so I didn’t get to film as much as I wanted.

I felt very weak and tired but I tried my best to headbang a bit – all I could manage was moving my head slowly up and down, trying to stick to the beat. The mosh pit got a bit violent again and I almost went flying next to the tables, twice. Before I knew it, they were forced to finish. They would have gladly played one more song as you could see the guys were enjoying themselves on stage, they work so well together. But the sound guys told them to pack it up as it was already 1am and they were ready to close. What a bummer.

I was reluctant to leave, but Shawn and Ferdi were already on their way out. I walked over to Matt to say bye. He extended his fist to me, which I completely fucked up – I was going to high-fi him for some dumb reason. So we tried that one more time, both extending our fists this time. Why do I always do such dumb things? I apologized and said that I was sleepy already. He said he had noticed while they were playing. Shit, he was watching me standing there looking like a zonked out zombie! I told him I need to find the right combination of soberness-drunkedness in order to have a good time. No kidding! Berny, help me out here!!! So finally I said bye as Ferdi came back to fetch me and slowly walked out.

After the mission I went through to get someone to go with me to Tempos, who knows when I will see these boys again. I could never get tired of watching them play. Their stage presence is awesome. But I am glad I got to see them tonight.

Now I need to get my bloody licence!!!!

Super 14 is back again!!!

Though the Lions lost (no thanks to the bloody ref) this Super 14 weekend started with a bang. Ferdi, Basti, Shawn and I decided to go to Ellis Park on Friday night to watch the Lions kick off the tournament against the Waratahs after much speculation and talk that this was going to be a fiery match. The support for the Lions has increased quite a bit this year and it was noted in the stadium (though it wasn’t packed like Loftus usually is, but there were still thousands of people despite the rain). As we entered the stadium, a bunch of Lions supporters were busy giving each other a serious round of good games enough to make Ferdi proud. I think I even saw a tear in his eye.

We were clever enough to get seats at the top of the stadium and thus avoided getting wet. The match kicked off soon after we got there and already Lions were roaring. Unfortunately it was the Waratahs that scored first, and led throughout most of the match but the Lions were hot on their feet.

Half-time we were treated to our own version of Steve Hofmeyr as some Idols (?) lightie called Jacques sang his very own Lions song. According to Basti he is regularly on MK. Ja-nee.

After half-time, while Ferdi and Shawn had gone to the bar to fetch drinks (lol), the Lions scored their first and only try and it looked like they were set to do well here. But after a few poor decisions by the ref, like sending Jacque Fourie off to the “sin bin” in the last 15 minutes of the match, their chances were slipping by fast.

The match ended with the Waratahs winning 25-16 but nevertheless I am very proud of the way the Lions held on. And at least they are not bottom of the log!!! (Sorry Bulls and Stormers!! Hahaha!). Lets see what next weekend will hold for the mighty Lions!!!

As we were leaving the stadium, we were met by the sounds of Bok van Blerk’s “De La Rey” coming out of the parking lot. A bunch of drunken dutchies were belting the words out, badly out of tune. Ja-nee, se Ferdi.
(I will include Ferdi’s Fat Eye later on cause I am no way near as hilarious as our fat boy when it comes to sport, though he is a tad forgetful of late. He failed to mention Drew Mitchell’s numerous blunders!!).

The Rumour is TRUE!! Guns n Roses are coming to town!!!

Wooohooo!!!! I am soooooo excited!!!! Ferdi told me a couple of weeks ago that there was a huge possibility that Guns 'n Roses, Linkin Park and Placebo were to play at this year's Coca Colab. I didnt want to say anything until I had more concrete evidence. Well, now I have it. Guns 'n Roses are a sure bet, together with Evanescence and Hoobastank. This year has been renamed as My Coke Fest 2007. So what more could I ask for, Coke and Guns 'n Roses!! Yeah, baby!!

Nothing was mentioned about Placebo or Linkin Park, but while I like both bands, I am not exactly crazy about them. Tickets are apparently on sale from today at Computicket. R375 normal standing, R550 for golden circle. After last weekend, I am extremely broke, so I will have to max out my credit card for this, as I will only go for a Golden Circle ticket. I need to be as close as possible to Axl Rose!!!

When I was 12/13, I had a huge crush on him. I dont know what it was about him, maybe it was a combination of that long hair and his sexy screechy voice. He still gives me butterflies!! I really cant wait to see this band. Their music still ROCKS ON!!!

So who is coming?

I am officially in Sandton

And I am loving my new office. I share a spacious office (that my boss is jealous of) with my friend, the other business analyst. For some odd reason, I am the only one with a brand new laptop and connected to the internet. The rest are getting frustrated while tapping their fingers impatiently for IT to come up and sort them out. For once, I am the lucky one here.

I am sitting here right next to the window, watching the awesome view from the 10th floor. Its raining far away in the horizon, so a storm is definitely going to hit us soon. I can already see the lightning. Strange, but I am not really afraid of it, as usual. In fact, I am quite fascinated by it all. What did scare me, was the window cleaner dude that went past my window about an hour earlier. Almost jumped out of my seat as I was so into what I was typing. Haha.

I think I am going to love it here, though I found out to my dismay that I cant access the usual websites, just as in my previous job, like msn, myspace and porn (haha). So sorry, guys, we will have to keep on chatting via conventional email and jnf. I just cant work around this.

But there are a lot of perks here. Besides the stunning classy building with speedy lifts, we have breakfast set up for us every morning, free of charge, a tea lady making us tea and coffee whenever we want to, a fridge full of cooldrinks and even booze, and more! I have a brand new laptop that plays DVDs, though I have typing on a laptop. I have always preferred a pc. I still dont have a phone, but that's puddy sticks. Should have one soon. I know some of you might already be experiencing some or all of these beautiful perks but spare a thought for me. At Bank City I didnt have as much, I even had to make my own coffee! The horror! Haha.

Our previous P.A. sent us a huge gift basket to us that moved here. Its full of chocolates, nuts and other yummy stuff. It was so sweet of her. I am gonna miss her so much. Hope she finds a better job soon. Hopefully in Sandton.

I might have to go back to Bonk City (haha) soon as I cant access my old emails from here and still need to sort out a few admin issues there. So there will still be a bit of madness around here. Fun and games!!

Thank You!!!

Yesterday's blog was blooming long, a thousand apologies but I love detail, what can I say. So I left my thank you's for today. And boy, do I owe a lot of people BIG THANK YOU'S!!!!!

First of all, I have to say thank you to Berny. She has been with me all the way, ever since I came up with this crazy idea to hire some bands and have a huge birthday bash. Even when I was sceptical and was ready to give up on the whole thing, she convinced me to stick with this while at the same time giving me her support. Thanks for all your help, bud. You are my jolling/drinking/headbanging/drum stick collecting partner after all!!! Haha. And it goes without saying, thanks for looking after me on Saturday night when I needed you most!

Of course, a big thank you must go to all the girls that assisted me during those awful moments in that dark place (ok, the loo). And Im sorry Martin for ruining your shoes, though I always thought they were kind of gay, haha. If anyone else helped me out during that time that I honestly cant remember, thank you as well.

A special mention must also be made to Tink! She was the second person to find out about my plans and offered her advice and excitement from the beginning. Thank you for taking time out to fly out here from Cape Town and spending some fun moments with me as well with all the setting up, shopping etc. I really appreciate it, babe. Hope we have another jol soon!!

Inki, thank you for the help with the shopping too. Our dearest funny Matt, thank you for coming all the way from PE, and helping me set up as well, even when you had to redo stuff when I wasnt happy. Thanks bud!! Nicole! Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to come out and see me! It was a wonderful but long overdue reunion! It was cool seeing you again!

To all other guests that attended my party, thanks for coming peeps! From what I could see, everyone was having a good time so I hope you all really enjoyed it as much as I did!!!

Ferdi-fat. Ah, my dear little brother does care. Not only did he drive me to and fro Marks Park when I needed to check up on things, help me set up and gave me little tidbits of (mostly useless) advice, he also was the funniest topless M.C. a sister could ask for!!! You are hilarious, fatty!! Thank you!!! And thanks for getting me home safe and sound (even though I didnt know I was home already).

Last but not least, thanks to the bands - Aion Truth, Inersha, and Chromium, you guys kicked ass, as well as Maynframe Productions for the great sound. Thank you to you all. I hope you all had fun!

As I read this back to myself most of it sounds kak and mushy but Im in a hurry. Im off to RMB in Sandton now and I dont know when I will be online again. Today I say goodbye to BankCity. OK, Im being rushed, gotta go! Bye!

