This is for all you heavy metal ignoranuses!

I am sure most of you in South Africa have by now have heard of the tragic, senseless, horrific killing of a schoolboy in Krugersdorp as well as the injuries suffered by three others, all at the hands of the same demented pupil at one of the schools. Its really sad, and my heart goes out to the family and friends of all involved. No one should have to go through something as horrific as this.

But, and this is a big BUT, I am deeply annoyed and irritated at how the media and many other narrow minded people have jumped on the "lets blame heavy metal for this" bandwagon. All because the kid in question wore a Slipknot mask while committing these evil acts. Oh how I wish he had gone dressed as Celine Dion, bwhahahhahaha (in fact, if you had me listening to her music, I probably would go out dressed like her and kill everyone in my sight).

Most people seem to be missing the point, that this kid had serious issues (no shit, hey) and even though his parents noticed a "change in him" some time back, did they do anything about it? No, they just let him be. So who is to blame here? Hmmm? This is bad parenting at its worst. They should have seen the signs. And who in their right mind buys their kid a samurai sword? WTF. Someone should have called child services.

Since that Black Monday I have joined several groups on facebook, that either support or blame heavy metal, just to get both sides of the story. But it seems to me that metal is winning the fight as the dissers are keeping very quiet - looks looks like you idiots havent got a leg to stand on, your arguments are futile and unsupported. I was quite interested by one comment that one of the metal supporters made "Hitler listened to classical music, but did anyone ever blame Mozart or Beethoven for his genocide?" I dont think so.

So why should heavy metal always get the blame when something like this happens? Because we are the minority, and so misunderstood. For me, heavy metal gives me a chance to express myself and let go of some of my day-to-day frustrations. Its just so easy for them to blame this kind of music, isnt it? Instead of blaming the true culprits - his parents, who are probably right now being made out to be victims. Please. Dont make me throw up.

And lets turn this around a bit, to other, less "notorious" music genres. What about hip hop, rap and whatever other ass-churned out crap that comes out of these so-called musicians that condone degrading women, gang wars and greed. Does anyone ever blame this shitty music for violence? I dont think so.

Actually, the more I think about this, the more indigestion I feel coming on. I could go on and on about this, but I think I have made my point. Instead of pointing fingers at the music, look at the deeper, underlying factors. This boy was not right in the head. Whether he listened to Britney Spears or Cradle of Filth does not matter. He was crying out for help but no one noticed. Until it was too late. How sad.

LONG LIVE HEAVY METAL.

I am about to look like a chipmunk

This year has been the worst for me in terms of my health. I am starting to believe that Im decomposing at a rapid rate - dont all jump for joy at once. Just as I thought I had finally gotten the better of my sinuses, my wisdom teeth decided it was their turn to torture me a bit. Hell, not a bit, A LOT. So much that I felt like my brain was about to explode.

So I went to the dentist, and turns out that not only do I have to get these godforsaken teeth out, but also another FOUR molars, just to make space for new BRACES. WTF. That's a total of EIGHT TEETH! Why not shoot me now.

The whole weekend I spent in extreme pain, temporarily masked by random salt water rinses, antibiotics and whiskey shots. I was in agony. I am STILL in agony. The pain seems to get worse and worse and it doesnt help that I have a huge gaping hole on the side of my mouth, which I keep on biting since my gums are swollen. So I cant really eat. Even drinking water is painful.

The next step is for me to see an orthodontist for a full assessment before I go under the knife. But, as my luck goes, I could only get an appointment next week Monday. Another week of excruciating pain? Oh hell no, please put me out of my misery now!!!

Great service, for a change

The manager that runs Fegos below our offices never fails to amaze me, especially today. The way she keeps that little coffee shop running is nothing short of amazing. You can immediately tell that she is enthusiastic, smart and on top of things.

When my boss asked me this afternoon to give them a call and order him some food, I instead offered to walk down there. Anything to get out of the office. I have been cooped up in here all week. So I took some extra orders from the rest of the team and off I went, happily whistling along and enjoying the breath of fresh air. Yes, I was in a good mood (and still am, heheh).

As soon as I walked into Fegos, as I was greeted by the manager with a big smile and she immediately took my order. She then barked the different orders to her designated employees and insisted it be done immediately as "the lady is in a hurry". I wasnt. In fact, I didnt mind waiting, it was good to get out. But she explained to me that if she didnt order her staff to get a move on, they might probably take the rest of the century to make a little toasted sandwich.

So while I watched Argentina kick some Serbian ass at soccer in the Beijing Olympics, everyone scurried about to prepare my stuff. The coffees were ready in no time and my droolworthy carrot cake (yes, I know it doesnt count as cake, having carrots and all, but I was craving it) as well, but my boss' toasted sammie took forever and ever and ever. Still I didnt mind, I was happy to remain there and watch the soccer match.

The manager promised me it would take about another minute and went and sat at her table to carry on with her work. But, 5 minutes later, when she looked up and saw that I was still standing there, all hell broke loose in the kitchen. I think she might have prepared that sammie herself, because a few minutes later she brought it, all apologetic and made me promise that I would come back tomorrow for a free cappuccino. She doesnt like to have any angry customers. I wasnt angry, but fair enough. Who can turn down free coffee?

So even though I didnt ask for it, and never felt like I was being treated badly, I was quite impressed with the good service this manager tries to maintain. Nandos should take a lesson from her!

Cramfest

One thing I learnt after this weekend is, that if one tries to cram way too many things into two and half days, chances are you are probably going to run away screaming and get absolutely nothing done, which is what practically happened to us.

Monkey and I had planned a series of things that we wanted to accomplish this weekend. First, go see his brother, wife and baby. Then meet up with a buddy of his to get some work, go watch the rugby at my parents' house, then play the women's day gig at Rock Bar (three way whammy on Saturday, lots of celebrations, more on that later). Then Sunday we were hoping to go with his parents to the botanical gardens, race back to church so I could fulfill my tea duties and maybe finally attend a trumpet lesson, then go to my parents for a braai. After that, come back home so monkey could do some work. Well, as I look back, I think we only did about a quarter of those things. It was just too overwhelming.

Friday we did go to his brother's for a braai. It was very chilled and the four of us had a great time chatting and ooohing and aaahing at cute lil Alisa. In her fluffy brown overall with hood and all, from the back she reminded me of an Ewok from Star Wars. She looked so adorable! So from now on, whenever she wears that outfit, she will forever be called an Ewok.

Next morning, while it was noon actually, we surfaced and while Monkey was making breakfast/lunch, I read a book and slowly started getting ready for this day's events. We had lots to celebrate that day 1. Women's day, of course. And I pointed it out to Monkey, that since every other day is man's day, we women should at least be allowed one public holiday. He didnt agree. All my arguments fell on deaf ears. 2. It was 19 years since my family and I made the Groot Trek to South Africa, leaving our beautiful Argentinean shores behind. Therefore, it was quite ironic and momentous that on this day SA and Argentina were meeting head to head at Ellis Park for a rugby match. I hoped that at least the Pumas would give the Boks a run for their money, though I knew who would come out winning here. And last, but not least no. 3 - Monkey and I were celebrating 3 months together. A small triumph, most of you might say, but we treasure every moment together.

After lunch we decided to take a nap before going to watch the rugby. Yes, we sleep too much. We havent reached our 30s yet and we already sleep like two old farts. It was supposed to be a 30 minute power nap. But lo and behold, when I eventually opened my eyes and looked at the time, the game had just finished. I cursed and got up, and tried to check if maybe SABC was maybe showing a delayed match but all they were showing was the Olympics. So I phoned Ferdi, who glumly told me the dreadful score. Just as well I hadnt seen it, it would have pissed me off royally.

So instead, we sat at home until it was time to go to the Rock Bar and had some drinks. I was starting to feel ill again since my sinuses were still giving me hassles. But I put on a brave face and tried to have a good time. This was a new venue right below Stones in Melville. Rather small, but not too bad. I cant remember the first few bands that played (one was a rather gay one from Cape Town, lol) but I quite enjoyed Heroes from Red. Awesome stuff. Then it was Torment's turn, who was headlining the event. I dont know how it happened, but the boys were coerced into playing topless, hee hee. It was Women's Day after all! Of course, Ferdi did the same, any chance to show his belly - he takes it!

