My wisdom is now gone

Whatever little wisdom I had left, was ripped away from my bleeding gums on a sullen, Monday afternoon. Been a proscrastinator in almost every aspect of my life, I hung on to my 4 little Wisdom teeth for as long as I could, until common sense, two dentists and a surgeon told me that it was time to let go and say goodbye.

I went to see the surgeon last Friday afternoon, and knowing what was coming, I booked for the very next available surgery date, which happened to be Monday afternoon. I decided right there and then to go for it, how very unlike me. I definitely was not looking forward to the pain and sucking liquids via a straw.

Monday morning I woke up with a feeling of dread going right to my stomach. I treasured the toast and egg that I had for breakfast before the deadline of no food/liquid was up. This was my last proper meal. What I'd give to eat juicy ribs right now!!!

Dearly beloved Monkey took me shopping before driving me to the hospital and forever remaining at my bedside. He definitely soothed me quite a bit, even though we didnt talk much - he worked on his laptop while I read. But an hour before I was due to be taken to the gallows, I could not read anymore and engaged Monkey into mindless chatter to hide the fact that the nurses were late in coming to fetch me.

Eventually they arrived and even though I looked calm, inside I was needlessly worrying and thinking of every ridiculous thing that could go wrong. Really, why was I being such a drama queen? This was just a standard, minor procedure.

Unfortunately I was forced to wait outside the theatre, in my ugly gown, incredibly sexy underwear and headgear and ever-increasing nerves for over 30 minutes. I tried to catch a few zzzs but even that was impossible. After a few false starts, I was wheeled into theatre by my anaesthesist, and there was the sweet little old surgeon waiting for me. He was smiling sweetly at me asking me if I was ok. All my paranoid mind could register then was an evil old man grinning at me sadistically, out to get my blood and precious teeth.

I was aware of everything around me, even when the anaesthesist inserted a needle in my arm and popped a vein. Well, that didnt go well. Again, I was cool, calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside I was thinking, "if he can fuck this up, what else will he fuck up when Im under?" That and another 10 000 other crazy thoughts. But he got it right second time around, and in a few seconds I forgot the stinging pain in my arm and was out into the land of oblivion.

Next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room, with a mouth swollen 3x times its regular size, and not been able to talk at all. A few minutes later a huge piece of gauze was removed from inside my mouth and I could at least utter a few words. Aaah. I felt only a slight pain, but mostly discomfort at not being able to move my jaw around much, and feeling my bottom lip expanding to huge proportions.

I was then taken back to my ward, and there was Monkey waiting for me ever so patiently. He told me that I had been away for more than 2 hours. Hard to believe since to me it only felt like 30-40 minutes. By then I was almost fully conscious and gratefully took the two ice packs that the nurse handed me and put them on my face. All I wanted was my pain meds and to go home asap. Monkey then told me that out the three patients that had their wisdom teeth removed today, I came out the best. One was sleeping the whole time and the other started screaming and throwing things around like a spoilt brat. So Im not a drama queen after all :)

We waited a bit longer while the nurses brought me some yoghurt (and some grossly looking jelly with custard - that was left untouched), and my meds. I was then discharged and ready to go home. I was rather quiet on the way, as I could barely talk and felt more sleepy by the minute. Monkey took me home, carried my stuff upstairs and left while I sorted myself out. In a few minutes I was tucked in bed and ready to sleep. Only I couldnt sleep. I was up all night spitting out blood in a bucket next to me, and crying silently as the pain in my mouth and jaw increased exponentially.

At 3am I gave up, switched on my bedroom lights and read a book for a while until even that seemed impossible so I just sat on my bed and waited for daylight. At 5am my mom came to check on me and brought me some yoghurt so I could take my painkillers afterwards. Eventually the drugs kicked in and the pain subsided. And its been like that ever since. I look like a lopsided chipmunk, as the swelling is worse on the right side, as those teeth were the hardest to remove. But I am healing nicely, even though I still cant eat solids yet, its so hard to chew. If I have to eat another bowl of yoghurt or custard, Im going to hurl!!!

Cant wait for this nightmare to end.