Cazzfest 2007

Man, I cant believe that after 3 months of stressful planning, it is now all over. I am suffering from withdrawal symptoms already. BUT WHAT A PARTY!!!!! I will treasure (what I can remember) till the day I die. It was all worth it in the end, all the worrying, all the sleepless nights, all the money! Haha. It all worked out in the end.

It all started last Thursday when I got off work early to go with Ferdi to fetch Tink at the airport. I was quite excited to meet her, and what a cool chick she is!!! Once we got her settled in Ferdi’s room (we kicked him out the house, hehehh) we went to our favourite “restaurant” for a nutritional McD’s meal. We then kicked Ferdi out once more as Tink and I walked next door to the Blue Goose for our Ladies Night. The girls arrived one by one, much to our freaky waiter’s delight. He felt so lucky. It was karaoke night and we were bugged, begged and bothered to sing but we opted to sit quietly at our table while sipping our cocktails and laughing at the out of tune crooners. It was a nice chilled evening.

Next day, after checking out Marks Park and letting the manager know that my guest list had increased considerably, Tink, Inki and I went shopping for party decorations, snacks and an outfit for me. Ferdi got his pirate set then we kicked him out, AGAIN. I kept on crying about all the money I was spending, but hey, this party needed the best of the best. I even got a “21 again” badge, haha.

Friday night, Marbro, Chim, and Berny stopped at our place then we all trekked to the airport to fetch funny man vomita. We weren’t there long as he had already landed – JHB watch out! He almost dropped me on the floor when he hugged me (more like mauled me). We missed the bugger. He had us in stitches all night. After some pizza, and some indecent photos, we kicked Marbro and co out cause we wanted to go to Edelweiss. We stayed there for a short bit, each had a litre of beer (Tink had a Brutal fruit, I think). We didn’t want to over do it before the big day.

So the next day, even though us girls woke up much later than the boys (10 hours according to vomit. He exaggerates, no kidding) we were refreshed and ready for some action. Us four went to Marks Park once more, though we had to turn around half way there when I realised I forgot the keys to the hall. We set up chairs and tables and some of the decorations. It was hard work. I enjoyed bossing Ferdi and Vomit around, making them miserable. You know the drill, haha.

Anyway, we went back home for some much needed food, then I got ready. Marbro and co arrived early, with Brydon and Berny’s friend, Tanya. Very nice girl, by the way. She helped me out a lot. We packed everything in the car and made our way to Marks Park. Two blocks away from home, I realised I forgot the keys, AGAIN. But at least it was closer to home this time!

We eventually got there and set up in record time. Since it was still early we decided to kill time by having some tequila and Smirnoff Storm (the last of our booze from New Years) and posing for some photos in our panties (Berny and I. And no, we weren’t drunk..). I was a bit stressed cause I had forgotten a few things at home (thanks Inki and Uli for bringing them to me) and cause people were arriving late. But it was cool, once the first bunch started to arrive, people soon came in numbers. We were ready to party!!!!

Aion Truth arrived and started to set up their gear. Nice bunch of friendly people. Amtobi looked beautiful in her pretty floral dress. I soon got everyone to sign my XXL panties, especially bought for the occasion. I am still trying to find out where half the signatures came from – next time, people, please write your name, no signatures!!! Lots of people said “Happy 21st”. Awww, how sweet.

Most of the Inersha guys arrived early too and Jared from Chromium phoned me to say that they were on their way. So everything was falling into place. No nasty surprises. I was only a bit worried about Nicole. She was the one person I was most looking forward to seeing again after 6 years. I tried phoning her several times but all the time I got a recording saying that the number was unavailable. I was stressing thinking something had happened to her. My fears vanished when I saw her climbing up the steps with her hubby. What a relief!!! She had made it after all, and it was a great reunion. Pity we didn’t get to chat much after that.

It was soon Aion Truth’s time to play so Ferdi, my M.C., went to the microphone, topless, and announced them as “Justin Timberlake se band” much to everyone’s amusement. Naughty bugger. You should all see the video. So after that intro, the band kicked off with awesome tunes and wowed the crowd. Stunning performance. In between their performance I noticed that the Chromium guys had arrived so I dashed off to say hello then went back to watch Aion Truth. Dylan called me up and gave me a stunning birthday card, made by Amtobi, which was signed by all the Aion Truth members. That was really sweet. Thanks guys.

Short interval while Inersha set up then Ferdi made a kak intro. Inersha – awesome as always as well. I was quite impressed with the German boys, they really enjoyed the bands. In the meantime I got my boobies signed by Chromium (did anyone else sign them? They were black the next day!) and sat on Adrian and Hannes’s laps while they signed. Hehehhh. I also organised with Matt from Chromium to get his pick after they played (though that never happened, read on…) after which he offered to give me anything else I wanted from him….ok, moving on. *blush*

I also got my pics of Berny and I posing with Chromium and Inersha signed. In between I chatted to people, ran around, got the bands water, tried not to drink too much and basically just try have a good time. And I was having a good time, until Inersha stopped playing and Ferdi and Rudi came towards me with a sinister looking bucket…

If I could take back what happened next, things would have turned out much differently. The boys called everyone inside and made me get up on a chair. They poured some nasty looking liquid into a glass and gave it to me. I asked several times what was in it, they ignored me so stupid me drinks it in one go. It tasted surprisingly nice and sweet so they refilled my glass twice more and I drank. I wanted to stop after the second glass, but who am I to tell them when its ok to stop. The bucket then went round to the rest of the guests to sample. (I heard the next day that a collection went round for this “mix”. Over a R100 was collected so Ferdi threw in all flavours of Brutal Fruit, Double Jack, Beer, Jagermeister, etc plus some of our own stash. To give it a nice sweet twist – lemonade. Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit).

So after that, I was still sort of alright though I could already start to feel the world spinning. Chromium was ready to start so I had a bright idea, I was gonna take over M.C. duties and announce “my fucking favourite band in the whole of Southsshhhh Africa”. I have seen the video clip about three times already. It still makes me cringe. I was too loud, too drunk, too disorderly. Ferdi took over and introduced them as an “Abba imitation band” (he was supposed to say cover band, but he wasn’t getting paid for this so no one was expecting quality mc’ing here).

And that is all I remember folks. Next thing I know, its Sunday morning, vomita is knocking on my bedroom door wanting to say goodbye. I realise I am in my bed (alone) half naked, with dirty, pink and bloody feet full of cuts. Plus a moerse hangover.

Now its your turn to fill in the blanks.
I am not joking when I say I don’t remember anything. Cause I honestly don’t.

Party weekend

Tink is gonna get a surprise at the airport this afternoon, I am going to be there when Ferdi fetches her! I was worried that Ferdi was going to make her pull his finger or worse, so now that danger can be averted. My meeting was cancelled this afternoon, what a relief!!

So party weekend begins tonight at the Blue Goose - ladies only. We are gonna do the usual, drink till we drop and giggle like schoolgirls. Snort, in some cases. Its a pity Berny cant make it. Those flower pots sure do miss her. Haha. But we are not going to over do it tonight (yeah right). Got to save our livers for more craziness.

Friday morning Tink and I are taking the surprisingly willing Ferdi, shopping. Though something tells me its cause Tink promised him ice cream. He is such a spoilt brat.

Friday night JHB will be invaded by our favourite PE'ian (Ferdi's words, not mine), Mr Vomitboy. Its his second trip to JHB and this time by plane. Hide your women and children, cause this bugger is coming to town! So after our entourage picks him up at the airport (he is going to feel like Beckham the way we carry on) we have 3 options: go to Paddys, go to Edelweiss, or sit at home and watch a DVD, and our almost empty wallets. Im hoping for Edelweiss. Keeping my fingers crossed!

And of course, Saturday is the big event which I have discussed at length already so there is no need to repeat. I will be back on Tuesday (need 2 days to recover fully) so I will give you a full report when I return.

So long suckers! (I always wanted to say that, not sure it fits here though).

Im c-c-c-c-c-c-o-llddddd here...

Brrrrrrr. Some moron keeps on fiddling with the thermostat here in the office. I have a strong suspicion that its the old menopausal (is that a word?) granny that gets regular hot flushes. Sorry for her, but Im changing the temperature to 24 degrees again whether she likes it or not. Why must the rest of us shiver, get goose bumps and ultimately sick because of her. Its hot outside, feels like winter in here. Im not bringing a jacket to work again during summer. I refuse, damnit.

