The craziest, best CD launch EVER!!!

Yes, Torment's CD launch went well, very well, with a BANG! I have the pics, reviews, the dirrrrt, but you will have to wait till tomorrow. Im still suffering, heheh.

Later dudes.

Reminder: Torment CD Launch 14th November at Rock Domination

Since Im off work tomorrow running around like a headless chicken plus including a much needed gym session (three times this week, wow, impressive hey?) I am going to remind you dingbats right now: Remember Remember the 14th of November. Because why? Because if you dont, I will donner you. OK, I wont, I cant even hurt a fly but I will be very disappointed. This will be an EPIC event, I kid you not.

What am I rambling on about? The Torment CD Launch "Not Your Grandmother's Shoes" at Rock Domination (at the Dome), starting at 19h00. Aptly themed the "Dark Carnival", everyone is encouraged to use their wildest imagination and dress up or down - prizes to be won. The event is also sponsored by Jagermeister, so there will be tons of it flowing around. There will also be tons of stuff on sale, including band merch, lots of drinks specials AND candyfloss and popcorn! Yay!

So here is the line-up with the time slots:

7-7.30 Spire
7.45-8.15 Namuh
8.30-9 Only Forever
9.15-9.45 Fragmented Childen
10-11 Torment
11.15-11h45 11th Hour

R30 bucks entrance or R50 bucks with a CD!!!R50 bucks for a cd normally!First 100 people get a signed copy!!!

OK, Im signing off now, got to finish sewing patches on my ultra cool customised takkies before I nod off. Cheerio. I better see you all there tomorrow night! Keep it metal :)

Carol can go home

My dearest colleague wrote me a simple note this morning saying "Carol can go home" and gave it to my boss. He took one look at it, laughed and walked away. I shook my head in sadness. He just didnt understand.

I knew this was going to be a tough morning the moment I woke up, feeling as if I had just been asleep for 5 minutes. Having spent most of the night dreaming bullshit (it seemed like it was all night, though it could have been a mere few minutes), my mind was in overdrive and feeling restless. I dragged myself to the bathroom and went over all the things I had to do today.

As Im going through that list again right now, I am not even sure I have even accomplished half the things I needed to do today, and Im screwed as Im on leave tomorrow to prepare for Torment's CD launch. The fact that I wished repeatedly that I was in bed, did not help.

I spent a good three hours working on a report that my boss had asked for days ago (not my fault I took so long, I rely on others to source my information) and when I was almost done and wanted to compare to a previous report, I was baffled as to why the previous report's total figures were much higher than the latter one. It took one hour, a coffee break and a few more minutes after that to figure out that the last report was from the last financial year. Obviously figures will be higher. I smacked my forehead and sent out the report, feeling a bit daft but glad I had eventually figured out the problem.

Not even 5 minutes after I had sent it out to my whole team, one of my colleagues congratulated me on a job well done, the report was superb. That was a bee on my bonnet - which flew away a few seconds later when another dear soul came running to tell me that the profit figures were ridiculously inflated. I looked at him in despair and wanted to cry. I just couldnt win. But this time I figured out my problem almost instantly - I had swapped the turnover and profit figures by mistake. I really need to change this blonde hair of mine!

So, as a test, I waited before I re-sent the report to see how many people would pick up my mistake. My dear friend who had congratulated me felt just as blonde as me for not picking it up (heheh and she really is blonde too). Only one other person managed to spot the mistake and called me in a "I-know-it-all" kind of tone and suggested I send the new report "before the boss sees it". But I waited a bit more then sent it out. I still felt like an idiot though.

Ok, enough technical talk, bleh. I spent the rest of the day bombarded with admin, which I just completed. Yes, it was a tough day for Caz who prefers to play on facebook all day. Did I just type that? Noooooo. Yes, I do work hard believe it or not, but I play just as hard, if not harder :)

As the year comes to a close I am feeling weary and in need of some R&R, desperately. Arent I lucky that in 4 weeks Im on leave and off to the coast for a few days? Yay!

Torment's CD Launch - Dark Carnival

If you have nothing to do this Friday night, actually, even if you do, I dont care. Rather drag your ass to Rock Domination at the Dome for Torment's much anticipated album launch, hilariously titled: "Not your Grandmother's Shoes".

The CD includes hits like "Bleed", "Thank You" and my personal favourite "TP2". Its an awesome CD, a must for your CD collection! So come on over this Friday for a party to remember. The theme is dark carnival, so dress up as your favourite circus character/freak. Im a bit terrified at the prospect of seeing so many clowns there, so I will either have to go blindfolded, or just pretend not to see the damned creatures.

Here are the details:

Date: 14 November 2008

Time: 19:00

Venue: Rock Domination, the Coca-Cola Dome

Entrance: R30, R50 with a CD. First 100 are signed.

Line-Up: Torment

Fragmented Children

Only Forever

Namuh

11th Hour

Spire

(actual times will be posted soon).

There will be tons of give-aways, drink specials and merch on sale. Also prizes for the best dressed. AND! Candyfloss and popcorn will be available!!! Yippeeee!!!!! This promises to be the event of the year, so dont miss out!

In the meantime, check this awesome video my talented monkey did. He also did all the artwork on the CD. Im so proud!

All Hallows Eve

This is a bit late, since it is now Guy Fawkes’s Day, but most of you know how much I can procrastinate – though, in my defence, I have been extremely busy these past few days, who would have guessed? Hahahaha.

Anyway, as I mentioned last week, I was really looking forward to Halloween as it promised to be a night full of fun events – and it didn’t fail to disappoint. Itching to get out of work and start the festivities, I left work early and walked to Sandton City before I met Andre at the Sandton Convention Centre for the annual Winex expo. We were disappointed that Monkey couldn’t join us, but we managed to survive with our hardworking man. There’s always next year.

As soon as we entered, we quickly ate a sandwich to line our stomachs then got our wine glass and ventured in for some “serious” wine tasting. For over a year now, I switched from white to red and I don’t think I will even dream of going back to white. We decided to go round the outer walls first and tried almost every wine that looked “interesting” to us i.e. great packaging/advertising, or just good looking people manning the stalls, lol.

In no time we were quite tipsy, but that didn’t stop us. At one stall, we each got a badge for sampling the wine (very yummy and affordable, I think it was called “café” – must look out for it in the shops!) and one of the guys was quite daring and insisted on pinning the badge on me. What a flirt. He saw my scared look and eventually settled on pinning it on my bag, hahahaha.

Another stall worth mentioning, of course, is the one with the cocktails. This stall made the most delicious concoctions, with each of their wines: red, white and rose. They also made you sample their red wine, together with a small square of Orange/Dark Lindt chocolate. I almost turned my nose up at the thought, but Im glad I didn’t. That was so delicious!

After an hour, Ferdi and Matt joined us and we hurried through the stalls so they could get their money’s worth before we left for the Halloween gig. We sampled more reds, some fine Klipdrift brandy, and who knows what else. I even sampled some of the sexy winemaker’s wine, who I had met a few days earlier at a work shindig. I wanted to introduce him to Michelle but she was stuck in traffic and decided to give Winex a skip and rather meet us at Party House. What a bummer. 19h00 sharp we raced out of Sandton like a bat out of hell, hitting the back roads so we wouldn’t miss a second of Monkey’s gig. As soon as we got to the Dome, I ran out the car, went into Rock Domination by mistake (where there was tons of food, and creepy old men. Looked like a Jagter’s Vergadering). I quickly left that scene and went into Party House and made a beeline for my man. There he was, setting his guitar, with a green afro on his head. Ahhhh, so cute. I gave him a big, fat kiss then went to mingle with the others and got myself a drink – as if I really needed one!

I was glad that I didn’t miss their performance. It gave me the chance to hear their new songs again, which I only heard once before at Witchfest. I really loved them, and Im not just saying that cause Im sleeping with the guitarist! Hahahaha. I really cant wait for their CD launch. They are going to rock everyone’s socks off.

After that I downed a tequila with Monkey and his sister. I love tequila, but this time I really shouldn’t have, after my hectic wine consumption. Right then and there, I made the wise choice of drinking water for a while, also considering the fact that I was broke! I did accept a few drinks here and there from kind friends, but I don’t think I managed to finish any of them. As soon as I put them down somewhere, I kind of forgot about them. Uh oh! What’s going on here? Lol

In between running around like a maniac, chatting to people and trying to keep my head screwed on straight, I watched a bit of Warthane, and Chromium. Ferdi and Andre had a fun time having their faces painted by Michelle. Here is some of the scary evidence:

I had a good laugh while we were watching Chromium. First up, Ferdi comes and tells me that him and Basti brushed Chromium’s hair before they went on stage. So I went nearer to check their handiwork, and yip, they looked very “coiffed” for a change! Hahahaha. (this was also Adrian’s, the bassist, last gig with Chromium – very sad, he will be missed!). Then, while chatting with Monkey and Princess Pretzel, a certain band member’s ex, clearly a bit intoxicated, approached us, and practically wanted to jump my bones! I was quite chuffed that she thought I was hot, it even boosted my confidence quite a few notches, but um, no! Monkey thought it was hilarious though. Heheheh, naughty bugger.