The rest of the evening was almost a blur as I now couldnt hold on any longer. While the boys packed all the gear, I passed out on a bean bag. I was quite dismayed when they suggested we stop at Bimbos for some food. Yes, I was hungry, but more than anything I was nauseous and in need of my bed. But we went stopped there anyway, and I was getting very uptight and impatient as the service was incredibly slow. Thirty minutes later, we walked out armed with food and off we went. I managed to eat half a steak roll in bed then rolled over and fell asleep. I had told Monkey earlier that he could go to the Botanical gardens on his own while I slept, there was no way I was getting up for the next 12 hours.

Well, neither did Monkey, turns out the previous night took its toll on both of us. So he phoned to cancel with his parents and eventually we fell asleep again. No church either. Oh dear me, Im going to hell. Oh wait, Im the devil's mother, so...

So another breakfast turned into lunch. We didnt even get out the house, except when Monkey went out for a quick drive to get some food and a DVD. While we watched "Cloverfield" (freaky movie, not too bad), he worked at the same time on his laptop. And thats how we spent the rest of the day, until he finally called it quits just before the 20:00 etv movie. So I had a nice lazy day, Monkey, not so much. But I honestly think that from now on, we will try do just one major thing per weekend. Us old farts cannot take on too much, lol.

F*ck Nandos

I think I am a victim of society. The evil, chicken-loving society that keeps on screwing with my preferred culinary habits. How dare they keep messing with me? If you read my blogs on a regular basis (you should, dammit, I dont do this for fun. Ok, ok, I do), you would know that I hate, I loathe, I totally abhorr chicken due to a childhood mishap. And as I am fussy, some might add the word "extremely" to that statement, the only animal that I dare eat, is Daisy the cow.

Since today is Friday, a day where most of us are tired after a long week, most probably also hungover after "Phuza" Thursday, we tend to jointly order from a greasy fast food joint of choice. Today's was Nando's. We have an in-office delivery system so we quickly browsed through the menu, wrote our selection down on a piece of paper and the designated person placed our order in time for lunch. Many of you would be surprised to learn that Nando's not only sells chicken, but also vegetarian burgers and beef prego rolls.

The last time we ordered from Nando's I got ripped off to shreds cause I opted for a veggie burger. Sacrilege! What was I thinking. So this time I went for a more neanderthal beef prego roll, chip and coke combo. My mouth was watering at the thought of tucking into the juicy roll; I couldnt wait.

Surprisingly our food arrived on time, so a friend and I went down to collect it. Back in the office, I took all the food out and started dishing out, while I searched for my yummy prego. But I just couldnt see it. Everyone had their food, and all I was left with was a chicken prego roll. A CHICKEN prego roll!!! FFS! What the F*CK???!!!!! Are you chicken lovers trying to be funny?

As soon as I exclaimed the F word out loud, everyone groaned a "Oh no, not again" in unison. You see, this is not the first time it's happened to me. It's not even the first time it's happened with Nando's, they have screwed up my order before. Damn chicken people. Last time I was patient while I calmy got my order corrected. This time I was sick, tired, sleepless and on a time bomb ready to explode. And explode I did. Unfortunately, the poor office delivery guy unfairly got the brunt of it. It was not his fault as he had placed the order precisely according to my instructions. He immediately phoned Nando's management and it turned out that the Nando's cashier decided to be clever and improvise on my order, since apparently they DID NOT SELL BEEF PREGOS ANYMORE. So who gives him/her the right to change my order? Huh?

I just didnt give a flying f*ck anymore so I demanded my money back. Even though I had already greedily wolfed down my (f*cken cold) chips and coke, I got my full money back, and rightly so. I am not going to take any more kak service, I wont stand for it. Im tired of people taking me for a ride. And I know this is a small victory on my part, but its a victory nonetheless and a path to greater things. Yes, I am taking this seriously. I am taking a stand!

Spring is coming

I can tell. My sinuses are on a mission to make my nose as red, stinging and swollen as possible. I feel like it's on fire and the more I sneeze, the more blood vessels I burst. Note to self: don't ever, ever try to block a sneeze ever again, even if it means you have to spray your entire pc screen, DO NOT STOP IT, it bloody hurts.

I must have used half a box of tissues already. It started yesterday morning, when I was awaited with a day full of exciting events. Well, did you think I was in the mood for it all? Hell no. I just wanted to crawl into bed and die. But I sucked it up and faced it all, even though monkey mistook my lack of sleep and sickness, for grumpiness, which ultimately DID make me grumpy, lol.

After a hard day's work, I met several of my workmates at the Baron across the road for pre-drinks, pre- to a Economic panel discussion we were all attending. I had been looking forward to this discussion for days. Being an Economist myself, I wanted to listen to what SA's top 4 banks' chief economists had to say about the looming MPC meeting (interest rates to remain unchanged? I hope so!!), petrol and food prices and overall global economy.

Most of it bored me a bit since I generally keep up to date with economic views on a daily basis, so most of it was not really new to me, except that I sat up and took notice when it was mentioned that it has been forecasted that petrol prices will come down over the next few months. That would certainly be bloody awesome.

*sneeze* *wipes away snot from screen*

Where was I? Oh right, the panel. Considering how economists can go on and blabber about anything and everything just to make themselves heard (biggest bullsh*tters on earth), this meeting was concluded in just over an hour. I think most people were eager to tackle the snacks and bar. I for one, just wanted to get out of there as I had another, more entertaining party to attend. I grabbed one drink and nibbled on a few treats then I was given a lift by one of my colleagues on his beautiful cruiser bike. Yes, I am becoming quite the professional 2-wheel passenger. Its so thrilling!

I took a quick pit stop at home then monkey showed up at my place, on time as always, surprising me with a beautiful bouquet of tulips. Totally unexpected and spontaneous, one of the great things I love about him. And the fact that he gave me one of my favourite flowers without having a clue was a big bonus too. I am truly the luckiest girl on the planet.

We went for drinks at a pub in Northcliff, to celebrate one of his mates' birthdays. I tried to act lively, but after a few minutes I withdrew myself and quietly sipped my drink. It had been a long day, and my nose was still on a mission to torture me. Needless to say, we didnt stay long, and being a Thursday night, I wasnt up to partying till late, especially since I had to get up at 5am the next morning. So when I made a face when monkey suggested that we have one more drink and go, it was mistaken for grumpiness. I WAS NOT GRUMPY. lol. Just tired.

Getting up in the morning was a real mission, but I somehow managed. I watched jealously as monkey slept peacefully like an angel (he had coerced his buddy to take me to work so he could sleep) and immediately decided that this was not fair, so I lunged and landed flat on his stomach with full force, only to be met by groans and moans from monkey - I had landed on his wrist and bent it backwards. Sometimes I forget my own strength. I felt bad, but it was an accident so I was immediately forgiven. I must just be careful not to damage my guitar hero's tools again! That could potentially be catastrophic!

I still look like Rudolph the rednose reindeer but Im not going to let that stop me from having a good time this weekend. Lots of good things happening! I will just have to keep my tissue box close by...

Padkos vir die dag

I got this email last week from my dear friend Tink, with some inspiring words that I definitely took to heart and will try use as my mantra on a regular basis (easier said than done). Im sure some of these will at least inspire some of you. If only all of us lived by these words...what a beautiful world this would be!

Make the most of all situations and live a beautiful life.

Take a 10-30 minute walk every day and while you walk, smile.

Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

When you wake up in the morning, complete the following statement:
"Today my purpose is to..."

Live with the 3 E's...
Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy (see, no ecstasy here).
and the 3 F's...
Faith, Family and Friends (no f*cking here? Oh hell no lol)

Dream more while you are awake.

Try to make at least 3 people smile every day.

Realise that life is like school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away (hopefully not the blood vampires! Yum).

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

Life's too short to waste time hating anyone (so true, yet so hard to do).

Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagreements.

Make peace with your past, so it won't mess up the present.

Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

Burn the candles. Use the nice sheets. Don't save it for a special occassion.
Today is special.

No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

Forgive everyone for everything.

What other people think of you, is none of your business.

Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

The best is yet to come. BELIEVE.

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

Do the right thing.

Spend time with your loved ones often.

Each night before you go to bed, complete the following statements:
"I am thankful for..."
"Today I have accomplished..."

Remember that you are too blessed to be too stressed.

Enjoy the ride. Remember that this isn't Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. Make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

WOW!