Ok, that was my bit of venting today. Did a lot more elsewhere, but its not worth commenting here. Lets just say that a lot of people are getting their panties in knot over petty crap. Get over it, I say. Some of you may know who I am talking about...

Anyway, still got some last minute things to prepare for the big party on Saturday. I had a few little surprises popping up on me today (so near the event) that I almost had a nervous breakdown. Events planning was never a strength of mine. But it looks like everything is almost sorted. For now.

I gotta breathe.

JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge 2007

Not much to say today except that I have registered for the JP Morgan Chase Corporate Challenge, that is taking place on March 1. It's my fourth time, that I will be running/walking/crawling/gasping for air and finally, dying. It's a 5.6 km race. Not much, but that is all I can muster before I pass out. It takes place in Wanderers, we get fancy t-shirts and then a goodie bag after completing the race. The first year we got a cool mini radio for running. Last year we got some kak, hopefully this time is better.

After the race we go back to our hospitality tents (each company gets their own) where we cancel all the calories we burnt by stuffing our faces and downing booze. Oh, and this year we get treated to a performance by Johnny Clegg. Yay. Whooppeeee.

Im off to the gym now to begin my training. If only my legs werent so so right now...

5 more sleeps!

And then its party time like never before! How I am going to get through this week, I dont know, but my liver is going to have to go through some serious detox before the big event. It reminds me every five minutes or so how much in pain it is. I blame this weekend.

I was supposed to take it easy, get as much rest as possible, in between the all shopping and final organising for Saturday. Until I got invited to Edelweiss, that is. Last time we went there was for my mom's birthday, and since I enjoyed it so much, I thought why the hell not. It sure beats staying at home in front of the TV!

So Uli and her man picked me up and off we went. I ended up downing 2.5 litres of beer and two jagermeister shots. The last litres was drunk very painfully. Not much alcohol, so Ferdi says, but for me, it sure as hell was. And I thought I was fine, despite it all, until I got home, that is...

Things are not going to get better this week. Not since we have ladies night on Thursday, in honour of Tink's arrival in Jozi, Paddys Friday night, in honour of Vomit (no pun intended) and Saturday, well, ja. You do the math.

Oh, maaaaaaaannnnnnn

Sound Stage

Last night's 40th birthday party turned out to be better than I expected. Though it started so badly I wanted to rip my hair out. At 17h30 Ferdi picked me up from Sandton after my meeting. We needed to get to the N1 to go to the Sound Stage in Midrand. I wasnt sure how to get to the highway (had I looked at the map immediately I would have realised that it was only a few blocks away) and Ferdi only knew the William Nicol highway. He pulled a u-turn and drove back to William Nicol.

One hour and a half later, we got on the highway. We were both silent in the car, each wanting to kill the other but we managed to keep our composure. Once on the N1 we made it to Midrand in less than 10 minutes. We made it 5 minutes after scheduled time, but still missed out on the birthday boy getting the surprise of his life. Oh well, no biggie, at least we made it.

We had a buffet dinner and talked kak for an hour until the show started. This was the "Midnight Hour" show by Clint and Co. Clint sang some popular rock songs, including my all-time favourite "Bed of Roses" by Bon Jovi, and some of his own songs. The crowd took a while to get going but this guy was relentless and hilariously funny!! He had me in stitches! Ferdi actually said to me later that he was funny but he talked too much. So does that mean that he enjoyed the singing? Haha. You figure it out.

The show lasted about two hours and it was very entertaining. I am glad I decided to go in the end. Everyone had a good time. The guy doing the sound caught my eye so after the show I saw him selling the CDs outside. I bought one just so I could talk to him! How pathetic! Haha. Clint signed it for me and I let him know that him and I have a mutual friend, Mr Jack Daniels.

We got home in record time. Ferdi drove like a speeding bullet so I was in bed by 11. But I couldnt sleep damnit. So I only managed to get to work at 9. Thank god its Friday!

Ugh, kak day

Im so upset with my boss. He has decided that us business analysts dont need 3G - i.e. we need you to come into the office every day, we dont want to work from home/beach/toilet/truworths etc. Bugger. I suppose he does need to see my pretty blushing face after all. So clearly I am miff. Now I have to find alternative means of getting internet at home so we can chat to our Weasel.

I have also been forced to attend one of our colleague's 40th birthday tonight at the Sound Stage in Midrand. I was planning a quiet evening at home, with my rock magazines (yes, it might sound boring to you, but I just need to chill) and now that has been ruined. I could have said no, but I find it hard to say no to people these days. Who knows, it might actually be fun. Right.

But Im not going alone. Im dragging Ferdi as well for the torture. Wait till he sees the show. Haha. The expression on his face will be priceless.

Im rushing off to Sandton now for a late meeting. Strike two to my boss. I think he has a death wish. He has moved to number one on my hit list.

Toodles!

Golden Globes

For the first time ever, I watched the Golden Globes last night. I was clever though. I recorded it at 3am yesterday morning, and watched the tape at the same time they were showing it on Mnet last night. So could skip through the boring bits like the looooong speeches, and by the time I was done, Mnet was not even half-way. So I saved me a lot of trouble.

Normally I cant care for these award ceremonies, they are worse than the music awards as there are no performances in between to keep you slightly amused. I made the exception this year, as I heard via the grapevine that our Borat had won an award for Best Comedic Actor!!! How bloody awesome!!! So of course, I had to watch his acceptance speech. It was bloody long, but bloody funny. I love using this word, bloody. How very English. Haha.

So anyway, he went on about how when they were filming that awful naked wrestling scene in the hotel bedroom. He relived those awful moments with his 136 kg co-star, Ken Davitian, "This movie was a life-changing experience. I saw some amazing, invigorating parts of America. I saw some dark parts of America and some ugly parts of America. Some parts of America that have rarely seen the light of day. I refer, of course, to the anus and testicles of my co-star, Kenneth Davitian. Ken, when I was in that scene and I stared down and saw your two, wrinkled golden globes on my chin, I thought to myself, I better win a bloody award for this".

He carried on with how he had to choose between death and taking a breath of Davitian's rancid ass air. Well, we know what he chose. He managed to thank everyone in the end, including "those people that still havent sued him". What a man. What a man.

I was disappointed that Leo di Caprio did not win best actor award in a drama. He got nominated twice, for "Blood Diamond" and "The Departed". I have seen the later, and I have to admit that he was excellent in that film. Never been a fan, but I now I have converted. At least Martin Scorsese won the best director award for "The Departed".

So now the big question is who is a contender for the Oscars. I guess we will have to see, but since the Golden Globes' results are usually a good way to predict the winners, I'd put my money on "The Queen" and is star, Helen Mirren, to take most of the awards.

Fat Eye: A brand new dawn

After massive begging of about 5 minutes and one scoop of ice cream, the Fat Eye is back and bigger than ever. Recent events means that the Fat Eye can no longer remain silent. Something big happened, bigger than anything in Cazzy’s miserable existence. This is bigger than Madonna’s 38th new look due later this year. It’s even bigger than Rocky 6, Die Hard 4 and Indiana Jones 4 put together. Heck, it’s even bigger than Martin’s underwear. But not as big as my love for Weasley or chips for that matter.

See, yesterday a new single entered in at Number 5 on the India Top 10 Chart. On Sky News it was reported that this Bollywood single was like no other. You see, the singer is not Indian. And although he has all the moves, it’s about as normal as Thabo Mbeki on a horse down Church Street in Pretoria.

The singer is no other than Australian fast bowler: White Lightning Brett Lee!!!
That’s all.

Written by Ferdi-Fat. Short but sweet.

Fat Eye Returns

Some time this afternoon, due to popular demand. I exercised my powers of persuasion. Watch this space...

My coke addiction

As in coca-cola, not cocaine, you morons. It was never that bad, until a few years ago. I would sometimes go through 5-6 cans of coke a day. My hands would shake uncontrollably if I didnt have coke in my system (though I think now that most of it was all in my head - my need for it, not the coke). But you have to agree that coke is addictive. All that sugar makes you crave more and more and more.

Part of my new year resolutions for 2007 is to give up coffee and coke, anything that has caffeine, must go. Now the coffee wasnt as hard as I thought it would be. Its been 4 weeks now and I dont crave the stuff. Even when I go for breakfast in the morning and my friends have coffee, I dont crave it. I happily sip my black, sugarless rooibos tea.

As for coke, well, its not as EASY as I thought it would be. I tried to hook myself on appletiser (yes, still has plenty of sugar but its better than coke) and it was all fine until last week. We have practically had coke every night for supper, since it was Weasel's last week with us. Normally we drink water at dinner but for "special occasions" we have coke.