Since we were on the bike, we had to leave before it turned into a pumpkin. It was quite a risk, I was in no condition to ride with him but I tried my best to remain alert, even though I bumped Monkey’s helmet several times! He counted – 9 times, and still doesn’t let me forget it. We thought it was funny, but ja, don’t think we will be chancing it again.

This was surely a preview for the CD launch, which is happening next week Friday, same venue, on the 14th of November. The theme is “Dark Carnival” so everyone’s is encouraged to dress up (or down, whichever you prefer, heheh). Monkey and I already picked out our gear. If you want to see what we will be going as, come down for a most excellent party, and join us!!!

Happy Halloween, you dark creatures!

Trick or Treat!

Definitely a treat for me tonight. Firstly, Im off to Winex at the Sandton Convention Centre for two hours of wine indulgence, then we rush off to the Dome, specifically Rock Domination, for a Halloween Party of note! If you havent got anything to do, get your asses there. Its free entrance, and there's an awesome line-up of bands:

18:45 - Gadabout
19:30 - Torment
20:15 - Warthane
21:00 - Visus
21:45 - Knave
22:30 - Chromium
23:15 - Hell To Pay
00:00 - Pragmatic Death Protocol

And best dressed wins a R500 bar tab. Schweet!

I wont be dressing up, as the Devil's mother is already appropriately kitted out, heheh.

Happy Halloween dudes!!!!

To all the self-righteous bigoted Christians out there

Before I go on, let me be clear about something: I am a Christian, AND a metal-head. Yes, you can be both, and there are many like me out there. Many Christians have this misconception that people that listen to metal, worship the devil and are just pure evil. How wrong they are. We do not go round with Samurai swords on our backs, slashing people’s throats. But I’m not going to discuss that now, that has been done to death – excuse the pun.

I am just so sick and tired of these bigots butting their noses into things that they really don’t know much about or understand. What I am referring to, is the upcoming Devildriver concert that is supposed to be taking place next week, November 1, at Oppidam. Some morons decided that because the band has the word “Devil” in its name, ultimately it must be evil and therefore cannot possibly be allowed to perform its satanic rituals in our shores. Little do they know that Devildriver actually refers to bells that are used to fend off evil spirits. If only they had done a little bit of research before they got their panties in a knot. Just because they scream, have long hair, headbang and indulge in mosh pits DOES NOT make them satanic, you stupid little twits.

So that led to the show being cancelled at this venue, after these ignoramuses (yes, I am going to keep on calling them names) bombarded the venue to cancel this “abomination”. I just shake my head at this and sigh. They will never understand. In fact, I dare them to go and read some of Devildriver's lyrics. Come on, do it, you just might be surprised.

You may have succeeded here, but know this – the show will go on. Even if they have to play in my tiny back yard, Devildriver will still play! In fact, as Im typing this, I have just read that another venue has been found. So hahahahaha, you jerks (I was gonna type something nastier, but hey Im not that mean).
Up yours!

KEEP IT METAL!!! \m/

Bleh, its Friday

Yeah, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Everyone is just rubbing me the wrong way. Especially my colleagues who whine when they are not spoon-fed. Well, Im fed up, Im cranky, I need a drink. But Im sleepy, so sleepy I havent got the energy to do anything tonight. Last night I went to the drive-in with my brothers and friends and I couldnt even stay awake. It had nothing to do with the films' entertainment value. I had been wanting to watch Tropic Thunder for ages now, but I must have missed more than half of it as I dozed off every five minutes. It was such a deep sleep that I even dreamt in between takes. Every time I forced to wake myself up, so much that it hurt. And this is not the only instance, its happening a lot lately. Oh please, I cant spend the rest of my life sleeping. I need ENERGY!!!

Bleh

The Witchfest Project: The Untold Story

(sorry Charlie, I had to steal from you a bit).

It took a full two days and a bit for me to recover. Let me tell you, been back at work after a 48 hour sleep session is not fun, I would love to be taking a nap right now! Ok, so I didn’t sleep for 48 hours straight, but 70% of it was spent with my eyes closed!

Witchfest 2008 was for me, the best camping rocking experience ever. If you have seen the photos on facebook, the pictures definitely speak louder than words! To all that were there, the Tormented Children posse, I thank you for all the good times, the giggles, the photo bombing, the river! Not a care in the world, we were camping! What a weekend!

After some crazy cajoling the previous two nights, Monkey and I woke up early early (for me it was normal, for Monkey, well, he doesn’t know what 8am looks like. Now he does), with a two day old Flaming Lamborghini induced hangover (never again, yuk) and squashed all our shit into poor Fritz. We then rushed to pick up Eugene, with the car already filled to the brim. I still have no idea how we managed to yet put more stuff in there. That’s why I love my car so much.

The weather didn’t look promising at all. It was cloudy and threatening to rain. Even though we were going all the way to KZN, the weather reports said that it would be hot but get very cold and possibly rain, even snow on the weekend. So we weren’t too sure what awaited us, I just packed for all seasons.

By 10am we were at Wez’s place, but no one else had yet arrived. After an hour of waiting, we decided to go to a nearby Pick n Pay and shop for some bare necessities i.e. booze, meat and more booze. Once again, Fritz was jam-packed with even more stuff: 3 cases of beer, copious amounts of bottles of spirits, meat, rolls etc. Eish!

Bianca and Charles were already at Wez’s but we still had to wait for Itai to leave work. Poor bugger. So eventually we left, 3 hours after schedule and raced to Mooirivier like a bat out of hell (or in this case, wanting to get into hell, bwhahahaha). We needed to get there before sunset to pitch up our tents (doing it in the dark is just not cricket) and catch Fragmented Children’s gig which was at 18:00.

We stopped once just before a very windy Harrismith, then once again at Mooirivier so Wez could find a butchery, much to our consternation. I was itching to get there, I hate long drives. We got there just before 18:00, quickly put up our tents in the Fragmented Children camp (which was then named Tormented Children) and ran to the stage area, armed with booze, to see those crazy nutters. The sun was already setting, but it was still scorching hot. I took some damn good pics, if I say so myself, and jammed to their tunes. What awesome peeps.

Back at the camp, we embraced, we partied, we giggled and passed the time away before it was time for Torment to go on stage. Getting there was quite a distance so Charlie, aka Princess Pretzel drove his car with all the equipment while we tackled the treacherous mud and tall dry grass. I was made official photographer for the night so I got to stand right by the stage while all the other sods stood behind the barrier, heheh. What baffled most of us was the poor sound, and the “no alcohol and no swearing on stage” rule. WTF? This is Witchfest!

I was quite impressed with the boys’ set. They included several samples at the beginning of some of their songs and included two new, kickass, hardcore songs, one of which I filmed in its entirety. Wooohoooo! They rocked! We had a giggle when the FC boys proclaimed them a “Black Metal” band, bwhahahahhaa. Yes, they are BEE compliant.

Once that was over, we were free to party and go bos. It had been a long time since I had scored a drum stick from Charles, so I happily walked back to camp with my stick and poked things with it. Bianca’s butt was my last victim. I named my work of art “Bianca on a schteeeek” which was met with a fit of giggles from Ray Ray. Oh, he cracks me up.

Monkey and Adam figured out that they were separated at birth, the more they talked the more they things they found that they had in common. So for the rest of the weekend, I called Adam the “stunt double”. Much of the evening is a blur but eventually we got to our cold tents and slept, a bit. We woke up early next morning to the sounds of metalheads happily chirping away. By that I mean Ray Ray and Matty Boy.

I decided to brave the showers but that was pointless as it was the equivalent of having a bird pissing on you. I tried to clean up as much as I could then went back to camp. It was quickly getting hotter and hotter, so Monkey and I decided to join Wez and Eugene at the river to cool off and drink cold beer – nothing beat that! We were soon joined by our whole camp and we sat in the cool water getting up to mischief, and slapping on the sunscreen as our baby pale skin burned. Time was not of the essence. We were just having fun. And getting wasted and stoned – the rock ‘n roll life, baby.

Eventually I got bored, and in my crazy state, decided to run after a bull. Bad idea, but luckily no one got hurt, especially the bull. I just stood there, some 2 metres away from it, and waved stupidly like a special kid. I could hear Monkey in the background shouting worriedly for me to move away from there, but I just waved, and smiled.