Sin City

Waking up with a bottle-of-red-wine induced hangover at 6am is never easy, and is extremely painful, especially on a Saturday morning. I had gone out for dinner the previous night with my monkey, letting the wine do most of the talking and later stumbling into the house with red-stained lips and teeth, I struggled to go to sleep as early as I intended. As I groaned and dragged myself out of bed, I thought I had enough time to get ready before my sidekick Liesel picked me up early that godforsaken morning, so everything went in slow slow motion as I went through my routine and finished packing my bags. Only Liesel arrived 15 minutes earlier than I thought she would, so slow motion turned into fast forward as I gathered my suitcase, leftover cold pizza (best for a hangover, yum) and bottle of water to cure my dehydration, and jumped in the car.

So why were we up so early when I should have been sleeping in, you ask? We were off to Sun City for our annual work conference. Some of you might remember that last year I was lucky enough to score a single room at the Palace. Well, yours truly got lucky second time around too, only this time I was sharing with Liesel, which was awesome nonetheless, as she is a party animal of note.

After a 15 minute detour, no thanks to the GPS (I still think those things are useless, use a map dammit! Much more trustworthy!), we arrived at Sun City with about 30 minutes to spare. We left our luggage in the car and went to register, and get some coffee and pastries before the long procession of events began. Our division was decked out in black and white sports jackets, the men with red socks (hardly noticeable) and the women with crappy, furry red scarfs that really belonged on a pimped-up dashboard. So it was easy to see our crowd of people, who made the majority of the bank. In total, our bank had about 1000 attendees at this conference. Surely, we must have taken over most of the resort.

At 10am sharp, we all marched into the Superbowl and found our designated round tables, filled with notebooks and pens for doodling, and water and refreshments. The choir opened the conference, their powerful voices filling the crowded hall. They never fail to impress me, and by the end of the day they almost had me in tears as the music got to me. It was so emotional. Damn, that sounds gay.

We sat most of the day watching hilarious videos (people getting caught looking at themselves through a one-way mirror and sampling food that’s still “alive”) and presentations done by our talented people, including a little Borat video that had me in stitches. I was even caught on camera during this little film, how embarrassing. And it’s true, the camera does add weight to a person…

After all the awards, speeches, lunch, tea, sneaking off to the bar for drinks (Liesel and I couldn’t sit still), we finally staggered to the palace to check in and get ready for the evening partytjie. The palace rooms are truly luxurious, I hope one day I can come back with monkey.

We got ready in no time and had enough time to spare to meet some of the boys at the palace bar, until we got in the lift, that is. It’s only three floors but the stairs are hard to find in that maze of rooms so we got in and stopped on the second floor as more people got in. And more, and more, and more. Some people thought it would be funny to get in as many of us as we could (and more) into the lift. This felt worse than a UNO jam. So, for a tiny lift that couldn’t hold more than 8 normally sized people, it had to put up with over 15 people, some of them a little bit on the porky side, if you ask me. Poor me was squeezed into a corner right at the back, and being claustrophobic, I struggled to breathe and panicked as the doors groaned shut. We got to the first floor but the doors refused to open. My panicking turned into hyperventilation, I had to get out of here! But no matter how many times the person in front pressed the open button, the doors refused to obey. I struggled to even move, it got extremely hot in there in a matter of seconds and the air seemed to disappear fast. Our alarm button was completely ignored by security, and try as we might to force the doors open, it looked as if we were going to spend the rest of the evening squashed like sardines in there. I tried to remain calm and quiet, fearing someone might slap me for being such a girl, but as the air was scarce, my breathing became heavier and heavier.

The worst thing was that we had no cellphone reception in the there so there was no way to even get one of our colleagues to come to our rescue. Ten minutes in there seemed like 10 hours. Then one of the guys managed to get the doors open a few inches and as some cool air creeped in, we started to scream for help. Our calls remained unanswered for a while until finally one of our colleagues who was passing by, forced the doors open from the outside to let us all out. Being right at the back, I was one of the last ones to get out, in spite of some of the gentlemen letting me go before them (there were that many people in there), and as I stepped over the threshold, I almost fainted as I breathed in the rush of fresh air. Call me a weakling, call me a pussy, but I never want to go through that again. If I didn’t have such bad luck with stairs too (I was born a klutz), I would avoid lifts altogether.

So that ruined our stop at the bar as there wasn’t enough time left for a much needed stiff drink. We caught the bus back to the Superbowl, only to be met with a huge crowd of our people waiting for the doors of the Superbowl to open and let them in. So we got a drink outside and waited, and waited. Just before 20h00 we were let in and raced to get a good table.

We had more and more speeches and finally got to eat dinner just before 22:00. I was starving and glad that the choice of food was incredible and delicious. I even had dessert. I was once again disappointed to see that our entertainment this year was Freshlyground. Yes, as monkey pointed out to me, they are very good and a truly successful band due to their diversity, but they hardly appeal to me. I sulked by the bar and downed several spontaneously invented suitcases (SoCo instead of Jack, so what would you call them? Handbags? Lol), I was ready to party as the dizziness took over. I got kakked out for continuously sms’ing my sorely missed monkey, so I said goodnight, put the phone away and ran to the dancefloor once the band left and the DJ came on stage. Only the DJ was not up to my liking. Throughout the night, he played a few of my favourite songs, and whole string of crappy ones.

As I was trying to avoid sickness and a major hangover, I stopped drinking just before midnight, as I was sure my mood wasn’t about to improve no matter how much I drank. I danced as much as I could, even a bit of langarm, but eventually I called it quits after chowing a huge much-needed hamburger at 2am. Liesel was in full form and didn’t want me to leave, but I felt a migraine coming on so I bid my farewells, sad to be outlasted by most of the “older generation”. I took the bus back to the palace, and because I still felt very much awake, I dawdled and was in bed just before 4am.

I couldn’t really sleep, and was even awake when Liesel came back at 6am. If I got two hours sleep, I was lucky. But I didn’t feel tired when I got up just before 8am, showered and packed my stuff. We went for a quick bite downstairs, wishing we could have stayed for longer as we drooled over the huge selection of treats at the Palace’s buffet tables. They even had waffles! But fragile as I was feeling that morning, all I could swallow were 2 little croissants.

The ride back was much quicker (no detours lol) despite running into a few traffic cops on the way. The weather was perfect for a bike ride and I watched as the most beautiful bikes raced past us.

Liesel dropped me off at church just around 11:30 for my meeting with the Spring Festival committee. Once that was done, a sickie monkey, who also partied way too much the previous night, picked me up so we could go visit his parents. We then went to his place and I helped him with his filing of credit card statements etc, which hadnt been looked at since 2005. Men are so useless at this, looks like I am going to have to bully him into doing this on a regular basis.

We went to bed extremely tired, as we were both ready to pass out, but since he had a sore throat, he was awake most of the night, which meant that I was awake too. It was really tough getting up the next morning, and even though he took me to work that freezing morning on the bike, I was quite late. Thank goodness my boss took the day off, otherwise he would have hanged me on the spot. After suffering most of the day, almost overdosing on myprodol and falling asleep, I went to bed early last night and sighed happily as I closed my eyes and fell asleep. Aaaaaaahhh.

Oh Carol

I took a walk to Sandton City earlier, needing to get some fresh air after beeing cooped up in the dealing room all week, just getting up to go to the loo and to get the occassional cup of coffee. Besides the aching feet, blisters and all, it was a rather successful trip, having avoided extravagant purchases (times are hard, hey). But I could not resist walking into CNA, it's the one shop I just have to have to have to frequently visit to drool at DVDs, CDs, books and mags, my one-stop heaven. I didnt walk out empty-handed. While browsing through the sale baskets, I managed to find some gems, CDs that no one wanted, for a mere R39.99. I found good ol' oldies like Judas Priest, Smokie, Cranberries, The Bangles (yes, they were good, ok?) and Cypress Hill.

As soon as I got back to my desk, I ripped them all on my laptop so I could take a trip down memory lane while I bored myself to tears with my work. And lo and behold, as I randomly browsed through my selection, I saw that Smokie had a song called "Oh Carol". I didnt even know this one existed. Well, fuck me sideways, just how many songs are there based on my soddy name? And why always pick on the Carols, Carolines, Carolinas (I have been called all three at one time or another)??? I am sure this must be the most common name to write a song about? Or am I wrong? I am a victim of musos out there!