Today I was going to start on a clean slate and announced on jnf my intentions. This led to me been kicked out of my Coke-a-holics Anonymous Club, something I was quite proud of. After much taunting and being called ugly names like "veggie-burger eater" and "gym freak" or something like that, I gave in to the peer pressure and had a can of coke. Oh, the horror!

I will try again tomorrow.

(oh, Weasel arrived safely in San Jose at 23h00, USA time. Ferdi is already hoping to get a PS3)

There is a huge party just around the corner...!!!

It's two weeks and one day to go to the event of the year, something I have been planning and waiting for anxiously for more than two months now: My 27th (yikes!) birthday bash!! I decided to postpone the celebrations for a month since there is too much happening in December, so instead, the party will be on the 27th of January.

I have decided to go really big this year, and hired 3 of my favourite SA bands to rock our socks off (though I dont really wear socks). The idea popped into my head on one alcohol-infused night while Berny and I were busy collecting drum sticks at Tempos. Remember that night? Haha. Well, after I sobered up, the idea got stuck in my head and so now Im ready to party up a storm!

Many people have asked me why I am having such a huge bash for my 27th? Normally one would go big for a 21st, a 30th etc but definitely not for a 27th. I have given them all the same answer: who said I cant go big for my 27th? Who made the rules? I am one of those people that likes to go against the norm and live for the moment - especially after all the kak I had last year. So I have ever reason to party like it's my last day on earth!!

Im quite excited, besides for the bands, several old and new friends that I havent seen in ages will be coming from practically all over the country to join the festivities. Its gonna be a MASSIVE reunion. With plenty of booze, haha. To my few readers, anyone who still doesnt know about the party, accept this as a formal invitation: COME TO MY PARTY!!! I will post more details soon.

The bands playing are:
Aion Truth

iNeRsHa


Chromium
I am so excited I could do cartwheels!!!

Bon Voyage Weasel!!!!

I never thought it would pain me to say this, but I am so sad that our Weasel is leaving us for the yankees tomorrow night. Sniff, snot en trane. He is going to the yahoo land (San Jose, near San Francisco) for five months to work, since the yanks dont have decent accountants there. Brace yourselves, people!!! Weasel is coming, armed with clutch pencil and calculator!! America will never be the same again!

Weasel and I have had our huge share of fights (he is the responsible one, I am not) but all the same, I love him to bits and Im sad that he wont be around till May. Whose car am I gonna throw up in now? Who is going to scream at me when I am making an arse of myself and who will tell me off for buying so many DVDs??? Ferdi? Nah, he is just like me, though he has a little bit of Weasel in him too.

I remember quite clearly when the bugger was a baby, and I suddenly had to share the limelight with him. Of course, I hated it. I hated him! How dare he come and take my mommy's attention away from me? Huh? One day, while I was napping on my parents' bed and Weasel was next to me in his cot, I decided to reach for him. I miscalculated my strength, fell on top of him and down we both went, cot and all. I was hoping this would lead to his demise, but no, all he did was cry like a baby. Doh.

He was and still is, mommy's boy. I always tease mommy that Weasel is her favourite child. She gets angry, but I think it's true. He dotes on her, and when Ferdi and I do something wrong, he runs to her and tells on us. Haha. Ok, he doesn't do much of that anymore, but he still bitches and moans like a bored housewife. Sigh, I am gonna miss the bugger.

We are having his farewell at my house tonight. We hope to get him drunk, and keep him drunk, till he boards the plane tomorrow night. Flying sober is not fun these days.

He just better bring us presents. I gave him my wishlist already. I want Wentworth Miller.

The move is on!

Looks like Im going to be moving out of this kak office sooner than we thought. Last year my boss had told me that we were only expected to move to Sandton in February this year but now they are all getting a bit impatient so we might be moving as early as next week. And I am not complaining. I cant wait to get out of here! Having to work near the taxi rank is making my nerves hit the roof!

My colleague is busy arranging all our move details as Im idly typing away here. Rumour on the street is that we are getting brand new laptops, with 3G!!! That is so cool! Now I will be able to update my blog from home, and I can choose not to go to the office, if I bloody well feel like it. Actually, ignore last comment, cause my boss is still old school. He likes to see us working, right under his nose, and dish out the occassional joke my way. So I will still be going to the office, but a NICER office. Much much nicer office!

And I hear that there is plenty of talent there, if you know what I mean....

*Evil laugh*

Keep Ferdi in your thoughts

The bugger failed two of his exams in November last year (I mean, seriously, who wants to study at that time of the year??) so he now has to rewrite them this week. First one this afternoon, right now actually, as Im a typing this, second one tomorrow. I have never seen him study so religiously. It amazes me. He woke up at 4am this morning (and woke me up, and the rest of the household in turn) so he could study. I was quite angry as I couldnt fall asleep again, but since it is so imperative and crucial that he passes, I let it slide.

If he doesnt pass, he wont have a job this year. He cant sign a contract with the firm he is currently working at, until he passes. And I am most certain he will, I have never seen him more determined to do so. He has spoken to his lecturers and they practically gave him the answers, so hopefully it all go well. But keep him in your thoughts anyway. You never know when you might need a lawyer!!

A quiet start to the first weekend of the year

After all the festivities these past few weeks, a quiet chilled weekend was definitely in order. I think I must have watched a total of 7 movies, most of them which I had taped last month. I ventured out a few times here and there. but mostly I stayed indoors - when I should have been taking the opportunity to sit outside and enjoy the sunshine that was lacking all these weeks!!

I went round to my hairdresser at Carlton Hair for my usual 2-monthly pampering. If I could afford it, I'd go every week, even if just for the head massages. I dont know why, but I love having my hair washed, brushed, cut etc. I felt like doing something ridiculous like chopping my hair off (I have the three year "time to cut this off" itch again) but my ever-cautious hairdresser held me back. Next time, I will get my way.

Since Ferdi is busy swotting for his supplementary exams, and everyone else is pretty much scarce, I went to the movies with Weasel and Shawn. It was already late and most of the movies had already started, like Flushed Away, which we had our hearts set on. The only one we could watch was "The Departed" and Im so glad we watched it. Its a Martin Scorsese film and since I love mafia/gangster type movies, this went rather well with me. I'd see it again.

Well, now that Im well rested, I am ready to party up a storm again. And I thing there is one just around the corner...thursday methinks...

Barriers to communication

During my bedroom hiatus, I read Barry Ronge’s collection of best “Spit ‘n Polish” columns which he has been writing for the past 25 years or so. It was a delightful read and I found some good topics which I could sometime elaborate on.

One of them was a piece he did called “Flood Victims Need Your Money Not Your Ego” where he recalled the time he manned one of the telephones for Good Morning South Africa to raise funds for flood victims in the Free State. He told some funny stories about some of the characters that he spoke to on the phone while on duty, who didn’t necessarily have the flood victims’ best interest at heart.

The one that particularly grabbed me was the Afrikaans man who insisted that Mr Ronge, after answering the phone in English, speak to him in Afrikaans. This man said, and I quote, “as jy nie behoorlik in ‘n mens se eie taal kan praat nie dan sal ek dit sterk oorweeg om my geld aan ‘n ander fonds te skenk”. Mr Ronge politely invited him to do so and then hung up the phone.

Now excuse me for saying (or don’t, I don’t really care) but this is a prime example of a typical Afrikaans-Boer mentality. I am not saying that all Afrikaans people are like this but there are sure a lot of them out there that think that every living creature in South Africa, can speak the damned “taal”. And how egocentric of them to think so.

I had a similar incident when I used to be in charge of manning one of the bank’s advisory lines. I used to hate answering it, as most of the callers were actually looking for another division of the bank. One such caller was an old Afrikaans man. I answered in English, as it is the language I am most fluent in. Now while my Afrikaans is not too bad, I can normally only speak the basics, and avoid technical jargon and business terms completely, simply because my understanding of the language is not that advanced. So anyway, this man asked if I could speak Afrikaans. I said no, for the reasons stated above.

Lo and behold! What a travesty that I could not speak the taal. I was then lectured and criticized for it and asked why is it that a South African bank employs someone that does not speak Afrikaans? Since when was that a criteria? With 11 official languages and diverse people from all walks of life, how can everyone possibly speak Afrikaans?? I was tempted to put the phone down on him, but instead let him have his say until he put the phone down in frustration. Good riddance. Now go learn some FUCKING English, you idiot!

Resolutions anyone?