As soon as the booze ran out and the water got colder, we held onto each other and carefully tread on the stones to get back to shore and more booze. We had a good fire going too – as the sun set it quickly got colder. And that’s when Matty Boy passed out on my chair. I was about to wake him, or at least tickle his nose, when I was quickly stopped in my tracks by Ray and Q. They were definitely up to something. So I ran and got my camera – hee hee.

I filmed as they tied Matt up with some red and white tape, while the rest tried to control their giggles so as not to wake him up. But the little one didn’t move an inch, he was comatose. We even checked if he was breathing, just to make sure. Bianca then painted his face so pretty, while others did some unspeakable things to the poor thing. It was then finally time to wake him up, and was dunked with a bottle of cold water, which instantly gave him the shock of his life. He had no clue of his surroundings or of what had just taken place. He smiled happily and high-fived the grinning evil-doers.

The party carried on, so much booze was consumed that the rest is a blur. I remember watching Agro, eating some pork wors and drinking way too much OBS – thanks Bianca. I was in the mood for a fight and so I apparently picked the Satanists from Bloemfontein as my victims. All 5 of them. We fought about ABBA, I think. Monkey had to fill in the blanks.

I was put to bed sometime before midnight, in quite a drunken stupor, and forced to hold a full 2 litre coke in my hands while Monkey searched for Comprals. Needless to say, I couldn’t hold on to it and dropped coke all over myself. He gave me the painkillers, tucked me in, and went to watch Fokofpolisiekar. Wish I hadnt missed that.

I woke up the next morning feeling so fragile it took me an hour to get out of the tent and another two to recover and actually move around. I sat by the fire, wrapped in my sleeping bag looking miserable while Monkey gave me sympathetic looks. Saturday was the antithesis of the previous day, which was scorching hot. This day was freezing, so no frolicking in the river.

After I felt a bit more alive, Monkey and I strolled to the food tent and got ourselves some sustenance. I immediately felt much better. Only it was getting colder and colder. That afternoon we watched Misericord on stage, and almost died of frostbite as we were definitely not amply clothed for this. When they finished we ran back to camp and put on almost every item of clothing we had. I put on one jersey and two thick jackets, and soon began to feel my fingers and toes again. Our campfire was quite impressive, thanks to our forest guy, Itai and his two sidekicks, Monkey and Keylim who managed to drag the biggest trees they could find.

Booze was almost out of the question for me so I drank a few gay Saritas and tried to stay awake as much as possible as tonight was the big night we had all being waiting for: Carcass! We heard rumours of snow, and temperatures dropping down to -4 but that wasn’t going to deter us. We were ready. It was just hard to believe that the previous day we had been sitting in the river in our underwear!

My eyes refused to remain open, and the more I sat, the sleepier I felt. Monkey and I tried to sleep for a bit just after we ate, but with all the commotion going on outside, we didn’t last longer than an hour. So we walked to the stage to see what was happening. We watched another band from the UK, called Season of Six, for a bit. Quite impressive. And all of a sudden, the sound had improved tenfold. Hmmm.

Waiting for Carcass was a bitch and a half. It took their single sound tecchie over an hour to set everything according to their specifications and fix what our crap sound guys had done. We were getting restless, cold and miserable, but we persevered, and watched as the sleet dropped from the sky.

When Carcass finally came on stage, the crowd woke up and went wild. These guys were amazing, you could tell that they have been doing this for years. Totally blew me away. After one song, they insisted we get rid of the barriers and move closer to the stage and party with them. I wish I had reacted a bit faster, but still managed to get a good spot to take better pics of the band. I then threatened to leave Monkey for one of the guitarists. He was that good, lol.

It was definitely worth staying up for Carcass. What a friendly, down to earth band, with gorgeous hair to die for! They didn’t even seem to mind playing for a small crowd of 300 people in the middle of nowhere, with sleet falling on their heads. We got to bed just before 3am, our bones aching all over. I longed for bed but dreaded freezing my butt off in the tent, but surprisingly, with all the clothes I had on and Monkey’s cuddles, I was soon in la-la land.

It seemed too early when I was roused from my sleep, but we wanted to leave as soon as possible so we could get home to a nice warm shower and comfy bed. I moved my ass and helped pack all our shit and get out. By 8:30 Monkey, Eugene and I were out of there while the rest still contemplated packing up. The drive back felt long and hard, and this time Eugene took over the wheels for a bit as well. I didn’t even dare as with my granny speed we would have gotten us home the next day. So with the soothing tunes of Andrea Bocelli and old school rock, we made the long trek home. After 3 days of slaughterhouse metal, we couldn’t bear to listen to screams anymore.

On our way out of Southern Cross, we saw a couple of Jesus freaks sticking up a sign saying “Jesus died for you”. They probably thought we were worshipping the devil at Witchfest. Please, metalheads are a peace-loving group.

We finally got home that afternoon, and after a much needed shower, we climbed into bed and slept till the very next day, with a pit stop at 10 that evening to watch The Mummy 3. I just couldn’t let myself sleep all that time, it was crazy!

So now I THINK I have recovered, but it was definitely all worth it, bonding with the Fragmented Children crowd, the debauchery, the squealing pig music. We must do it again soon! HELL YEAH!

Long weekend here I come. Carcass, Witchfest, oh YEAH BABY!!!

A speedy recovery from last week's op was imperative, because tomorrow begins a long weekend of note, PARTY!
Being a public holiday tomorrow, I decided to take off Thursday and Friday off as well - I had to, anyway, as we are trekking down to KZN for the Witchfest rock festival. Then I thought, might as well take Monday and Tuesday too! Will need it to recover!!!

This afternoon is DRAGGING (note my frustration by the repetitive use of CAPS). Coming back to work yesterday was a total bitch yesterday, having to catch up with over a week's work. So I have worked non-stop, even took work home last night and poured over it till the wee hours, and now I have managed to complete everything with 2 hours to spare. Oh the boredom! One of my friends actually asked me earlier if I had been crying. Oh hell no, its just that my eyes are red and watery from staring at my screens all day!!!

So what does this long weekend have in store for me? Well, tomorrow we are off to a braai to celebrate Uwe's new place. Cant get too hectic as I need to pack for Witchfest. Monkey and I leave early Thursday morning, with my dear old Fritz. Not too sure who are final passengers will be, it changes all the time. We are off to Southern Cross in Mooirivier, several hours drive, so Im sure I will get to drive as well.

That's three and a half days of hardcore music. Monkey and the Torment boys will be playing on Thursday night, along with my other fave boys and gal from Fragmented Children. Its bound to be kickass, since Torment has been practising very hard and will be adding a few new things to their line-up - CANT WAIT!

The rest of the line-up is just as amazing, the main event being of course, the reunion of UK band Carcass. I have never seen them before and dont know their music too well, but Im listening to their Heartwork CD right now which Monkey kindly copied for me. It's one of his fave bands so he is more than excited about seeing them live.

Four days of camping should get rough, I hope it doesnt rain and that the weather is just awesome. We return on Sunday, so once I have recovered, I will give a full round-up here and post some pics. I know Im gonna get trigger happy!

OH GOOD TIMES ARE BACK AGAIN!!!

Forever Young Pics

As promised, here are some pics from the party last week:

My wisdom is now gone

Whatever little wisdom I had left, was ripped away from my bleeding gums on a sullen, Monday afternoon. Been a proscrastinator in almost every aspect of my life, I hung on to my 4 little Wisdom teeth for as long as I could, until common sense, two dentists and a surgeon told me that it was time to let go and say goodbye.

I went to see the surgeon last Friday afternoon, and knowing what was coming, I booked for the very next available surgery date, which happened to be Monday afternoon. I decided right there and then to go for it, how very unlike me. I definitely was not looking forward to the pain and sucking liquids via a straw.

Monday morning I woke up with a feeling of dread going right to my stomach. I treasured the toast and egg that I had for breakfast before the deadline of no food/liquid was up. This was my last proper meal. What I'd give to eat juicy ribs right now!!!

Dearly beloved Monkey took me shopping before driving me to the hospital and forever remaining at my bedside. He definitely soothed me quite a bit, even though we didnt talk much - he worked on his laptop while I read. But an hour before I was due to be taken to the gallows, I could not read anymore and engaged Monkey into mindless chatter to hide the fact that the nurses were late in coming to fetch me.

Eventually they arrived and even though I looked calm, inside I was needlessly worrying and thinking of every ridiculous thing that could go wrong. Really, why was I being such a drama queen? This was just a standard, minor procedure.