Lol, without trying to sound arrogant or letting it all go to my head, since I dont think anyone has actually written a song about ME (though I have being serenaded a few times several songs that do in fact have some variation of my name in it), lets list some of these gawdforsaken songs:

1. Oh Carol - Smokie (I'm listening to it now)
2. Oh Carol - Neil Sedaka (one of my faves)
3. Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond
4. Oh Carolina - Shaggy
5. Oh Carol - Boyzone
6. Carol - The Rolling Stones
7. Caroline - Outkast (hilarious. My shit really dont stink, ok?)

And I'm sure there are more. Know of any? FFS.

Hey, and dont forget about the freakin', bloody Christmas Carols - even they couldnt leave my name alone. And oh, how ironic that one is, hahahaha (for those that dont know me, I was born on Christmas Day). How bloody hilarious.

What do you get when...

...an accountant, a lawyer, a java developer and a high school dropout go cruising in a Daewoo appliance of a car one late Saturday afternoon? Complete and utter chaos. Catastrophe! And no, this is not one of those an accountant etc walk in a bar type of joke, though it may well sound like it! Hahahaha.

So, the story goes like this. Saturday afternoon, the above culprits, aka Weasel, Ferdi, Shawn and Basti, armed with booze and meat, were making their way to Michikin’s birthday braai, having just picked Basti up from his home. Now anyone who has been privy to Weasel’s driving skills, will get an idea as to what happened next. He can get a “tad” adventurous every now and then, and this is what he did said Saturday afternoon driving down quiet Kessel Street.

According to my narrator, Ferdi, there was a woman driving in front of them, followed by a metro police car. The former was driving painfully slow, with her hazards on, so the police car decided to overtake. This wasn’t speedy enough for dear old Weasel “I think I am better than Schumacher” so he decided to overtake the police car! AT THE SAME TIME!!! So picture this, three cars driving abreast, in the same direction. Holy mother of cows, what was he thinking???

So of course, he gets pulled over by the police, which consisted of a chubby woman and a small trainee officer. All four delinquents get told to get out the car, open the boot (which of course was full of alcohol) and put their hands on the roof of the car. As Martin later pointed out to Ferdi, at this stage it would have been really funny (or not) if Basti had bolted back home. Imagine him being chased by this pair? I would have rolled on the floor with laughter. Wait, actually, imagine Basti RUNNING!!!! Bwhahahahahaha.

Ferdi felt a bit courageous and took his hands off the car for a moment, maybe to scratch his ass or pick his nose, who knows, but immediately he gets snarled at by the female cop to “put his hands back on the car”. The poor trainee had the honour of searching the boys, and played a game of what’s that in your pocket. “What’s that?” “It’s my wallet”. “Take it out”. “What’s that?” “My cellphone”. “Take it out”. “What’s that?” “Nothing, I am just happy to see you”. Right.

After all that, Weasel gets reprimanded for driving recklessly and so they let them all go. I can just imagine the giggles in the car afterwards. And all this before they even got to the party! Gotta love Weasel. Lol

The Boring Form

You know how you sometimes get these emails asking you to fill in random, sometimes very useless information about yourself and then forward it on to all your friends (who should really all know you by now)? Well, lately I have been getting them once too often and I have to admit that boredom gets the better of me. I complete them all and select a few victims to send this to. They probably don’t even bother reading them (I mean, really, some of them are flippen long) but occasionally I get a few replies here and there. So here I have compiled some of the most useless questions, and come up with some wacky answers – do you honestly think I am going to give you my home address and criminal record here? Think again.

Happy reading. Or not. Your funeral.

Full Name: Queen Cazzy of the Evil Underworld
Date and Place of Birth: 25 December 1 000 000 BC, Hell
No, no, your REAL Date of Birth: Um, 2 000 000 BC???
Height: Short-ish
Weight: Big bum, so….
Sex: Anytime
Home Address: 6 Burn Drive, Hot-in-the-City, 666, Dungeon Province, Evil Underworld
Profession: That’s obvious - Ruler of all evil
Hobbies: Biting necks, sucking blood, collecting toe nails
Interesting Bodily Scars: Use your imagination, I have been around for a while and carry a lot of plasters around with me.
Academic Qualifications: Honours in Evil Spells and Rituals
Previous Jobs: Tom, Dick and Harry
Blood Type: Red and lots of it. Yummy.
Car Type: Flaming Lamborghini
Criminal Record: Stole plenty of hearts
Do you like blue cheese: Yes, it goes well with toenails. And hearts
Do you own a gun? FFS, I am the Queen of the Evil Underworld, why would I need a gun?
Wax or Shave Bodyparts? I prefer to tweeze
Real or Fake Nails: I am all real, baby
Favourite Christmas Song: Jingle Bells Ferdi Smells
What do you prefer to drink in the morning: A bloody Mary (preferably a nun)
Do you have ADD? What? Me? Um, what? Ooooo look! Shiny paper!
Worst Trait: Burping out the alphabet
Favourite Sport: Gladiators
Dislikes: Goody-too-shoes, avocado
Favourite Place to Be: Cazzfest Dungeon
Do you own slippers? Hell no, only pussies and old wrinkly grannies wear slippers. I wear flip flop.
Favourite Colour: Fuchsia
Song you sing in the shower: I love you, you love me, Barney gave me HIV
What’s in your pocket right now? A banana
How many pets do you have? One monkey and three penguins (and boy, do they complain about the heat! All I hear is “where’s the f*cking snow? Damn global warming!!!! Where’s the f*cking snow?)
What were you doing at midnight? Gravedancing
What time did you get up this morning? I don’t sleep
Favourite TV Show: Dexter (Oh this is so true)
Last film you saw at the cinema: Dark Night – bloody fantastic. Anyone want to let me do the pencil trick on them? Moooohahahahhaha
Breakfast: Entrails
Favourite Item of Clothing: My red cape, much better and less gay than Superman’s
Favourite Vacation: Mars
Morning / Night Person: I am a creature of the night
What did you want to be when you were little: Big
How are you today? Full of shit
What are you listening to right now? The voices in my head. You should listen in on the conversation, we are talking about cloning Ferdi.
If you were a fruit, what would you be? Gay
Favourite toy as a child? Whips and chains
What is under your bed? My toenail collection
What’s the time? GET A FREAKIN WATCH YOU MORON!!!
Favourite Holiday: All Hell’s Eve
What would you like to accomplish before you die? Team up with Eric Cartman and hide all the hippies in his basement.





I certify that all of the above is – COMPLETE BULLSHIT.

Double Whammy

Getting up on Saturday morning was a mission and a half so while Ruan and Tai went to do some shopping, I got ready in slooooow motion. The day I had been waiting for weeks had finally arrived – Thornfest 2 at Tempos! Hell Yeah!

By the time the boys got back, armed with pizza and guitar strings, I was ready to rock ‘n headbang. Until I finished my breakfast/lunch, then sleepiness kicked in so Ruan and I took a power nap which almost made us late! We arrived just in time to see Tempos packed with rockers; 5 on the dot to see our buddies, Fragmented Children. Their new female vocalist, Sam, never failed to amaze me. Boy, can this girl scream! You rock, babe!

After that we watched Deity’s Muse, a band I really dig to watch but don’t often get the chance to do so. What a talented band. After that we mostly hung around the bar, waiting for the next band to finish so our boys could get on stage. Sometime after 7, Torment finally came on. We moshed, we drank Jager, we took lots of self-portraits, heheh. But most of all, we rocked our asses off. What a great crowd!

Then it was back to the bar for some more damage though I managed to watch some of Knave and Chromium as well. My memory is a bit fuzzy (damn those suitcases) but we all had a kickass time, forgetting that we had to be here the next day for another round of damage.

I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and mounting hunger for some sustenance. Getting up was not an option, but after much insistence from Ruan that I had 3 hours to get ready to get to Tempos (I do not take THAT long, pffft); I got up, miffed a bit then began my cleansing process. Turns out that I took less than hour and still had a few minutes to spare, hmmm.

While Tai took all the gear in the car, Ruan and I raced to Tempos in his bike. What a thrilling ride. I’m getting used to the speed very quickly now; 180km/h seems like nothing! Go FASTER FASTER FASTER!!! We made it a few seconds before 3, just as we were told. Most of the band was already there, chilling and looking as fresh as daisies, lol.