Seeing as a new year has begun, most go crazy making lists and more lists of resolutions that they would like to achieve this year. Personally, I tend to avoid them cause I know me well enough - I almost never accomplish all the things I set out to do. But it doesnt mean that I dont have goals, because I do, I just dont only make them at the beginning of the year.

Instead, I have this year decided to make a list of things that I am looking forward to doing. With a little enthusiasm on my part, I just might get all of these done:

1. Celebrate my belated birthday with a bang! Sure, it's not a big birthday like my ever approaching 30th, but who said I cant go big on my 27th? I thrive on changing the rules. I look forward to having some of my favourite bands play at my bash: Aion Truth, iNeRsHa and Chromium! I am so excited I cant wait! In addition, some friends from out of town will be coming as well. I am so chuffed.

2. I will be moving to RMB in Sandton in February (unless my boss changes his mind again, touch wood). There I hope to go up the ranks and always push myself to learn more. I dont ever want to fall into a comfort zone trap again. I see a lot of opportunities looming for me.

3. Getting my bloody licence!!!! That is, if I can eventually get a booking for my learners this century. Still no luck. I think I might take Nicole's offer and do it in Bloemfontein! I am desperate!

4. Once that is done, I want to get a decent car and my own place. I think its about time I left the nest and become more independent. I need freedom!!!

5. Last, but not least, I want to go see some friends in London. Hopefully in August. Every year some new excuse or obstacle pops up, preventing me from visiting. But Im not putting this off any longer. I will go there even if I have to take out a loan, even if I have to row a boat to get there! Haha (um, no).

And that is about it really. Other than try to be a better person and try to be nicer to everyone - riiiiiiiight, I was born a bitch. Will always be a bitch! Haha. Ok, ok, I will try my best.

Consider this a warning!

Hello/Hola 2007!! And the story about a stop street sign.

Happy New Year!!! Have I said it yet? So what, I am gonna say it again: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I intend to make this a GOOD one!! So how did you all spend it? With a bang I hope! Let me tell you what I got up to last week.

In the days leading up to New Year’s Eve I spent it locked up in my room, avoiding shopping malls after the Christmas rush, reading as many books as possible to beat 2005’s record. Sad, I know, but it was good to just lie there and relax. I became so much of a hermit that I was oblivious to the world outside. I didn’t even know that Saddam Hussein had been executed on the 30th until my dad told me several hours later after this historic event took place. I didn’t even know that he had been convicted! Where had I been all this time? In my room. But then again, I never cared much for world events.

For a few weeks now I had been looking forward to seeing Chromium again on the 30th. You wont believe my disappointment as one by one our gang members were slowly dropping out. In the end, it was just me and Martin that went. Awkward at first, but as soon as the alcohol flowed, conversation came easy and we sort of bonded. But I still wont let him touch my boob. Oh, and we realized that Fred (from Inersha) and Weasel have the same fashion sense. Now all Martin wants to do is touch Weasel.

The 31st finally arrived, the booze was on ice, the meat was on the braai and the salads were bought (haha). We all trekked to the house that Ferdi is busy house-sittting, and well, we sat. And we drank. And we phoned random people. It was fun. Some even swam. Not me, as usual, I had a cold, during summer!!

Cailin, Berny and I wanted to do something crazy and historic, so while the boys went out on the streets gallavating, we went out and turned the other way. We didn’t walk far. Our mission: steal something, preferably a street sign. Our target: the stop sign round the corner. First attempt: Failed. We managed to bend it 90 degrees but could not get it out of the ground. Giggling, we ran back to the house before we almost got busted by a passing car. Decided to go back for second attempt. Second attempt: Mission accomplished. After sitting on it, stamping on it, giggling, the pole broke with a loud crack, so we took it and ran with it back to the house. Were almost busted again. Posed for several pics, the boys came back and shook their heads disapprovingly (they stole one last year, and it took longer for them to get it).

We welcomed 2007 with more drinks and happy cheer. The girls soon retired to bed (Berny and I to a hard wooden floor in the pilates studio) satisfied that 2007 was going to rock. The boys, in the meantime, carried on drinking suitcases, tequila and other mixes until the early hours. That is, until a chain reaction of vomiting started. Weasel and Shawn (and little Brydon) were the only boys unaffected. And for once, Berny and I did not pass out drunk! This must be a good omen!

I had to get up then, cause poor Haggie was dragged into the pilates studio to sleep. He fell and missed his bed by a metre or so. Then when he wanted to vomit some more, he banged his head a few times on the steel bowl next to him for such purpose. I went out for some fresh air and went to bed around 4am when I couldn’t feel my toes anymore.

So yeah, um, good start to the year. Good for me cause I did not make my name gat for once and could still remember the previous night’s events. Oh, and Cailin and Berny returned the stop sign the next morning. On the opposite side of the road, but at least its there. Hehehhhh

The Hi's and Lo's of 2006

2006 went by faster than ever. Though it started badly (I got so drunk that I went to bed just after the stroke of midnight) it ended rather well, but in retrospect, it was one of the worst years I have ever experienced. I intend to make 2007 stand heads and shoulders above the rest. Like one of my colleagues said to me a few days ago, “this is your (my) year! Go for it!”

Looking back, I have put together a list of highlights and lowlights of 2006. Let’s start with the good ones:

Highlights
- In January, I went on holiday to Cape Town for the first time in my life. There I met Jeremy and the rest of the Cape Town JNF’ers. It was good to finally chat to them face to face and enjoyed my time there. I plan to go back soon so I can go see the places I didn’t get a chance to visit, like Table Mountain.
- Health-wise, I got back into a strenuous gym programme to improve and strengthen my back, which certainly paid off. I also ran the JP Morgan for the third time in a row, plus I did the 8-week Cycle Challenge. My team came first in the ladies category.
- The coolest, funniest man in PE, aka Vomitboy, finally came to visit us in Jozi, it was the first time he ever set foot in our smelly city. We spent one of the best, fun-filled, hilarious weeks with him, AND learnt how to play poker!!
- It was a great moment of sport when SA played the most exciting, nailbiting cricket match against Australia, and I was one of the lucky ones who was there to see it, at Wanderers.
- I got involved in a lot of social awareness this year, which opened my eyes and heart to people less fortunate than me. I hope to continue with this throughout 2007 and onwards.
- Finally caught the blog bug and started to pen (or in this case, type) my thoughts for friends and strangers alike to peek into my crazy world.
- I was captain of the girls volleyball team at our church’s annual Youth Day (Jugendtag) and we won the tournament! It was the best weekend we had in years at this get-together, despite (or because of) me getting motherlessly drunk, and falling out of a tree!
- Out of all the beerfests I attended this year (three in total), our church’s one was the best and most eventful. I was part of the organizing committee this time and will carry on with this task in 2007, and will strive to make it even more successful than the last.
- After a lot of hassles and almost giving up, we managed to send mom and dad on a two month holiday to Argentina to see our relatives. After a 12 year absence and longing for the motherland, they were welcomed with open arms and spoiled by our country folk. They thoroughly enjoyed it.
- And so did we, their two month absence, that is. Besides missing mommy’s cooking, washing, cleaning, ironing (damn, she really spoils us), we enjoyed our independence and made use of the freedom to throw several drunken parties/interventions/ladies’ nights, haha.
- At work we got involved in a major individual and group internal quiz. After long hours of study and stressing, I made it into the finals. My group came second and we walked away with an I-POD each. Not bad!
- Woodstock 8 ROCKED!!!! This time we got a bigger group together, including Cailin, whom I met for the first time. We camped all weekend at a prime spot in front of the two main stages. Cant wait for the next one!!
- I went to Zambia in hot hot November with the sales team and enjoyed some relaxing days under the sun, and parties until the early hours.
- Friends that I hadn’t spoken to in years got hold of me and I have been catching up with them ever since. One of them is Nicole, whom I have known since I arrived in SA, and I will be seeing her again for the first time in over 6 years, when she comes to JHB later in January. I cant wait.
- Ever the groupie, I got to know some really cool bands, like Chromium and iNeRsHa, both of whom will be playing at my birthday bash soon.
- Though I didn’t go to our work’s Year End Function, I did go to RMB’s much cooler, Year-End do, where we had to don our school uniforms for a back-to-school theme party. It reminded me of how much I miss being a kid.
- Not much else, except to say that we ended the year with a stolen stop sign in our back garden – story to follow soon…

Lowlights
- While I was in Cape Town I played a joke on everyone that I was stranded in George. While most fell hook, line and sinker to mine and Jeremy’s well contrived devious plan, karma slapped me hard on the face when, on my return to JHB, the plane had to turn back to Cape Town halfway there, due to engine failure. I arrived back, in JHB, five hours after schedule, tired and admitting defeat. I swore never to play another prank on another living soul for as long as I live.
- I got tonsillitis several times this year until my doctor and I finally gave up and ordered them to have them removed. It was painful, it was hell, it was something that a 26 year old like me should never have to go through again!
- The 2006 Soccer World Cup was the worst ever. What an upset! Argentina really let me down this time.
- There were several drinking “accidents” where I sustained several injuries by falling out of trees, down the stairs, in a hotel room, passing out in Weasel’s car, outside others’ cars, etc. Yet I carry on drinking. At least, if I die, I will die numb.
- The Currie Cup was kak. So was the Super 14. And so is our national cricket/rugby team.
- Nickelback, the lazy bastards, cancelled their tour to SA, due to fatigue. I wont be repurchasing a ticket when eventually they do decide to come over.
- I lost a good friend due to a horrible illness. Claudia, RIP.
- I turned 27, though in my mind, I am still 17 (best year ever).
- Relationship-wise, I am not going to comment much, but I will just say that I made some terrible decisions in my choice of men of late. Three times too many.