Unfortunately I was forced to wait outside the theatre, in my ugly gown, incredibly sexy underwear and headgear and ever-increasing nerves for over 30 minutes. I tried to catch a few zzzs but even that was impossible. After a few false starts, I was wheeled into theatre by my anaesthesist, and there was the sweet little old surgeon waiting for me. He was smiling sweetly at me asking me if I was ok. All my paranoid mind could register then was an evil old man grinning at me sadistically, out to get my blood and precious teeth.

I was aware of everything around me, even when the anaesthesist inserted a needle in my arm and popped a vein. Well, that didnt go well. Again, I was cool, calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside I was thinking, "if he can fuck this up, what else will he fuck up when Im under?" That and another 10 000 other crazy thoughts. But he got it right second time around, and in a few seconds I forgot the stinging pain in my arm and was out into the land of oblivion.

Next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room, with a mouth swollen 3x times its regular size, and not been able to talk at all. A few minutes later a huge piece of gauze was removed from inside my mouth and I could at least utter a few words. Aaah. I felt only a slight pain, but mostly discomfort at not being able to move my jaw around much, and feeling my bottom lip expanding to huge proportions.

I was then taken back to my ward, and there was Monkey waiting for me ever so patiently. He told me that I had been away for more than 2 hours. Hard to believe since to me it only felt like 30-40 minutes. By then I was almost fully conscious and gratefully took the two ice packs that the nurse handed me and put them on my face. All I wanted was my pain meds and to go home asap. Monkey then told me that out the three patients that had their wisdom teeth removed today, I came out the best. One was sleeping the whole time and the other started screaming and throwing things around like a spoilt brat. So Im not a drama queen after all :)

We waited a bit longer while the nurses brought me some yoghurt (and some grossly looking jelly with custard - that was left untouched), and my meds. I was then discharged and ready to go home. I was rather quiet on the way, as I could barely talk and felt more sleepy by the minute. Monkey took me home, carried my stuff upstairs and left while I sorted myself out. In a few minutes I was tucked in bed and ready to sleep. Only I couldnt sleep. I was up all night spitting out blood in a bucket next to me, and crying silently as the pain in my mouth and jaw increased exponentially.

At 3am I gave up, switched on my bedroom lights and read a book for a while until even that seemed impossible so I just sat on my bed and waited for daylight. At 5am my mom came to check on me and brought me some yoghurt so I could take my painkillers afterwards. Eventually the drugs kicked in and the pain subsided. And its been like that ever since. I look like a lopsided chipmunk, as the swelling is worse on the right side, as those teeth were the hardest to remove. But I am healing nicely, even though I still cant eat solids yet, its so hard to chew. If I have to eat another bowl of yoghurt or custard, Im going to hurl!!!

Cant wait for this nightmare to end.

Forever Young

Being so busy at work keeps me from updating this blog on a regular basis, plus being on leave and courses adds to the drama. But all work and no play is just not on, so yesterday afternoon we got treated to our annual Spring party here at work. This year's theme was "Forever Young" (Im sure you could imagine Ferdi's laughter at hearing this). So we were all encouraged to dress up using our wildest imagination.

Normally I shy away from dressing up, later regretting it as I see all the clever ideas people come up with. So this time, my evil partner in crime, Liesel, and I decided to be a little more creative. We spent quite some time getting dressed up at her house while her adorable little kids watched, so we were quite late for the party, though just in time for speeches. After changing our minds several times while getting dressed, we eventually decided on shorts, bright tights underneath (Liesel in pink, me in purple), top, pigtails, ribbons, hairclips and drawn on freckles. We looked like two overgrown kids trying on their mothers' clothes, heheheh. As soon as I get some pics, I will post them here.

As props we used the big lollypops we got at work that morning, and I carried Mumble my penguin that was given to me by Monkey, quite tightly, refusing to let anyone touch him. As we arrived, to our horror we realised that no one else had bothered to dress up!!!! WTF??!!! Normally quite a handful of people go out, but this time, either people were still in their work clothes, or donned in more comfortable shorts, tshirts and slops. Nothing more wacky than that. Well, I quickly turned our horror into something positive - we definitely stood out, and received a lot of compliments for our outfits and making an effort!

After the speeches were over, we got some drinks and mingled, looking at all the fun activities that we could participate in. The organisers definitely went all out for this one! We had trampolines, jumping castles, air robot duelling (this was cool, more on this later!), a tattoo parlour (henna only, duh), a foam party section, karaoke, a cocktail bar, a coffee bar, and much more! I didnt know how I was going to fit in everything in one evening!

We soon ditched the regular drinks and started to sample the yummy inventive cocktails created by "Thirst". We soon made friends with one of the barmen, Daniel, who started us off with a strange but extremely delicious cocktail that contained tequila (quite a bit, I might add), caramel, pineapple juice and ginger ale. Hmmmm hmmmm hmmmm. I think I must have downed several that evening as I came back running for more regularly. It was quite a change from our regular Strawberry Daiquiris and Mojitos.

Next, we were suckered into doing a team karaoke effort. We had 3 mics between 10 of us, and somehow one of them got shoved in front of my face as soon as the rest heard me sing the first few lines of "Summer of 69". Feck, I didnt know I was that good. Or was I THAT bad? lol. It was fun nonetheless, so much fun that we stuck around and helped the next group sing "I will survice" (again, me with mic).

I really wanted to try out some tattoos (since Im seriously considering getting another real one), so I had one done on my left boob (heheh) - a spider with a skull face, and a string of starts on my ankle. The ankle is a winner, methinks. Well, having a tat on my boob is just tacky. I just did it cause I couldnt be outdone by my boss who had one put there as well. Liesel got one on her back and wrist.

So then more cocktails, dancing, eating, chatting, watching Denim perform on stage, and suddenly the evening was flying by. I was eyeing the foam party section, and promised to enter it before I left. But it was so windy and cold, I was already shivering while dry, and got hit by several foam clouds that got fiercely blown by the wind in our direction.

Eventually I managed to persuade one of the guys to challenge me to a duel on the air robot platform, since Liesel refused. The platform was like a round jumping castle, and both fighters were each helped up by two assistants, and kitted out in a blow-up gigantic robot suit and headgear. As soon as I was in (what a mission!), the suit was inflated and then we were both ready to clobber each other. I felt and looked like a Transformer. Just walking to the middle to meet my opponent was quite a task as I tried to maintain my balance and not fall over (now try doing that after a few cocktails!). First try the guy got me good, and landed on top of me. We were hoisted up and then I got him twice (the last time he said he was going to let me fall on him and let me win, haha what a gentleman). So I won, with a little help and was then helped out of the suit and brought back down to earth. I was dizzy for several seconds before I gulped another cocktail. That was so much fun! Wouldnt mind having one of those in my back garden!

Time was running out, and I really wanted to go into the foam. So after a bit of dancing and prodding, Liesel and I went in there, and danced to the beat of the music. It really felt like we were in a washing machine as only our heads were visible. And thats when the shit hit the fan. As Liesel was doing one of her manoeuvres, her ring slipped out and went flying into oblivion, never to be seen again. We tried in vain to look for it, but gave up after a few minutes. We still havent found it. What a pity.

I was now shivering to death, wet from neck to toe, so I begged Ferdi to fetch me. I was in bed by 11, freezing my butt off even though I was dry and covered by my warm duvet. Its a miracle Im not sick today. But in spite of that, this was one of the best parties I have attended in a very long time. Makes me think how much I miss being a kid!!!

Spring Festival 2008

3 more days to go! I am so stressed I hope everything will go smoothly. Hope to see you all there!!!!!! Dammit.

Armageddon Fest

Yet another gig at Tempos last weekend, and what a busy weekend it was! Having had a long week, I was hesitant to do anything strenuous on Friday night. So, even after Monkey's attempts at getting me to go out and drink cocktails with him, I managed to keep him indoors that night as I dreaded the busy Saturday that awaited us.

I woke up at the crack of dawn, something that I really really loathe to do on a weekend, so that I could make it in time for the work day at church. Its a week to go till our annual Spring Festival, so preparations are fully under way, with me directing the flow once again. Its quite strenuous, I have to admit, and Im seriously considering handing over the baton to someone else next year, though there arent too many willing candidates out there.

So monkey dropped me off while he went to get me a brand spanking new car radio and fitted it to my trusty old Fritz (aka my car). After much dawdling, I got everyone inside the church hall and chaired a meeting to finalise everyone's requirements for next week. It went rather smoothly, so I was quite satisfied. We finished earlier than expected so I had to wait till Monkey finished fitting my car radio. Soon he was back, with music blasting from the car's speakers. Yay!!! I dont have to listen to crappy old 94.7 ANYMORE!

I was in desperate need of sustenance so I was rushed to McDonalds for a much needed McFeast Deluxe, SUPER SIZE. Yes, I was starving. I hadnt eaten anything that day. Only I was made to wait forever for my meal. My mood worsened and by the time I sat down to eat chomp down my food, I was quite cranky. I finished in record time, but felt very very ill afterwards.