I swore I was only going to drink coke and/or water, but I thought, what the hell, lets have some brandy and coke, though this time I paced myself a great deal. And only ONE shooter, right at the end.

This time Torment played on the upper stage, which I rather hate cause I have to look up to see the band. And it doesn’t allow for much interaction from the crowd since they are so high up. Sunday’s crowd was much older, quieter and since most of us were pretty hungover from the previous night, we made quiet a dead, boring, audience. But that didn’t bother the boys as they had fun on stage and mucked about a bit. I had a good laugh when dearest monkey broke his guitar strap near the end but still managed to finish the song, albeit badly (so he says).

We hung around for about an hour after that, then had another awesome ride on the bike back home so I could pack my stuff and get ready to go to the movies with Eugene and Rene. We waited for Tai to get back with the car then drove to Cresta. I was feeling beat and sleepy after all this partying but I was amped to see the Dark Night so I made an effort to stay awake – though I gave in halfway through the movie, closed my eyes and I was gone. Not that the movie was boring, cause it wasn’t. Heath Ledger (RIP) was absolutely brilliant and hilarious as the Joker, and Christian Bale super suave and handsome as Bruce Wayne/Batman. But after a few nudges from Ruan, I was wide awake and caught the last twenty minutes or so of the movie. Guess, I will have to watch it again!

What a weekend!

(check facebook for more pics!)

Back to the 80s!

My Friday night turned out to be more eventful than expected. Since my hairier half was having a quick band session that evening and catching up with me later, I decided to indulge in a long bath and take my time getting ready. I had barely set one foot out of the bath when I get a phone call from Bianca. I contemplated not answering since I hate answering the phone in the bathroom (people sometimes think you are doing something else in there) and returning her call a little later, but something made me pick it up immediately. I am glad that I did. She phoned to tell me that she was picking me up in 15 minutes (15 minutes!!!) and taking me to Mousetrap at the Dome; the boys would be joining us later.

It’s amazing how quick I can be when given a little push, because I am famous for dawdling (spelling), poor Ruan has had to put up with that a lot. I got dressed, stuffed a ridiculous amount of clothes and toiletries in my gym bag and was ready to party by the time Bianca and her friend Julie arrived. Dragging my extremely heavy bag, I jumped into the car and off we went.

We got there just before 8 so the place was still practically empty and took a long time before the crowds started to fill the venue. The theme of the evening was mostly 80s and some 90s music, plus with tons of drinks specials, we were in our element!

Several drinks later we got some courage and strutted our stuff on the dance floor while the boys sat and watched. Poor things looked extremely bored but us girls were having so much fun we just couldn’t stop. It had been a long long time since I last danced so much. It reminded me of my good old days at Bourbon Street and Hurricanes. Damn, I miss those days! (and doesn’t that make me sound like an old fart, heheh).

There is nothing better than 80s music. Who can’t help but sing along to the likes of Starship, The Dyvinils, KC and the Sunshine Band and more. The DJ also played some good old rock tunes from Bon Jovi, AC/DC and Green Day. That’s when my monkey actually joined me for a dance or two. He wanted to leave early, but each time I convinced him to stay “for another 5 minutes”.

We left just after midnight, but not before a whole stack of balloons were dropped from the ceiling, with little freebies inside. I popped one and got a free shooter voucher, I think it was called Dynamite. Considering all the bugs Bianca and Julie bought for us, I was surprised I managed to have just one more shooter.

On the way home we stopped for some sustenance and then off to the bat cave, since the weekend was just starting for us! HECTIC! Stay tuned for more…

Gimme da beef, not da shicken!!!!

As I was surreptiously walking through the aisles of CNA at Cresta last night, I get a call from my Dad telling me we have been invited to dinner at Jimmy’s Prawns by Shawn’s family and that I had to cut my shopping experience short, race home and get ready. First thought, family outing – yay, we haven’t had one of those in ages. I was actually excited, who would have thought. Second thought – oh shit, its prawns, I don’t freaking eat freaking prawns!!!

Many would agree that I am a fussy person when it comes to food, and I have been forced to admit that I am. Even as a child, I would throw myself on the floor in a fit of rage if I didn’t get the food I specifically wanted. When I think back, I cant believe that I hated tomatoes and spinach (picture a tomato-less pizza – just dough and cheese. Yes, my poor mother was forced to do that for me). Something I still loathe and abhor, is chicken and seafood.

It’s actually funny how many people forget that I only eat beef (and it has to be well done. Dead actually. Don’t give me something that’s still alive cause I wont eat it). Just the other day, I was having lunch at the Baron with some work mates, and one of the “hot topics” of conversation over several bottles of red wine, was my particular distaste of chicken, and its origins. The very next day, while poking through the “delicacies” that were being offered by three people who were celebrating their birthdays, one of my colleagues, who was present at the lunch the day before, tried to offer me a prawn cake. I looked at him as if he was crazy, and he returned the look when I told him I don’t eat that stuff. Slowly, our previous conversation dawned on him. I swear, some people have the memory of a goldfish. Yes, I know its not common for someone to hate chicken and seafood, but please people, make this mental note stick: I ONLY EAT BEEF! Everything else is excluded (not only chicken and seafood – note, anything that comes from the SEA, don’t try give me oysters, caviar, or prawns, I WONT EAT IT – pork, lamb, kudu, ostrich, crocodile, cat, dog.). Funny enough, I eat ham and bacon. Weird – told you I was fussy.

So why all the fuss? Well, seafood is smelly. If my mother tries to cook that in our house, I try stay as far away as possible as the smell is bad enough to bring my last meal right back up. The other meats just give me the creeps for one reason or other. The chicken, however, has the best story.

Some of my earliest memories go as far back as when I was a tadpole. Joking. When I was two, living in the house my grandfather had built in Buenos Aires, Argentina, we had several chickens in a coop in our modest garden. Every morning I would go and feed them, and play with them. They were my very own “pet” chickens (now I think where my preference not to have pets comes from as well. Geez, my parents f*cked up my childhood).

One bleak and dreary morning (might have been sunny, but due to the following course of events, I am making it as horrible as possible), I go out to the garden to get up to my usual mischief and self-entertainment, when horror of horrors, I was faced with a bloody scene before my eyes. Standing by a table, with a big, bloody knife and mean look on her face, was my aunt (may she rest in peace), butchering one of my chickens for what would supposedly be our next lunch. I cant recall what happened next, just that scene stayed permanently glued to my brain, reminding me of that gruesome morning.

Needless to say, I never ate chicken after that. My mother tried to trick me several times by “sneaking” in the chicken in my food. Many times she succeeded, but eventually I outsmarted her every time and refused to eat until she made me something else. Ok, go ahead and say it – I am spoilt brat. To this day, I get something different to eat when she cooks chicken. I will not eat it.

Funny enough, I have seen one or two cows being slaughtered at one time or another, but these events happened at a much later stage when I was old enough to understand where our food came from. And I never had a pet cow called Clarabelle or Daisy. So it was all good. And no one can keep me away from a good old hamburger from McDs or Wimpy. Impossible.

I tried to go vegetarian once to be a bit healthier since unfortunately I had to pick the worst meat for my daily nutritional needs. That lasted about two months. I couldn’t resist the hamburgers, and steaks. And having pasta without bolognaise sauce was just not on.

So going back to our family outing last night, I was glad to see that the menu included some non-seafood delights like one of my favourites, rump steak. Well done, of course. Dead. Not alive. Accompanied by some awesome, crispy onion rings and chips, I was stuffed and satisfied, but not before I indulged in a Lindt chocolate mousse pancake. Weasel was convinced his name was written on the pancake with white chocolate, and after much irritation and persistence, he scored more than half of it since I could not devour any more of the chocolate richness. A small taste of it would have been enough.

The dinner was quite fun and enjoyable but I soon realised why we don’t go out as a family often – you cant take these people anywhere. For Christmas, I am getting Ferdi and Weasel one of those little old lamps you get to call the waiter. Then they can switch it on and off to their hearts content.

How about makin’ bacon? (that’s one for Ferdi)


Mooooooooooooo.

Tales from the gym

After a 3 month-plus hiatus, I returned to the gym, huffing and puffing, on Monday night. Having barely recovered from a two week long bronchitis and flu, I might have been a bit over-zealous as I almost passed out on the bike. But determined as I am, I stuck to my guns and completed a 40 minute workout, ran for my life in the pitch dark back home while the cold air burned my lungs and did weights and stretched for another 40 minutes.