Back at work, Back to Hell

We have a saying here in the office that many of us chant when we walk into the dreary halls of the bank “Goodbye world, goodbye happiness, hello death, hello FNB”. And today is no different. As I got out of the car and looked at the gloomy grey buildings, this saying popped in my head and droned on and on to the beat of a funeral march.

But not to worry, I don’t intend to start 2007 in a sour mood. It’s just that after 10 days of waking up late and doing bugger all, I am not quite ready to get back into the hussle and buzzle of everyday working life. It hardly felt like rest, we hardly had any sun! But I plan to take a few more weeks off within the next month or so, as is my annual tradition – to go on holiday when everyone comes back.

I tried desperately to update my blog while I was at home, but the first time I went near a computer was on New Year’s Eve, and that was to check up a few facts on Chromium. So I will do my best to give you the down-lo on what went down these past few weeks in a moment or two.

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

My last day

Finally, holidays have arrived and I cant wait to get out of this office!!! Im leaving about an hour to catch a few zzzzzz's then spoil my mom at a German restaurant for her birthday. I was just saying to one of my colleagues that it doesnt feel like Christmas to me. This year has gone by too quickly - not that I am complaining, cause it has been one of the worst years of my life, despite some of the good times I have had this year. I cant wait for 2007, it just has to be better!

I will still try to update my blog while Im on holiday, not every day though, cause I will be drowning my sorrows at getting another year older (it's my birthday on Monday, I expect drunken phone calls people!!). I will return to this hell hole on January the 3rd.

I am sitting here with a long to-do list and several Christmas presents that I am dying to open. I am worse than a five year old!!! One of my colleagues sms'd me earlier and I had to laugh out loud, she caught her 6 month old daughter under the Christmas tree ripping one of her presents open. How she knew that it was her present, I have no clue. But the determination makes me laugh, and proud. Hehehhh

Anywhoo, I am not gonna babble anymore. I have had too much champagne and my tongue is loose. I have lots of exciting things coming up over the next few weeks so I will be sharing all those stories with you in due course. Im sure lots of you are going on holiday from today as well, like Berny and Marbro - have fun in Botswana, see you next week! So, let me wish you all a Merry Christmas and drunken Happy New Year!!!

Rock on!!

Last Night

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Fat Eye for the Sports Fan: Edition Twelve

Dear Dairy, it’s been 5 days since I’ve had ice-cream! I can feel the life force slowly slipping away from me. Don’t know how much longer I can last, I can see the light!

But enough with my dilemmas, lets get on to the sport! This week was quite a big week in the sporting world and even bigger week in the world of politics! Yes the Fat Eye knows all about the world wide conspiracy attempting to put me on a diet!

Recently in the news it came out that Indian peoples do not like being called Koelies, well who would have known? An Indian dude then later in the week made a comment on how Jacque Kallis doesn’t sing the national anthem before games! Kallis stated that he had his own personal reasons for not singing the anthem, which although vague is acceptable.
This ******* then stated that Kallis has no respect for the new SA and that he should give a valid explanation for not singing the anthem! Hmmm, ek wonder?
Kallis has now come out (not the closet, as yet) and said that it has to do with the death of his Father, who he would sing the anthem with! Well I wonder how the ******* feels now? I wonder if an apologee will be forthcoming?

Furthermore in politics this week it was discovered that an Indian long distance runner has failed her, em well, her gender test! After an anonymous tip off she was tested and it was discovered that “she” is actually a man! Hee hee hee! Only in India ek se!

And in keeping with the Indian theme although the Proteas were smacked in the first test, it was still bloody entertaining! Especially so with the Nel – Sreesanth contest! In the first innings Nel smacked Sreesanth around and they had words (Sreesanth acting a lot like Nel)! Then in India’s second innings Nel decided to show Sreesanth how to scare the living daylights out of a batsman! Sreesanth decided to counter punch and show Nel how to bat. After hitting Nel for six he ran down the pitch and did a little dance for Nel! Fuck that was funny! I can’t wait for the next one, hopefully we can win it though!

Also at this time of the year it’s nice reflect on this year passed. Therefore I like to remember the Fat Eye moments as supplied by fans, mostly Cazzy it seems, and she never disappoints! Now she has gone and done it and delivered (on a silver platter) the all time Fat Eye moment!
This week whilst the boys and girls were competing in vigorous game of 30 seconds, the girls came out victories, after the boys had let a massive lead slip! Cazzy then blurted out: “WE SUCK, YOU RULE!”

Weasel, Basti and Modman have however also been hard at work! Weasely seems to have really let himself go, he has really be going at it with reckless abandon! Lately he aksed: “Since when has Theo Walcott been an Arsenal player?” See Theo is the 19 year old who made headlines when he was selected to play for England at the World Cup, and HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN AN ARSENAL PLAYER, DUMMY!
Modman also asked whether Seven was a good movie, this after we had been watching SEVENS RUGBY! Word G!
Basti’s was however my favourite, he being a Sharks fan tuned that there are just too many Sharks in the Boks Sevens team!
Hee hee!

So finally it has arrived, my favourite time of the year, the all you can eat season! Ek se Christmas dinner, pudding and and BOOZE! But lets not forget the real reason of Christmas, PRESENTS! Ek kannie wag!

So till next year have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Totsiens!

Written, for the last time this year apparently, by Ferdi the one who is on a diet

Cazzy Edit: Ferdi told me not to edit this, so here I am, editing. I didn't give him permission to go on leave from his Fat Eye duties two weeks before the end of year, so he might just make an appearance or two again this year. If he knows what's good for him...

Miss SA Pageant - Booby Blunder

I visited Urban Trash this morning where Jeremy was talking about beauty pageants and this reminded me of an incident that occurred recently at our very own Miss SA pageant. Over the years I have lost interest in this event and to be honest, I can’t name the last five or six Miss South Africas. I just don’t give a damn.

Now this year’s pageant might have slipped me by again had it not been for a certain front page story in the Sunday Times this week. It had nothing to do with the winner (I still don’t know who won) but with one of the other contestants. Apparently, the formal dress she decided to wear, caused a huge uproar with some of the judges and viewers, because, wait for it, her dress “was too revealing”. This dress showed off her ample bosom, and that, apparently, is a big no-no. WTF?

I have always been a firm believer of the saying “if you have got it, flaunt it”, so what is wrong with showing some cleavage? But now, what really gets me confused here is that apart from formal dresses, contestants also have to parade on stage in their swimsuits. Surely, these little pieces of clothing show off more flesh than ball gowns?

I smell a conspiracy here. I reckon some bright spark realised that the pageant has lost its sparkle over the years and cried “SCANDAL” just to add some interest again. Anything is possible.

Sunday Times went so far as to run a poll asking readers what they thought of the dress. Only 10% decided that it was too revealing. One reader even commented that she and her 7 and 10 year old daughters were disgusted by the amount of cleavage this contestant showed. Pu-lease. Get a life. We have all seen worse.

Ferdi is broken

And here is the proof. You know how you always tell your kids that if they don't eat their food, they wont get any pudding?? Well, Ferdi just managed to eat his ribs and chippsssss, but failed to finish his pudding!!! Is the world gonna now end? I think so.