We said goodbye to Ferdi, Weasel and Matt and went to the bike shop to get me a new bike jacket (yes, I have been splurging out lately). They had a sale on, and immediately one of the sales guys fitted me out with an awesome, ultra-cool black, silver and white leather jacket. I looked like a real biker chick. Monkey approved and so I bought the jacket. Now I was all kitted out for a serious bike ride (I bought a stunning gold dragon helmet the week before).

We then rushed home for a quick half hour nap before going to Tempos. Just as I was nodding off my alarm went off so no sleep for me. It was my turn to drive Fritz so I nervously drove to Tempos, without any help from Monkey (he even refused to be my eyes when I told him I couldnt see too well with my glasses. Hmmph) but he said it was for my own good and in retrospect, I agree with him - lets hope he doesnt read this! Hahahaha.

I thought we were going to be late, since I took forever to park the car properly, all on my own, but as we went inside, Fragmented Children was just about done with their sound check so all was good. I waved to the guys, got a drink and settled my shaky ass on a table to watch one of my fave bands.

Torment was up next and even though it was a crappy time slot (16:00, hardly any peeps) we still rocked out. Eugene, the bassist was not able to make it, so Monkey, Itai and Wez each took turns at the bass. By now they are getting the hang of it, so it didnt sound too bad.

We hung out at the bar for almost the rest of the day/night, except when we watched Only Forever. I have been wanting to see this band since the beginning of the year and I finally got the chance to listen to them. What an awesome band! And I get to see them once more this Friday at Fragmented Children's EP Launch (of course, Torment will also be playing heheh). Cant wait!

I also watched the Dead Will Tell from a distance. Last band for the evening, these boys know how to rock on stage, ultra tight shorts and all (puts me to shame. Hell, they put any girl to shame! lol). Had I been a bit more alive and enthusiastic, I would have been right in front, headbanging my neck off.

It was a long day, and on our way home, Monkey and I stopped at Steers for some food. Its a bad habit, eating so late, but damn we were starving. Either we have to eat during regular times, or not stay out till so late. Yeah. Right.

Sunday was just as worse. I was meant to get up early to go to church, but I didnt have the strength. So eventually we surfaced and took Fritz home so we could retrieve Susan (aka Monkey's bike) from my house. Again, I drove, and I was proud that I didnt stall once, my driving is really improving! So once at my house, we changed into our bike gear (me all spanking new hee hee) and raced to the Hillfox flea market before we went on a "brunch" run lol.

The wind was quite strong. No scratch that. The wind was f*cking strong, almost blew us both away, but we still managed to land all the way in Magalies for a nice, quiet lunch. I really enjoyed that. But by the time we got home, we were both beat and all we could do was pass out for a looooong nap. Before we knew it, the weekend was over :(

I wish I could say that this coming weekend will be a bit more relaxed and uneventful, but no such luck! FC Launch AND Spring Festival. Eeeeek! Im gonna need to get away soon!

More violence

The Star reported this morning that a 68 year old pensioner from Portugal living in an old age home in Southdale, shot two residents and then shot and killed himself. He must have been listening to Bles Bridges. He is evil.

I blame him. Lets boycott his music.

ZZZZzzzzzzzzz

Two hours sleep...nuff said!

This is for all you heavy metal ignoranuses!

I am sure most of you in South Africa have by now have heard of the tragic, senseless, horrific killing of a schoolboy in Krugersdorp as well as the injuries suffered by three others, all at the hands of the same demented pupil at one of the schools. Its really sad, and my heart goes out to the family and friends of all involved. No one should have to go through something as horrific as this.

But, and this is a big BUT, I am deeply annoyed and irritated at how the media and many other narrow minded people have jumped on the "lets blame heavy metal for this" bandwagon. All because the kid in question wore a Slipknot mask while committing these evil acts. Oh how I wish he had gone dressed as Celine Dion, bwhahahhahaha (in fact, if you had me listening to her music, I probably would go out dressed like her and kill everyone in my sight).

Most people seem to be missing the point, that this kid had serious issues (no shit, hey) and even though his parents noticed a "change in him" some time back, did they do anything about it? No, they just let him be. So who is to blame here? Hmmm? This is bad parenting at its worst. They should have seen the signs. And who in their right mind buys their kid a samurai sword? WTF. Someone should have called child services.

Since that Black Monday I have joined several groups on facebook, that either support or blame heavy metal, just to get both sides of the story. But it seems to me that metal is winning the fight as the dissers are keeping very quiet - looks looks like you idiots havent got a leg to stand on, your arguments are futile and unsupported. I was quite interested by one comment that one of the metal supporters made "Hitler listened to classical music, but did anyone ever blame Mozart or Beethoven for his genocide?" I dont think so.

So why should heavy metal always get the blame when something like this happens? Because we are the minority, and so misunderstood. For me, heavy metal gives me a chance to express myself and let go of some of my day-to-day frustrations. Its just so easy for them to blame this kind of music, isnt it? Instead of blaming the true culprits - his parents, who are probably right now being made out to be victims. Please. Dont make me throw up.

And lets turn this around a bit, to other, less "notorious" music genres. What about hip hop, rap and whatever other ass-churned out crap that comes out of these so-called musicians that condone degrading women, gang wars and greed. Does anyone ever blame this shitty music for violence? I dont think so.

Actually, the more I think about this, the more indigestion I feel coming on. I could go on and on about this, but I think I have made my point. Instead of pointing fingers at the music, look at the deeper, underlying factors. This boy was not right in the head. Whether he listened to Britney Spears or Cradle of Filth does not matter. He was crying out for help but no one noticed. Until it was too late. How sad.

LONG LIVE HEAVY METAL.

I am about to look like a chipmunk

This year has been the worst for me in terms of my health. I am starting to believe that Im decomposing at a rapid rate - dont all jump for joy at once. Just as I thought I had finally gotten the better of my sinuses, my wisdom teeth decided it was their turn to torture me a bit. Hell, not a bit, A LOT. So much that I felt like my brain was about to explode.

So I went to the dentist, and turns out that not only do I have to get these godforsaken teeth out, but also another FOUR molars, just to make space for new BRACES. WTF. That's a total of EIGHT TEETH! Why not shoot me now.

The whole weekend I spent in extreme pain, temporarily masked by random salt water rinses, antibiotics and whiskey shots. I was in agony. I am STILL in agony. The pain seems to get worse and worse and it doesnt help that I have a huge gaping hole on the side of my mouth, which I keep on biting since my gums are swollen. So I cant really eat. Even drinking water is painful.

The next step is for me to see an orthodontist for a full assessment before I go under the knife. But, as my luck goes, I could only get an appointment next week Monday. Another week of excruciating pain? Oh hell no, please put me out of my misery now!!!

Great service, for a change

The manager that runs Fegos below our offices never fails to amaze me, especially today. The way she keeps that little coffee shop running is nothing short of amazing. You can immediately tell that she is enthusiastic, smart and on top of things.

When my boss asked me this afternoon to give them a call and order him some food, I instead offered to walk down there. Anything to get out of the office. I have been cooped up in here all week. So I took some extra orders from the rest of the team and off I went, happily whistling along and enjoying the breath of fresh air. Yes, I was in a good mood (and still am, heheh).

As soon as I walked into Fegos, as I was greeted by the manager with a big smile and she immediately took my order. She then barked the different orders to her designated employees and insisted it be done immediately as "the lady is in a hurry". I wasnt. In fact, I didnt mind waiting, it was good to get out. But she explained to me that if she didnt order her staff to get a move on, they might probably take the rest of the century to make a little toasted sandwich.

So while I watched Argentina kick some Serbian ass at soccer in the Beijing Olympics, everyone scurried about to prepare my stuff. The coffees were ready in no time and my droolworthy carrot cake (yes, I know it doesnt count as cake, having carrots and all, but I was craving it) as well, but my boss' toasted sammie took forever and ever and ever. Still I didnt mind, I was happy to remain there and watch the soccer match.

The manager promised me it would take about another minute and went and sat at her table to carry on with her work. But, 5 minutes later, when she looked up and saw that I was still standing there, all hell broke loose in the kitchen. I think she might have prepared that sammie herself, because a few minutes later she brought it, all apologetic and made me promise that I would come back tomorrow for a free cappuccino. She doesnt like to have any angry customers. I wasnt angry, but fair enough. Who can turn down free coffee?

So even though I didnt ask for it, and never felt like I was being treated badly, I was quite impressed with the good service this manager tries to maintain. Nandos should take a lesson from her!