While at the gym, I realised why I enjoy going there so much. Not only for the great sudden burst of energy and all-round feeling you get after a good workout, but also for all the weird and wonderful characters that you come across there. Even after my long absence from the gym, I saw that not much had changed since then. The energetic masses, from all walks of life, were there to work off their winter indulgences, pretty much like I was.

You have the hot studs (mainly the gym instructors) who pull back their shoulders and walk around like they own the place – I still cant help staring and drooling. They mainly hang around the circuit as doing cardio is almost beneath them.

Then you have the pretty, fragile Barbies who barely break a sweat so as not to pull a hair out of place or ruin their label workout outfits. But then again, they don’t really need to exercise, do they?

The ones that really make me laugh though, are the trolls and freaks. Which hole they crawled out of, I don’t know. These people certainly are not worried about their appearances and would make Vernon Koekemoer’s wardrobe look like Armani. Picture neon gym shorts in all sorts of bright, beautiful colours, thick striped baggy pyjama pants, oversized tank tops and those stupid boxing championship belts (someone loves to show off).

So yeah, liquorice all sorts at the gym. Now I am contemplating whether I should get off my lazy ass today and make another round trip over there. Having stuffed my face with sweet delights at work, maybe I should?

My Obsession with Jared Leto continues...

I got my first ink on Monday morning. It was time. For some reason I switched on my phone two hours before my alarm was scheduled to go off. It was as if my psyche was telling me to do so. I didnt get up though, I just lay there and groaned as my neck ached. Five minutes later, my phone rang and I croakely answered. It was the tattoo parlour asking me to come earlier as they wanted to close up shop at 13:00, since it was a public holiday. I looked at my watch, that gave me two hours to crawl out of bed, so I muttered a "ok" and hung up. Everything went in slow motion as I dragged my sore body to Cresta.

My hands were shaking, not so much for being nervous but due to the fact that I was hungover and hadnt eaten much in the last 3 days. I handed over my design and waited patiently while they prepared everything. Five minutes later I was called in and so began my moment of torture.

Only, it wasnt anything like torture. I barely felt any pain as the needle went into my skin, filling it with the black ink. I suppose having been poked and probed by needles of my life, this was a piece of cake. All I felt was a tingling sensation. 10 minutes and it was all over. I looked at my wrist and saw with pride my very first tattoo.

So what did I get? The 30 Seconds to Mars glyphics, thats what! Heheheh. I cant get enough of this band. But not only that, the symbols look really awesome, and fit my wrist perfectly. I love it. I checked several sites to get the exact meaning of them, and while there is no sure translation, there are two possible meanings:

The first being "30 Seconds to Mars", of course.

The second, one which I prefer more, are the four terrestrial planets, Mercury, Venus, Earth and Mars.

Another meaning, which I came up with in jest, is "I love Jared Leto", bwhahahaha.

Could this be the start of a meaningful relationship with ink and needles? I hope not. I know that it becomes very addictive and I dont want to end up looking like a walking, breathing painting. But I definitely wouldn't mind a few more "obscure" tattoos here and there. Only time will tell.

Seasons Wither 2!!!!

Painkillers, I NEED painkillers! Those were my first thoughts when I got rudely awakened this morning by the sounds of the vaccuum cleaner sucking up the mess downstairs. My ears were ringing badly enough as it was and no matter what, I couldnt go back to sleep. But Im not really complaining, all the aches and pains, the bruises, the loud ringing, it was all worth it. Seasons Wither 2 was even better than its predecessor! If only the day hadn't flown!

After much partying this weekend, I felt that nothing could get me down in anticipation of this event. And it didnt. We got to the Dome just after 12, and having quickly inspected the inside of Partyhouse and Rock Domination, transformed into the most amazing setting for a rock concert of note, with 3 stages, we quickly raced to McDonalds to line our stomachs. Well, I raced, the fat boys seemed to be in no hurry.

Having to adjust to light and dark as we exited and entered Partyhouse proved to be quite difficult, especially for someone like me that hates the bright daylight in my eyes (spoken like a true vamp). Once inside, you sorta forgot that it was actually daytime outside. Berny and I got our treasured Seasons Wither 2 tshirts, kicked off with a shot of tequila and parked by the Main Stage which looked amazing with 3 screens featuring the SW2 logo in a blast of fire.

First band was Elysium and I had a good giggle when Ferdi told me that the screamo vocalist was his boss' son. Not bad for a bunch of teenagers, but they totally destroyed Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit. Next up was one of my favourite bands, my boys from Fragmented Children. We all were looking forward to hearing their new vocalist, a chick this time, who was performing her final audition at SW2. Wooohooo! She seemed a bit nervous, which is understandable and unfortunately we couldnt hear her properly, but from what we COULD hear, she sounded hardcore and could belt out those screams without much effort. She definitely got my vote, especially since we got a killer mosh pit going and even I dared to join - thats quite an achievement! So boys, I hope you she's here to stay, she's definitely a keeper! YOU ROCK! And Ray, shot for the drum stick!!!!

We took a bit of a break after that, walking around for stuff to do, of which there was plenty, and meeting tons of friends here and there. Berny took a shot at the mechanical bull and last about 10 seconds while making funny sounds. I got the video clip - hilarious! Hee hee. We entered the Guitar Hero comp as well, but despite getting assistance from Julia, we both sucked heheh. Guess I can kiss my dreams of becoming the next Slash goodbye!

Several Smirnoff Storms later, we returned to the Main Stage to catch the last bits of Unlisted. I regretted not staying to watch Facing the Gallows and missing most of Agro, but I really wanted to watch New Found Disorder, a band I have been wanting to see for ages, at the Rock Domination stage. Before that we caught the last bits of Reach, another band I have been wanting to see and then headbanged till our heads almost rolled, to New Found Disorder. Smokin'!!!!!

Our plans kind of faltered after that (I wanted to watch Only Forever and missed them :( Oh well)as we got lured by Louis from Knave on stage for some Metal Karaoke. It didnt take much arm twisting to get me to sing, since I have always loved the attention heheh. Dreams of being a rock star almost came true as I kicked off the competition by being the first on stage and giving the audience my rendition of Guns n Roses' Sweet Child of Mine. I have always loved to imitate Axl Rose's voice but instead, I sounded more like a girly Sheryl Crow. Berny swears I sounded good but after having watched a short video clip of me singing, Im not so sure. Still, it was fun and was amazed at how comfortable I felt on stage. Stage fright, me? NEVER! I was born to perform. Makes me wish I had auditioned for Fragmented Children! Hee hee. Never mind, just you wait, one day I will start a band baby! Start a band!

Needless to say, I didnt win and in retrospect I wish I had sung another more hardcore song, but as always, it was the guys that outperformed the chicks (there were two of us, a girl sang Nirvana's Smells like Teen Spirit after me, though we couldnt really hear her). Zack impressed me by singing an AC/DC song (cant remember which one) and the guy that followed, was absolutely kickass with Metallica's Enter Sandman. Last guy totally killed Evanescence's Bring Me to Life, doing a metal version. Ugh. Berny and I helped out in the end when Louis shoved another mic in front of us, hahhahahahahaha.

We then raced back to the main stage to catch the Torment boys in action. I secured myself a prime spot in front by the stage steps. We went totally apeshit as Wez and the boys rocked our socks off. What a performance! I attempted to enter the mosh pit as Wez went down and joined the crowd but ran out as soon as I entered, having clashed with Wez and biting my lip open. Bleeding lips - heheheh, Berny! I sucked the blood clean and carried on partying.

We stayed put as next were Chromium. Cant believe its been so long since I last saw these guys. It was cool that they changed the order of their songs around as I was getting too used to their routine. More headbanging, more screaming, more fists in the air. Hell Yeah, I was rockin' baby! I even got Jared's sweaty armband as sweet Llewellyn caught it and handed it to me. Shot, dude!

I could feel weary after all that, the long day was catching up with me so I mellowed out a bit and sat by the bar as Knave came on. 16 Stitch I watched from afar and returned back to front as soon as Pestroy came on - I hadnt seen them in over a year, methinks. It was difficult trying to avoid the mosh pit, I would have gladly joined it but I was too buggered and bruised so I pushed aside anyone that got near me.