Saturday night, the gang and me went to our local Spur for all you can eat ribs. I was smart and ordered a tramezzini. I know my limits. Ferdi, well, he is not the same anymore. Ever since he entered the working world he has been seeing avoiding lifts, and now climbs stairs. His belly is starting to disappear. I dont know my brother anymore. He needs help. I am afraid he might even start to wear pink shirts any day now.

You can see by these pics that he is ashamed of his condition. Look how he tries to cover up. Us girls eventually had to hold his arms so we could show you what state he is in. Please submit your suggestions and advice for Ferdi here. Its much appreciated. Thank you.

Ho Ho Ho

I feel like Mother Christmas today. Once again I am loaded with Christmas presents here in the office. This time, not for orphans, but for my colleagues's kids. I went mad at a discount toy shop yesterday and bought a trolley full of toys, I even bought some for myself. I couldnt help it, ok?

My Christmas shopping list increases every year and I always say, this year Im going to get an early start and avoid the Christmas rush. I did start early this time, but after 3 weeks of shopping, I am still not done!! I am so tired of shopping malls and crowds of people that I think I might just pull a Scrooge on some people. But I dont have the heart to do that.

Even though I am only going on leave next week Friday, today I am leaving early, in about an hour in fact, for a little Christmas lunch at one of my colleague's place. After this hectic week, it will be nice to just sit down, relax and talk kak for a bit. The weekend should be good too - though Berny has begged me nicely to convince everyone to go watch Dozi tonight. What?!!! Did you read that properly? Yes, Dozi. I think I owe Berny one, so I will do my best to oblige her.

Ou ryyyyyppppperrrrrddddddd. Yippee Yippeee yip.


Ho ho ho ho.

Ag shame

After my long long day yesterday, Ferdi finally came to fetch me, just before six in the evening. I was tired and grumpy. So I get in the car, and he casually says, "I brought you a present there, a coke". I saw a can lying there under the cubbyhole and said to him "ja ja, it's empty right? You are playing a joke on me". So he said "no jokes, its for you". And true as bob, the can was full! Tears welled up in my eyes, and I thought "Who is this, and what have you done with my brother? Ag, shame, he is so sweet!!" I was so overcome with emotion that I said to him that I was gonna write about this momentous occassion in my diary. So here it is.

You all might think this is so silly, and maybe it is, but whenever my brothers do something for me, I take note. It's not that they never do anything for me, because they do, but the things that they do for me mean a lot, especially these days. Hells bells, what the hell did they put in my lunch today? I am NEVER this soppy!!!!! AHHHHHHHGHHHHH!!!!

I almost ruined that wonderful moment yesterday while Ferdi and I drove home. I was lost in thought, when suddenly I hear Ferdi going "weeeeeeee" in a girly voice while looking at me, all excited. I missed our wee moment!!!!! Oh boy, you must all be thinking now that I have really lost it!!! You see, every time Ferdi and I go over a certain speed bump somewhere near home, he speeds up a bit and we both go "weeeeeeeee!!!!!!" And yesterday I missed it. I watched as his bottom lip slowly protuded from his mouth while he sulked. Shame, I better not forget this afternoon!!!

In other news, I was very disappointed that I was not able to donate blood today. I was looking forward to it all day, especially since there is a blood shortage, but I was turned away cause my iron levels in my blood are too low. Bugger. No wonder I am dizzy and crazy today.

Damn I'm exhausted!!!

These last two days have gone by so fast yet they felt like two long days at the same time. This week is social awareness week for us at work and together with two of my colleagues I have been involved in organising a Christmas party for Christway Orphanage and Creche, and the children's ward in Baragwanath Hospital. What a mission!

First we had to raise enough money for everything which was a task in itself but luckily we got some wonderful (and huge) donations from several people. After a long queue at the bank trying to change signatories on the cheque account we raced to Makro to do all the shopping. Now I love shopping, but after yesterday, I dont think I want to go near a shop for a long long time (and I still havent finished my Christmas shopping - but that's another story, another blog).

Since we were paying by cheque, we had to get it cleared before we even attempted to shop. After almost an hour of waiting, I was told that they couldnt authorise the cheque because the financial position on that account was unknown - reason being, there is irregular activity on that account. Duh!! Its an account purely for charity work! Of course its going to have irregular activities on it. Several phone calls later to the bank (let's not forget that I work for the said bank) back and forth, we were given the all clear and the shopping could begin, even though I was miffed about wasting so much precious time.

I was in charge of organising gifts for the 20 orphans (toys and toiletries), plus for getting them as much groceries as I could. I had a big budget so naturally I went mad. My two friends organised gifts for the hospital kids plus Christmas decorations, then sweet packs and food for the orphanage and creche party. I filled 2 trolleys! After 2 hours of going up and down every aisle, we walked to the till dragging FIVE trolleys.

I was so afraid that we were over budget. We ended with a colossal bill, but still with a few thousand to spare. Next we had to figure out how to fit five trolleys worth of goods, into two cars. With great difficulty, I said. Nice thing about this was that I got home early. I was dropped off at home with several laundry baskets full of goods so I could organise everything into parcels. I was still missing a few things so I went to Cresta for some more retail therapy. That took hours again (thank god for extended shopping hours) so by the time I got home I didnt even have the energy to wrap gifts. But I had to force myself to do it and I wrapped till the early hours. And then I couldnt sleep....

This morning I got Ferdi and Weasel to help me carry everything upstairs to my office. It was Weasel's first time in my place of work so he was so excited. Right. Then it was off to breakfast with my cycling team (finally) and then off we went to the orphanage (while another group went to Bara). We set up 2 jumping castles and made them hotdogs, plus handed out sweet packs etc. We also loaded their combi with all the groceries and gifts I had organised. It was so rewarding to see all the smiles in the children's faces.

This orphanage has 20 orphans living there permanently and then they run a day care centre which has between 150 to sometimes even 400 (!!) children! It's clearly visible that these people struggle, and receive few donations. That is why we have decided to help them as much as we can. I first visited this place around Easter when we held a similar party for these kids. They have definitely won me over and hold a special place in my heart. I want to do as much as I can for these kids.

After the party we treated ourselves to a lunch at a nearby restaurant. I was finished!! I was hoping to go home early but now Im back in the office (with an ever-increasing in-tray I see) waiting for Ferdi to pick me up. My eyes feel heavy, and I could go to sleep right now. Except that Im dirty and in need of a bath. And a good massage. Haha. But nonetheless, this is all worth it, just to see smiles on kids' faces.

The funeral

On Saturday I got up at 4am to travel for about four hours to Newcastle in KZN. That's Claudia's home town and that's where her funeral was held. On the way there I was in a sort of cheerful mood though I was really dreading this sad event. I have only ever been to one other funeral, and that was my other friend who also passed away from a brain hamorraghe. I try to avoid funerals as much as possible - I just hate emotional events like this, and what I hate the most, is crying in front of people. For me, that has always been a sign of weakness. But I had to make the exception here and attend her funeral.

We arrived at the church about 30 minutes before the funeral and already the place was packed with people from all over. I travelled with my pastor, Uli and Inki, and some of their friends. We met friends we hadn't seen in while there, it just sucked that it had to be in such kak circumstances.

Eventually the family and boyfriend arrived and we all gathered at the cemetery. It was just all too much for me. It really hit home that she was really gone when they put her down into the ground and threw mounds and mounds of soil on her. I held onto my friend and watched in horror as her coffin was completely covered.

We then moved onto the church for the service. It was already packed with people so I sat outside on the grass with my friends and stared into nothingness. A storm was about to break. It looked menacing and finally gave in just as the service ended. As we were about to have some tea and snacks (not that we were really hungry) at the hall, it started to hail, big ice blocks. I havent seen such a terrible storm in ages. The grounds were flooded in minutes. I thought to myself, it looks as if all the angels in heaven are crying.

As soon as the storm passed we got ready to leave. I hugged her mom and she assured me that she felt much stronger now. I struggled to fight back the tears. The drive back felt long but at least I got some closure now, and felt a bit better too. Needless to say, I felt like getting drunk that night, to be numb and feel nothing. And so I did.

I went with Berny, Marbro, Ferdi and co to play pool at Paddys. It was like apartheid as the girls played on one table, the boys on another, haha. We started off with tequila and then Smirnoff, but by the 4th (or was it 5th) drink I had to call it quits cause I was in no mood to get sick. I didnt win a single pool match but I had fun. It was a good distraction.

Fat Eye for the Sports Fan: Edition Eleven

Better late than never I always says! So here it are the three time literary award winner, the Fat Eye!