Cramfest

One thing I learnt after this weekend is, that if one tries to cram way too many things into two and half days, chances are you are probably going to run away screaming and get absolutely nothing done, which is what practically happened to us.

Monkey and I had planned a series of things that we wanted to accomplish this weekend. First, go see his brother, wife and baby. Then meet up with a buddy of his to get some work, go watch the rugby at my parents' house, then play the women's day gig at Rock Bar (three way whammy on Saturday, lots of celebrations, more on that later). Then Sunday we were hoping to go with his parents to the botanical gardens, race back to church so I could fulfill my tea duties and maybe finally attend a trumpet lesson, then go to my parents for a braai. After that, come back home so monkey could do some work. Well, as I look back, I think we only did about a quarter of those things. It was just too overwhelming.

Friday we did go to his brother's for a braai. It was very chilled and the four of us had a great time chatting and ooohing and aaahing at cute lil Alisa. In her fluffy brown overall with hood and all, from the back she reminded me of an Ewok from Star Wars. She looked so adorable! So from now on, whenever she wears that outfit, she will forever be called an Ewok.

Next morning, while it was noon actually, we surfaced and while Monkey was making breakfast/lunch, I read a book and slowly started getting ready for this day's events. We had lots to celebrate that day 1. Women's day, of course. And I pointed it out to Monkey, that since every other day is man's day, we women should at least be allowed one public holiday. He didnt agree. All my arguments fell on deaf ears. 2. It was 19 years since my family and I made the Groot Trek to South Africa, leaving our beautiful Argentinean shores behind. Therefore, it was quite ironic and momentous that on this day SA and Argentina were meeting head to head at Ellis Park for a rugby match. I hoped that at least the Pumas would give the Boks a run for their money, though I knew who would come out winning here. And last, but not least no. 3 - Monkey and I were celebrating 3 months together. A small triumph, most of you might say, but we treasure every moment together.

After lunch we decided to take a nap before going to watch the rugby. Yes, we sleep too much. We havent reached our 30s yet and we already sleep like two old farts. It was supposed to be a 30 minute power nap. But lo and behold, when I eventually opened my eyes and looked at the time, the game had just finished. I cursed and got up, and tried to check if maybe SABC was maybe showing a delayed match but all they were showing was the Olympics. So I phoned Ferdi, who glumly told me the dreadful score. Just as well I hadnt seen it, it would have pissed me off royally.

So instead, we sat at home until it was time to go to the Rock Bar and had some drinks. I was starting to feel ill again since my sinuses were still giving me hassles. But I put on a brave face and tried to have a good time. This was a new venue right below Stones in Melville. Rather small, but not too bad. I cant remember the first few bands that played (one was a rather gay one from Cape Town, lol) but I quite enjoyed Heroes from Red. Awesome stuff. Then it was Torment's turn, who was headlining the event. I dont know how it happened, but the boys were coerced into playing topless, hee hee. It was Women's Day after all! Of course, Ferdi did the same, any chance to show his belly - he takes it!

The rest of the evening was almost a blur as I now couldnt hold on any longer. While the boys packed all the gear, I passed out on a bean bag. I was quite dismayed when they suggested we stop at Bimbos for some food. Yes, I was hungry, but more than anything I was nauseous and in need of my bed. But we went stopped there anyway, and I was getting very uptight and impatient as the service was incredibly slow. Thirty minutes later, we walked out armed with food and off we went. I managed to eat half a steak roll in bed then rolled over and fell asleep. I had told Monkey earlier that he could go to the Botanical gardens on his own while I slept, there was no way I was getting up for the next 12 hours.

Well, neither did Monkey, turns out the previous night took its toll on both of us. So he phoned to cancel with his parents and eventually we fell asleep again. No church either. Oh dear me, Im going to hell. Oh wait, Im the devil's mother, so...

So another breakfast turned into lunch. We didnt even get out the house, except when Monkey went out for a quick drive to get some food and a DVD. While we watched "Cloverfield" (freaky movie, not too bad), he worked at the same time on his laptop. And thats how we spent the rest of the day, until he finally called it quits just before the 20:00 etv movie. So I had a nice lazy day, Monkey, not so much. But I honestly think that from now on, we will try do just one major thing per weekend. Us old farts cannot take on too much, lol.

F*ck Nandos

I think I am a victim of society. The evil, chicken-loving society that keeps on screwing with my preferred culinary habits. How dare they keep messing with me? If you read my blogs on a regular basis (you should, dammit, I dont do this for fun. Ok, ok, I do), you would know that I hate, I loathe, I totally abhorr chicken due to a childhood mishap. And as I am fussy, some might add the word "extremely" to that statement, the only animal that I dare eat, is Daisy the cow.

Since today is Friday, a day where most of us are tired after a long week, most probably also hungover after "Phuza" Thursday, we tend to jointly order from a greasy fast food joint of choice. Today's was Nando's. We have an in-office delivery system so we quickly browsed through the menu, wrote our selection down on a piece of paper and the designated person placed our order in time for lunch. Many of you would be surprised to learn that Nando's not only sells chicken, but also vegetarian burgers and beef prego rolls.

The last time we ordered from Nando's I got ripped off to shreds cause I opted for a veggie burger. Sacrilege! What was I thinking. So this time I went for a more neanderthal beef prego roll, chip and coke combo. My mouth was watering at the thought of tucking into the juicy roll; I couldnt wait.

Surprisingly our food arrived on time, so a friend and I went down to collect it. Back in the office, I took all the food out and started dishing out, while I searched for my yummy prego. But I just couldnt see it. Everyone had their food, and all I was left with was a chicken prego roll. A CHICKEN prego roll!!! FFS! What the F*CK???!!!!! Are you chicken lovers trying to be funny?

As soon as I exclaimed the F word out loud, everyone groaned a "Oh no, not again" in unison. You see, this is not the first time it's happened to me. It's not even the first time it's happened with Nando's, they have screwed up my order before. Damn chicken people. Last time I was patient while I calmy got my order corrected. This time I was sick, tired, sleepless and on a time bomb ready to explode. And explode I did. Unfortunately, the poor office delivery guy unfairly got the brunt of it. It was not his fault as he had placed the order precisely according to my instructions. He immediately phoned Nando's management and it turned out that the Nando's cashier decided to be clever and improvise on my order, since apparently they DID NOT SELL BEEF PREGOS ANYMORE. So who gives him/her the right to change my order? Huh?

I just didnt give a flying f*ck anymore so I demanded my money back. Even though I had already greedily wolfed down my (f*cken cold) chips and coke, I got my full money back, and rightly so. I am not going to take any more kak service, I wont stand for it. Im tired of people taking me for a ride. And I know this is a small victory on my part, but its a victory nonetheless and a path to greater things. Yes, I am taking this seriously. I am taking a stand!

Spring is coming

I can tell. My sinuses are on a mission to make my nose as red, stinging and swollen as possible. I feel like it's on fire and the more I sneeze, the more blood vessels I burst. Note to self: don't ever, ever try to block a sneeze ever again, even if it means you have to spray your entire pc screen, DO NOT STOP IT, it bloody hurts.

I must have used half a box of tissues already. It started yesterday morning, when I was awaited with a day full of exciting events. Well, did you think I was in the mood for it all? Hell no. I just wanted to crawl into bed and die. But I sucked it up and faced it all, even though monkey mistook my lack of sleep and sickness, for grumpiness, which ultimately DID make me grumpy, lol.

After a hard day's work, I met several of my workmates at the Baron across the road for pre-drinks, pre- to a Economic panel discussion we were all attending. I had been looking forward to this discussion for days. Being an Economist myself, I wanted to listen to what SA's top 4 banks' chief economists had to say about the looming MPC meeting (interest rates to remain unchanged? I hope so!!), petrol and food prices and overall global economy.

Most of it bored me a bit since I generally keep up to date with economic views on a daily basis, so most of it was not really new to me, except that I sat up and took notice when it was mentioned that it has been forecasted that petrol prices will come down over the next few months. That would certainly be bloody awesome.

*sneeze* *wipes away snot from screen*

Where was I? Oh right, the panel. Considering how economists can go on and blabber about anything and everything just to make themselves heard (biggest bullsh*tters on earth), this meeting was concluded in just over an hour. I think most people were eager to tackle the snacks and bar. I for one, just wanted to get out of there as I had another, more entertaining party to attend. I grabbed one drink and nibbled on a few treats then I was given a lift by one of my colleagues on his beautiful cruiser bike. Yes, I am becoming quite the professional 2-wheel passenger. Its so thrilling!

I took a quick pit stop at home then monkey showed up at my place, on time as always, surprising me with a beautiful bouquet of tulips. Totally unexpected and spontaneous, one of the great things I love about him. And the fact that he gave me one of my favourite flowers without having a clue was a big bonus too. I am truly the luckiest girl on the planet.