I really wanted to stay to watch Underbelly after that, but clearly we were all worn out by the day's kick ass performances by quality, hardcore SA bands. Bed was calling us all, and so we slowly dragged our feet to the parking lot; I dozed off as we journeyed home.

So who needs international bands when we have all this amazing (how many times have I used this word today? But honestly, I was totally amazed!) talent right here on our soil? I take my hat off to Bo and the rest of the organisers who put together such an outstanding event. You are a ROCK QUEEN, Bo! Cant wait to see what else you have in store for us! THANK YOU!

(see facebook for more pics)

And finally - PART THREE

(sorry for the delays, Im so lazy. Also, sorry for the poor quality of the pics, need a new camera!!!)

After Kaiser Chiefs, I lost half my crowd as more people crammed into the Golden Circle to see Good Charlotte. I hadn’t realised just how identical Joel and Benji Madden were, as I have never really paid any attention to their music videos or seen any pics of them together. Miss Paris (b*tch, slut, hoe) Hilton was seen sitting on the side of the stage, filming and waving to her “adoring fans” (little did she know that they were actually shouting obscenities at her). Pity she wasn’t within throwing distance…

What really annoyed me was that she practically stole the limelight – if you had to look at newspaper reviews the next day, it was all about her, nothing about the bands!!!! Even on MTV-Base, the presenter spent all day looking for Paris. Surprisingly, she never found her. Please, next time, stay at home Paris!
I must admit that GC put on a good show, they really got the crowd going and everyone knew most of their songs – what can you expect from a typical SA crowd that mostly loves teeny bubblegum music? Don’t get me wrong, I like their music too, especially their latest stuff, but I’m not their biggest fan. When “Dancefloor Anthem”, my favourite song of theirs (the words mean so much to me) came on, I looked around for Mich and Berny so we could go mad together but they were nowhere to be seen. Luckily Caressa was with me so we went crazy together. Though I had to carefully control my movements as I hadn’t been to the loo since Wonderboom! Heheh.

It seems that fatherhood has made Joel Madden really soft as he sang The Cure’s “Love Song” which he dedicated to his newborn daughter, Harlow (Nicole Richie being the mommy, who had to stay behind and look after the brat, while Paris is off touring with the band). Can everyone go “AWWWWWW”? The crowd did. I almost gagged. He ended off with a big speech before his last song “Lifestyle of the Rich and Famous”, about how, despite their success, how much this song still means to them, bla bla bla. Paris was nowhere in sight, lol. A dig at her, perhaps?

As soon as they were done, I pushed past everyone and ran to the loos. I was quite impressed at how clean they still were being kept, however there wasn’t much to wash my hands with. Earlier, on my first trip to the loo, there was no water at all, so desperately I paid a girl standing nearby me, R10 for her half full water bottle! She thought I was crazy but hey, I need clean hands! Lol.

It was already quite dark, and as I made my way back to the Golden Circle I managed to track down most of my crew on the phone. We all parked right by the Circle entrance and sat down to watch Chris Cornell. None of us were really amped to see him and after the long day, we just chilled and watched from afar. I was a bit disappointed as I looked at my friends and saw the sad, tired, little looks on their faces. I hoped that this would soon change once Korn came on, cause the best was yet to come!

I think I only got up once when Chris Cornell sang one of his old songs from his Soundgarden days “Black Hole Sun”, still one of my favourite songs (yes, I have many favourites). I got out my bubbles bottle and blew a few while Mich and Tanya raced around to catch them. Ok, they didn’t race, they just stood there and caught them, LOL.

We moved a little bit closer to see Muse but we were still quite far from the stage. I think most people were there to see Muse, though for us, the big act of the evening was sure to be Korn. I love Muse’s songs, but I rarely made any effort to move around as I was saving my energy for later. They opened with the mighty “Knights of Cydonia”, however their stage presence was a bit disappointing, Matthew Bellamy barely spoke to the crowd, he just went from one song to the other.

When they finished, I saw that a lot of people made their way out of the Golden Circle, which made it much easier for Berny and me to move right to the front. Our spot wasn’t ideal, as we were on the far right of the stage, but we still had a good view. I felt the people from behind pushing towards the front, as more headbangers got closer and packed us like sardines. I was worried that we would get sucked in to a moshpit as soon as Korn came on, and I would have gladly joined in had my back not threatened to snap open. Funny enough, none of those people ended up moshing in the end – very disappointing, especially for the likes of Ferdi.


The wait for Korn seemed to take forever, Berny was getting restless and I was worried that she was going to turn around and join the rest at the back. But luckily she stuck around with me. Finally, the music started and Jonathan came on stage, wearing a camo kilt followed by thousands of loud screams from adoring fans. I badly wanted to see what was under that kilt but there was no way I could get a good look, lol.

The crowd went crazy as he played some of the old greats, with his psychedelic mic, like “A.D.I.D.A.S.”, “Falling Away from Me”, “Coming Undone”, “Faggot”, “Got the Life” etc.

The genius of a legend called Jonathan Davis didn’t fail to impress us when he came on stage with his bag pipes. We were all hoping he would. What a talented man. I am so glad I have a video clip of that.

Their performance seemed way too short to me (I later heard their set was cut by approx 5-6 songs due to time constraints) but they came back for an encore and did two more songs. They got an awesome standing ovation in the end (duh, we were all already standing, hahahahha!) and each member went to every side of the stage to salute the crowd. The drummer threw his drum sticks and Munky several picks, but we failed to catch anything, even though one of the picks was thrown our way, it was too damn dark to see where it went.

Berny and I raced back to the cars in fear we would be left behind but we soon learnt that it was in vain to have hurried there. We got lost on the way as we couldn’t remember where we had parked and after trying to get hold of Weasel and Ferdi, Basti was the only one who answered his phone and directed us to the cars.

Immediately we saw that there was no way we were leaving the racecourse anytime soon as there was a huge traffic jam. Everyone was in a hurry to leave and there was only one way out. So instead we took off our muddy shoes and sat in the car waiting and waiting. Even though Berny and I were each sitting in our brothers’ cars which were parked next to each other, we logged onto mxit and chatted to each other, recounting the days events. We decided that Im going to hire 30 Seconds to Mars for Cazzfest, once Weasel makes his first million. Loooool.

I think we must have left there eventually around 2 am. We were home just before 3am and I got to bed at 4, since I had to degrease in the bath first and quench my incredible thirst – I hadnt drunk much since my drunken moshpit during 30 Secs and that was around 16:00pm!

All in all, I think this was an incredible day that would be hard to top. I had my aches and pains, but I had some of the best memories I could ever ask for, no blackouts, an absolute awesome day! Let’s hope 2009 will be of the same calibre!

Cokefest or Cockfest? PART TWO

After 3 quick beers I was on top form, and danced and sang to Prime Circle anyway. Once they were done, I was getting quite loud and shouted “JARED!” every 5 minutes or so, till I almost lost my voice. The wait was long and to keep us entertained, I made friends with my neighbours and unashamedly flashed everyone while Berny and Tanya wrote a very rude message for Jared on my chest and stomach. In retrospect, I wish I hadn’t as I’m in no shape or form to be showing such parts of my anatomy – luckily Jared never got to see that as we were deep in mud and horseshit and couldn’t be lifted up by anyone. Phew!

The clock was ticking, and Jared and co still kept us waiting. So it was time to get out my infamous poster, with the very rude request for Jared:

Immediately cameras were pointed my way, people nearby turned to me and had a good laugh. I was sure that this would get Jared’s attention. Finally 5fm DJ Fresh came on stage, who made some funny comment about my poster (I wasn’t paying attention, I was waiting for Jared) and announced the next band: 30 SECONDS TO MARS! Thousands of screaming girls went berserk and swooned when Mr Leto finally came on stage, kicking a big red ball into the crowd. He was much shorter than I thought, and so damn skinny! But hotter than ever, even with the dark eyeshadow and guyliner. Whoever says he is gay, is just jealous, heheh.

Out of all the bands, he had the best stage presence and interacted well with the crowd, despite his continuous use of the F-word – not so attractive, Mr Leto. Having written 4 of the songs featured in the “Beautiful Lie” record in South Africa, he is quite fond of our country and reminded us every chance he got. He sang all the favourites, like “From Yesterday”, “A Beautiful Lie” and “The Kill”, with just about everyone singing along.