As you all know the Fat Eye started his new job this week, yes indeed I am a grafter! Serving justice, helping the poor and bringing peace to the land, Duffman! Yip it’s all in a days work for the Fat Eye!

Ok so lets get started, firstly Weasely has now been on leave for about oh two days and he is already bored! Me thinks it has something to do with an incident that the Fat Eye witnessed on Friday night when I walked in on Weasel watching a Tom Cruise film whilst the CRICKET WAS ON! Ek kannie glo nie!
He was also drinking a Pepsi at the time!

In other news Basti asked me where Man United was on the log!

And yet again Sky News has delivered the goods; in a division 1 game in which 7 goals were scored an incident happened where a striker managed to save his very own goal! He lobbed a header towards the goal, then made a second attempt in which he headed the goal bound ball over the cross bar! His team lost!

The Fat Eye, Bastlein and Spies were out on the cricket pitch this week! We played for like hours and I hit the biggest six, there were no winners or losers! Just players who are equals except for the Fat Eye who is a cut above the rest!

The Fat Eye witnessed some very disturbing images this week aswell! See the Fat Eye was of the opinion that a pink shirt in itself was gay and that no further measures need be resorted to, the Fat Eye was wrong! See I saw a dude wearing a pink golf shirt with no sleeves, as if it weren’t gay enough as is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Fat Eye has always been at the forefront of new styles and thus I decided to educate those who don’t know better, after all not everyone is blessed with the sight! The Fat Eye had to choose his apprentices very carefully, therefore who better than Cazzy herself, and her good designer friend Sonja?
The Fat Eye started off small expounding this seasons in fashion, I didn’t want to overwhelm them at this stage! See this seasons style is knee high khaki shorts, a golf T and pointy leather shoes for the guys, as for the ladies they can wear, well nothing!
As it turns out it didn’t take long to find a specimen as Quentin (Cazzy’s friend) had taken the Fat Eye’s advice, unfortunately no ladies could be found!

I lost ten bucks in Poker thanks to a drunken V-Dawg!
Ronaldo is gay!
Boks won the sevens!
Daddy does Pilates!
Phillip Burger is a fruitcake according to Basti’s mommy!
And last but not least Kayla, a six year old, rates the Parlotones are gay!

Nuff said, see you peeps next week!

Word M-unit on the new job!

Written by the new working man, Ferdinova

What's in a name?

Fruit apparently. At least, that's what some nut jobs are using to name their kids. What ever happened to common names like John and Mary? Yeah, I suppose they are rather boring. If I ever happen to have kids (cringe) I would also want some exotic name for my offspring. But some names border on the ridiculous!

The kings and queens of "blessing" their kids with weird names have to be Bob Geldof and the late Paula Yates: Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom and Little Pixie. Hells Bells!!!! Something tells me that Paula was off her rocker and most to blame for these creative names, as she later named her child with (the also late) Michael Hutchence, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lilly. What a mouthful! I wonder if these kids got teased at school...never mind kids being nasty, parents can also be so cruel!!!!

There is now a huge trend among celebs to outdo each other by calling their kids the most unheard of names (some even inventing their own translations for the names) like Suri (Cruise), Shiloh Nouvel (Jolie-Pitt) and should I mention poor Apple? This is fast catching onto regular everyday people - if celebs are doing it, then so must we!

Recently a British study was done to see what are the most popular names at the moment. For girls, the top 10 are: Keira, Kylie, Shakira, Britney, Peaches (there you go!), Madonna, Beyonce (my condolences to those kids), Dido (!!), Catherine Zeta (!!!) and Apple (haha, but of course). For the boys: Tiger (grrr), Keanu (actually, this one is not bad), Dre, Gazza, Brooklyn, Tupac (hehehh), Jay-Z, Snoop, David Beckham (hohoho) and Superman!!! (no Martin, this is not a dig at you, I cant help what the results of this study show *wink*).

So there you have it folks. My parents never had much of an imagination so I wonder if I can change my name to Queen Cazzy of the Evil Underworld Watermelon?

On a lighter note...

Sometime last week, a bunch of us went to see that anti-semitic, misogynist, racist, homophobic, barely-toilet trained, vulgar, rude, disgusting, um, where was I? Oh, yes, we went to see that man that likes to "pick up prostitute" and "watch ladies while they make toilet" as a hobby, otherwise known as Borat Sagdiyev. Phew, what an introduction!!

I caught a few glimpses of the nutcase with a big moustache on the Ali G Show (who can ever erase that infamous "g-string" from their minds) but he failed to make me laugh, until I saw the movie. Silly, and disgusting, as it was, I laughed from beginning to end, something that most films have failed to achieve.

So what if most of it literally involved toilet humour? And that hotel room scene!! Aaah!! I think, in my mind, what made it so successful was how Sacha Baron Cohen unwittingly managed to make fun of the Americans. That country is so dense that I think they have yet to realise that they are being ripped off here in a big way - especially since this film has been such a huge hit in America. What dumbasses. Why should the Kazakhstani people feel offended? Their country has been put on the map!! There is nothing better than free publicity.

I take off my hat to Mr Cohen. He's got balls.

Iz nice!!

Bloody licence call centre!!!

Trying to book for my forsaken learner's driver's licence is making me so frustrated and despondent, that at this rate, I will get my licence when I am 50!!!! (no jokes, my aunt got hers when she was around that age). I have been phoning every day for the past few months, religiously, that useless call centre and can you believe that to date I have not been able to make a booking in the whole of Johannesburg????

Everytime I phone, they tell me in the over-polite call centre sing song voice that they "regret to inform me, but they are not able to find any space in Johannesburg right now, but please (really, please) phone regularly again to check if there have been any cancellations". How about you pick a finger and then I tell you where to stick it???

Ok, I know I am at fault here for dragging this and not getting my licence as soon as I turned 18. Believe me, I am still kicking myself. This is actually the FOURTH (yes, fourth) time that I will be writing my learners (last one I wrote in May, which I failed by 2 points, dumbass). The first time I wrote this, was when I was about 19, I think, before the days of call centres. All I had to do was go to my nearest testing station, fill in my form, pay a small fee and book for my tests. No hassles. No problem.

The introduction of this useless central booking system was supposed to make our lives easier and the booking process more efficient. No such thing! Efficient for who, may I ask??? I am getting so annoyed with this that sooner or later Im gonna throw in the towel and live a life of dependency on those lucky buggers who already drive. And I know that I am not the only one who has complained about this. Apparently 94.7 has made several complaints as well. But nobody cares. Nobody listens.

Claudia: Rest in peace, my friend

Claudia has gone to a better place. I still cannot believe that she is gone. I miss her so much already. It was just two months ago that we celebrated her 21st birthday (picture above). I remember us chicks, each with a bottle of champagne in hand, in the parking lot outside Billy the Bums, singing at the top of our voices "Happy Birthday Claudia!" None of us ever thought that that would be the last time.

Her parents have decided to donate her organs. So at least she will help to save a few lives. She leaves us with some very good memories. We became very close this year and I thank god for the time that he allowed me to spend with her, like at youth camp - I specifically remember her and me, sitting on the stoep outside the hostel, trying to drink from a box of wine. I still laugh every time I think about that moment. Or the time she stuck her finger down my throat at Ingrid's birthday, just so that I would throw up - now THAT is a good friend.

I miss our long email convo's, our girls' night outs, I miss HER. Goodbye my friend. You are in God's hands now.

A kak way to start a weekend

The past 24 hours have been a real rollercoaster ride for me. Yesterday afternoon I was so positive that Claudia, my friend in ICU, was gonna pull through. She was stable, and had even twitched once. When I got to the hospital last night, I immediately saw all the long faces and knew that things weren't looking good. I was told that for the meantime, they were only letting in family members to see her so the rest of us congregated outside and tried to cheer each other up. There was no change - and apparently that wasn't good at all.

My friend and I managed to sneak in to see her later on, and we massaged her feet and talked to her. That seemed to get her to respond as her heart rate went up again. My spirits lifted somewhat, and so I tried to remain positive. But it was just so damn hard not to cry right then and there. Soon after we went home but I couldnt sleep.

This morning I got an sms from Inki saying that she was off life support and breathing on her own!! That had to be good news!! I was so happy and I was sure that things could only get better. But that wasn't to be so, I got my hopes up too quickly. I have been on the phone with different people all morning and they all tell me the same thing: she had another stroke this morning and the doctor is ready to give up. He feels there is nothing more that they can do for her.

This is still not sinking in, it feels so unreal and impossible. But I am not giving up. She is strong and a fighter. She has to pull through. She just has to!!