We went for drinks at a pub in Northcliff, to celebrate one of his mates' birthdays. I tried to act lively, but after a few minutes I withdrew myself and quietly sipped my drink. It had been a long day, and my nose was still on a mission to torture me. Needless to say, we didnt stay long, and being a Thursday night, I wasnt up to partying till late, especially since I had to get up at 5am the next morning. So when I made a face when monkey suggested that we have one more drink and go, it was mistaken for grumpiness. I WAS NOT GRUMPY. lol. Just tired.

Getting up in the morning was a real mission, but I somehow managed. I watched jealously as monkey slept peacefully like an angel (he had coerced his buddy to take me to work so he could sleep) and immediately decided that this was not fair, so I lunged and landed flat on his stomach with full force, only to be met by groans and moans from monkey - I had landed on his wrist and bent it backwards. Sometimes I forget my own strength. I felt bad, but it was an accident so I was immediately forgiven. I must just be careful not to damage my guitar hero's tools again! That could potentially be catastrophic!

I still look like Rudolph the rednose reindeer but Im not going to let that stop me from having a good time this weekend. Lots of good things happening! I will just have to keep my tissue box close by...

Padkos vir die dag

I got this email last week from my dear friend Tink, with some inspiring words that I definitely took to heart and will try use as my mantra on a regular basis (easier said than done). Im sure some of these will at least inspire some of you. If only all of us lived by these words...what a beautiful world this would be!

Make the most of all situations and live a beautiful life.

Take a 10-30 minute walk every day and while you walk, smile.

Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

When you wake up in the morning, complete the following statement:
"Today my purpose is to..."

Live with the 3 E's...
Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy (see, no ecstasy here).
and the 3 F's...
Faith, Family and Friends (no f*cking here? Oh hell no lol)

Dream more while you are awake.

Try to make at least 3 people smile every day.

Realise that life is like school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away (hopefully not the blood vampires! Yum).

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

Life's too short to waste time hating anyone (so true, yet so hard to do).

Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagreements.

Make peace with your past, so it won't mess up the present.

Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

Burn the candles. Use the nice sheets. Don't save it for a special occassion.
Today is special.

No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

Forgive everyone for everything.

What other people think of you, is none of your business.

Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

The best is yet to come. BELIEVE.

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

Do the right thing.

Spend time with your loved ones often.

Each night before you go to bed, complete the following statements:
"I am thankful for..."
"Today I have accomplished..."

Remember that you are too blessed to be too stressed.

Enjoy the ride. Remember that this isn't Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. Make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

WOW!

Sin City

Waking up with a bottle-of-red-wine induced hangover at 6am is never easy, and is extremely painful, especially on a Saturday morning. I had gone out for dinner the previous night with my monkey, letting the wine do most of the talking and later stumbling into the house with red-stained lips and teeth, I struggled to go to sleep as early as I intended. As I groaned and dragged myself out of bed, I thought I had enough time to get ready before my sidekick Liesel picked me up early that godforsaken morning, so everything went in slow slow motion as I went through my routine and finished packing my bags. Only Liesel arrived 15 minutes earlier than I thought she would, so slow motion turned into fast forward as I gathered my suitcase, leftover cold pizza (best for a hangover, yum) and bottle of water to cure my dehydration, and jumped in the car.

So why were we up so early when I should have been sleeping in, you ask? We were off to Sun City for our annual work conference. Some of you might remember that last year I was lucky enough to score a single room at the Palace. Well, yours truly got lucky second time around too, only this time I was sharing with Liesel, which was awesome nonetheless, as she is a party animal of note.

After a 15 minute detour, no thanks to the GPS (I still think those things are useless, use a map dammit! Much more trustworthy!), we arrived at Sun City with about 30 minutes to spare. We left our luggage in the car and went to register, and get some coffee and pastries before the long procession of events began. Our division was decked out in black and white sports jackets, the men with red socks (hardly noticeable) and the women with crappy, furry red scarfs that really belonged on a pimped-up dashboard. So it was easy to see our crowd of people, who made the majority of the bank. In total, our bank had about 1000 attendees at this conference. Surely, we must have taken over most of the resort.

At 10am sharp, we all marched into the Superbowl and found our designated round tables, filled with notebooks and pens for doodling, and water and refreshments. The choir opened the conference, their powerful voices filling the crowded hall. They never fail to impress me, and by the end of the day they almost had me in tears as the music got to me. It was so emotional. Damn, that sounds gay.

We sat most of the day watching hilarious videos (people getting caught looking at themselves through a one-way mirror and sampling food that’s still “alive”) and presentations done by our talented people, including a little Borat video that had me in stitches. I was even caught on camera during this little film, how embarrassing. And it’s true, the camera does add weight to a person…

After all the awards, speeches, lunch, tea, sneaking off to the bar for drinks (Liesel and I couldn’t sit still), we finally staggered to the palace to check in and get ready for the evening partytjie. The palace rooms are truly luxurious, I hope one day I can come back with monkey.

We got ready in no time and had enough time to spare to meet some of the boys at the palace bar, until we got in the lift, that is. It’s only three floors but the stairs are hard to find in that maze of rooms so we got in and stopped on the second floor as more people got in. And more, and more, and more. Some people thought it would be funny to get in as many of us as we could (and more) into the lift. This felt worse than a UNO jam. So, for a tiny lift that couldn’t hold more than 8 normally sized people, it had to put up with over 15 people, some of them a little bit on the porky side, if you ask me. Poor me was squeezed into a corner right at the back, and being claustrophobic, I struggled to breathe and panicked as the doors groaned shut. We got to the first floor but the doors refused to open. My panicking turned into hyperventilation, I had to get out of here! But no matter how many times the person in front pressed the open button, the doors refused to obey. I struggled to even move, it got extremely hot in there in a matter of seconds and the air seemed to disappear fast. Our alarm button was completely ignored by security, and try as we might to force the doors open, it looked as if we were going to spend the rest of the evening squashed like sardines in there. I tried to remain calm and quiet, fearing someone might slap me for being such a girl, but as the air was scarce, my breathing became heavier and heavier.

The worst thing was that we had no cellphone reception in the there so there was no way to even get one of our colleagues to come to our rescue. Ten minutes in there seemed like 10 hours. Then one of the guys managed to get the doors open a few inches and as some cool air creeped in, we started to scream for help. Our calls remained unanswered for a while until finally one of our colleagues who was passing by, forced the doors open from the outside to let us all out. Being right at the back, I was one of the last ones to get out, in spite of some of the gentlemen letting me go before them (there were that many people in there), and as I stepped over the threshold, I almost fainted as I breathed in the rush of fresh air. Call me a weakling, call me a pussy, but I never want to go through that again. If I didn’t have such bad luck with stairs too (I was born a klutz), I would avoid lifts altogether.

So that ruined our stop at the bar as there wasn’t enough time left for a much needed stiff drink. We caught the bus back to the Superbowl, only to be met with a huge crowd of our people waiting for the doors of the Superbowl to open and let them in. So we got a drink outside and waited, and waited. Just before 20h00 we were let in and raced to get a good table.

We had more and more speeches and finally got to eat dinner just before 22:00. I was starving and glad that the choice of food was incredible and delicious. I even had dessert. I was once again disappointed to see that our entertainment this year was Freshlyground. Yes, as monkey pointed out to me, they are very good and a truly successful band due to their diversity, but they hardly appeal to me. I sulked by the bar and downed several spontaneously invented suitcases (SoCo instead of Jack, so what would you call them? Handbags? Lol), I was ready to party as the dizziness took over. I got kakked out for continuously sms’ing my sorely missed monkey, so I said goodnight, put the phone away and ran to the dancefloor once the band left and the DJ came on stage. Only the DJ was not up to my liking. Throughout the night, he played a few of my favourite songs, and whole string of crappy ones.

As I was trying to avoid sickness and a major hangover, I stopped drinking just before midnight, as I was sure my mood wasn’t about to improve no matter how much I drank. I danced as much as I could, even a bit of langarm, but eventually I called it quits after chowing a huge much-needed hamburger at 2am. Liesel was in full form and didn’t want me to leave, but I felt a migraine coming on so I bid my farewells, sad to be outlasted by most of the “older generation”. I took the bus back to the palace, and because I still felt very much awake, I dawdled and was in bed just before 4am.

I couldn’t really sleep, and was even awake when Liesel came back at 6am. If I got two hours sleep, I was lucky. But I didn’t feel tired when I got up just before 8am, showered and packed my stuff. We went for a quick bite downstairs, wishing we could have stayed for longer as we drooled over the huge selection of treats at the Palace’s buffet tables. They even had waffles! But fragile as I was feeling that morning, all I could swallow were 2 little croissants.