After lifting my rude poster several times, he finally noticed it, looked straight at me, and said something that went on like this (I barely remember, I was busy screaming my lungs out along with all the girls next to me): “We have a pervert here that wants my sperm. Ok, its kinda dirty, not something I’d usually do….etc etc etc my mind went blank after this. Someone told me that at the end he said “though…that could be FUN!” AAAAHHHHH!!!!
I was put on the big screen for all 35 000 people to see, including my poor brothers, lol. He had called me a pervert! I became famous! I fell in love!

Loser of the day: ESKOM! (though I don’t think they had anything to do with this here). Before Jared finished one of his last songs, the power went kaboom and all was silent. A frustrated Jared almost went off stage, but not before the crowd started to chant “F*CK ESKOM” and before we knew it, there was sound again. Very embarrassing.

However, he finished with a big bang, climbing right to the top of the scaffolding as the girls silently prayed that he wouldn’t fall to his death (I would have jumped and caught him) and the guys prayed that he would! Apparently he does this at every concert, but so what? He sure can climb fast! He came down just as fast, while a bunch of South African drummers joined him on stage to finish off the final song. What a finish! Before they went off, Jared promised that they would be signing autographs outside. I immediately said to Berny that we are running there and will stand to get his signature, even if we miss the rest of the bands!
She agreed and so we ran out as soon as Jared and co went off stage. At the backstage gate, we were told by security that they were signing on the other side of the stage. I dodged people here and there and eventually lost Berny as she couldn’t catch up with me. They were nowhere in sight and I was beginning to think that we were being lied to. After running twice around the whole racecourse, asking the Info people and getting stopped by several of my new-found “fans”, I slowly made my way back to the Golden Circle, sulking and cursing.

Kaiser Chiefs were already on, and I missed a few of their songs. I walked over several people before I found my crowd and caught the last of one of my fave songs “Everything is Average Nowadays”. I was happy to see that Amy, Lyndal, Tarryn, Dylan, Craig and Johan had joined us as well! Berny eventually caught up with me and we jammed to the songs. While I was blowing bubble into Martin’s face and the back of Johan’s head, I told Martin how I like to blow….bubbles. That’s when he asked me to turn around and introduced me to a guy called Bubbles. Hahaha, I had such a good laugh.

I then heard that Ferdi and Shadley had a bit of an accident at the beer tent as the two buggers tried to start a mosh pit there. Why, I don’t know. Ferdi tackled Shadley and both went flying on top of the wall tent; Ferdi landed on Shadley (those who know them both will now immediately go ouch! Poor Shadley – as Shadley is 5 times skinnier than Ferdi), who hit his head on a concrete slab. He was taken to the medic tent where he suffered a mild concussion. It was nothing serious, but they spent a great deal of time there, though Shadley swears to me that they still had a great time and I had nothing to worry about. So I believed him.

The lead singer from Kaiser Chiefs climbed the scaffolding too, but not as high as Jared, and just seemed rather lame in comparison, he even dropped his microphone. Still, a great performance from those boys, their tunes are really catchy.

It was then, after Kaizer Chiefs went off stage, that 5fm DJ, Elana Afrika, came on to read a apologetic statement from the organisers, that due to security issues, 30 Seconds to Mars would not be able to sign autographs – understandable, as me and 1000s of other girls would have probably mauled, raped and taken Mr Leto home to meet mommy and daddy. (and you can imagine my disappointment and envy when I heard that the damn Capetonians got to meet the band! Its just not fair!

Cokefest or Cockfest? PART ONE

(this will be done in several parts - I have a lot to say!)

I have taken my time writing my next blog, mainly because other things have been occupying my mind, and over the past few weeks (I cant believe its already two weeks!) since the Cokefest 2008, I have been trying to get the general feel of everyone’s opinions on this event. The post-mortem has been one of mixed feelings, many complaining till they are blue in the face (something South Africans are well known for) but many, many more, like me, had the times of their lives. I have repeated this many times and Im going to say it again: “If you can’t rough it, then DON’T bother!” Don’t expect 5-start treatment at these events just because you think you are worth it (because you are not). It’s something that you don’t even get overseas. At the end of the day, it’s all about the music.

So here are my thoughts.

Ever since somewhere around the middle of last year, when I heard Korn was coming to South Africa, I had been eagerly waiting in anticipation for the MyCokeFest annual concert. When ticket lines opened in September, I was one of the first people to purchase those tickets, for myself and friends. We just couldn’t wait. R600 seemed worth it for Korn as well as Muse, Good Charlotte, Kaiser Chiefs and Chris Cornell. Quality bands, in my opinion. And I was quite beside myself when I heard later on during the year that 30 Seconds to Mars had been added to the line-up!!!! Oh, Jared Leto! Pure BLISS!

A week prior to the event, we counted down the days, the hours, the minutes, till 21 March 2008 finally arrived. I hadn’t slept much that whole week, especially on Thursday night as I sat on the floor in my room, listening to 30 Seconds to Mars on my Ipod and drawing the poster that would make me famous. But I was on such a high that I felt nothing could get me down. Nothing. The moment was almost upon us.

I woke up early on Friday morning, got my prized ticket ready and met everyone at McDonalds for breakfast – that turned out to be my biggest meal of the day as food became less and less important as the day progressed. This year we were quite a big group, 12 people (and met up with more at the Newmarket Racecourse where the Cokefest was being held): Ferdi, Weasel, Berny, Martin, Brydon, Michelle, Shadley, Tanya, Shawn, Basti, Berny’s friend Mark, and myself. After rushing everyone and waiting for the “born on African-time” (lol) Shawn, we got in 3 cars and went in convoy to Alberton.

Parking wasn’t really a problem as I had pre-booked it online (but it was a HUGE problem when we had to leave!). By 11am we made it to our destination; the racecourse was already packed with hoards of fans waiting to see their favourite bands. The number of people that attended varies from site to site and review to review, so I have taken the average – there were approximately 35 000 people there, surely much more than last year!

The whole place was covered with mud pits mixed with fragrant horseshit, but that didn’t get me down. In any case, I was well prepared with my ultra cool skull gumboots, perfect for treading in deep mud (shit). Drinks were first in order, which didn’t take too long to get, and then I managed to find a very short queue (thanks to a kind guy that pointed it out to me) to get my 2 very expensive but much coveted 30 Seconds to Mars (Jared on my chest, hee hee) and Cokefest t-shirts. I got a coke as well, since I wasn’t planning on getting hammered, but I was quite disappointed that I had to empty my bottle into a plastic cup before I entered the Golden Circle. I don’t get the point of that, since the plastic beer cups could be just as bad a weapon as a coke bottle. But who am I to judge?

Once settled inside the Golden Circle (or the VIP section as Jared Leto later called it), I expertly changed into my 30 Seconds t-shirt without flashing anyone – quite pointless as I later flashed almost half the crowd…(more on that later).

Before I knew it, the first of the SA bands, Lonehill Estate, came on stage, and having never heard them sing before, I was quite surprised at how catchy their tunes were and moved my hips and butt along to the beat. Caressa joined us, and I finally got to meet her. We ended up jolling together almost till the end.

After Lonehill Estate, Berny and I went on a quick run to get a round of drinks. We ended up missing Crash Car Burn as the queues were quite long by then. I didn’t mind at all, but Berny was disappointed that she missed out on them once again. Armed with a tray full of beers, Berny balanced it out of the tent, very expertly, while I guided her through the crowds, about to give birth to two coke bottles that were wedged inside my skirt, haha. Yes, I managed to sneak them in to the Golden Circle, unnoticed. Suck on that! On the way we met up with other friends, poor souls that had bought general admission tickets, but nevertheless they were having the time of their lives. ROCK ON!

Wonderboom was soon on stage, a band that I have always loved and stalked during my younger days, hahahaha, ok, I sound old now, don’t I? Knowing Cito well when he performs and standing there with the sun glaring in our faces, I knew what was coming and shouted far from Cito’s earshot “TAKE IT OFF!”. Eventually he listened and the shirt came off. What a bod! They finished off rocking to our all-time favourite, “Charlie” and had me jumping up and down, singing at the top of my voice. Ok, it was more like shouting, not really singing!

Last band was Prime Circle, a band I have grown tired of lately, but decided to move right to the front with Caressa, Berny and Tanya as I definitely wanted to be in front for the next band….!! DING DING DING!!!