The ride back was much quicker (no detours lol) despite running into a few traffic cops on the way. The weather was perfect for a bike ride and I watched as the most beautiful bikes raced past us.

Liesel dropped me off at church just around 11:30 for my meeting with the Spring Festival committee. Once that was done, a sickie monkey, who also partied way too much the previous night, picked me up so we could go visit his parents. We then went to his place and I helped him with his filing of credit card statements etc, which hadnt been looked at since 2005. Men are so useless at this, looks like I am going to have to bully him into doing this on a regular basis.

We went to bed extremely tired, as we were both ready to pass out, but since he had a sore throat, he was awake most of the night, which meant that I was awake too. It was really tough getting up the next morning, and even though he took me to work that freezing morning on the bike, I was quite late. Thank goodness my boss took the day off, otherwise he would have hanged me on the spot. After suffering most of the day, almost overdosing on myprodol and falling asleep, I went to bed early last night and sighed happily as I closed my eyes and fell asleep. Aaaaaaahhh.

Oh Carol

I took a walk to Sandton City earlier, needing to get some fresh air after beeing cooped up in the dealing room all week, just getting up to go to the loo and to get the occassional cup of coffee. Besides the aching feet, blisters and all, it was a rather successful trip, having avoided extravagant purchases (times are hard, hey). But I could not resist walking into CNA, it's the one shop I just have to have to have to frequently visit to drool at DVDs, CDs, books and mags, my one-stop heaven. I didnt walk out empty-handed. While browsing through the sale baskets, I managed to find some gems, CDs that no one wanted, for a mere R39.99. I found good ol' oldies like Judas Priest, Smokie, Cranberries, The Bangles (yes, they were good, ok?) and Cypress Hill.

As soon as I got back to my desk, I ripped them all on my laptop so I could take a trip down memory lane while I bored myself to tears with my work. And lo and behold, as I randomly browsed through my selection, I saw that Smokie had a song called "Oh Carol". I didnt even know this one existed. Well, fuck me sideways, just how many songs are there based on my soddy name? And why always pick on the Carols, Carolines, Carolinas (I have been called all three at one time or another)??? I am sure this must be the most common name to write a song about? Or am I wrong? I am a victim of musos out there!

Lol, without trying to sound arrogant or letting it all go to my head, since I dont think anyone has actually written a song about ME (though I have being serenaded a few times several songs that do in fact have some variation of my name in it), lets list some of these gawdforsaken songs:

1. Oh Carol - Smokie (I'm listening to it now)
2. Oh Carol - Neil Sedaka (one of my faves)
3. Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
4. Oh Carolina - Shaggy
5. Oh Carol - Boyzone
6. Carol - The Rolling Stones
7. Caroline - Outkast (hilarious. My shit really dont stink, ok?)

And I'm sure there are more. Know of any? FFS.

Hey, and dont forget about the freakin', bloody Christmas Carols - even they couldnt leave my name alone. And oh, how ironic that one is, hahahaha (for those that dont know me, I was born on Christmas Day). How bloody hilarious.

What do you get when...

...an accountant, a lawyer, a java developer and a high school dropout go cruising in a Daewoo appliance of a car one late Saturday afternoon? Complete and utter chaos. Catastrophe! And no, this is not one of those an accountant etc walk in a bar type of joke, though it may well sound like it! Hahahaha.

So, the story goes like this. Saturday afternoon, the above culprits, aka Weasel, Ferdi, Shawn and Basti, armed with booze and meat, were making their way to Michikin’s birthday braai, having just picked Basti up from his home. Now anyone who has been privy to Weasel’s driving skills, will get an idea as to what happened next. He can get a “tad” adventurous every now and then, and this is what he did said Saturday afternoon driving down quiet Kessel Street.

According to my narrator, Ferdi, there was a woman driving in front of them, followed by a metro police car. The former was driving painfully slow, with her hazards on, so the police car decided to overtake. This wasn’t speedy enough for dear old Weasel “I think I am better than Schumacher” so he decided to overtake the police car! AT THE SAME TIME!!! So picture this, three cars driving abreast, in the same direction. Holy mother of cows, what was he thinking???

So of course, he gets pulled over by the police, which consisted of a chubby woman and a small trainee officer. All four delinquents get told to get out the car, open the boot (which of course was full of alcohol) and put their hands on the roof of the car. As Martin later pointed out to Ferdi, at this stage it would have been really funny (or not) if Basti had bolted back home. Imagine him being chased by this pair? I would have rolled on the floor with laughter. Wait, actually, imagine Basti RUNNING!!!! Bwhahahahahaha.

Ferdi felt a bit courageous and took his hands off the car for a moment, maybe to scratch his ass or pick his nose, who knows, but immediately he gets snarled at by the female cop to “put his hands back on the car”. The poor trainee had the honour of searching the boys, and played a game of what’s that in your pocket. “What’s that?” “It’s my wallet”. “Take it out”. “What’s that?” “My cellphone”. “Take it out”. “What’s that?” “Nothing, I am just happy to see you”. Right.

After all that, Weasel gets reprimanded for driving recklessly and so they let them all go. I can just imagine the giggles in the car afterwards. And all this before they even got to the party! Gotta love Weasel. Lol

The Boring Form

You know how you sometimes get these emails asking you to fill in random, sometimes very useless information about yourself and then forward it on to all your friends (who should really all know you by now)? Well, lately I have been getting them once too often and I have to admit that boredom gets the better of me. I complete them all and select a few victims to send this to. They probably don’t even bother reading them (I mean, really, some of them are flippen long) but occasionally I get a few replies here and there. So here I have compiled some of the most useless questions, and come up with some wacky answers – do you honestly think I am going to give you my home address and criminal record here? Think again.

Happy reading. Or not. Your funeral.

Full Name: Queen Cazzy of the Evil Underworld
Date and Place of Birth: 25 December 1 000 000 BC, Hell
No, no, your REAL Date of Birth: Um, 2 000 000 BC???
Height: Short-ish
Weight: Big bum, so….
Sex: Anytime
Home Address: 6 Burn Drive, Hot-in-the-City, 666, Dungeon Province, Evil Underworld
Profession: That’s obvious - Ruler of all evil
Hobbies: Biting necks, sucking blood, collecting toe nails
Interesting Bodily Scars: Use your imagination, I have been around for a while and carry a lot of plasters around with me.
Academic Qualifications: Honours in Evil Spells and Rituals
Previous Jobs: Tom, Dick and Harry
Blood Type: Red and lots of it. Yummy.
Car Type: Flaming Lamborghini
Criminal Record: Stole plenty of hearts
Do you like blue cheese: Yes, it goes well with toenails. And hearts
Do you own a gun? FFS, I am the Queen of the Evil Underworld, why would I need a gun?
Wax or Shave Bodyparts? I prefer to tweeze
Real or Fake Nails: I am all real, baby
Favourite Christmas Song: Jingle Bells Ferdi Smells
What do you prefer to drink in the morning: A bloody Mary (preferably a nun)
Do you have ADD? What? Me? Um, what? Ooooo look! Shiny paper!
Worst Trait: Burping out the alphabet
Favourite Sport: Gladiators
Dislikes: Goody-too-shoes, avocado
Favourite Place to Be: Cazzfest Dungeon
Do you own slippers? Hell no, only pussies and old wrinkly grannies wear slippers. I wear flip flop.
Favourite Colour: Fuchsia
Song you sing in the shower: I love you, you love me, Barney gave me HIV
What’s in your pocket right now? A banana
How many pets do you have? One monkey and three penguins (and boy, do they complain about the heat! All I hear is “where’s the f*cking snow? Damn global warming!!!! Where’s the f*cking snow?)
What were you doing at midnight? Gravedancing
What time did you get up this morning? I don’t sleep
Favourite TV Show: Dexter (Oh this is so true)
Last film you saw at the cinema: Dark Night – bloody fantastic. Anyone want to let me do the pencil trick on them? Moooohahahahhaha
Breakfast: Entrails
Favourite Item of Clothing: My red cape, much better and less gay than Superman’s
Favourite Vacation: Mars
Morning / Night Person: I am a creature of the night
What did you want to be when you were little: Big
How are you today? Full of shit
What are you listening to right now? The voices in my head. You should listen in on the conversation, we are talking about cloning Ferdi.
If you were a fruit, what would you be? Gay
Favourite toy as a child? Whips and chains
What is under your bed? My toenail collection
What’s the time? GET A FREAKIN WATCH YOU MORON!!!
Favourite Holiday: All Hell’s Eve
What would you like to accomplish before you die? Team up with Eric Cartman and hide all the hippies in his basement.





I certify that all of the above is – COMPLETE BULLSHIT.